Sunday, March 16, 2003
ďThe Emotion of EmbarrassmentĒ
Participants: Mary (Michael), Ben (Albert), Frank (X-tian), and Kevin (Douglas).
Elias arrives at 12:13 PM. (Arrival time is 19 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good afternoon.
BEN: Hello, Elias.
ELIAS: (Chuckles) And how shall we proceed?
BEN: Iím going to get one thing out of the way for Giselle. She has an impression with her royal Bavarian focus that this is the focus, or a focus, where she is my mother, which would make me Ludwig Victor of Bavaria. (Pause)
BEN: I guess the only thing thatís on my mind right now these days is my job. In some cases, I feel like why am I even talking to Elias about my job. I have to figure out myself what it is I want to do or what Iím creating or whatever else. But then the flip side of that is in some sense heís like a friend of mine whose opinion Iíd like to hear from. So it goes in two directions. Either itís like whatís he going to say to me and afterwards I figure it out myself, and also itís kind of like, well, what DO you think about whatís going on?
Do I have to be more specific? Iíve been getting lots of communications about what Iím doing for a living and giving myself permission to perhaps explore some other avenues for employment. It also becomes sort of like a relationship, too, where you feel like going oh, just because things get rocky doesnít mean you have to break up; what is it that you really want?
ELIAS: And this is the question.
BEN: Yes, but thatís not something for YOU to answer. Thatís something for ME to answer.
ELIAS: And what do you want?
BEN: As I was saying in the car, I think that itís not the job itself; itís dealing with the emotions surrounding the job. So I think what it is that I want is I donít want to have to deal with my emotions.
ELIAS: Ah. Therefore, you do not want to listen to your communications.
BEN: I certainly have Ė as Iím sure other people do Ė difficulty understanding signals and communications or whatever else.
I was exploring and trying to figure out the message behind the signal of embarrassment this week. I created this huge whole scene, and I sat there thinking that I know perfectly well that Iím acting out exactly what Iím feeling in the moment. But I donít know if thereís more to that than what I have figured out for myself.
ELIAS: You have presented to yourself a signal of embarrassment, and you have not assessed what the message was.
BEN: The embarrassment itself and the emotion thatís behind it perhaps not, other than the fact that I realized that I was totally acting out exactly what was going on, that I was demonstrating to myself in a large way exactly how I felt about the situation...
ELIAS: Which is unacceptable Ė unacceptable behavior and excessive. Therefore, in those judgments you discount yourself and you do not acknowledge your freedom to be expressing in that manner, for you should be expressing yourself in a more tempered manner.
BEN: I think a situation can happen and you can go, ďWhatís the big deal?Ē and there is in a sense no emotional communication; or it can be exactly the same scenario and you can go, ďIím mortified!Ē
So to me itís sort of like I tell myself that Iím not doing what I want to be doing; Iím not creating what I want to be creating. Obviously I felt like I wasnít getting enough attention, I felt that I was being asked to do something that wasnít necessarily what I thought I should be doing, and demonstrating to everybody exactly how I felt about the situation. But if youíre talking about something else, the need for the embarrassment or the emotion, then yes, I suppose you could help me work that part out.
ELIAS: Yes, this is what I am speaking of. For if you are experiencing that signal of being mortified or of embarrassment, this is quite a specific signal and an intense signal, which in the moment is also significant in relation to that communication. Those types of emotional signals generally are expressed in not merely an intensity but an abruptness, a strength in a moment in which you feel yourself engulfed in this signal, in this intensity.
The reason that the signal is expressed in such intensity is that you are generating in that moment an extreme in discounting of yourself and extremely expressing a lack of acceptance and trust of yourself, and also extremely projecting your attention outside of yourself, concerning yourself with the perceptions of other individuals and your association with their value of you or their assessment of you as being that which you think you value more in that moment than your own expression of value of yourself.
This is an extreme. Every individual incorporates this experience at one moment or another. But in those extremes, the individual, such as yourself, generates an instantaneous judgment of self, that you have expressed incorrectly. Therefore, your behavior is unacceptable, which is a tremendous discounting. Encountering that extreme judgment, you automatically immediately project your attention outward to other individuals within the situation. You seek the approval or the value from the other individuals which you are not offering to yourself within your perception, for your attention is responding to the strength of that judgment that you have generated within yourself.
