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Friday, March 21, 2003

<  Session 1299 (Private/Phone)  >

ďThe Perception of BetrayalĒ


Participants: Mary (Michael) and Anonymous.

Elias arrives at 11:28 AM. (Arrival time is 12 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good afternoon!

Q: Hello there, buddy! How are you?

ELIAS: Ha ha! As always, and yourself?

Q: Iíve been better at times. (Elias laughs) But you know that. Elias, are you aware of why weíre having this session? Iím sure you are.

ELIAS: You may offer explanation. I am aware of a disturbance within your energy.

Q: Yes, quite a bit, my friend. Iím not at liberty to speak that loud right now, so I hope you can hear me. Itís an event that happened two and a half years ago. Are you aware of the event Iím speaking of?

ELIAS: Somewhat.

Q: It was something I said to somebody, and I realized it was wrong for me. I was fine with it, but now I seem to have extreme remorse and guilt and any other thing you can think of on that end.

ELIAS: Offer explanation. I am aware of your reluctance and your attempted secrecy, but it is significant that you offer explanation that we may examine.

Q: I just feel... How do I say this? I donít know the best way to describe this, what it would be. I feel like Iíve betrayed my partner, even though nothing happened. It was something I said in a stupid moment. I was inebriated. I just feel tremendously guilt-ridden for that and the fact that Iím too embarrassed and too ashamed to say anything to her for fear of how she would view me, and how I affected my work situation as well with this person that I said this to, especially because itís so out of character for me.

Iíve never done anything like that before or since in my life, and Iím having a tough time dealing with it. Iím trying to rationalize or just find out what was the connection with this person and why would I say something like that and why did they create that as well.

ELIAS: And what may you possibly express to another individual that is so very terrible that you shall be generating this type of guilt?

Q: Let me tell you what I said to the person. I told them that I wanted to kiss them, and Elias, we had just had the baby. I donít know if it was just because of the time, I was stressed out and scared, and I got drunk. I donít know why I would do something like that. I can remember leaving the party saying Iím glad I said it, because thatís something I always wanted to say to somebody and never did. But now I regret it and I feel so terrible. I feel like I could potentially ruin everything.

I go through extreme emotions of it matters not and Iím cool with it, and then I go to the other end where Iíve even contemplated suicide. Iím getting so despondent and so distraught over this. Thatís why I had to have this session with you. Iím at witís end. I donít know what to do.

ELIAS: (Gently) How do you perceive, my friend, that you have generated such a betrayal?

Q: Because of what I said! You donít do that. How could I do that to her? I know that part of me is screaming to say something, to tell her, but I know that sheíd never view me the same. I would ruin everything.

ELIAS: Let me express to you, my friend, what you are generating within your perception now is potentially much more affecting and in your terms damaging than what you have actually generated previously.

You allowed yourself a moment in which you expressed yourself and a want. You also did not incorporate an action of what your beliefs would suggest as an actual betrayal of your partner. You expressed yourself freely within a moment. There is no wrong in that expression.

Now; what you have been generating subsequent to that moment is quite a different matter, for this is creating a tremendous alteration in your energy. Do not deceive yourself in expressing thoughts to yourself that your partner is unaware of the fluctuation in your energy or that you may be camouflaging that so very well that she is unaware of your energy, for this is quite incorrect.

Q: I know that.

ELIAS: But the awareness of your energy is expressed more so in concern than in judgment. For the awareness is of how you are harshly discounting of yourself, but objectively she is unaware of why. Therefore, there is a genuine concern which is expressed within her energy.

Now; let me express to you, my friend, there is no wrong in allowing yourself to freely express yourself. In this, I am also understanding of your value of your relationship with your partner.

Q: Itís everything!

ELIAS: I am aware of how strongly you value this relationship. Let me express to you that your partner values that relationship also.

Now; it is your choice whether you share that information with your partner objectively or not, but what is significant is that you allow yourself to relax and to acknowledge within yourself what you have created, what you do incorporate, and not to continue to discount yourself and to judge yourself in such harshness in association with one action, one statement in one moment, and generate such tremendous regret. Rather, perhaps offer yourself the opportunity to acknowledge yourself that you do incorporate the capacity to be appreciating of many individuals in many capacities in many manners.

