Monday, May 12, 2003
ďA Frustrating Romantic RelationshipĒ
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Joe (Amiir).
Elias arrives at 1:01 PM. (Arrival time is 17 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good day!
JOE: Hello, Elias!
ELIAS: (Chuckles) How shall we proceed?
JOE: How are you doing?
ELIAS: As always, and yourself?
JOE: I guess I could say I canít complain, but I do anyway most of the time! (Both laugh)
I guess I would like to start off with getting some basic information for a few people, including myself, if that would be okay.
ELIAS: Very well.
JOE: I guess Iíll start with my mom, if I could get her families and orientation, etcetera.
ELIAS: And your impression?
JOE: I think the only impression that I have... Well, I have two impressions with my mom. I think she would be either belonging to or aligning with the Borledim family.
ELIAS: Belonging to.
JOE: I kind of figured that. Sheís very, very, very into family. I would imagine that her orientation is common.
ELIAS: Correct. Alignment, Ilda.
JOE: Is she thought or emotional focused?
JOE: I kind of figured that.
For my two little boys, I have no real impressions are far as their families are concerned. I think because theyíre so young I donít really see their qualities in the light of maybe how they would fit into society or something like that. So I guess my impression there would be I donít know. (Elias laughs) Just that they have a tremendous amount of energy, thatís all I do know!
ELIAS: (Laughs) Offer first small one.
JOE: Would this be the older one or the younger one?
ELIAS: This is your choice.
JOE: Letís do the older one first.
ELIAS: Very well. Essence family, Sumari; alignment, Zuli; orientation, common.
JOE: And the little guy?
ELIAS: Essence family, Gramada; alignment... (Pause) Hmm! There is a fluctuation. I shall offer at this time a fluctuation with Milumet and Sumari.
JOE: Wow. And his orientation?
ELIAS: Also common.
JOE: The next person would be, I guess, my sometimes ex- and sometimes not-ex girlfriend Nicole. I guess I can give you some impressions there. As far as orientation is concerned, I believe that sheís soft. Iím not really sure on all of the other things.
ELIAS: Orientation is correct.
JOE: I kind of figured that. And her families?
ELIAS: Essence family, belonging to Tumold; alignment, Ilda.
JOE: Is she thought or emotional focused?
JOE: Now I guess we can move on to me! (Both laugh) Iím going to offer you my impressions. I would say that Iím not sure as far as the arrangement of belonging to or aligning with, but I would imagine that Iím a combination of Sumari and Sumafi. I would say that Iím thought focused and orientation intermediate.
ELIAS: Correct. Belonging to Sumafi.
JOE: And aligned with Sumari?
JOE: And thought focused and intermediate?
JOE: Look at that! I got some stuff pretty close to right! (Elias laughs) There we go!
Now, knowing this information, I think the next thing that I would like to talk about is the particular relationship that I have now with Nicole and the whole thing thatís going there. Iíve read a lot of information in the transcripts about the different orientations and how they fit into relationships. I guess what I would like to know now is continuing to put energy into pursuing this particular relationship, is this something that is not really necessary for me? Iím not really sure how to put this, but thereís a tremendous amount of confusion there for me. So if you could offer me some good advice, that would be appreciated.
ELIAS: (Chuckles) First of all, I may express to you that it is more a matter of your choice. What is significant is that you allow yourself to familiarize yourself with your preferences in association with your choice and express what you want. What do you want?
JOE: Is that a question?
JOE: Itís interesting because in relation to this particular relationship, I havenít actually seen her in about a month and a half, and then last night we saw each other. Thereís just a tremendous amount of something going on there. Iím not sure exactly what it is. I donít really know how to put a label on it. I canít say itís love or infatuation or what exactly the draw is there. I do feel at times when Iím with her that itís a very enjoyable and fulfilling experience and that at other times itís extremely frustrating.
As far as what I want, part of me says that I just want to have just what I want and then part of me says I would really like to make that particular relationship work. So there is a tremendous amount of confusion there.
ELIAS: Very well. I may say to you, in this you may be more clearly defining what you want in being clearer within yourself in association with your preferences and in paying attention to your communications.