Now; I may express to you, in moments that individuals are experiencing this type of signal of embarrassment, that signal is generated in association with an allowance of the individual to be freely acting, to be freely expressing.
As an example, an individual may be walking upon your street and they stumble, and not perhaps fall but may catch themselves, so to speak, in a stumble, and shall immediately look around visually to view if any other individual has noticed that they have stumbled. If other individuals have noticed, an instantaneous signal of embarrassment shall occur.
Now; the action of stumbling may have been quite purposeful to snap the individualís attention back to the now, which it does. But it is such an automatic response to be projecting your attention outwardly and gauging yourself by the perceptions of other individuals or how they view you that you automatically measure yourself in relation to what you perceive other individuals perhaps are viewing you as. In this, as you discount yourself and create that judgment with the stumbling, you are generating an awkward physical appearance, not graceful, unacceptable, and perhaps even to the extreme of expressing to yourself that you are stupid.
In a situation such as yours, you are creating an allowance, a freedom, a free expression in a different type of stumble, and therefore there is an immediate discounting of yourself. The individual that stumbles physically upon your street has generated that as a free expression, a type of expression that shall snap the attention immediately.
You also have generated a similar type of action, which allowed you to freely pay attention to you and what you were generating and what you were expressing in association with what you want. But once again, this is another type of stumble, so to speak, which generates this immediate expression Ė signal Ė ďAh! I have generated a stumble, and now my attention snaps to the other individuals and questions how am I being perceived.Ē Your attention moves away from you, the judgment is expressed, and you discount yourself.
The significance of paying attention to moments such as this is that although there is such an immediate action that occurs and many different aspects of expressions are occurring simultaneously, there is a residual energy that lingers, for it is impactful. Therefore, you continue to replay the event and you generate a circle and you continue to discount yourself. You discount yourself more and more and continue to hold your attention in the past, not within the now, as you recount repeatedly and repeatedly discount yourself.
KEVIN: When heís telling that to all these other people as well, right?
Now; you, as well as other individuals, generate this type of action in an attempt to discontinue the discounting of yourself in the repetition of the story, so to speak. Each time you repeat the story, you attempt to offer yourself a slight justification. But this also is a snare, for justification is also a discounting rather than a genuine acceptance of your expression, the allowance of your freedom regardless of how it shall be received with other individuals, and allowing yourself the acknowledgment of that free expression.
Now; the story may be recounted, but it is significant to be aware of HOW it is being recounted. Is it being recounted to share an experience and information, or is it being recounted to express a justification to soothe the signal of the embarrassment and the judgments that have been expressed to fix it? For you genuinely may generate that type of experience and share the recounting of that experience with another individual or several individuals with the intention and the genuine expression of merely sharing the information, and acknowledging yourself in the action and not continuing the judgment. Generally speaking, this is not what most individuals do, but it is quite possible.
If you are paying attention to yourself and you are listening to your communications and you are recognizing and understanding, it may very easily be expressed in interaction with another individual as they share an experience that they have generated. This triggers your association with your experience. You may be sharing the information merely as a difference in perception, which is the manner in which you each are what you term to be helpful to each other Ė not to express to the other individual, ďAh, I have generated a similar experience. You should have expressed this,Ē but rather, ďAh, yes, I have experienced similar behavior. I generated this and I noticed this also within myself, and I am recognizing and acknowledging of my expression.Ē
This is beneficial to yourself also, for it generates information that is translated into thought and that is remembered. You offer your thought process an accurate expression of information that it shall translate accurately also. You all generate experiences and express to yourself, jokingly or seriously, ďAh, I view what I have created in this moment. I am not necessarily pleased with what I have created, but hopefully I shall remember in my next experience and generate a different choice.Ē Perhaps you may not generate a different choice, but perhaps you shall remember if you have offered yourself accurate information and generated accuracy in relation to thought, and as you generate another similar experience, you do remember and you are more aware. This is the action of practicing.
But what do you view within this experience as so very bad in association with your behavior?
BEN: About it being bad, or just what I think about it in general?
ELIAS: Were it not bad, you would not have generated the signal of embarrassment.