I am understanding the strength of some of your beliefs in association with loyalty and commitment and relationships and intimacy, but you have not betrayed those beliefs. You have merely incorporated an action in one moment in acknowledgment of and appreciation of another individual, an attraction. You all...

Q: It seemed so primal. I donít know if Iíve shared focuses with this other person or what.

ELIAS: Yes, you have.

Q: My impression is this other person doesnít.... They hold their beliefs and whatnot. Iím just wondering why they created that as well. It was so base, if thatís the word I could use. It was so primal.

ELIAS: And within the perception of the other individual, it was viewed as flattering.

Q: Thatís not the impression I got.

ELIAS: Let me express to you, individuals incorporate beliefs that are expressed within their reality, and at times you allow yourselves to express yourselves freely in contrary expressions to those expressed beliefs.

Now; subsequent to the action of that freedom Ė which in actuality it is Ė the individual may also move once again to the expressed belief.

Now; you and this individual incorporate very similar beliefs in association with relationships. Therefore, it would be quite unacceptable for the other individual to be outwardly expressing to you that inward flattery...

Q: That relieves me somewhat.

ELIAS: ...or why that individual has generated the participation in that interaction with you. For that individual, in association with the strength of their beliefs, it is equally as unacceptable as you have perceived it to be. But inwardly there is an expression of flattery in that exchange, and there was a recognition of that objectively.

Q: I donít remember that.

ELIAS: Not in association with you; in association with the other individual. The other individual was aware objectively of the expression of flattery within.

Q: I was hoping that, because I couldnít have pulled the trigger anyway. It was just so out of character.

ELIAS: What is significant in this scenario is what you have generated in relation to that action and how tremendously you have discounted yourself.

Q: I know. I was fine for a while, and then I donít know what it was. Iíd see my son and Iíd see my wife. Weíre having another baby. I love them so much, and I realized how stupid that was.

ELIAS: But this is not the point, my friend. For what underlies this expression is fear, a fear of loss, and therefore you generate a stronger expression of holding to what you fear to lose. In this, you express such a fear and such a judgment upon yourself that you generate this holding of energy in protection, and that reinforces your expression of guilt.

Q: Iíve been reading the transcripts. Iíve been participating in this forum for a number of years.

ELIAS: I am aware.

Q: I was just telling my wife that sometimes I wonder if itís even real. Then thereís times when it seems so real to me. I guess I go back and forth between the beliefs that I was brought up on and the mass beliefs, and I discount myself. Why would I do that? What did I do that for? What am I doing now? It doesnít matter; it matters not. Iím okay for five seconds, then Iím not. I get scattered.

ELIAS: The significance is that you continue to express this guilt and this discounting of yourself. In that, it is significant that you explore what is influencing you, for merely thinking does not change what you are actually generating. You may attempt to convince yourself through thought of different expressions, but thought does not change what you do or what you are expressing.

Thought merely translates; this is its action. It does not create your reality, it does not change your reality, and it does not precede what you create.

Therefore, you may attempt to think and convince yourself that it matters not, but you continue to offer yourself this communication. The communication that you are expressing to yourself is attempting to gain your attention in a different direction, allowing you to recognize this expression of fear and what is motivating that and this expression of protection that you are incorporating with such strength.

In recognition of the value that you incorporate in association with your relationship of your family, is your desire to suffocate that relationship?

Q: No, not at all.

ELIAS: I express to you the suggestion that you allow yourself to address to this situation and allow yourself to loose your hold upon your energy; for the tighter you hold to your energy in protection in response to fear, the more you choke the energy. You express outwardly an energy in association with your relationship that creates that choking action, and I am quite aware that this is not what you want.

Q: (Sighs) Thereís times I want to say something but Iím just afraid, I really am, of how sheíll view me from here on out.

ELIAS: I am aware. Let me express to you, the key is how you view you. For as you continue to perceive yourself in such tremendous discounting and loathing, this is the energy that you project outwardly and this is what you shall reflect.

