Thursday, July 08, 2004
ďSexuality in Soft-Orientation RelationshipsĒ
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Daryl (Ashrah).
(Eliasí arrival time is 16 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good morning!
DARYL: Hi. Nice to talk to you objectively.
ELIAS: And you also.
DARYL: Youíve been busy around me, I know Ė turning off my WebTV! (Elias laughs) Between you doing that and Patel turning off my TV, itís been a little hectic there.
ELIAS: (Laughs) Merely making presence known!
DARYL: Well, I did ask you not to be subtle! (Elias chuckles) Iím going to start as usual with some little questions, and then weíll have a discussion.
ELIAS: Very well!
DARYL: On behalf of Oona, she wants to know if Civil War prostitute Anna Jones is a focus of hers.
DARYL: She also wants to know did she create that focus last week?
DARYL: So sheís created at least one new focus, then?
DARYL: Grenadier has arranged to speak to you objectively soon, and he sends his greetings.
ELIAS: And you may offer my greetings also.
DARYL: I got a name that I believe is a focus of his: Jhadi, J-H-A-D-I.
DARYL: I thought it was either a future focus or 11:11, but I wasnít sure which.
DARYL: Do you have a century that I could offer him?
DARYL: I also got ďHoward,Ē that I thought was a future focus at the Alterversity in the 22nd century.
DARYL: Itís just ďHowardĒ at the Alterversity?
DARYL: Does Ashule have a focus who teaches at the Alterversity?
DARYL: Is that also 22nd century?
DARYL: I donít know about this, but I was wondering if Ashule is fragmented from Ashrah.
DARYL: Does Nanaiis observe Alfred de Musset?
DARYL: Did de Musset commit suicide?
DARYL: Wow, that isnít known. I offered myself that information in a really unusual way. Wow. Okay, thanks. (Elias chuckles) Can you tell me how he committed suicide?
ELIAS: And shall you not investigate?
DARYL: Iíll tell Myiisha; she can investigate, and Iíll see. (Elias laughs) I got that in such a weird way; Iím just going to let that sink in for a while.
I wanted to know if three focuses I have confirmed are actually the same person. I wondered if my focus in the Andersonville prison is also the cowboy focus.
DARYL: Is that the focus named Charles Everett Scott?
DARYL: Well, at least two pieces together! Am I observing essence of Mick Jagger?
DARYL: Is that for part of his focus?
DARYL: Would that be like teen-age on?
ELIAS: What you would term to be late adolescence.
DARYL: Has it stopped since then, or is it going on?
DARYL: Also, I wondered if I observed Milton Erickson?
DARYL: Is that also a partial?
DARYL: Adult years?
DARYL: Is it his childhood that I observe?
DARYL: Wow. I would have thought differently because Iím interested in his adult years!
ELIAS: Which is understandable, for you are not observing of those years.
DARYL: I am still trying to figure out observing essence stuff, including whether Iím lifetime or not. I wanted to check with you on people I already know Iím observing, but I want to see if Iím lifetime. One is Georgia OíKeefe.
ELIAS: Partial. That would be adult.
DARYL: I was thinking that if Iím interested in reading about the childhood then that would mean that I was there. But from what you just said about Milton, it would be kind of the opposite.
ELIAS: Generally speaking, yes.
DARYL: Edna St. Vincent Millay, Iím also interested in her childhood, so is she partial?
DARYL: And Anne Sexton Ė Iím not interested in her childhood, so does that mean Iím lifetime?
DARYL: Boy, this is screwy! (Elias laughs) And Virginia Woolf, I was thinking that I was partial because I wasnít interested in her childhood. Is she also life?
ELIAS: No. That would be partial, and you would be observing of childhood.
DARYL: Yeah, thatís the part Iím not interested in. And Gustav Klimt, now Iím kind of lost about whether heís lifetime or not.
DARYL: Well, that certainly turned out differently than I thought! (Elias chuckles) I already talked to you about a focus where youíre my brother in France. I wondered if our last name is Deveroux.
DARYL: Is your name Mark?