Now; define with myself what you perceive to be the nature of your frustration in association with this relationship.
JOE: The nature of my frustration, I think, is that there is a tremendous difficulty in communication, in expressing myself to her in a way that she understands and in receiving her expressions in a way that I understand. Does this make any sense?
JOE: Iím imagining that the difference in orientation has a lot to do it, correct?
JOE: Only partially?
JOE: What about the other parts then? What would be not related to the orientation?
ELIAS: Actually, there are several factors.
JOE: Can we talk about those?
ELIAS: Orientation may be one factor. But let me express to you, although each orientation speaks a different language, this is much less challenging to translate than other expressions that influence each individual may be.
Now; in association with focus types and also with beliefs, these may also be quite influencing of challenges in translating the communications between individuals. In paying attention to yourself, you eliminate many of these conflicts and many of these frustrations.
What generates much of your conflicts or your frustration is projecting your attention to the other individual rather than paying attention to yourself. For in that, you begin to express expectations and at times even demands of the other individual, which creates significant challenges in relationships.
Now; let us examine one example. Offer to myself one example of an experience that you generate a frustration in communication with this individual, and we shall examine that together, that you shall allow yourself to incorporate an example of what you do and how you may alter that.
JOE: Are you saying a particular experience that I have where I feel like there is a lack of communication?
ELIAS: And you are experiencing frustration Ė any example.
JOE: I guess one of the things would be when the two of us are interacting, sheís very verbally expressive; she talks a lot. I find at times that I have a hard time expressing myself in that way, having a conversation thatís about the same things that she would like to have a conversation about. It just seems like weíre almost talking about two completely different worlds of existence. I would like to be able to communicate in a way that expresses an understanding between the two of us.
ELIAS: Now; in this example that you are offering, let us examine where your attention is and what you are attempting to manipulate. In this, your attention projects to the other individual, you are listening to the communication that the other individual is offering, but you are also generating a thought process in response to what is being expressed.
Now; this may appear to you as if you are paying attention to yourself for you are paying attention to your thoughts, but your thoughts are directed in response to what the other individual is expressing. Therefore, you are not paying attention to you; you are paying attention to your responses to her. In paying attention to those responses and not to yourself, you are also generating not just evaluations but judgments.
As you continue in that expression, you also generate frustration, for you begin to communicate but you are limiting yourself in how you are communicating and you are unaware of what you want in that moment. You are aware of what you think you want from the other individual, but you are not paying attention to what YOU want in the moment.
Now; as an example, you may be interactive in conversation with this individual, and she may be expressing her experiences and her opinions in any subject matter. Were you to be moving your attention to you Ė and this is not to say that you discontinue listening, for you may incorporate both actions simultaneously Ė in this, in moving your attention to you, what do you speculate in this moment that you would want?
JOE: If Iím having a conversation with her and if I were turning my attention to myself, what would I want Ė is that the question?
JOE: Boy, thatís a tough one! (Both laugh)
ELIAS: What do you want to express in this relationship?
JOE: I believe in large part Iím not really sure. Itís confusing in that way, because I feel very much a draw to it and at the same time I often donít understand a hundred percent why. I enjoy having her company, I enjoy being able to express myself physically with her, having physical interaction, just having companionship. Does any of this make any sense?
ELIAS: Yes, but I may also express to you, if you are noticing what you are expressing and what you are identifying, you are expressing quite generally and also vague. Therefore, you are not entirely identifying within yourself what you want.
JOE: I canít argue with that at all!
ELIAS: Now; I may express to you that this is a factor in your frustration and your confusion, for you are not identifying the beliefs that are influencing your choices and your behaviors. Therefore, you also are not identifying what your preferences are, and you are not identifying precisely what YOU want in association with a relationship Ė not merely with this individual but generally speaking. You have not defined to yourself what you want.
Now; in this, let me offer you some clues. First of all, you incorporate expressed beliefs concerning relationships and how they should be designed, that if you are incorporating a romantic relationship with another individual you should be expressing with each other in the same manner. That is the first belief.
