Thursday, January 14, 2005
ďBalance and ExtremesĒ
ďTrying Is an Automatic Discounting of YourselfĒ
Participants: Mary (Michael), Letty (Castille), Stella (Cindel) and Isabel (Larkshire).
(Eliasí arrival time is 16 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good morning!
ALL: Morning, Elias!
ELIAS: (Chuckles) And what shall we discuss?
LETTY: Well, I think we have different topics, so Iíll start with mine. This is Castille, by the way. A couple of years ago, you and I talked about the tension I had in my shoulders, and Iím going to quote a little part of the transcript when you talked to me back then that had to do with my struggle shifting from difficulty or struggling or apprehension concerning the unfamiliar into an excitement concerning the unfamiliar, and struggling with allowing myself the freedom and not continuing to hold or be stuck or be confined within the familiar, because it didnít fit in my reality any longer. I wanted to talk about that, because we spoke a little, over a month ago, and Iíve been going over my remembrance of paying attention to myself and in the now.
One of the things that Iíve picked up on is that Iím having that again. I mean, itís completely unfamiliar to where I was even a year ago, and I see myself even kind of moving even further from the familiar in the sense that Iíve been thinking a lot about what I would like to do, and you were right. I think the conflict within myself regarding going out and finding a structured job is not going to work for me any more. Iíve been looking at real estate, because it gives me the freedom to do it on my time. Iím feeling good about it, though at moments I do doubt myself when Iím trying to convince myself. Thatís why I wanted your opinion, based on everything thatís happening and where my direction is going. I signed up for a class, seminars, enough to take a license and everything, and I wanted your confirmation that I am doing it as a preference, not as an obligation to do something.
LETTY: This is a little bit about when you talked to me a couple of sessions ago, you mentioned creating money or generating money in a very creative way...
LETTY: ...because this is using a lot of creativity and ingenuity.
LETTY: That makes me feel good. I have been a little better paying attention to myself. I think so, too. Well, that was a real quick answer! (Elias chuckles)
There was a dream I had about lots of bugs. Bugs, to me, I know represent belief systems. The interesting thing was that everywhere I picked up something there were LOTS of bugs, which obviously gross me out and give me the creeps, but in my dream that time, they didnít. I noticed them, I recognized them, and my impression, unless you have something else to say, was that I was less fearful of them. Therefore, I was actually trying to recognize my accomplishments. Although I didnít realize that in my dream, Iím realizing it at this moment.
ELIAS: Yes, and also recognizing that the lack of the fear is also representative of your recognition that you are not opposing your beliefs as strongly anymore. You are recognizing them. Rather than generating the automatic response of opposition to them, you are allowing yourself to evaluate them and view what influences they incorporate. You are noticing more of your choices in that, therefore the representation of the lack of fear.
LETTY: I always wanted to stomp on the bugs, because it was my way of eliminating them.
LETTY: Is my friendís daughter, Haddasah, is that my friend Letty?
ELIAS: No, but there is an observing essence role in that.
LETTY: But whoís the essence? Lettyís essence is observing Haddasah. Oh, how interesting.
Susie, my new hairdresser, I connected with her that she was a sister of mine, very close. We had a lot of fun together, somewhere like in the 1800s.
LETTY: Is this the focus where that other gentleman, my masseuse, was my neighbor?
LETTY: Thank you very much.
ELIAS: You are quite welcome!
STELLA: Hi, Elias.
ELIAS: Good morning, Cindel!
STELLA: Itís so wonderful to hear your voice again. I always think about you very much. Right now, Iím going through... Let me see how Iím going to put this without being very dramatic.
ELIAS: Ah! (Chuckles)
STELLA: I think Iím allowing myself the opportunity to see how influential my belief systems are in creating my reality and seeing the perception in how I create my reality, but Iím seeing the strength to such a degree that I had not seen that before. Now, thereís a knowing intellectually, but thereís also an area I cannot assimilate right now. Iím having a hard time assimilating the information, what I already know intellectually, although thereís been times in the past where I have been able to assimilate information. I have been able to allow myself. I have been able to have compassion. Iíve been able to do all the stuff that we have done, but right now Iím not allowing myself to do that. I think thereís a reason for not doing that, and Iím trying not to be so hard on myself, because thatís where I end up, being very, very hard on myself. This is what I have to do right now, to go to this extreme, because it seems like I go to the extreme.