ELIAS: Marcus, yes.
DARYL: Is my name Estelle or something like that?
DARYL: Is that like sixteenth century?
DARYL: Also, is there a separate focus I share with you in France where you are my uncle?
DARYL: Is that your focus as Elias Bodreaux?
DARYL: Is that my focus Robert?
DARYL: So youíre my uncle and weíre on different sides of the revolution?
DARYL: Whew! (Elias laughs) I wondered, now that Myranda has so many more focuses, if in terms of shared focuses where at least one of me knows at least one of her, if I now have 61 of those.
DARYL: I also wondered if thereís a Myranda in my near now, here in the present, since she has more. (Pause)
ELIAS: In proximity to you?
ELIAS: No. There is a potential, but not presently.
DARYL: Is that potential for possibly romantic relationship?
ELIAS: That would be dependent upon you and dependent upon the choices of the other individual to be relocating.
DARYL: So whoever it is doesnít live here?
DARYL: In terms of the name or the word India, I have three separate impressions about that. One is that it might be another variation of my essence tone.
DARYL: Another is that I might be observing India Arie.
ELIAS: Partial, correct.
DARYL: Is that adult?
DARYL: Although she hasnít had much adult time yet! I also wondered if Iíve created a new future focus named India.
DARYL: Thatís a female, right?
DARYL: So far I havenít gotten anything else on her. Iíll see if I can connect more.
The last time we had half a session, and it didnít record at all. I wondered if it was imagery to me of controlling my reality, so to speak.
ELIAS: Yes, and also to be paying attention in the moment.
DARYL: A few weeks ago, I had a dream where I was with Oona in a car and we were doing a lot of stuff, and at the end I had a voice in my head that was quite loud and clear, speaking to me. I found the dream very affecting, but I donít quite understand it. I was trying to figure out if the voice in my head represented myself or someone else. It seemed like it was someone else, but Iím not sure. Could you tell me something about what was going on there?
ELIAS: That was not another individual; that was another aspect of yourself. And what was your confusion?
DARYL: I guess what I was trying to tell myself or what it was communicating to me.
ELIAS: And what was your FEELING?
DARYL: I donít know. I guess that it was possible to have communication with myself that was that clear.
ELIAS: Correct, and what were you feeling? (Pause)
DARYL: (Sighs) I donít know, safe.
DARYL: Yeah, there was trust.
ELIAS: Which is significant, for you were allowing yourself to experience what you were expressing to yourself in information.
DARYL: So it was a very experiential dream.
ELIAS: Yes, which is also significant, for as you are aware, this is the manner in which you are engaging this wave in consciousness.
DARYL: Since the last session, I do know that things have been changing, because my reality has been changing. Part of it is that I started taking more control objectively, like putting up fencing around the roses. Also, Iíve had a decrease in my breathing difficulties and a big decrease in the left arm and neck thing. However, I have had a big increase in lump pain, which I want to talk to you about.
During that time, because I asked you to help me understand what it was I was doing, I did become more aware of the energy Iím projecting. I think Iím getting a little better about how to tell what Iím projecting and also about how to change it, reconfigure it in some instances. It seemed to me that a lot of the time what I was doing was kind of fighting what I was creating, and I also brought to my attention my most frequent automatic response of ďI donít like this.Ē I understand that that could just be information about preferences, but most of the time it seems like itís very big with judgment, and that has to do with me fighting what Iím creating. Iím judging myself and judging what Iím creating and whatís around me.
DARYL: I guess the thing Iím most confused about is, first of all, I guess I donít understand why some of the symptoms got better exactly when I did that. The pain in my lump got much, much worse in a lot of ways and more present. Then at 4:00 Tuesday it just stopped, and it came back around noon on Wednesday. I know I was showing myself something, but Iím not quite clear on what that was, except I assume it had to do with some of the stuff Iíve been going through around freedom and relationships.
ELIAS: Partially, but also you are offering yourself experiential examples of how you create in the moment, and that whatever you create you can change in the moment.