You also incorporate an expressed belief concerning the type of interaction associated with an intimate relationship, not merely sexual activity but also affection, communication and the incorporation of time.
JOE: Thatís actually a very, very big issue between the two of us, the amount of time that we spend together.
Now; you also, with these beliefs, are not recognizing the influence of these beliefs and how they are influencing your perception and your choices. For if you are not incorporating the expected time element, there is an automatic association that you are thusly not creating the intimacy in the relationship. Remember, these are beliefs; they are not absolutes.
JOE: The time aspect of it, the amount of time that we spend together Ė I guess this would be a very big part of the conflict?
ELIAS: It is a factor, but the manner in which the relationship is expressed is also a factor. For let me express to you, my friend, as you incorporate expressed beliefs, if you are not generating manifestations that are compatible with those expressions of the beliefs, you generate an automatic association that you are not creating a particular expression. This is not necessarily the case, but you are not recognizing that the beliefs are influencing you. Therefore, your thoughts are translating what information is being offered to them, which is associated with your beliefs.
Now; what becomes frustrating and challenging is that your emotional communication is expressing something else.
JOE: I find that very oftentimes, in relation to this particular relationship, the direction of my thoughts and the direction of my emotions are completely opposite.
ELIAS: (Chuckles) This is not unusual, for individuals are not accustomed to paying attention to thought, emotion and action or choice.
JOE: Thatís another confusing part of it, too, for me, because oftentimes the actions that I take in relation to this particular individual are very confusing to me. I really feel like in my thoughts and kind of in my direction I say to myself that this is the direction that Iím going, and then suddenly I will find myself in a completely different direction than I thought I was going in.
Now; this is not unusual either. This is yet again an example of why it is important to be paying attention to all three of these expressions and to recognize what your expressed beliefs are and how they are influencing of you. I may not stress this strongly enough, for this is tremendously influencing of your perception, and your perception creates all of your reality.
Now; let me identify with you in association with these beliefs and with your preferences, which are merely preferred beliefs. Within your energy, I may identify that what you want is to be incorporating a relationship that expresses companionship but not in what may be termed to be a traditional sense in this present time framework. You wish to incorporate a relationship with another individual and express intimacy and that companionship, but not continuously.
JOE: It wouldnít be an all-the-time kind of a thing?
ELIAS: Allow yourself to pay attention to yourself and to genuinely evaluate. For in this time framework, you do not want to be incorporating the type of relationship with another individual in which you are interactive continuously.
JOE: Ah, I see. Itís very interesting that you say that. It seems to me that I do have expectations of myself, that if youíre in a relationship with somebody then you are a hundred percent completely in that relationship in every way. Iím guessing that I give a tremendous amount of energy to this particular belief.
Now; view the influence of that belief and the struggle with that belief and your present preference. For in the preference that you incorporate in this time framework, you do not wish to be continuously interactive with another individual in relationship. You want to incorporate a time element in which you express your own time in aloneness and also time that you may be incorporating with the small ones in the manner that you wish and not expressing an obligation to alter that in relation to another individual. Are you following thus far?
JOE: Can you just repeat that a little bit, because I was kind of drifting off a little bit, not paying attention. (Both laugh)
ELIAS: Very well. You want to be incorporating the configuration of time and your interaction with it in the manner in which it is most comfortable with you.
Now; there is a factor of that which is associated with your orientation, but more is associated with the influence of your beliefs.
Now; in this, you do not merely want to be incorporating some of your time element in alone time, but you also wish to be incorporating time with your small ones in the manner that you choose to design it, not in association with obligations of relationship.
JOE: So I wouldnít want to be spending time with my boys and the person that I would be in a relationship with at the same time?
ELIAS: Not necessarily. It is not a question that you do not wish to be incorporating time with both and simultaneously, but you do not want to be incorporating that time and interaction in obligation to the wants or the choices of the other individual.
JOE: I canít honestly say that I understand that a hundred percent.
ELIAS: Very well. Let me incorporate an example.