FRANK: You said that you should have known better because youíre responsible for that stuff.
BEN: Well, yeah. I understand it in the sense of being an intentional stumble to catch my attention, because I have been giving myself a lot of communications that say perhaps your desires are in another direction. I think Iím creating things more and more to re-emphasize that idea. But as far as thinking about why itís bad...
ELIAS: If you should have known better, that also is an expression of bad.
BEN: Within the moment it was certainly like, oh yes, that was totally stupid; that was totally inappropriate. But then when I think about it, I know I can think of reasons, what was accomplished in this action, what the fulfillment was in this action. To me it always seems to be, like I said before, if you do the same thing and youíre like oh, whatever, but when something like that happens and I go this was really bad, or people are going to think that Iím such and such, I wouldnít be projecting that out on them if I didnít think it already myself. Iím not even talking to any of these individuals. In my mind, itís like all of these people now have this impression of me. I realize that impression is coming from me.
BEN: But I just really told myself really loudly that this is... Like I said, I think I gave myself permission to go well, maybe I have something else on my mind.
ELIAS: What do you view you are responsible for, Albert?
BEN: Really, or the correct answer? The well-being of myself and others.
ELIAS: Let us view slightly more clearly. Let us examine events that have been being generated in a type of sequence, for this is not entirely a sole, individual event. You have been generating a movement in a direction, but you are not entirely paying attention to all of your associations with that movement.
BEN: Iím getting part of the message as it goes along, but not the full picture, no.
Now; you have been generating a movement in a direction of entertaining the perhaps want of exploring different expressions and different directions in association with your employment.
Now; in that movement, you have been creating different pushes with yourself to encourage yourself to listen to your wants rather than merely trusting that you may choose a different direction, and you may express that quite adequately and efficiently and express your creativity. But you also are an individual that in some respects prefers the comfort of sameness.
Now; this is not merely in association with your employment. For if you are paying attention, you may recognize that within an extended time framework, in your terms, you have been expressing this in many different manners Ė in association with relationships, with your employment, with many different expressions. You have moved in alterations and changes and allowed yourself incremental movement, but have also in each direction offered yourself pushes to motivate you to actually accomplish each movement. You are generating the same action in association with your employment. This is not bad; it is merely your natural method.
Now; in that, within the time framework of what you may term to be approximately six months, you have been generating interactions and actions in association with that that have pushed you in movements closer to what you are viewing now. But you also view that those pushes that you have generated have been affecting of other individuals also.
Now; where is your responsibility? In this time framework recently you have generated your pushes, and several individuals, in your perception, have been affected. Where is your responsibility? Are they creating their reality or are you?
BEN: To me, the interesting thing is I guess I feel like, yes, I do push myself in little pushes and Iím not interested in big change and blah, blah, blah, but I could have very easily pushed myself off the cliff at any point. If I had really wanted another job, I could have lost it by now.
ELIAS: I am quite understanding.
BEN: I get an idea and itís like hey, whatever, but then itís like, you know...
ELIAS: This is not the point. What is the point is your association...
BEN: It was what I want! Thatís the thing. Thatís the work that I have to do that has nothing to do with this conversation Ė what is it that I want? Yes, I know that Iím only responsible, ideally, to myself. But then itís like what do I want? I could want a variety of things. Itís also very much like me to like everything equally.
ELIAS: I am quite understanding.
BEN: I have no more preference on one thing than anything else!
ELIAS: I am understanding, and what you want is not the issue.
FRANK: Responsibility. Heís trying to get to responsibility to other people...
FRANK: ...who you think youíre screwing, in essence.
ELIAS: Yes. What you want in actuality is not the issue. I am quite aware of your energy expression and how you generate. You are quite aware yourself that you do not move in an expression of definite, for the most part, and you ARE generating what you want, for the most part. It is not an issue with you as to the identification of specifics in relation to what you want Ė this particular employment versus this employment or this relationship versus this relationship.
BEN: You had to go there!