In this, I may express to you that you also, in similar manner to many, many, many individuals presently, are presenting yourself with the expression of balance and extremes. This is not unusual, as I have expressed to other individuals recently. For the energy that is being expressed presently is tremendously strong, and therefore, it is quite easy for any individual to be generating extremes. It is significant that you be aware of the type of energy that you are projecting, to be aware of what you are doing and attempting to balance, for these extremes generate elements of conflict.
DARYL: Iíve been aware of the extremes and the balance thing, and I was trying to identify what area I was doing that in. I can see where the activity with the lump is extreme, because it got worse and then better, and thatís extreme. But is there a particular subject matter that Iím doing?
ELIAS: And what have you been addressing to?
DARYL: Separation from my body.
DARYL: So it is my body stuff?
ELIAS: Correct. In this, what you have allowed yourself is a reduction of some manifestations in association with incorporating different choices and different actions, allowing yourself more freedom but also focusing most of the association of separation into this one physical manifestation, and therefore generating an extreme.
DARYL: It also seemed like I was showing myself that when I do have pain or some unpleasant sensation that I have an automatic response of separating more from my body.
ELIAS: Correct, and pushing energy in association with what you have stated. You do not like it, and therefore you automatically are forcing energy in opposition to it.
DARYL: What Iíve been trying to do when I get the pain is intentionally merge with my body along the lines with what Iíve been doing recently, and that seems to be affecting.
ELIAS: And I am acknowledging of you.
DARYL: Thatís something that would be helpful to continue as a response to pain or discomfort or whatever?
ELIAS: Yes, which is not attempting to express to yourself that you are altering your dislike of the manifestation into a liking of the manifestation, but that you are not forcing energy in opposition to it.
DARYL: Is there anything youíd like to add about that area or about paying attention to what Iím generating in energy and paying attention to what Iím doing?
ELIAS: Also perhaps now incorporating a beginning of altering actions, in addition to noticing and not forcing energy, paying attention to what you are doing and allowing yourself to choose a different action.
In this, you shall begin to offer yourself information concerning influences, influences of beliefs, therefore allowing yourself to view which belief is being expressed and what the influence is that is creating a particular expression or manifestation through your perception, allowing yourself to move into a recognition that if it is an influence that you do not like, you may begin to evaluate what other influences are expressed by the same belief that may be more preferred, and therefore change what you are doing by changing which influence you choose to be expressing.
DARYL: The doing would have to do with what influence Iím expressing?
DARYL: In the case of the control thing, since a lot of my influencing beliefs that Iím aware of have to do with that lately, then I would offer myself the choice to express a different part of that belief system, where I do express control or choice?
DARYL: When you talk about actions, weíre not talking about getting up and doing something. Youíre talking about beliefs and choice?
ELIAS: At times. At times it may be a physical action; at times it may be a choice of expression and expressing different influences of the same beliefs. But even in that action, it may also involve some actual physical action. It is dependent upon the situation. But for the most part, what I am addressing to is the type of energy that is being expressed and therefore is influencing your perception to be creating a particular reality.
DARYL: Am I accurate in that I am being more aware of that and at times reconfiguring it?
DARYL: Iíve been having sneezing and allergies, and I also just happened to transcribe the tape from last year where that indicated confusion. I was wondering if that indicates confusion again.
ELIAS: (Chuckles) Yes.
DARYL: I was wondering if that had to do with confusion about relationships, romantic relationships.
ELIAS: Partially, and partially concerning yourself.
DARYL: The part with relationships, I think Iím communicating to myself that I want to be open to men right now.
ELIAS: Which is merely a choice.
DARYL: I think that I am expressing that to myself.
DARYL: I realize itís a choice. I also seem to be expressing that I want to feel free rather than having a set idea of what form relationships should take, etcetera.
ELIAS: Yes, and this would be an avenue that you are exploring.
DARYL: Is there another part that you said related to myself thatís separate from this?
ELIAS: It is associated with it, for it concerns yourself and once again your abilities and your trust, or the lack of trust and doubt, in association with your abilities to allow yourself to generate that. Not that you cannot, but your doubt is more concerned with whether you shall allow yourself to generate this type of an exploration.