Q: I understand, itís just I canít... Iím trying to shake it, but I wake up in the morning and itís the first thing that pops in my head. If I look at her, sometimes I canít believe that. How could I do that?

ELIAS: Be assured, my friend, your partner incorporates great affection to you.

Q: (Emotionally) I know she does! Thatís why it hurts even more.

ELIAS: (Gently) Perhaps you may allow yourself to incorporate a different view. Were your partner to approach you and express this same scenario to you, would you be so very unaccepting of her?

Q: No, not at all.

ELIAS: Correct. Shall you not offer yourself the same consideration?

Q: I know. I hear what youíre saying, my friend. I just... (Sighs)

ELIAS: Would you view this to be such a tremendous incident were it to be your partner?

Q: No.

ELIAS: No.

Q: But I think she would.

ELIAS: It is dependent upon how you generate the presentment. If you are presenting this explanation, so to speak, of this event to your partner in tremendous expression of guilt and justification, you project an energy of suspicion, which generates an expression of suspicion in relation to your partner, for she shall receive that energy and therefore reflect it.

Now; if you are expressing this presentment in a sharing and an acknowledgment of your appreciation of yourself and your partner and what you generate together within your relationship, the energy that you project shall be quite different, and it shall be reflected also in an appreciation.

Let me also express to you, my friend, in what you term to be the beginning or the early time frameworks of this forum, I engaged an interaction with a group of individuals in a particular session.

Now; we termed this particular session to be a secret session. (1)

Q: Right, Iíve had one with you as well.

ELIAS: Now; in that particular session, each individual was to present some event or action that they had incorporated that they perceived to be the most horrendous event and action and that they incorporated the most tremendous judgment in relation to themselves in association with their choice of their most terrible action.

Now; each individual incorporated tremendous difficulty and challenge in outwardly confessing, so to speak, with other individuals present. Subsequent to each individualís presentment of their most terrible act, the other individuals within the forum perceived the act to be almost inconsequential and were not expressing judgment, and their perception of each individual as they confessed was not altered or blemished.

The significance of that particular session was to offer each individual the opportunity to view the differences in perceptions and how much more you judge yourselves than other individuals shall judge you.

Q: Absolutely. I can see that, for sure. Thatís me.

ELIAS: Your most terrible secrets may viewed by other individuals as almost insignificant.

Q: Thatís what my friend was saying to me.

ELIAS: For they turn their attention to themselves and generate the same action, almost as a contest. ďAh! You have expressed this action. This is not even comparable to the HORRENDOUS actions that I have created!Ē And you shall attempt to outdo each other in how very bad you may be. (Laughs)

Q: I go back once again in my thoughts and I think how my life is gravy, aside from that five seconds, and how internally I upset the apple cart in myself.

ELIAS: My friend, shall you discount and devalue all that you have generated within the years of your relationship with your partner and disintegrate it to nothing in association with one moment?

Q: Youíre right.

ELIAS: Is that one moment so significant that it has nullified ALL of the moments that you have generated in relationship with your partner?

Q: No.

ELIAS: Allow yourself to see how you have created that one moment as overshadowing all of the moments that you have created with your partner. Were it to be an object, that one moment has become the Eiffel Tower, and all of the moments within the years of your relationship with your partner has become a blade of grass. Is this what you want?

Q: No, not at all. I want to do the reverse.

ELIAS: (Gently) Then I express to you to appreciate you. Appreciate what you have accomplished. Appreciate what you DO incorporate, what you have rather than what you do not have and fretting over what is not within your expression.

You generate difficulty and challenge with the other individual for you are projecting that energy of guilt and that is reflected, for the other individual, as I have stated, incorporates very similar beliefs in that strength. You continue to mirror those beliefs to each other and that generates conflict.

Q: So if I turn to myself, that should alleviate that?

ELIAS: If you are discontinuing this tremendous guilt and discounting and judgment of yourself, the individual which you expressed the moment with shall also relax, and that conflict shall discontinue.

Q: That would be wonderful. I donít know what clicked in me, because I was fine and then all of a sudden, boom!

ELIAS: Let me express to you, my friend, do you view yourself to be such an exception within your physical reality? (Participant laughs) Do you view yourself to be so powerful that you create every other individualís reality?