ELIAS: (Laughs) It is more associated and more significant what you are inwardly generating in association with other individuals and the reason that you are discounting yourself. For you are assuming responsibility for other individuals and what is being created in their reality, as it is directly being affected by your choices. Which it is not, but this is the manner in which you are perceiving it. Therefore, you assume personal responsibility, discount yourself, and you also begin to generate, beyond discounting yourself, incorporating guilt. (Pause)
My friend, you genuinely do not create their realities. Your choices are your choices. Other individuals may receive energy that you project outwardly, and they may choose to configure that energy in a manner that benefits their choices. Their choices may be to not continue in that employment, which may appear to be an extreme, but they are choosing in relation to THEIR directions. They are not victims, and you are not responsible.
KEVIN: Youíve felt a lot of guilt this weekend about not being there.
BEN: I hadnít thought about that in that sense; but yes, I suppose I have. Thank you.
ELIAS: You are quite welcome. Perhaps offer yourself a reprieve.
BEN: Iíll see if I can work it into my busy schedule! (All laugh)
KEVIN: I think Iím giving myself also a lot of communication with my work that itís not what I genuinely want to be doing. I think itís just constant; I get it all the time. In my employment I feel like when Iím at my job, I do it, but on automatic pilot. I donít feel like I really have my heart in it. But at the same time, I get a lot of recognition from my employers for my work. Iím wondering why that is, if Iím really not into it. Is it just because I feel safe there and I want to stay there so I get that recognition?
ELIAS: It is your payoff Ė not necessarily what you term to be the tasks, but the interaction and the acknowledgment.
Now; if you are offering that acknowledgment to yourself, you shall discontinue seeking it from other individuals and thusly offer yourself the freedom to choose what you want, rather than continuing to be within an environment that you do not necessarily want. But it does provide you with a significant payoff.
KEVIN: I donít feel like Iím looking for that recognition; Iím just getting it. I donít feel like Iím seeking it. Maybe I am.
BEN: Youíre creating it.
ELIAS: You ARE creating it.
KEVIN: I guess Iím creating it, but I donít feel like Iím asking them to praise me or recognize my work.
ELIAS: I am understanding. But this is the point, my friend, of paying attention to what you actually do and what you actually create, for you are creating that scenario, and the other individuals are reflecting. Individuals that you interact with reflect to you the energy that you project. Were you not projecting an energy of seeking that acknowledgment and approval, you would not be generating that reflection.
KEVIN: But in not being happy with my job and getting that recognition and that reflection, Iím wondering how Iím doing that. To me thatís a positive reflection back to me, which makes me think that Iím putting out a positive reflection about my work, that Iím good at what Iím doing and that I have value there.
ELIAS: Let me explain. At times, individuals, such as yourself, may project a type of energy outward to offer themselves a reflection that they are not generating within themselves.
Now; if you are paying attention to that, it may be quite powerful and beneficial, for you are giving yourself information that you are adequate, that you are generating actions that are valuable. Therefore, you need not question and you may be trusting yourself to move in different expressions and trust that you shall be adequate and valuable in those also.
KEVIN: I can totally see that, and thatís why it makes sense to me. So in the situation that Iím in now where Iím not happy with my job, the thing that comes up with me is that I donít trust that I can figure out what type of work is going to make me happy and how I can find the resources to get into that type of work.
ELIAS: Correct, and this is the point of what you are presenting to yourself. Also, this is the point of interaction with the reflection of Albert, that you, in like manner to many individuals, express a rigidness within your associations and thoughts, that if you are disengaging this particular employment you must know your direction. You must choose absolutely specifically a different direction, and you must know that prior to the disengagement of this employment. But you are unclear. Therefore, you continue in what you are presently engaging and not trusting yourself in your creativity and not paying attention to what you want.
What are your preferences? What do you express pleasure within? What do you value? What do you enjoy? And thusly in viewing that information within yourself, engaging and expressing your creativity, that triggers your communications of imagination, which also inspire. But if you are viewing within this rigidness of the black and white, you do not pay attention to the creativity or the communications.
KEVIN: So I have to trust myself that I can take those steps that I need to take to get where I want to go.
ELIAS: Correct, and allow yourself an openness to you; not such a black and white rigid expression, but know that you incorporate a creativity and allow yourself to be open to the flexibility of different expressions.
KEVIN: So in that trusting, if I really relax and trust myself, the information that I need to accomplish what I want will come?
ELIAS: Yes, you shall offer it to yourself. You shall inspire yourself. LISTEN to yourself, but remember the rigidness.
