Saturday, June 01, 2002
ďLooking for Self-AcceptanceĒ
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Joseph (Dainel).
Elias arrives at 1:54 PM. (Arrival time is 25 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good afternoon!
JOSEPH: Good afternoon, Elias! Greetings to you! (Elias laughs) Itís been very recent, but thereís been much change and many new things to ask you about.
ELIAS: Very well!
JOSEPH: And many old things too, as well!
First of all, I made a decision to make the session entirely private Ė actually, the rest of my sessions. Thereís some kind of change I felt inside me. I just mention that in case you wanted any input on the matter. I would fully welcome that, but if you donít thatís fine, too.
ELIAS: I may express to you that this is acceptable, for within this time framework you may allow yourself a freedom in openness to be discussing with myself and not concern yourself with any expression of guardedness in relation to what we may be discussing.
JOSEPH: Amen! Thatís exactly what I wanted to hear, Elias. Thank you.
ELIAS: You are welcome.
JOSEPH: The thing that prompted this session was something I had forgotten in the last session, and I didnít think of it until after I hung up. But after, I realized that that was really bugging me and Iíd ask you, but I realized there were many other things I want to talk to you about. Also, this is going to be a half-hour session. You probably already know that, right?
ELIAS: Very well.
JOSEPH: The thing that I wanted to ask you in the last session Ė Iíve got it now Ė is Iím wondering if Myron has a focus on the voyage of Columbus that I was a shipmate on. Just yes or no, and then weíll go from there.
JOSEPH: Then the next question or my statement to you is Iím confused as to whether he has a focus as Columbus or as someone at the helm of the ship who was right under Columbus.
JOSEPH: Which one?
JOSEPH: Wow! Would you tell me what he was on that voyage?
ELIAS: A fellow shipmate.
JOSEPH: Was there a tremendous closeness on that voyage?
ELIAS: Yes, in a manner of speaking.
JOSEPH: So have we had a lot of focuses together?
JOSEPH: So it was nothing extraordinary. A lot of people have a lot more focuses together.
When I had that session with you Ė I think it was on a Thursday, if Iím not mistaken Ė I think that Saturday morning I started crying. Something you said there jogged my fantasies, and I think my mind was just getting fantasies to react to. But maybe the crying was a communication of some kind that you want to explain to me.
What was going through my mind and why I felt I started crying was that you had said that I had disengaged on the journey, and I started thinking that Iím going to disengage sometime during this relationship with Myron. I started feeling that thereís a strong change (inaudible) because of something showing in his chart. These are only probabilities, I know.
Other than that, Iíll give the freedom to you to express on that or just tell me to move on to another question.
ELIAS: I may offer to you, this action of weeping was incorporated to be releasing tension. For you engaged an association between that focus that you are speaking of and this focus, and in that, generating an anticipation and anxiety concerning the future and therefore generating a tremendous holding of energy to which your physical body consciousness expresses this action of weeping to release that tension.
JOSEPH: This focus is causing me a lot more interaction and tension because of our relationship situation now that Iím going through in this present focus, and that weeping was just a release of that tension?
JOSEPH: I guess I understand that, then. The other thing is I think I must be responding very strongly to when those men were on those little tiny ships Ė I never thought about this until now Ė but they were very vulnerable. A big storm could come up and it was all curtains for them! Little bitty ships Ė itís not like today when we have big ships that canít be sunk very easily! (Elias laughs) Often they didnít know where they were going, how long theyíd be out or how long their supplies would last. Am I getting a lot of feedback or a lot of their terror?
ELIAS: Yes, you are allowing yourself to be tapping into the energy expressions in that focus and offering yourself more information.
JOSEPH: I imagine Myron was... Well, let me put it this way. Seeing where Myron is right now, heís nowhere near as anxious as I am about his situation, physical scenario. I donít see any evidence of that. Was he the same way in that focus, or was he a different type of personality there?
JOSEPH: So itís me thatís so anxious! I imagine I was pretty similar in that focus, too, right?
ELIAS: (Laughs) Yes!