You may choose to incorporate time with both the small ones and this other individual, and you may view that as being pleasurable and fun. But there may be a suggestion from the other individual that you incorporate a specific activity, and you may not necessarily want to be expressing that activity but you also do not wish to generate a conflict. Therefore, in association with your beliefs regarding obligation, you shall acquiesce Ė but this does not afford you the freedom of your expressions.
JOE: Thatís much clearer.
ELIAS: Now; I am identifying beliefs that are influencing of your choices and of your interactions in this relationship. I am not expressing to you that you are actually aware of many of these expressions yet, although I may speculate in this now that you soon shall be. (Both laugh)
In this, as you begin to examine these beliefs, you may also recognize that you may be generating what you want and not in conflict regardless that you incorporate these expressed beliefs, for they are not absolutes and you do incorporate choice. Therefore, in recognizing that these beliefs are incorporated and knowing that they are not truths, you may allow yourself the freedom to generate and to recognize that you already ARE generating an intimacy and what you term to be commitment with the other individual, but this does not necessarily have to be evidenced through a continuous interaction.
JOE: So having the commitment doesnít necessarily equate to continuous interaction?
JOE: I understand that.
A couple of other questions. As far as this particular individual is concerned that weíve been discussing, do we share other focuses together?
JOE: How many? The number seven is popping into my head; I donít know why.
JOE: What would be the general theme of those focuses, if there is one? Is it usually in the manner that it is now?
ELIAS: You have incorporated many different types of relationships with this individual, but most of which in some capacity may be identified as intimate.
JOE: How about with my boys? How many focuses do we share together?
ELIAS: All three or individually?
JOE: I only have two.
ELIAS: I am expressing the two small ones and yourself.
JOE: Focuses that we share together as far as me and each individual.
ELIAS: Very well. With the first small one, you incorporate 18 focuses in relationship with each other. With the second small one, you incorporate 31.
JOE: My impression of how many focuses I have in this particular dimension, the number 427 seems to be a prominent number, so Iíll offer that.
JOE: Thatís the number?
JOE: Oh, wow! Iíve seen that so many times pop up in so many different places, and I guessed that would be my offering. (Both laugh)
Essence name for myself Ė I havenít honestly given it a tremendous amount of attention in finding out my essence name, but the name Hamir popped into my head Ė I guess the only name that popped in in association with it.
ELIAS: Eliminate the H and you are correct.
JOE: How would you spell that?
JOE: Thatís really neat. That was something that I never really... It just kind of popped into my head, and I thought that could possibly be it but not really thinking that it will be it. But thatís pretty neat, Amiir (ah MEER). (Elias laughs)
How about my color? I guess Iím not sure what you would call it, but the particular color tone that you would have.
ELIAS: And your impression?
JOE: I have a preference for things that are green, not in a bright green but like a less bright green, more of an earthy green, if that makes any sense.
ELIAS: I am understanding.
Now; recognize that what you identify as a favorite color may not necessarily be associated with your focus color or your essence color. It may be merely a preference, which may fluctuate. I may express to you, essence color, pine.
JOE: I donít know what that color would look like.
ELIAS: A type of brownish green.
I have some questions here from my mom that she would like me to ask, if that would be okay.
ELIAS: Very well.
JOE: She has them written down here, so Iíll just read them off to you and you can say what you have to say. Her first question is ďShould I continue on my current work path/house path?Ē
ELIAS: This would be her choice.
JOE: I told her thatís what you would say. (Elias chuckles) The next question is ďI feel trapped by my past. How can I change that?Ē
ELIAS: Ah. In moving the attention to the now and allowing herself to acknowledge and appreciate what is being generated now, and also recognizing that in what you generate now, you may alter what has been pastly. But in acceptance of herself now, the past becomes insignificant, for it is an expression of appreciation and acceptance of herself now, which she is quite worthy of.
JOE: I would agree with you; Iím not sure that she would! (Elias chuckles)
Her last question here is ďIs a new romantic relationship in my future?Ē
ELIAS: Ah, a crystal ball question! (Chuckles) And I may respond in expressing there is potential, but this once again would be her choice. There is increased potential if she is actually moving her attention to herself and generating that appreciation of herself, for that alters the energy projection that she expresses and that type of energy is quite attractive to other individuals.