Q: No, sir.

ELIAS: Do you view yourself to not be a human?

Q: I tell myself that. I am.

ELIAS: And this is not an expression of weakness or frailty; it merely is. Do you not participate in the same reality with the same blueprint as every other individual upon your planet?

Q: Yes.

ELIAS: But you express this rigidness with yourself that you must hold to your rules without exception, and if you cross those rules you shall berate yourself for the duration of your focus.

Q: Right. I am very hard on myself, Elias.

ELIAS: And what a ludicrous expression!

Q: Yes. I hear you. I hear what youíre saying. I guess itís just about being in the now.

ELIAS: Shall we not view this expression as a genuine exhibition of lunacy?

Q: I guess you would say yes!

ELIAS: Ha ha ha! And so I would! To be continuing to berate yourself and to express such tremendous judgment and such choking hold of energy with yourself for such an extended time framework, this genuinely IS an expression of lunacy, my friend.

Q: I can feel it in my yellow, in my orange... I feel like Iím actually killing myself, literally.

ELIAS: And do you wish to be incorporating that action?

Q: Sometimes I think when I get so overwhelmed, I do. Then I say, no way, man, what are you talking about?

ELIAS: Are you so unworthy?

Q: Sometimes I view myself as.

ELIAS: But you are not.

Q: I know. I just...

ELIAS: You have created your own prison.

Q: Yes, I have. Thatís one of the things Ė why would I do that to myself?

ELIAS: I may express to you, this is the strength of the influence of beliefs. And what belief do you view as being so very influencing?

Q: It would be the belief in monogamy, of loyalty, of commitment.

ELIAS: Do you view yourself to be unloyal?

Q: In that moment, yes, I do.

ELIAS: Generally do you view yourself to be?

Q: No way. I am loyal as they come.

ELIAS: Do you view yourself to not incorporate commitment?

Q: No. I do, very much so.

ELIAS: Then I may express the question to you, what are you creating in this now that is contrary to your beliefs?

Q: I donít know. Thatís my thing, too. I try to come to the now and think, in this now what are you doing? What Iím doing is thinking about the past...

ELIAS: Correct.

Q: ...and how itís affecting me now.

ELIAS: Correct.

Q: I guess thatís not truly being in the now.

ELIAS: Correct!

Q: I think I do have moments, maybe brief as they might be, that I am actually in the now. Then Iím cool with it, and itís over. Youíve said it a thousand times Ė itís a dead mouse, why beat it? I guess the fear comes back in. What if this happened? What if they found out? What if this person did this?

ELIAS: Ah! The two most dangerous terms in your language Ė ďwhat ifĒ!

Q: Because there is no ďwhat if.Ē

ELIAS: Correct. If you will not offer your acceptance to yourself and your appreciation of yourself to yourself, accept mine.

Q: I donít know if you heard me calling for you and screaming for you and yelling at you the last couple of weeks or so.

ELIAS: I am aware.

Q: Once again, I need something objective from you to see, to know youíre there. I thought I saw spots of blue, but I discount those, too, because Iím not sure, and I once again go into doubt and I wonder. This material that youíve been imparting to us is very important to me.

ELIAS: My friend, I am with you always.

Q: I know, but how come I donít view you? When I call your name and I ask you to come and I donít view you, is it me?

ELIAS: Yes. How shall you be recognizing of my energy in comfort if your tension is so strongly focused upon judging yourself and projecting to the past and to the future? You project to the past in regret. You project to the future in anticipation in fear. How shall you recognize my energy in the midst of this torrent?

Q: Thatís true. Youíre correct again.

ELIAS: But it IS there.

Q: I guess Iíve totally blown this thing out of proportion. Iíve built it up into this Eiffel Tower, as you say.

ELIAS: Correct.

Q: When it first happened, I passed it off as what it was. It was an experience Ė boom, done, gone, move on.

ELIAS: Subsequently, you have questioned yourself. You have questioned your loyalty and your commitment, and you compound that questioning in viewing your partner and your small one. Recognizing your tremendous value of these individuals and of your participation with them, you recognize your expression of affection and love, and you generate fear Ė the fear of losing.