JOSEPH: That answers a lot of things! The thing thatís relating to that is, Elias, you know that Iím not working now. I have this severance pay and I get all anxious about it going down. But we live in the moment, and I keep trying to tell myself that. I have plenty in the moment to live on, but I worry about creating what Iím going to create for the future. My question to you about that is when I get these fears that come up, this anxiety and so forth, is it sufficient to just simply remind myself of the moment?
JOSEPH: I donít have to transform this energy into something Ėprosperity or anticipation of prosperity Ė but just remind myself what I have in the moment, right?
JOSEPH: Thank you!
Elias, Iím wondering about something. This is a question about devaluing myself, discounting my abilities, and itís in regard to my playing the piano. I canít help but notice the zillions of pianists who play better than me. There are also pianists who canít play anything near what I do. How do I view that so I do not devalue myself, discounting my ability? Iíve been practicing to get better, but you said there is no better. Do you understand what Iím saying, or do I have to go into more detail?
ELIAS: I am understanding.
JOSEPH: Tell me. Give me some guidance here.
ELIAS: The action of comparison is quite discounting.
JOSEPH: How do I not compare? How do I not see and compare?
ELIAS: In turning your attention to you and not concerning yourself with the abilities or the expressions of other individuals, whether they be what you perceive to be more or less than your own. For they are not more or less, they are merely different. Each individual that engages this expression of creativity with this instrument expresses in their own unique manner, and each one is different.
JOSEPH: Itís different, but itís not a different thatís better or worse than another.
JOSEPH: Itís just their own unique expression.
ELIAS: Correct. The expression is one of your individual creativities; therefore, it is an expression of you. The manner in which you engage it is your expression and your creativity, and the manner in which another individual expresses it is their creativity, and they are different.
JOSEPH: Elias, I thank you very much for that.
ELIAS: You are welcome.
JOSEPH: Iím sure youíre aware that Iíve been listening over and over to the tapes that Iíve made over the years talking to you, and I was really struck by several things. One is the realization of how extraordinary those first tapes were and how pertinent they were Ė more pertinent than the later ones, even Ė and I really thank you for what youíve offered on them, again and again.
The other thing is that I realized how important acceptance is to gain a relationship, make a relationship happen. As a consequence, what I did is I went crazy and just started telling myself over and over on my long walks that I approve and accept myself and just named some of the things that I am and so forth. This had an unusual effect. I started seeing all these frustrations and places where I discounted myself, telling myself I was stupid or clumsy and going crazy about things dropping or doing things wrong, and I realized that that was evidence of where I was not accepting myself.
So immediately I started recognizing that I was not accepting myself and I stopped being frustrated, stop telling myself when Iím getting crazy about things going on. I just kept telling myself that I approve of myself, where I am. I finally realized what it is, at least one of the big aspects of what self-approval is, what self-acceptance is. Iím hoping now when Myron comes back from his long trip that I will be able to apply this in our relationship and make it much more comfortable for me.
Another thing about these early tapes is you were telling me about how finally when I accept myself that having a relationship with someone totally the opposite of me, how conflicted it would be. It sounded like we were just talking about Myron! I threw this relationship at myself with Myron, and said hereís what Elias is talking about, hereís an illustration.
ELIAS: And offering yourself the experience. My friend, your offering of information to yourself shall merely remain concept if you are not also generating experience to offer yourself examples of these concepts. The manner in which you generate a clear understanding and a reality of these concepts is to offer yourself the experience of them.
JOSEPH: I feel like the relationship with Myron was a turn in a new direction for me, because hereís a man I finally donít want to give up! I realize I have a strong interest in him. I guess achieving self-acceptance, the relationship cannot only be appealing, that I cannot only want Myron but I can actually make a goal of it now.
Now; recognize also, my friend, that this difference is being expressed as YOU are altering your perception, widening your awareness and allowing yourself to move into a direction of accepting yourself and trusting yourself, and expressing to yourself more of your worth and value and offering yourself an appreciation of yourself.
As you begin to generate more of a relationship with yourself and offer yourself a greater clarity in understanding and familiarity of yourself, you also reflect this outwardly in allowing yourself to generate a relationship with this other individual and recognize that you want it, for you want a relationship with yourself.