My reality has been based on extremes. I donít know what I get out it, whatís my payoff out of the extreme. Maybe I know one of them. Being an addictive personality, I think I have an incredible amount of compassion for people who are going through it, whether it be a shoplifter, whether it be a drug addict, whether it be a person who washes their hands. It doesnít matter what the hell they do, even a person who kills. I understand that to a degree that I donít think, if I was not who I am and allowed myself to experience what Iíve experienced, I would not feel to that degree of compassion. So, I think I know Ė that part I know.
Maybe thatís the reason I am going through so much right now in feeling emotion. Even with Dick, Iím working with him, and the extreme of wanting to control him and tell him what to do and how to do it, because, see, heís not doing it correctly. I know how to do it! Obviously, this man has been in the business forever. I just came into the picture and Iím trying to tell him how to do the ditch! Well, for crying out loud! I see the ridiculousness of it, but yet I am so passionate about whatever. Then I come home, and itís like this is really hard! This is really hard.
So I get home, I have two glasses of wine, right, and then I beat myself because of the two Ė two and a half, excuse me, I want to be truthful Ė two and a half glasses of wine, and then I beat myself, like now Iím an alcoholic again Ė which I left behind. So you see, Iím doing all of that. What can you tell me about it?
ELIAS: (Chuckles) And what truths do you see that you are presenting to yourself?
STELLA: The truth would be the absoluteness of things. That would be one. The right and the wrong, obviously, and the yin and the yang, you know, all of the opposites.
What I think Iím doing right now is that I think this is going to allow me to experience, for once in this manifestation, here I am, Estella, to experience balance. Which I have no clue, really, to the degree of what balance is about. I donít; I really donít. I mean, I either do or donít. Thatís been my life. I think in doing it this way, I think thatís where I come into this balance, which I so want. I mean, this is what I want...
STELLA: ...more than money, anything, I want this balance.
ELIAS: But remember, for these are automatic responses that you generate in these opposites, the reason that you are generating them more intensely now than previously is that there is a tremendous energy of polarization being expressed en masse, which lends to an ease of any individual generating any extremes, whether in viewing them to be good or bad.
But you do express a propensity for generating extremes otherwise, and moving in the black and white, the either/or. That generates a strong potential for you to be expressing that in regard to balance, also. Balance is not an expression that you attain and therefore have achieved, and it shall merely be. Balance is an action that you generate in each moment, in each situation. It is a continuous expression, not one expression that thusly generates forward from that moment on, in which there is a potential that you may move in the direction of attempting to achieve this goal of balance as an event, and once the event has been accomplished, you are set in the position. That is not what occurs.
That is not balance, for balancing is an action that you incorporate in each scenario by evaluating what you are doing in the moment and evaluating whether you are moving in the direction of generating an extreme, and once noticing, generating the choice to not create the extreme and to choose to be expressing that balance in the moment, in EACH moment, in each situation. For even within any given scenario or situation, you may be expressing that balance in one moment and in the next moment not.
This is the reason that you all express the clichť concerning the (inaudible), for it is quite easy to immediately move out of balance, even in one situation. You may fluctuate. This is the reason that it is important to be paying attention to you and what you are actually doing, noticing what you are actually doing, and paying attention to what type of energy you are expressing in conjunction with what you are doing. As I have expressed previously, at times, what you are doing is what you are not doing.
STELLA: What I am doing is not what I am... What I am not doing?
ELIAS: Not doing is an action also. At times, the expression of what you are doing may be seen in what you are not doing or what you are preventing yourself from doing or what you are withholding.
LETTY: Kind of like not paying attention to yourself is not doing, if youíre not paying attention to yourself.
ELIAS: Correct. But more so, paying attention to what you naturally generate, what you naturally do, and noticing moments in which you are restricting that and not doing what you naturally do.
STELLA: In my case, I would naturally go to the extreme. Thatís my natural. Itís sort of like having more of an acceptance of those aspects of me.