Q: Yes.

ELIAS: This is a dangerous game, my friend.

Q: I donít want to play it anymore!

ELIAS: For that fear of losing generates an energy of protection, and protection stifles and can become quite choking and generally generates precisely the reverse of what you intend.

Q: So your advice to me would be to acknowledge myself and to let go?

ELIAS: Yes.

Q: Thatís going to be a tough road, but I have to do it. I have to.

ELIAS: Appreciate yourself, and the manner in which you may offer yourself evidence is to view what you have.

Q: Thatís true. But what happens is I see that and then I go back to it and go, oh my god, what did I do?

ELIAS: No. Merely appreciate what you have. What you have done is insignificant. It has been a moment of an acknowledgment of a momentary attraction. It is not now.

Q: No, itís not. Youíre right. Obviously this is purposeful in some way, shape or form.

ELIAS: It is quite purposeful in offering you the opportunity to generate an expression that is so powerfully associated with your beliefs that it has been affecting in MANY directions. This is quite significant and purposeful that you are allowing yourself to genuinely view how one expression of one belief may be so very affecting of so many of your expressions and for extended time frameworks.

Q: (Sighs) Itís pretty nuts, man! I can talk a little freely now; she just left. I just feel bad for not... Every bone in my body wants to tell her, but like I said, I canít. I think itís best I donít, especially now that sheís with child. I wouldnít want to jeopardize anything in that way. Maybe itís just better left unsaid. If I deal with it myself, itíll go away.

ELIAS: Let me express to you, genuinely it matters not whether you incorporate your action of confession, so to speak, or not. What is significant is that you allow yourself to alter the energy that you are projecting. The manner in which you shall accomplish this is to alter your perception and to be acknowledging of yourself and recognizing what you have, and recognizing and acknowledging what you have accomplished and what you continue to accomplish, and what you ARE creating Ė not what you may have created, not what you may be creating Ė but what you already ARE creating.

Q: As I was telling you before, I hate to be redundant, but I say to myself but for those five seconds of my life, everything I have... My work relationship Ė I wouldnít have that tension at work. Iíd be able to look my wife in the face and not feel the guilt or the guilty conscience or anything like that. I beat myself up for that, like you were drunk and stupid and you were amorous, and you said something. Why did you do that? You had the world on an oyster and you effed it up! You know?

ELIAS: No. It is not a question of you ďhadĒ Ė you have. And how long shall you carry that moment as the Eiffel Tower?

Q: Right. I guess it starts with now.

ELIAS: Correct.

Q: Thatís all I have, correct? Thank god I talked to my friend. He was saying basically the same. He was saying to me that you gotta relax Ė you said something stupid that most people think all the time. Let it go; you learned from it. Just relax.

ELIAS: Correct.

Q: I want to ask you as well, this person that I said this to had told me that she had not told anyone else. Is this true, she kept this to herself? Thatís another fear I have. If she told somebody else, then Iíd have to tell my wife.

ELIAS: (Chuckles) Allow yourself to genuinely view the situation. How long have you incorporated this secret?

Q: Two and a half years.

ELIAS: Precisely!

Q: So she didnít. Again, going back to her, it was purely physical, but thereís almost like a knowing. When I look at her and she looks at me, thereís this energy. Now the energyís skewed because of the way I feel about what I did and whatnot, but before that statement... I kept telling myself I couldnít be that off base where I wasnít feeling that back, because Iím pretty good at feeling that type of energy.

ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.

Q: In other words, it felt like she wanted me.

ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.

Q: I feel like she did want me.

ELIAS: But the strength of the beliefs is tremendous.

Q: Correct, as is evidenced now by what Iím doing. I think I needed to hear that from you as well to know that she did...

ELIAS: Yes!

Q: ...because thatís another thing I would beat myself up on. How could I have been so wrong in reading this person? Itís unspoken; itís just there. The energy crackles, and itís either magnetized or polarized; and we were magnetized, for certain! I can still see it now.

Obviously now I just keep it to myself and try to give her latitude. Iím friendly and cordial, and I try to concentrate on myself. But I think what I do is I think too much Ė I think ďconcentrate on meĒ when I see her, and I get nervous because I feel bad about what I did. Thatís another issue I have, too. I guess itís all back to the now, and that was one stupid moment in my life.