DARYL: So itís more will I allow it rather than can I do it?
ELIAS: Correct, which is also associated with what you are creating with the physical body consciousness separation and the lack of control, for there is an element that is similarly expressed in association with relationships, that there is also somewhat of a lack of control.
DARYL: The next thing that I wanted to talk to you about was sexuality in relationships. I read part of your discussion about sexuality in soft orientation that you had with Fontine and with Rrussell. I had been wanting to talk to you about my history anyway, and when I got that information about softs doing things in blocks, being interested and not interested in sex, that kind of made me look at my history in a new light.
Iíve always kind of blamed myself for this, but what I tend to do is get involved with somebody and I am feeling sexual and stuff, and then in a lot of cases weíve ended up moving in together. At some point my interest in being sexual with them stops, then I end up trying to get myself to be interested, and usually at some point I just... In the past Iíve blamed myself, that I was closing myself off and that I felt like they wanted to kind of suck me up or something. I was resisting that, and then I would stop being interested in sex because of that. Eventually I end up ending the relationship, and then I do actually feel interested in sex but with somebody else. So Iím trying to sort out what Iíve always thought I was doing wrong from this new information about the natural flow of soft.
ELIAS: I am understanding. I may express to you that this is also not unusual with individuals incorporating this orientation of soft, for you each generate some type of evaluation in discounting yourselves in comparison to common individuals and how they express themselves sexually. Therefore, the automatic association is that you are generating some wrong action or that you are not normal.
DARYL: I feel like Iíve failed, really.
ELIAS: I am quite understanding, and many individuals that are of the soft orientation express quite similarly. This is a misunderstanding and a lack of information concerning your natural expression, in which you may be quite passionate and expressive sexually for a time framework, and you may be quite motivated.
In this, let me express to you, it is also not unusual for an individual of the soft orientation to be quite expressive in that manner in the initiating time framework of a relationship. That is quite natural and quite understandable, for you generate more activity within yourselves in that time framework. For you are processing considerable information concerning yourself, and you are also allowing yourselves to be receiving a tremendous expression of energy from the other individual. This generates a tremendous stimulus, and therefore is naturally expressed outwardly in a sexual manner, which allows you to express that excess, so to speak, of energy or that build-up of energy that you have been generating, and it allows you to express your passion.
But that type of release of energy is merely necessary, in a manner of speaking, for a temporary time framework. Once it has been released and the passion has been expressed, you once again return to your natural state, in a manner of speaking, of being interactive with yourself. This is not to say that you are no longer interactive with other individuals. It is merely a natural expression that you generate, that you are involved with yourself to a significant extent and you are involving yourself with your own energy.
Now; you may be generating that simultaneously to being interactive with another individual, but your focus is more concentrated upon yourself and what you are generating, and therefore the interest and the want to be expressive in a sexual manner with another individual dissipates.
DARYL: Thatís because more of my attention is on myself?
Now; in that, your attention may fluctuate and you may be projecting your attention outwardly, but you are involved with yourself regardless of whether you are projecting your attention outwardly or not. This is an expression of the objective and the subjective both being expressed more surfacely.
DARYL: I do feel that Iím aware of my relationship with myself in a way, how fascinated I am with myself and paying attention to me.
ELIAS: In many different manners.
DARYL: One thing that confuses me, I guess, is why Iím like that, but you also say that I want to be interactive with others all the time. In a way, it seems like going in two different directions.
ELIAS: It is not, for this once again concerns balance. You restrict yourself with other individuals, for you generate expectations of yourself and you doubt your abilities. Therefore, this is significant, that you allow yourself to challenge those restrictions and offer yourself more freedom.
Once you have generated allowing yourself to move beyond this restriction that you generate with yourself and you allow yourself your freedom, subsequently you may move into the balance and move more freely into your preferences, which may not necessarily be to be interactive with other individuals continuously, for that once again is not a natural movement for individuals of the soft orientation. This is the one orientation that does generate more actual time in comfort not being interactive with other individuals but continuing to be interactive.