Now; in that, you may confuse yourself with the concept of balance by attempting to force yourself in opposition to that. This is the reason that it is important to pay attention and recognize what you naturally do Ė recognizing that your balance is to be found in what you naturally do, your natural flow of energy, coupled with an acceptance of that, and being aware of what type of energy you are projecting in that.
Now; in the situation of yourself naturally generating extremes, you may notice that that is your natural expression. In that, also be paying attention to what type of energy you are projecting in those extremes, whether it is accepting or whether it is not accepting, whether it is justifying or judgmental, and whether you are generating an extreme of your extreme or whether you are contrarily forcing energy in opposition to an extreme, for you are opposing your own natural flow. That is the snare.
STELLA: Yes, very much so.
ELIAS: That requires paying attention, noticing and distinguishing what is a natural extreme and what is an extreme beyond the natural extreme Ė what is the natural extreme and whether you are opposing that natural extreme.
STELLA: If Iím opposing that natural extreme, what do I do? Recognize that I am opposing?
ELIAS: Yes. Yes, and acknowledge that.
STELLA: Is that why my ears hurt? Itís not a hurt but kind of a weird feeling in my ears. My throat bothers me; my eyes are bothering me, all of my senses. Is that the reason why Iím experiencing this stuff right now?
ELIAS: For you are generating tension and anxiety in this confusion.
STELLA: So would you help me, Elias?
ELIAS: Of course! (Laughter)
STELLA: Thank you.
ELIAS: As always.
STELLA: I know. Thank you.
ELIAS: You are quite welcome.
ISABEL: Hello, Elias.
ISABEL: Itís interesting, because I always remember her name and her name, and I never remember mine. I donít know what the story is.
Well, I have three questions along the lines of experiencing elements. My knee has been hurting me. My eyes have been getting worse. I had surgery three months ago to remove something by my armpit, and thatís been hurting. Iíd like to know what I am telling myself.
ELIAS: And what is your impression?
ISABEL: Talking to Cindel at some point, she had mentioned certain things like arthritis as part of maybe being judgmental, and Iím trying to stay away from being judgmental Ė itís a work in progress Ė and especially judging myself. I donít know if Iím correct.
ELIAS: That is most significant, the judgment that you express with yourself and the expectations that you express with yourself. My suggestion is that you allow yourself more of an expression of gentleness with yourself.
Can you visualize a small rabbit?
ELIAS: And if you visualize a small rabbit, how shall it appear to you?
ISABEL: Cute, I guess. Fast.
ELIAS: And perhaps soft and delicate, but also in its swiftness somewhat strong and agile. I present to you a small energy rabbit. In the moments that you are expressing expectations of yourself and pushing your energy in association with those expectations of yourself Ė and expectations may be somewhat challenging to recognize within you, for they have become quite familiar and therefore are automatic Ė but in moments when you are experiencing within yourself that you must or should, in anything, or in moments in which you are expressing within yourself a disappointment that you are not performing or expressing well enough, and therefore, you are pushing your energy in TRYING Ė this is a key term, ďtrying,Ē which I will address to also Ė but in all of those moments, which I dare say you shall find how frequent, I suggest to you that you remember this energy small rabbit that I am presenting to you now. You remember its qualities, and you visualize it momentarily and visualize yourself holding it. The gentleness that you would be expressing to that rabbit in holding it, in that action, you shall present that gentleness to yourself.
I may also express to you, I am aware of your expression of ďtryingĒ frequently. Trying is not doing, and trying is an automatic discounting of yourself. This is the reason that trying generates frustration and disappointment, for trying is a camouflaged expression of discounting yourself, that you cannot do for you are not adequate enough, or you cannot do for you do not actually possess the ability to do what you want. Therefore, you camouflage the discounting that you cannot do or that you do not incorporate adequate abilities to do by expressing ďtrying.Ē Therefore, also note the moments in which you are trying and remember your rabbit.
Perhaps in holding your rabbit more frequently, your physical affectingnesses shall dissipate.
ISABEL: My other question is, when Iím with my lover Ė Iíve chosen to use this term as opposed to boyfriend or whatever Ė my family begins to call me, as if checking up on me or where Iím at or whatever. What am I creating by doing that?