JOSEPH: Mary and I had a long conversation. Iím sure you know the gist of it, so just confirm something. I donít need to go into any detail, do I? I just want you to confirm that I really should give up on this stupid idea of trying to practice eight or nine hours, and if I want to go take a long walk and be happy and be around men then I should do that.
JOSEPH: Make myself comfortable.
ELIAS: Yes. Allow yourself to listen to you and to generate your preferences. Offer yourself permission, my friend, to enact your preferences.
JOSEPH: Thank you for that confirmation, Elias.
ELIAS: You are welcome.
JOSEPH: Elias, is my ability and interest in acrobatics a bleed-through from another focus in which that was the predominant interest, like I do it as a living or it is the main focus of that focus?
ELIAS: There is some aspect of that expression, yes. But this also is a latent quality within you.
JOSEPH: Within my essence?
ELIAS: Within this focus.
JOSEPH: In other words, itís something I could have gone into as an occupation?
ELIAS: If you have so chosen.
JOSEPH: Itís amazing what I could have done! Thatís what drives me crazy, that I canít make a living at anything and Iím always in therapy! Oh, well. I guess I think I understand that, barely.
ELIAS: And this once again is discounting of yourself, my friend!
JOSEPH: Elaborate, please.
ELIAS: For you are expressing regret that you incorporate many talents and abilities but that you have chosen not to be expressing them. It matters not. You have chosen what you have chosen.
JOSEPH: And this creation is perfect, right?
JOSEPH: Elias, those strange noises that start coming up on my pedal when I practice the piano, are you making them? Or am I giving myself signals of some kind? While youíre answering that, why does my metronome act up sometimes?
ELIAS: You are creating these expressions, my friend, and you create them for the same reason. As you generate an energy of agitation in which you are forcing energy and not allowing yourself a free expression in relaxing, you also create distractions and interruptions.
JOSEPH: Are you saying that that has to do with tension that Iím creating while Iím practicing or the fact that Iím not willing to get up from practicing and make myself comfortable by going for a walk?
JOSEPH: So in other words, if I take care of those things, these problems with the metronome will probably go away.
JOSEPH: I have a curiosity about something. Last time, you gave me the name Ė I think itís Mealai Ė of an observing essence of this focus of Joseph. What Iím wondering about is if a person who has an observing essence like that and that essence of Mealai is directing a focus that Iím in contact with and itís another person I know, does that person have a particular meaning automatically because that essence is observing it? Do you follow what Iím saying?
ELIAS: Not necessarily.
JOSEPH: It may or may not, in other words.
JOSEPH: Iíve had quite a few impressions of focuses, somewhere around eighteen or so, and I would imagine most of them are common. I imagine that thereís one or two that are soft. First confirm that and then Iíll go on.
JOSEPH: Is there a particular affinity or special interest in those focuses that are also soft? In other words, is it meaningful for you to tell me what they are because thereís something really ... or am I already aware of how important they are to me? Do you follow what Iím saying? I think you must.
ELIAS: I am understanding. You may draw yourself or your attention to other focuses that have chosen the orientation of soft merely to offer yourself more information and clarity with regard to your focus presently, allowing you a greater objective understanding of your expressions in this focus in association with this particular orientation.
JOSEPH: When you say that, that leads me to the question of could you identify those focuses that are soft and maybe I could get a better understanding of soft?
ELIAS: And shall you not investigate, Dainel?
JOSEPH: I would guess that Juan Miguel was soft. Am I correct about that?
JOSEPH: I would also guess that the Greek lady that disengaged might have been soft.
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.
JOSEPH: Those are the two that come to mind immediately, so those must be the most important ones.
ELIAS: It is not necessarily a matter of importance, my friend, but merely that you allow yourself to investigate certain focuses that may allow you to view similarities, and therefore allow you an objective understanding in more of a clarity concerning yourself and your expressions and choices that you generate.
JOSEPH: I was talking about my early sessions and how there were things in there that were really interesting. You mentioned how as I accept myself more, I will accept more of the feminine expression in a relationship. Well, I think I did that! (Elias laughs) Here I have this super-masculine man who wants to suck my dick Ė and thatís about as feminine as it gets Ė and he wants it in the ass, and thatís what youíre talking about, right? (Elias laughs) It doesnít seem feminine when he does that, either. It doesnít turn me off, but I (inaudible) would do it.