KEVIN: Am I afraid of the freedom that I think that I want and what I think I would want to do as far as employment or making a living? I feel like the direction I would want to go allows me a lot of freedom, and I donít trust myself in that freedom to create...
ELIAS: Yes, and this is also not an uncommon fear. Most individuals are unfamiliar with freedom, and as you offer it to yourselves, you flounder. You are accustomed to rigidness and structure, and being directed rather than directing.
KEVIN: In trusting myself, will the resources come to me that I need to accomplish what I want?
ELIAS: It is not a matter of coming to you; you shall generate it.
FRANK: Let me go in the same direction. This is relative to work. Iím kind of doing the same thing. Iíve done that already, initiated it at least, but I remember at the beginning Iíd reflect. Anything that actually came to me objectively, I asked myself if I requested that. Iíd be presented with a circumstance that would change things, that would allow me some creative expression in a certain area Ė music, entertainment Ė and then months later I met my partner and I recognized that that was the objectification of my request. In that very moment and very lucidly, I felt the energy, I felt the communication, and I knew that this was the alignment that I was going to use to make that change.
Now at work I donít have trauma. Iím not creating trauma for myself at work. Iím in appreciation that Iíve created my workplace and I have time to think about and technically plan doing something else at the same time while Iím doing work, even though I have a little judgment about it. Sometimes I have the duplicity that Iím not doing enough at work. It goes back and forth, but Iím pretty aware of that. Iíve allowed myself the time to make the necessary changes in focus so that I can change what Iím doing as an employee and have a creative outlet and do things in a different way.
FRANK: So thatís been happening, not without its problems. I notice Iíve hit some absolutes in presenting myself with a lot of trust issues. But by taking the first steps as theyíre presented to me and trusting those first few steps, Iíve also presented myself with meeting so many different types of people, who seemingly pop into my life, who have what I want and who can help because I think I need them. But there they are, and people were always around who Iíve never met before in that way, and it just pulls me to the next step.
So Iím taking those little steps and always showing myself that since I made the commitment to look in that direction and provide the choices that other things are happening that validate those choices.
FRANK: Then it just expands. It started from a little thing and I made Ė I guess you would say created Ė a big enough exoskeleton and we kind of like just filled it in, and weíre filling it in. Sometimes I think some of itís too big for me and I acknowledge that thatís a lot to trust in myself. Sometimes Iím trying to push too hard too, and then the magic stops happening for me.
ELIAS: I am understanding.
FRANK: Then I stop pushing, and then something will happen with my partner and itís still moving. I realize that itís still moving in that direction. I just have to sometimes not push so hard, because the pushing is the lack of trust again coming back into me, giving me that mirror.
Iím stopping myself sometimes; Iím completely almost stopping myself in certain directions. By letting go or in dealing with certain absolutes that I present, like absolutes of money that almost stop me or put me three steps back as I stop listening to my communications, then I start to let it go and just be a little more open to it, I guess you would say. Then the thickness stops and we start moving forward again.
FRANK: So Iím noticing all that change. Just by providing yourself choice, leaving yourself open to it and then when it comes you make that step, then the choices even myriad out more and more.
FRANK: Then the magic keeps happening. It just kind of pulls you along, like youíre swinging from one vine and then when that vine runs out another vine just comes and you grab it and keep going, and you kind of swing it across your little jungle on your adventure or whatever you want to do.
Thatís what I think Iím dealing with now, a lot of mirroring and a lot of imagery of more and more trust. When you start seeing that and itís really happening and the freedom is getting bigger, there is that apprehension Ė can I really do this? Is this really real? Is this really happening? Then you just have to accept that youíre good enough that youíre allowing to experience it, because youíre so used to the rigidity of not having that happen or what you would perceive as failing or in the past not giving yourself that freedom of expression. But there it is. Itís just opening wider and wider and wider.
ELIAS: Correct, and each step also incorporates more of an expression of trust, for you generate each what you term to be small steps but they are in actuality quite large steps that you are incorporating. As you continue Ė you are correct Ė your creations do expand and become more significant, and as they expand, you recognize that it requires more of your trust of yourself to maintain that expansion.
