Saturday, August 14, 2004
ďApproval Is a Tricky BusinessĒ
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Ester (Ashule).
(Eliasí arrival time is 17 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good morning!
ESTER: Good morning.
ELIAS: (Chuckles) What shall we discuss?
ESTER: I guess we can start with my personal focus intent. I know you like to get impressions from us first. (Elias laughs) But can you go first? I feel like right now Iím a little bit unsure of what it is. Iíve been thinking about it for the last weeks.
ELIAS: And what is your impression?
ESTER: Ah, man! (Both laugh) I guess my impression was... Letís not talk about my impression before, because right now Iím a little on another area. I talked to Kris before and he said something about perfection. Somehow that also resonated with me, but I guess I just wanted to talk a little more about that.
ELIAS: Remember, in identifying your intent, the manner in which you recognize your intent is to be discovering the theme that is expressed throughout the entirety of your focus, not merely now but throughout the entirety of your focus.
Now; the theme is a general direction, and within that theme you choose many, many, many different avenues that are more specific, but they all are associated with that general theme. That theme is what is identified as your intent in this focus.
Now; in association with that information, what would your assessment and your impression be concerning the general theme of experience throughout your focus?
ESTER: I was thinking itís probably more like the contrast, or the shift of difference between fear and trust. Thatís the only thing I can see as a theme.
Now; the theme of contrast is not limited to fear and trust, but it includes fear and trust. That would be one of the more specific avenues that is associated with the general theme. In this, your intent is the exploration of contrast, how those contrasts may be viewed as complement and how that affects motivation.
ESTER: I guess that resonates. I guess that explains why I go on these highs and on extreme lows. I donít understand what Iím doing and why Iím not doing the motivation part. One of my questions was about that.
ELIAS: Now; let me also express to you, this exploration of contrast and how that may be perceived as complement and how that is affecting of motivation is not necessarily associated with extremes. Extremes may be more associated with, first of all, your beliefs, and also, in this time framework, quite associated with this wave addressing to truths. Many, many, many individuals are generating extremes. I have been discussing this with many individuals recently especially, for the energy is quite strong. It is generating quite an ease for individuals to be receiving energy and generating extremes in their experiences in association with that strength of energy.
This is the reason that I have been expressing that it is quite important to be paying attention to what you are actually doing, recognizing the time frameworks in which you are generating extremes and allowing yourself to move more into an expression of balance. For the more that you project energy outwardly in extreme, the more you generate an openness to receive energy and create more extremes.
ESTER: That makes sense. I had a question about what you said about the balance. I notice in my experience that I have moments when I am in that extreme. I can feel my movement to extremes, but to come to a balance feels almost like Iím fighting against myself. Iím trying not to fight against my own energy. How can I sense the difference in that? Can you speak a little more about that?
ELIAS: Offer to myself an example of you noticing an extreme.
ESTER: Like yesterday, I was in a very high expression, because I was having an interaction with people during the day and I was very open. I felt very vulnerable. At some point it shifted, everything, and then I was completely depressed. All I wanted to do was hide, and I did that, just kind of sat there in the room and watched TV. Part of me could sense that I could probably get up and go for a walk or do something else, but at that moment it felt like it was going against something. I had to make a decision almost, you know, and that would be it.
ELIAS: Very well.
Now; let us first of all examine the interaction that you engaged with other individuals. What was your perception? What was actually occurring?
ESTER: There were two individuals... Well, Iím actually not even sure what you ask.
ELIAS: It is significant, for this is the manner in which you begin to understand how to generate this process of evaluation. Therefore, I shall move with you in steps, so to speak, in which I may offer you information in each step that you may more clearly understand what you are actually doing, what type of energy you are projecting, what automatic responses you are incorporating, and what your choices are. Therefore, we begin with the interaction.
ESTER: I had two interactions, and I feel they are connected. One was with this exploration, and what we were talking about was my experience mainly being more free, being in the moment and making choices. The interaction had to do with the information I was getting about drugs, and being free that way...
ELIAS: Very well.
ESTER: ...and my recognition that I had moments where I felt like what they we were describing as a free moment, but I had it without the drugs. So it was opposite to the fact.
ELIAS: Very well. And the next interaction?