ELIAS: And you may offer an impression as to what you are creating?
ISABEL: I really have none. Maybe itís some kind of anxiety. Thatís the only thing I can come up with.
ELIAS: Anxiety, correct, but that is quite general. And what does the anxiety concern? The anxiety is expressed in association with your assessment of yourself. What are you actually doing in generating these calls? You are interrupting yourself, are you not?
ELIAS: This is a fine example for you to examine with myself, for it offers you objective imagery that you may evaluate what you are actually doing and what type of energy you are projecting.
You generate an interaction with your lover, and as you begin to express an intimacy, a beginning of intimacy, with the individual, you automatically begin to project a particular energy. What is that energy that you are projecting? An apprehensiveness. What is the apprehensiveness? Once again concerning adequacy, whether you are adequate enough, whether you may accomplish actually sharing yourself in genuine intimacy and continue to hold your attention upon yourself, and allow yourself Ė this is key Ė allow yourself to genuinely express yourself and express what YOU want. But there is an automatic response to that, that that is bad, that you should not Ė once again, the shoulds Ė that you should not express yourself, that you should not generate that openness in intimacy, for it is dangerous. Therefore, you interrupt yourself.
You are already projecting an energy of hesitation, and in that projection of energy of hesitation and doubt and restricting yourself in not allowing yourself to freely express yourself, once again, in the gentleness with yourself rather than shoulds and should nots, that intensifies in energy. The other individual responds in reflection of frustration, and you generate distraction through interruption Ė another moment to be remembering your small rabbit and perhaps offering that projection of energy, which may be quite attractive. Rather than generating a reflection of frustration, you perhaps shall generate the reflection of similar gentleness in sharing the small rabbit with your lover, who may also receive it in gentleness.
ISABEL: I guess I have the answer, since you addressed to feeling inadequate. I find myself somewhat frustrated, because Iím not working right now and I want to accomplish things, yet I feel that Iím not quite ready to go back to work. I just experience this imbalance, anxiety, as far as not having a job and whether I will, quote/unquote when Iím ready, not be able to find something that I want to do. Not want to do, but that I will be able to do, I guess.
ELIAS: Once again, if you are generating this acknowledgment of yourself and noticing your shoulds and should nots and expressing this gentleness with yourself, you shall generate much more of an ease in creating what you want and not forcing your energy.
Also, as a reminder once again, in this time framework it is quite easy to not be expressing balance. There is tremendous energy. I have offered many examples and analogies concerning this energy. This wave addressing to truths is tremendously strong, and it is merely escalating. It is not dissipating. It may be one of your most challenging waves, one of your most challenging belief systems to be addressing to, and it is being addressed in experience, not intellectually. Therefore, your truths are being presented to you in your experiences, and there is a tremendous volume of energy collectively, which is moving. In that, you each have become small lightening rods, and the storm swirls above you. It is a matter of how you position yourself and whether you are paying attention to what type of energy you are projecting, as to whether the lightning shall strike you as a rod.
I am not expressing that to you in a manner that you cannot, in your terms, control or that you are a victim to a collective energy. You are not. But you may not necessarily be objectively aware if you are not paying attention, if you position yourself as the lighting rod and attract the energy. But you shall know, for you shall generate extremes, and extremes may be generated in many different manners, as I have stated, not merely in what you term to be negative. There may also be extremes in excitement or in some expression that you would deem to be pleasurable. But subsequently, even those extremes become disappointing, for they are extreme, and with the extreme is generated expectations. That is what generates the disappointment.
Therefore, it is quite important, especially within this time framework, as I have stated, to be aware, to be evaluating what you are actually doing, and thus, what type of energy you are expressing outwardly, and thus, what you are actually creating in your reality. Scenarios such as what you have presented are efficient examples, for you may view what is actually occurring and begin to evaluate what is occurring in a simple scenario: I am engaging my lover. I am beginning to express an intimacy and I am receiving calls. What is that actually doing? Interrupting. What am I interrupting? Myself. What of myself am I interrupting? What am I actually doing? What am I attempting to do that I am generating an obstacle? What am I blocking in myself? What will I not allow myself to express? What are my expectations of myself?