ELIAS: Ah, but you are surprising yourself, are you not?
JOSEPH: I guess so.
ELIAS: Allowing yourself to discover objectively more of your expressions and your preferences and allowing yourself more freedom...
JOSEPH: Thatís for sure! Itís amazing.
Last time I was talking to you, I was asking you whether certain focuses of mine I was observing or directing, and I missed a bunch of them. Can I ask you some more?
ELIAS: If you are so choosing.
JOSEPH: The Macedonian slave (inaudible) Ė directing or observing?
JOSEPH: Juan Miguel Ė was that directing or observing? Iíll say directing.
JOSEPH: Joseph Siebel, who was a friend of Haydn?
JOSEPH: Charbonneau, I think, was directing, and Meriwether Lewis was observing. Am I correct?
JOSEPH: I think our time is just about up, so I made myself squeeze everything into a half-hour, all that I wanted to talk to you about. (Elias laughs) I actually feel a lot better! I found when I listened to my last session, my last tape with you Ė okay, you know what Iím talking about! Ė I sounded very depressed. But Iím now feeling a lot better! Iím feeling really terrific. (Elias laughs) Anyway, go ahead and express. Youíve got a couple of minutes.
ELIAS: I may say to you, I offer my acknowledgments to you, for you are offering yourself more of an expression of freedom, my friend, but also continue to pay attention to you and practice.
JOSEPH: Oh, Elias, you reminded me of something I did want to mention further in here. Give me a little bit more on this thing with the paying attention to self. We talked and talked about it, and I canít get it through my thick head. Could you help me, either subjectively or now?
ELIAS: Let me express to you, my friend, recently you have been expressing to yourself almost what may be identified as a compulsion to be practicing, have you not?
ELIAS: But you are misinterpreting the type of practicing. You express to yourself your interpretation of the practicing is in relation to your instrument. What you are actually attempting to communicate to yourself is to be practicing paying attention in the moment to what you are expressing to yourself and to what you want.
Therefore, you continue to generate this feeling within yourself that you must be practicing, and in this, you are correct but not necessarily in relation to the piano Ė in relation to listening to what you are communicating to yourself, and therefore allowing yourself more clarity in association with what you want.
Now; my suggestion is that you listen and that you allow yourself to notice and pay attention to these expressions, allowing yourself to practice paying attention to what you are generating in the moment.
JOSEPH: Thank you for that. Elias, one quick question comes to mind before we go, even though itís a little bit over. I want to know if the fact that I belong to the family of Gramada has any significance in the form of which are my observing and which are my directing focuses. In other words, I would tend to be observing essence to famous focuses of tremendous notoriety. Would that be true?
ELIAS: Many times, yes.
JOSEPH: A quick question comes to mind about somebodyís families. I have a friend Curtis that I lived with a long time ago, and Iím trying to figure out what his families are. I donít come up with much except possibly maybe double Vold, or if not Vold then heís Gramada aligned to Vold.
ELIAS: Your first impression is correct.
JOSEPH: Wow! I got that, finally! Iím having trouble with Vold lately and finally hit it on the head.
Another thing Iíve been thinking about lately is that I donít have a clue as to what my parents would be, what their families are. I donít know if it matters anymore. But what does matter is it makes me realize that I really didnít know them the way I know people now. In other words, I experienced them. Does that make any sense to you?
ELIAS: Yes. Allow yourself to quiet yourself and offer yourself impressions, and you may investigate.
JOSEPH: So youíre saying it really isnít a matter of knowing, itís impressions, right?
JOSEPH: That answers that very well. Thank you very much, and good-bye.
ELIAS: You are quite welcome, my friend. As always, I offer my affection to you and my encouragement, and shall be continuing to offer energy in supportiveness to you. Until our next meeting, my friend, au revoir.
JOSEPH: Au revoir to you, auf wiedersehen.
Elias departs at 2:28 PM.
© 2002 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.