FRANK: I also feel the responsibility issues of the people who I work with now, since Iím their sort of leader and, you know, what would happen if I did leave? Would I be letting them down? We work together and they need me, or Iím helping them, or I protect them sometimes from the other stuff. Would they be okay? But I do realize that Iím creating my reality and theyíre creating theirs. But thereís still a duplicity there that you always have to be aware of. Sometimes I find myself justifying it or whatever, but thatís part of the transition too, I imagine. Youíre doing what you have to do for yourself, what you want to do...
FRANK: ...and they will do their thing.
ELIAS: Correct. But these are quite familiar associations, and to generate an expectation of yourself that you shall not create these automatic associations, these familiar expressions, is quite unrealistic. I am not expressing to any of you that you cannot instantaneously alter all of your reality and not experience what you term to be a backlash; you can. But realistically speaking, most individuals within your reality do not.
You express in increments and in processes, and this is quite purposeful, for it allows you movement without overwhelming yourselves and also offers you the opportunity to actually notice and pay attention to the movements that you are generating and your evidence of your trust of yourself and your acceptance and your allowance of your freedom.
In those steps, you also offer yourself, in your awareness of your creations, the opportunity to validate yourselves and acknowledge yourself for what you ARE accomplishing, which alters your perception. Rather than generating the perception of what you POSSIBLY may create in the future or what you POTENTIALLY may incorporate in your abilities, you allow yourself to actually enact your abilities, generate your accomplishment, and acknowledge yourself and validate what you ARE doing Ė not what you MAY be doing but what you HAVE created, which is a much more powerful validation. It is not a speculation. It is a recognition, which reinforces your motivation and your inspiration of yourself to continue.
FRANK: One thing in that direction that I find a little frustrating is I always have a logical projection of what I think should happen, like this is going to happen and then this and this, and itís going to happen in this way, in my way. Thereís a part of me that knows that thatís probably not going to be the case, but Iím always frustrated that it doesnít happen my way. I think it should happen this way and this way and this way, in that logical progression, but it just happens in a totally different way. It still happens, but itís not MY way.
ELIAS: Correct. This is what I have expressed to you also. This is the rigidity, and recognizing that rigidness and allowing for the expression of the flexibility, you are offering yourself evidence of that. Now pay attention to those moments in which you are continuing to express that rigidness, and allow yourself to relax and realize that in the allowance of flexibility, you generate much more ease.
FRANK: At the beginning I even told my partner the things that weíre going to do, weíre not going to do it the logical way; itís not going to happen that way. Weíre going to do it off-kilter, and itís going to happen in not the formal way that everybody expects it to happen. Itís just going to happen in different ways. I said it but Iím still not listening to what I said, because I become rigid. But then when I realize that it wasnít working my way, all of a sudden it comes through a different way. It was through the attraction of my partner that it happens. So it complements and it shows me to back off and just let it go, that itís just going to happen how itís going to happen. I got that over the last week or so.
I guess the thing with my eye, too, as far as like a symptom, because I think things are supposed to happen in a certain way and Iím doing certain things and Iím not really realizing it. So this kind of takes me out of what I was doing, like going out and trying to push things and do things in maybe more of a distraction than the way it should be done, and just letting it go. So this was like the communication that I hadnít heard loud enough, and it made me stop doing that. Thatís the ultimate thing, I think, besides having it here for now to present it to myself in this form.
ELIAS: And readjust and alter your perception.
FRANK: Right, interesting. This is what I do.
ELIAS: There is actually an order and a harmony in the progression, so to speak, of your movements. It may appear to be chaos, but in actuality it is not.
FRANK: Iím starting to see that, though. Iím really starting to feel it, and wow, itís so much bigger. Itís so unfamiliar that itís like do I really want to do that? Sometimes I donít even believe it. I have to refocus on it.
ELIAS: I am understanding.
FRANK: But then you get the energy back and you start looking at it again, and then you start moving forward again.
FRANK: There are steps there, like you said.
ELIAS: You may allow yourself to view and watch how energy moves and how you create actual manifestations through the manipulation of energy, for this is what creates all that you create. Your perception is the mover of that energy. (Pause)
KEVIN: Elias, in our last interaction when you had that session with Ben and I, we had a long discussion about something that I had brought up regarding having an interaction with somebody. I wanted to have an interaction with somebody I was really interested in. You were very patient but also very adamant in pointing me in the direction of recognizing what I wanted and was wanting to express.