ELIAS: No, my friend! No, no, no! This is merely a continuation of discounting and judging yourself. It was not one stupid moment. It was one moment of freedom, allowing yourself to express a particular energy in a particular moment Ė nothing more, nothing less. It was not stupid and it was not wondrous. It merely was a choice to incorporate an expression in the moment. That is all. You did not destroy any relationship in that one moment.

Q: With her or with my wife or with anyone.

ELIAS: Correct!

Q: I guess thatís just my building of the Eiffel Tower out of fear and whatnot and saying I did this, I did that. I put all these scenarios together, and I guess I literally over-think it and build it into something that itís not.

ELIAS: Correct. In this, in this past two and one-half years, you HAVE been building that Eiffel Tower, and in building it, you do generate a potential of destruction Ė not from that one moment, but in the energy that you continue to express in guilt in each subsequent moment for an extended time framework.

Q: If I keep this up as I am now, Iím going to lose everything I have, potentially?

ELIAS: Potentially.

Q: Like you said, thatís exactly what I donít want. But when I say okay, that was just a moment, my beliefs are so strong that they say no, no, no, you were wrong, man. I keep telling myself objectively it was just a choice. I go through little okay moments, but then late at night or when I wake up in the morning I think oh my god, I canít believe I did that! Why did I do that?

ELIAS: Let me express to you, my friend, one of your snares is not acknowledging the judgment. In this, you are attempting to convince yourself that you do not view that action as wrong. But you do! Therefore, acknowledge that. This IS your belief. It is not a matter of eliminating the belief, but acknowledging that it is expressed and recognizing that. Very well Ė you express a belief that this action that you incorporated was wrong. Acknowledge that you express that this was a wrong expression for you. It is done.

Q: Itís done. Thank god Iím talking to you today, man. Iím not saying Iíve turned the corner at all. It takes two and a half years to build that tower; itís going to take a little bit to bring it down. But I think Iím going to be all right Ė just stop thinking about it and just stop being so guilt-ridden and what not. I didnít do anything. I said something.

ELIAS: Correct! But recognize this also is a justification. Merely acknowledge yourself.

Q: Just acknowledge the fact that I said it, I hold this belief that it was wrong, accept the belief...

ELIAS: Therefore, within the association of your beliefs, it was wrong, and it is done.

Q: And just move on from there.

ELIAS: Correct.

Q: Like I said, Elias, it was the energy between the two of us.

ELIAS: Acknowledge yourself, my friend! You are not incorrect in your reception of energy and the exchange of energy that you incorporated with this individual. You do participate in other focuses with each other and there is a familiarity expressed. There has been an expression of attraction in association with you both. But you also both drew yourselves to each other in a mirror action, for you incorporate the same beliefs and in very similar strength.

Q: (Sighs) Wow.

ELIAS: Therefore, perhaps in allowing yourself to acknowledge yourself and dismantle your Eiffel Tower of guilt...

Q: I want to so badly. I want to just move on from this. I know itís my attention, and my attention is locked on it. I just want to be free of it.

ELIAS: Perhaps...

Q: I say to myself this should be the happiest time of my life. I have a beautiful child, I have a lovely wife, I have another baby on the way, and all I think about is how stupid I was. I acknowledge that thatís my belief, but I have to be honest, thatís what I think!

ELIAS: It is done, my friend. Perhaps as you move you shall express an energy to your co-worker that shall be a reflection in that mirror action that you incorporate with that individual, and perhaps that individual also shall allow an ease in her energy.

Q: Itís a two-way street. As much as I created that scenario, she in turn created it as well for herself, correct?

ELIAS: Correct.

Q: I think thatís what I was doing, too. It was so one-sided on my end. Thatís how I looked at it, like I did this. I did, I did, I did!

Thatís what I wanted to ask you, too. She was also there and she created her reality. Why did she draw that to herself? With the beliefs in an objective waking day, itís perceived by her and by me that I was the one who did wrong. I was the one who did something, where she did nothing. But she in turn created me and I created her.