These are all significant questions in your evaluation of what you are actually doing. It is a process that actuality incorporates more time for me to explain than for you to actually do. You may accomplish that process of evaluation within few of your seconds; it may incorporate minutes for me to express in language what the process is. Therefore, do not generate another apprehension in generating a thought process that, in listening to this explanation, you shall be incorporating this lengthy action of evaluation in a moment. It shall move quite quickly, and you shall know quite quickly what you are doing. It also allows you to recognize your choices, and as you are not bound to what you are doing, you may change that.
STELLA: So Elias, in the extreme, for instance, itís like when, for instance, I chose to not smoke. Iím sort of surprised because itís been rather easy, effortless. Basically, I was paying attention when I was smoking to what I was doing. I was not really enjoying it. It seemed like I was not smoking the whole cigarette. Now I have the freedom to smoke, because I was not in an office, I was outside in the street. I mean, I could smoke anywhere, wherever. Here I have the freedom to smoke, and then I choose not to smoke! Since I have the freedom, I guess I donít have to smoke. Isnít that weird?
ELIAS: (Chuckles) It is a recognition of choice. Let me also express to you, this is quite common, that if you perceive yourselves to be restricted in your choices, you generate a type of rebellion in association with that restriction. That is an automatic response. Therefore, whatever you view or perceive to be restrictive, you incorporate more of a fascination with, more of a curiosity with. Therefore, there is more of a strength of interest in expressing what you are being restricted from expressing, which also is a natural expression of yourselves. For your natural expression of yourselves is to be directing of yourselves, and any restriction is perceived as allowing others to direct you. Therefore, there is a natural automatic response to push and to resist that restriction.
Now; you may not necessarily follow that resistance. You may acquiesce to the restriction, but there is an initial automatic response of resistance. But once the restriction is no longer presented, the taboo is lifted. Therefore, the interest or the curiosity concerning the taboo dissipates, for thusly it becomes genuinely a choice of your preference, and you are directing of yourself once again. In that, you begin to recognize your evaluation of your own preference.
Restriction can and many times does cloud your perception of your preferences, for you are expressing that automatic response of resistance, and what you are resisting may not necessarily be your preference. It does not actually concern what it is that you are resisting itself, the subject. It concerns that you are denying your own directing of yourself. This once again is an example of genuinely evaluating what your preference is, and how at times you think you incorporate a preference to a particular action, and indeed, you do not.
LETTY: So, along those lines, Iím trying to incorporate a little different of a scenario. I still want to control my creation, and that has been kind of like an issue with me. We started construction on our house four months ago. It was supposed to be done in five weeks, and here is month five going into month six, and weíre still not done. I created this construction manager that does everything against what my control issues are of process, of timing, and what I call professional courtesy. Is that like imagery to me for the allowance of things to happen and not pushing them? Yet I still know Iím pushing energy, because when somethingís happening, I know...
ELIAS: Partially, and it is also partially an experience as a presentment of some of your truths and how automatically you oppose them, rather than recognizing that these are your truths and evaluating what elements of these truths are your preferences and what are not, and allowing yourself to generate a cooperation rather than an opposition.
LETTY: Thank you.
ELIAS: You are quite welcome.
STELLA: Well, Elias, you have been, as always, so helpful. I think I got a different (inaudible) here about balance. Because when I started to talk to you, I was gung-ho on balance. Now itís sort of like, okay...
ELIAS: (Laughs) Balance may be experienced in many different manners!
STELLA: I just want to accept me just as I am. Iím such a unique individual, like all of us here. Iím different, different. I create different. I want to create the same as other people, but I donít. The bottom line is we all do the same thing.
ELIAS: And the acceptance of your own difference is the beginning to the acceptance of others individualsí difference. (Chuckles)
STELLA: Well, thank you so much Elias.
ELIAS: You are very welcome.
LETTY: It was wonderful to see you.
ELIAS: And you also. I express to each of you my encouragement, my supportiveness, but most of all, my friendship and love. I anticipate our next meeting. To you each in great fondness, au revoir.
Elias departs after 53 minutes.
© 2005 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.