Just recently I did create interaction with this individual, and I was very happy with what I created as a response from this individual. I just wanted to see if I was doing that from what I learned or what I assimilated from our past conversation is what pointed me in the direction of doing that.
ELIAS: Yes. Now continue to pay attention to you and offer yourself the freedom to express you rather than generating the expectation of the other individual.
KEVIN: Iíve been trying to focus on just putting my expression out there to that individual.
Elias, how long before our first interaction had we been subjectively in communication?
ELIAS: Approximately ten years.
FRANK: Interesting question.
KEVIN: How many focuses do you and I share together?
ELIAS: Your impression?
BEN: Iím sure we were subjectively interactive probably from the onset! (All laugh)
FRANK: As would be your wish!
KEVIN: I have a question regarding Ben and I, and Benís impression of me in a certain way. I wrote it down because itís kind of long. I personally find that thereís very few people that Iím drawn to and who get my attention and who I have an interest in interacting with, both on a level of friendship and intimate relationships. When I do encounter people that I have an affinity with, the relationships are usually close and intimate, and in love relationships they are usually intense.
Ben brings up Ė and I know itís jokingly a lot Ė that he has the impression that I donít like anybody and that I feel Iím better than everybody else. My impression is that that has something to do with my energy being in synergy with the other people that I interact with and that I can sense right away whether the person Iím interacting with is in alignment with my energy, and I can feel that intuitively right away. Thatís why I either am drawn to somebody or Iím pushed back by somebody in these situations. I know that at times I can put on the faÁade of being pretentious as a way of avoiding people or as a way of protection.
KEVIN: So whatís with Benís impression? Is he reading that part of what Iím putting out there, when Iím using that pretentiousness to avoid or to push away?
ELIAS: In being protective, this is correct.
KEVIN: Am I correct in saying that my attraction to people or my disinterest in people is because of my energy exchange with them?
ELIAS: Many times, yes. At times you do project an energy of protection of yourself. That may be in association with the energy of the other individual, but not necessarily that the other individual may not be compatible, so to speak, with your energy or that they may be threatening. But you may perceive them to be at times, if the other individual is projecting a type of energy that you wish to be projecting and are not allowing yourself.
KEVIN: I think thatís kind of in situations where I feel shy and I feel like the other personís personality or energy is almost overpowering to me because...
KEVIN: ...theyíre projecting stronger.
ELIAS: Yes, and they are projecting a type of energy that in a manner of speaking you actually incorporate an admiration for but do not allow yourself a similar type of expression and do not allow yourself that freedom. In some situations with individuals such as this, you project an energy wall.
KEVIN: How does that come across to others? Does that come across as shyness or pretentiousness or...?
ELIAS: It depends upon the individual and how they receive that block. Some individuals may perceive it as pretentious and some individuals may perceive it as shy or quiet, but many individuals may perceive that quietness in association with the energy wall. With that block, the manner in which they perceive the energy many times incorporates an edge, not entirely associated with shyness.
KEVIN: So they see an edge coming from the way Iím projecting?
ELIAS: Correct, for you are projecting an obstacle. Therefore, your motivation is to be protective of yourself and not to be threatening to another individual or discounting of another individual. But the type of energy that you are projecting with that obstacle associated is received by most individuals almost as an affront.
KEVIN: Is that the same as being seen as being closed?
KEVIN: Or more just like being...?
ELIAS: Correct. (Pause)
Very well. (Chuckles) I shall express as always my continued encouragement of you all. Offer yourselves a reprieve, and (looking at Frank) you relax!
FRANK: Weíre making movement!
ELIAS: Yes, you are, all of you. But perhaps do not force yourselves so very hard. (Chuckles) I express my great affection for you each as always.
BEN: But you like me the best!
ELIAS: Of course, Albert!
BEN: He really didnít want to say it!
FRANK: He just wants to see it written on the transcript so everybody knows! (All laugh)
ELIAS: The best in equal measure! (Laughs) I shall be anticipating our next meeting, my friends. To you each in fondness, au revoir.
ALL: Au revoir.
Elias departs at 1:21 PM.
© 2003 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.