ESTER: The next interaction was with my friend. I had been talking with him about what we call past lives and other focuses. I had just had a session with Kris, and he had mentioned information about me and my fear of teaching in this other focus I had, and I was mentioning that to him. He was very accepting, and I was just very excited about sharing that somehow, but at the same time I was very afraid.
ELIAS: And what do you perceive motivated the fear? (Long pause)
ESTER: I think... Sorry, shoot. So why am I crying now?
ELIAS: (Gently) Relax. The reason that you are incorporating this action is to release energy, for you are holding energy tightly. You are generating anxiousness and anxiety, which is similar to the fear that you expressed with this other individual.
Now; what are you doing? (Long pause) What are you doing in this moment?
ESTER: This moment I was afraid for what you were going to say...
ESTER: ...how you were going to judge me.
ELIAS: Correct. This also has motivated the hesitation in this responding to my inquiries. I may express to you, you may allow yourself an openness and incorporate no fear, for I shall not be incorporating or expressing any judgment in association with ANY experience that you engage or share with myself. It is unnecessary. I am not engaging the beliefs that you all engage within your physical reality, which, I may express to you, these beliefs that you engage are not your enemy.
There is a point to the examination of what you do and what motivates what you do, for once you allow yourself to evaluate what you are actually doing and what type of energy you are expressing, you open the door to choice. Rather than merely choosing automatic responses, which can be limiting and also generate confusion, you allow yourself to recognize different influences of different beliefs, and therefore choose which influences are more associated with your preferences.
Now; you expressed that you perceive that the two interactions that you generated appeared to you to be related to each other. In what manner did it appear to you to be related?
ESTER: Both were about sharing something about my experience with somebody else.
ELIAS: And your excitement in allowing yourself to share your experience, but your hesitation and apprehension in that sharing, that it may not be received in the manner that you want, or that in exposing yourself and allowing yourself to share, that there may be an unfavorable perception with the other individual, for you are allowing yourself that vulnerability, and vulnerability is dangerous Ė it incorporates the potential for hurtfulness or disappointment or disapproval. In all of these experiences Ė this one now, also, with myself Ė there is a want to be sharing and understanding, but there is also hesitation, for there is a seeking of approval.
The seeking of approval is being expressed and motivated by the lack of approval that you are expressing within yourself, which I am understanding that that may have been translated by the other essence as a propensity for perfectionism. I would express to you more specifically, that may be an expression that you incorporate or an expectation that you incorporate with yourself at times, but more specifically you are generating certain experiences seeking outside approval.
Now; that may be recognized as what you would term to be a dangerous action, for generally speaking, for the most part what you shall generate in seeking outside approval is disappointment, for the other individual for the most part shall fall short of what you want in approval. Therefore, you generate a strong potential to be incorporating disappointment within yourself.
Now; approval is a tricky business, for in actuality what you genuinely want is not approval, not within yourself or from another individual. What you genuinely want is to allow yourself the freedom to express yourself and to generate the acceptance within yourself to experience your own confidence and your own strength, therefore not incorporating doubt concerning yourself or your abilities.
Acceptance is different from approval. Approval is the expression or the seal, so to speak, that expresses to you that you are right. Acceptance is a knowing of yourself, that it is not a question of being right or being wrong, but of allowing yourself the freedom of your expressions and your choices in association with your preferences, knowing that your preferences are your guidelines for your expressions and your behaviors, and your guidelines, concerning your preferred beliefs, are not necessarily right or wrong, but in your terms they are right for you. In that acceptance, you also recognize that your preferences are not necessarily the preferences of other individuals, and that is acceptable.
Acceptance also eliminates the threat of difference. The threat of difference motivates the expression of seeking approval, for in experiencing differences, the automatic response to difference is to generate an evaluation of which difference is right and which difference is not. And you automatically, in like manner to many, many, many other individuals, want to be expressing the difference that is right. For if you are expressing the difference that is wrong, this would be very bad! (Laughs)
In recognizing that you are expressing your truths and in genuinely allowing yourself to recognize that whatever your truths are, those are your guidelines and they are for the most part in some capacity associated with your preferences, in this you begin to recognize that they are actually not true but they are your guidelines.