Let me express to you, you enjoy and generate interaction with yourself in your interaction with your deer. These types of interactions are the types of interactions that soft individuals generate with themselves. Objectively it may appear that they are interactive with another expression of consciousness, and to an extent, they are. But they are also being interactive with themselves in these types of interactions.
DARYL: I feel that I also do that kind of thing with movies, at times.
ELIAS: Yes, for that is an interactive action. It allows for an interaction.
DARYL: To me, movies almost seem to have kind of a being and consciousness of their own.
ELIAS: I am understanding. It is a medium which you allow yourself to be interactive with. Therefore, it is, once again, another manner in which you may be interactive with yourself, even more so than with a creature or with plants, for you are generating all of the interaction. Many individuals that incorporate the orientation of soft are quite drawn to books or films, for these are manners in which they may allow themselves to be quite interactive with themselves.
DARYL: I guess my misunderstanding here has to do with thinking that the interaction had to do with other individuals.
ELIAS: No, it does not. But I am understanding the discounting that you and many other soft orientation individuals generate and the judgments that you generate with yourselves in association with other individuals and relationships and sexual activity.
But let me also express to you that as you become more familiar with your natural expressions and your natural energy, and you become more accepting of who you are and the expressions of your orientation, you will also begin to generate more of a relaxed energy, which dissipates what you perceive to be the demand of the other individual. For the demand of the other individual is directly reflected from your energy in your expectation of yourself to be performing and your judgment of yourself that you are not.
DARYL: So I could be with a common and create them being okay with me not being interactive?
ELIAS: Yes, yes.
DARYL: Thatís good to know. (Elias chuckles) In these cases before when I left the relationship, I always kind of felt that once the sexual interest went away that it was just like gone with that person.
ELIAS: But that is associated with your own expectations of yourself, and that...
DARYL: So it wouldnít necessarily be true?
DARYL: I could rekindle, or whatever.
ELIAS: Or merely continue to be expressing your appreciation and your preferences and your intimacy with the other individual, but not necessarily in the expression of sexual activity. Recognize that it is not an expression that occurs in one time framework and thusly dissipates and is gone eternally. There may be extended time frameworks in which you do not generate an interest in that type of activity. But you also incorporate other blocks of time in which you do express in that manner, and that may be more easily and naturally expressed if you are not forcing your energy against it in judgment.
If you are comfortable within your own acceptance of your natural movement and your natural expression, you also do not hold to your energy, and if you are not holding to your energy, you may allow yourself the freedom to be expressive in more frequent time frameworks. I may express to you that what may be more frequent for a soft individual may not appear to be quite frequent to a common individual, but it may be more frequent than you have allowed yourself previously for you are not holding so tightly to your judgments and to your energy and to your expectations.
DARYL: One of the things thatís been going on with me is I saw an ad from someone who is polyamorous, has more than one relationship. I know Iíve gone around about this in the past, but I found this time I was kind of drawn to the idea. I know part of it was because I would feel like there was less expectation and that... (Sighs) I felt like it was less likely that the same old thing would happen, in that I would kind of automatically have a space for my own doings with myself. But I guess that might just all be influences of my beliefs rather than... I donít know. (Sighs) I guess Iím trying to figure out if thatís just me recognizing beliefs or if it has to do with the freedom Iím seeking.
ELIAS: Perhaps both. It is associated with your beliefs, your previous experiences and your judgments of yourself in a lack of understanding of yourself. But it may also be an avenue to explore, to generate more clarity in association with your preferences and allowance of yourself. I am not encouraging or discouraging; this is your choice.
DARYL: One other thing Iím not quite clear on when you talk about the release of energy from sex, does that also occur if Iím with myself or if Iím doing something with a nonphysical aspect of myself, like Iíve done? Is the release the same?
DARYL: Another area where Iím confused has to do with touching. I seem to feel a bigger draw towards touching someone than I do towards sex a lot of times.