ELIAS: Correct!

Q: (Sighs) Oh, man! Thank god I talked to you today! Iíve been looking forward to this. (Elias chuckles) I just needed to hear from you, man; I just really did. I really needed to hear some semblance of... Like I said, my friend has been most helpful to me.

ELIAS: I am understanding. Let me express to you, my friend, I am available to you always. You may objectively express conversation with myself and interaction with myself whenever you choose.

Q: I do that quite a bit, but I just donít feel anything back from you. I donít know if itís because I have my expectations or I anticipate or I hold my energy, like okay, whenís he going to say something back? I donít know.

ELIAS: And if it may be presented in easier fashion, you may interact with me as you are in this now. That is always available to you also.

Q: On the phone, you mean?

ELIAS: Correct.

Q: I pride myself Ė not ďprideĒ myself Ė but I guess itís me holding myself to these high ideals that I feel like I have to be one of Eliasí soldiers. I donít preach any longer. At first I did because I was so excited about it. Not that you have any expectations of me but there are expectations I have of myself in regards to you and to how much... Sometimes Iím 99 percent sure that you donít exist and that this is all crazy, and then thereís times when Iím 100 percent sure that you do! (Elias chuckles) I go all over the place! I donít know, man, I donít know. I get wrapped up in myself so much sometimes.

ELIAS: Let me express a suggestion, my friend. Each time you gaze into the eyes of your son, see yourself.

Q: Okay. I know itís going to be a little tough road, because like I said, sometimes I look at him and I get so upset about what I did.

ELIAS: No. Each time you gaze into the eyes of your son, see yourself in that same manner.

Q: I think we have to go. Maryís got to take the dog to the vet.

ELIAS: (Laughs) Very well!

Q: I love you, my friend. I appreciate it. I felt like I was zooming in accomplishing towards acceptance. I donít know if it was the quick path or whatnot, but I just felt like I was accomplishing so fast. When I saw you at the group session last time, I knew your answers before you said them. I feel like Iím in tune with you.

ELIAS: And so you are.

Q: I know thereís not a competition or comparison, but I just feel like thereís a lot of people in the forum who have been there longer or whatnot, and I just feel like I slide in a lot easier than they do sometimes. But thatís just comparison; thatís not really necessary, I guess. But I just feel like I click with you.

ELIAS: I am understanding.

Q: I guess itís just belief systems! I have to accept myself.

ELIAS: Relax!

Q: Iím going to try.

ELIAS: Breathe.

Q: Youíre right. (Elias chuckles) Will I get it?

ELIAS: Yes.

Q: When?

ELIAS: Ha ha ha! You already are!

Q: All right, Elias. Iím going to let you go. Flick a light on for me once in a while, please. (Elias laughs) Iím going to be talking to you probably constantly for the next few days or so. Weíre taking down the Eiffel Tower.

ELIAS: Very well, my friend.

Q: I donít need this anymore in my life. I want to live. I love my wife. I love my child. I love my unborn baby. Do you know the gender of our unborn baby?

ELIAS: Ah! Shall you not incorporate your surprise?

Q: Well, we went and got the sonogram. They told us one thing, but I was wondering if you knew. We were told it was a boy. But I wasnít sure if I saw a penis or what that was. (Elias laughs) Because if itís not a boy, I donít have to paint the room upstairs! (Both laugh)

ELIAS: And you shall see!

Q: Oh, youíre not going to give it up! Should I get paint or no?

ELIAS: (Laughs) And do you perceive yourself to be quite tricky in this question?

Q: Yes! (Laughs)

ELIAS: And no, you are not! (Laughs)

Q: All right, Elias. Thank you so much! You have a wonderful day, and youíll be hearing from me.

ELIAS: Very well, my friend. I shall be anticipating it.

Q: Thank you very much.

ELIAS: To you, my dear friend, in great affection as always, au revoir.

Q: Thank you. I love you.

Elias departs at 12:30 PM.


Endnotes:

(1) There were two ďsecretsĒ sessions: 35, September 03, 1995, and 171, May 04, 1997.

Exercises: find out more about the noticing beliefs in separation; secrets exercise.


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