Now; let us return to your first interaction with the first individual Ė sharing information with this individual and expressing and vulnerability, which is another term for openness, and in that sharing of experience, somewhat generating an excitement concerning your accomplishment of allowing yourself to generate certain experiences with yourself without incorporating any outside substance, which was a reinforcement to you of your ability and therefore generates an excitement, for you are validating yourself. But in the incorporation of sharing the experience and generating a comparison to that which may be created in association with outside substances, there is an exposure and an automatic hesitation, for that opens the door for the expectation of approval again. And as we have expressed, the expectation of approval is seeking that seal of being right and therefore being valued.
Now; express to myself how you correlate that experience and your response, your automatic response to it, with the second experience in the second interaction.
ESTER: Letís see. In the second experience, I was actually very excited. It was almost like you mentioned before, it was like a letdown, because it was sort of... How can I say it? When you said wanting approval, in the second experience was actually very plain, it was very open. It was like there. It felt like almost the rest of me speaking to Jim was about that, getting a sense of approval or a sense of saying oh, thatís okay, which I didnít get, I guess.
ELIAS: For you were once again seeking approval concerning your accomplishment, generating an experience once again that may be somewhat new and different, and temporarily acknowledging yourself in your experience and your allowance of yourself to generate the experience, but seeking the approval of the other individual. For you incorporate a hesitation and a doubt concerning the value of your ability and generating the experience, automatically generating a comparison that other individuals may accomplish more Ė that you are beginning, but other individuals incorporate more experience than yourself. Therefore, you generate the expectation and seek the approval of the other individual to validate your acknowledgment and your excitement at your discovery of your abilities.
Now; let me express to you also, conversely were you to be genuinely accepting of yourself and exploring your abilities in new experiencing and generating that excitement and also an acknowledgment of your experiences, sharing those experiences with another individual, allowing for a genuine expression and incorporation of your excitement and acknowledgment and appreciation of your abilities and what you have generated in these experiences, you project a very different type of energy. Without the expectation of approval and the genuine sharing of experience, incorporating that acknowledgment and that appreciation of your accomplishment, you project a type of energy that the other individual receives and reflects with similar excitement to yourself, for they are reflecting what you are projecting. If you are projecting an energy of excitement and acknowledgment and appreciation, they shall reflect that to you in similar manner, and you would receive, without the expectation, what you wanted in these scenarios.
ESTER: I can see the difference between the first and the second one, because itís exactly what youíre talking about. I guess thatís the contrast, right?
ELIAS: Now; you may view the contrast and allow yourself to recognize that you offered yourself considerable information in these contrasts. That expands your ability to objectively recognize not merely what you are doing in the moment, but also what your choices are.
Now; moving subsequently within your day, you chose to be isolating yourself. That is motivated by the disappointment that you did not entirely receive what you wanted, but more to the point, you did not express your own appreciation of yourself and of your abilities. Therefore, the disappointment is expressed not necessarily with the other individual but with yourself.
ESTER: Wow, that opens a whole new door.
ELIAS: In experiencing that disappointment but not necessarily identifying the message, feeling the feeling, which is the signal, but not necessarily identifying the message clearly concerning the disappointment, you offered yourself momentarily the recognition that you did incorporate a choice and that you could change what you were doing. But you also, in not genuinely receiving the message, confused yourself and moved into a questioning of whether you would be forcing energy or not if you chose to incorporate a different action.
The reason that it appeared to you to be a potential of forcing your energy is that you did not incorporate receiving the message, and therefore, the signal continued Ė thusly, your assessment if you were engaging a different action you would be attempting to force energy in opposition to the feeling or ignoring the feeling, which is partially accurate, but not entirely, and also somewhat black and white.
For incorporating a different action would not necessarily be one of forcing energy in opposition to the signal that you were presenting to yourself, the feeling. It may have been a manner in which you would accomplish significantly distracting yourself enough to move yourself away, so to speak, from the grip of the signal, and perhaps allow yourself to understand the message of what you had created and what you were attempting to identify within yourself concerning your own disappointment.
In offering yourself that first element of the message of disappointment, that would allow you to move more fully into an evaluation of what you were actually doing, what you were actually expressing and what was occurring within you in association with your perception, your beliefs, your expectations, and what you sought from these individuals. All of that information would have been more readily available to you objectively were you to be examining the message.