ELIAS: I am quite understanding. That is an expression that allows you a physical connection but does not require bursts of energy.
DARYL: So that would kind of be a natural thing.
ELIAS: Yes. That would be a natural physical expression of affection and more associated with intimacy than actual sexual actions.
DARYL: If I allow myself my freedoms and follow my natural flow, I should be able to find a balance with one or more people, where I can touch them a lot and share a lot, yet not feel pressured about sex...
DARYL: ...to allow myself if I want it and also allow myself the time I want by myself.
ELIAS: Correct. I may express to you, many, many, many individuals of the soft orientation genuinely appreciate occupying the same space to be incorporating sleep state with another individual for the most part, more than they appreciate continuous sexual activity. For, the closeness in physical proximity and the contact of physical bodies is comforting and is also a manner in which they express outwardly a physical display of affection.
I may also express that for many, many, many individuals of the soft orientation, although it is not a rule, generally speaking they express less of a genuine appreciation or affection in sexual activity, for it is more an expression of a release of energy and an expression of passion; therefore, the awareness of appreciation and affection is not necessarily present in that action. It is more of an awareness of a release of energy and passion. Not that you cannot express all of these elements and incorporate the physical sexual activity, but generally speaking you do not.
DARYL: That is what my last relationship was like. When I was involved last year, I noticed it felt very physical.
ELIAS: I am understanding.
DARYL: And of course, I thought there was something wrong with that! (Laughs, and Elias chuckles) Oh boy. (Sighs) I know Iíve got a lot of belief stuff going on from whatís happened before. Just when I think about having some kind of long-term relationship, I immediately run into this ďwhat do I do when my desire dies?Ē
ELIAS: It is not necessarily a matter of your desire dying. It is more that it is being camouflaged and quelled, for it is being squelched by your expectations and by your judgments.
DARYL: Can you say a little more about that?
ELIAS: If you are allowing yourself your own acceptance and comfort in that acceptance, the freedom of your preferences and your natural movement, you shall begin to notice that the desire does not dissipate. It does not die, in your terms; it continues. The reason it appears to you to dissipate or to disappear is that as you move into a time framework in which it is no longer necessary for you to be expressing a release of energy and a passion, you automatically camouflage that desire and ignore it, for you automatically begin expressing the expectations and the judgments once again, and they cover the passion and it appears that the desire is gone.
DARYL: The only time this hasnít happened to me is my relationship with Sylva, which was very on-again, off-again. Sometimes we wouldnít even have contact with each other in-between.
ELIAS: I am understanding.
Now; that is a fragmented type of expression that allows you somewhat more of a natural expression of your energy and your orientation, but continues to be expressed in more of an extreme.
DARYL: Yeah, and not very happy a lot of times, either.
ELIAS: Correct. But you can generate an intimate relationship with another individual, express your desire, and continue to express your desire and your appreciation and your affection without interruption and even in an increasing manner, without continuously incorporating this one element and generating such strong expectations of yourself and judgments of yourself.
DARYL: I had a different reaction with her, too. When we touched, it felt like there was some kind of current that ran between us.
ELIAS: Which is an allowance of yourself to genuinely be interacting with another individualís energy and...
DARYL: So I could create that with other people?
DARYL: I enjoyed that.
ELIAS: That is an energy expression, and you may generate that with any individual. It is merely a matter of yourself allowing and being aware of the other individualís energy and of your energy.
DARYL: We merged more than I did with other people, too.
ELIAS: I am understanding.
DARYL: Iím sorry to say our time is up.
ELIAS: (Chuckles) I shall be anticipating our next discussion.
DARYL: Iím going to be transcribing some of this, provided thereís a record of it, and Iíll get it out to some soft people.
ELIAS: Very well! And I shall be offering my encouragement to you and my energy to you in your challenges. As always, Ashrah, I express my tremendous affection to you in our friendship.
DARYL: Thank you.
ELIAS: In great fondness, au revoir.
DARYL: Au revoir.
(Elias departs after 1 hour, 2 minutes.)
© 2004 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.