JOE: Thatís pretty good.
The next question that I have would be the blue Easter eggs Ė was that in association with you?
ELIAS: An introduction.
JOE: Ah ha! I kind of knew it! I saw all these blue Easter eggs, and I thought to myself that they had all these other colors that they could have dyed them but they dyed them blue. (Elias laughs) Very interesting.
Henry David Thoreau Ė would this be an individual that also had the orientation of intermediate? (Pause)
ELIAS: And what would be your motivation in this question?
JOE: Iíve read his book ďWaldenĒ and I just seemed to really connect with what he says. A lot of what he says makes sense to me.
ELIAS: Which is not associated with orientation but is associated with you participating as an observing essence of that individual.
JOE: Interesting. I always found his writing very, maybe not fascinating, but very familiar.
JOE: Going back to the relationship that we spoke about earlier, would you like to offer me some information as far as the probability of that continuing, as far as my choice is concerned?
ELIAS: In this present now, your choice is to be continuing within that relationship. You are merely attempting to evaluate how to reconfigure it that it may be more efficient.
JOE: So itís definitely something that within my probabilities Iím continuing with, and it just is a matter of reconfiguring the arrangement of the relationship?
ELIAS: And your perception of it. I may offer a suggestion. If you are so choosing, subsequent to our conversation you may be engaging interaction with Michael in association with this subject matter, for Michael incorporates a considerable expression of information in association with this subject matter.
JOE: Very good. Wow, weíve whipped through a lot of information here! (Elias chuckles) I know I have many other things that I would like to ask, though. Letís see... Ah, there we go! Thereís one.
I have a recurring dream in which Iím attempting to dial the telephone but I have the inability to punch the numbers correctly. I continue to try to dial but I can never actually dial the phone and get a connection with the number.
ELIAS: (Chuckles) And do you not view this imagery to be quite obvious?
JOE: I think itís in relation to the particular relationship that I have now.
ELIAS: And also in association with communications, your communication to yourself.
JOE: So this would have to do with my communication to myself?
ELIAS: Correct, and not receiving the message. (Chuckles)
JOE: I seem to have a lot of that imagery, not just in dream imagery but in many, many different areas.
I guess we can talk a little bit now Ė I think we have about ten minutes left Ė more about the orientation of intermediate. Iíve read a lot of the transcripts on the website and Iíve gotten a lot of information, but I donít really fully understand it very well. If thereís anything you have to offer me in relation to that, it would be much appreciated.
ELIAS: What is confusing to you?
JOE: I think I have this tendency to go to one absolute or the other. Iím trying to figure out, as far as obviously being an orientation thatís different from most other people, exactly how I fit that into the mass expression. I go from the extreme of not having any interaction at all, to interacting but not really knowing if this is what Iím supposed to be doing, so itís very confusing.
ELIAS: Do not concern yourself with what you are supposed to be doing, for this is a dangerous snare and it is a manner in which you may merely be discounting yourself. You do not incorporate the same orientation as what you view as most individuals. Therefore, your perception is different, but it is valid.
It is pointless to attempt to conform yourself to other individuals. This shall merely generate conflict and shall serve as a tremendous discounting point within yourself. Therefore, allow yourself to relax and recognize that you do perceive differently from other individuals and that is not wrong. You may participate within your society in the manner in which it is comfortable to YOU.
JOE: So itís not a matter of not interacting within society, but interacting in a way that Iím comfortable with?
ELIAS: Yes, and also allowing yourself the freedom of your expressions in time frameworks in which you do not choose to be interactive. For individuals that incorporate this orientation of intermediate do also incorporate time in which they prefer to be not interactive.
JOE: I definitely know that for sure. Thatís something that I think nobody has ever really understood about me. I never really had an explanation for it; it was just something that was.
ELIAS: It is a natural expression of your orientation.
Now; I may express to you also, for the most part, although there are exceptions, but generally speaking individuals that incorporate this orientation of intermediate do appreciate creating an intimate relationship with one individual. But even within that there is an expressed comfort if the other individual understands and incorporates an allowance for you to be generating your own movement in alone time frameworks.