At times, the message may appear obscure, and at times, in that obscurity, it may be beneficial to interrupt the automatic response of immersing yourself in the signal and therefore clouding your perception in merely immersing yourself in the signal, the feeling. In that, as the feeling is unconformable, you choose a type of distraction, that accomplishes what? It accomplishes ignoring and numbing the signal. You incorporate an action of isolating yourself, continuing to feel the feeling and to an extent attempt to ignore it by engaging the distraction of your television. But it did not disappear.
ESTER: No, it didnít at all.
ELIAS: It merely became somewhat duller, but it continued. And you continued to concentrate upon this scenario and this experience into this day, and therefore engage discussion with myself concerning it. But recognize that this, in your method, is quite beneficial, for this is your manner of generating that evaluation that you were unclear with in the previous day.
ESTER: Wow, this is pretty amazing. This is wonderful.
ELIAS: (Laughs) And I am acknowledging of you, my friend, for in this process you have offered yourself considerable information and experiences, and in that, you have generated the evaluation and more of the clarity in association with what you are actually doing quite quickly.
ESTER: Wow. Thank you. (Elias chuckles) Thank you for your help.
ELIAS: You are quite welcome. And perhaps you shall be acknowledging of yourself, for you have created this scenario equally as you have created the other scenarios. (Both laugh)
ESTER: Oh, now my brain is going to so many things of this contrast relating what you had just mentioned. A lot there! (Elias chuckles) Since you mentioned it, I did have a very strong sense of guilt with the acknowledgment of the easiness of certain things...
ELIAS: Ah, for unless an experience or a direction incorporates extreme difficulty, it is not to be valued!
ESTER: Yes. (Both laugh) And I do also have to acknowledge that a lot of things for me are very easy, and so I have a lot of...
ELIAS: And that must be tremendously bad! But view once again the contrast in how you strive to create easiness. Your goal is to accomplish effortlessness and ease Ė but you must struggle to accomplish that! (Both laugh) Quite a comical paradox, is it not? Which also allows you the opportunity to examine how you value struggle.
ESTER: I think my value of struggle is diminishing within my experience. I get a sense that is one of these conflicting beliefs, that I have a choice.
ELIAS: Yes, but it is also an example of what you value in differences. You value ease, but you value struggle also. You generate a judgment with yourself if you are struggling too much, for if you are incorporating much struggle, you judge yourself that you should be generating more ease; you should not be incorporating struggle. But if you generate the ease, you express judgment also that it is not as valuable, for you have accomplished easily and that other individuals may not generate such ease in certain expressions, and therefore, once again you are incorporating the judgment of difference, and that is motivated by comparison. This is what generates the expression of guilt, the shoulds or the should nots.
But I may express to you that you have quite efficiently generated your snares regardless of what direction you choose! (Chuckles) If you choose to be incorporating experiences with ease, you shall snare yourself and judge yourself for that action. If you incorporate the choice to be engaging struggle, you shall snare yourself and judge yourself with those experiences also. Quite efficient! (Both laugh) And in all of these experiences, where, pray tell, is the appreciation of the accomplishment? (Laughs) Perhaps that may be an interesting new exploration that you may generate, rather than the familiar continuous judgment or justification or guilt. Perhaps it may be an exciting change to experiment with acknowledgment and appreciation! Merely a suggestion. (Both laugh)
ESTER: Oh, what a wonderful suggestion. This has been wonderful. (Elias chuckles) I sense that my time is almost up. But I guess I wanted to acknowledge that I have been sensing you with me.
ELIAS: And so I have been.
ESTER: Even before objectively I believed in it!
ELIAS: Correct. And perhaps now, in your new experimentation of acknowledgment and appreciation of your abilities and your choices, in that openness that you are beginning to express you may be generating an openness more so to my energy, and I may be reminding you to be playful and perhaps incorporate some type of tickling to encourage humor and laughter, rather than seriousness and discounting. (Both laugh) I express to you it is much more fun.
ESTER: Yes. I am quickly finding that out. Yes, appreciate it now. I can sense the trying before, the continued rejection of ďthis is not fun.Ē (Both laugh) On that note, thank you.
ELIAS: You are very welcome, my dear friend. I shall be anticipating our next meeting and the report of how well you are accomplishing. And I shall be incorporating an energy of dancing with you in the interim time framework. (Both laugh)
ELIAS: To you in tremendous affection and in my appreciation, I express to you au revoir.
Elias departs after 58 minutes.
© 2004 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.