JOE: So itís not necessarily a factor of the other person being also of the orientation of intermediate, but perhaps just them understanding why I am the way I am?
JOE: From reading a lot of the information in the transcripts, I kind of got myself caged into this thing of if the other person is not intermediate, itís impossible.
ELIAS: No, this is quite incorrect. But it is important for you to understand your language and allow yourself to be comfortable in your natural expression and not discounting yourself. It is significant, [and] in that, you shall generate an energy outwardly which is helpful to an individual that you may be incorporating a relationship with to be understanding.
JOE: That makes a lot of sense.
Being this particular orientation, Iíve run into a lot of conflicts as far as work is concerned, like having an occupation that brings in money and that whole thing. I have so many different varied thoughts about it. We donít have a lot of time left, so if you could just maybe offer me some small little thing that I can work from, that would be helpful.
ELIAS: What would you identify as the most affecting expression in relation to employment?
JOE: Iím not sure of the question.
ELIAS: In your work environment, what is the most affecting of you in a conflicting manner?
JOE: I get bored, if that makes any sense. I get so very bored sometimes and disinterested. No matter what Iím doing physically, it doesnít feel very fulfilling.
ELIAS: And this is generated for you are not offering yourself the freedom of your creativity. You are limiting yourself. This is not necessarily associated with a particular job, but your restriction of yourself and not allowing yourself to be expressing yourself in your creativity.
JOE: Itís very confusing for me, because from the information that Iíve read, the orientation of intermediate concerns not necessarily creating physically. Thatís confusing for me because as far as actually doing things, I seem to have the ability that no matter what it is that I have to do, I have the ability to do it pretty easily; but I just have no interest in doing it.
ELIAS: For you are not allowing yourself that creativity. An intermediate individual expresses much of their creativity not in actual physical productivity but within their expression. This is not to say that you cannot or you do not create products, but it is more significant to you to be generating an expression of yourself in association with what you do with your job.
JOE: Iím not a hundred percent sure that I follow you there.
ELIAS: Regardless of what your job may be Ė it may be in generating a particular product or item, it may be in association with generating sales, it may be in the accumulation of products, it may be in interaction with other individuals or creatures or plants, it matters not Ė what is stimulating to the individual that is intermediate is HOW they express the interaction, HOW the creativity is expressed within yourself. Not necessarily the outcome, but how the process of the expression is expressed outwardly in relation to yourself. For the association and the concentration is not necessarily in relation to other individuals or things or any manifestation. It is how you reflect yourself outwardly.
JOE: Would it basically then be whatever I am doing, Iím doing it from the viewpoint of what does this mean to me?
JOE: I can understand that, then, for sure.
ELIAS: And how are you expressing yourself Ė what are you allowing yourself in your freedom and are you satisfied with your own expression Ė not necessarily with whatever you are creating in relation to your job.
JOE: Interesting. All right, Elias. I think our timeís just about up. Itís been a very fascinating and somewhat exciting conversation. (Elias chuckles) Actually, one final quick question.
ELIAS: Very well.
JOE: It just popped into my head. Do we share any focuses together?
JOE: A number... Sixteen Ė how does that sound?
ELIAS: Six. (Chuckles)
JOE: Very interesting.
Well, Iíve had a great time today. I would like to say for a hundred percent sure that I will be talking to you again, but I canít say that for a hundred percent sure Ė though Iím sure you probably do know.
ELIAS: (Laughs) We shall meet again.
JOE: That sounds very good! It sounds like fun.
ELIAS: Ha ha ha! And I shall be anticipating it.
JOE: Thank you very much, Elias.
ELIAS: You are quite welcome, my friend. I shall also be offering my energy to you in supportiveness.
JOE: I will try to be recognizing it, then.
ELIAS: Ha ha ha! Very well! Offer my greetings to your mother, and to yourself I express great affection.
JOE: To you, too.
ELIAS: To you in comradeship...
JOE: Ah, see, that sounds like something that I would say.
ELIAS: ...au revoir, my friend.
JOE: Okay, Elias. Thank you very much.
Elias departs at 2:01 PM.
© 2003 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.