Thursday, March 17, 2005
ďYou Are Not Co-CreatingĒ
ďHolding on to a Changed PerceptionĒ
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Bobbi (Jale).
(Eliasí arrival time is 13 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good afternoon!
BOBBI: Hi, Elias, nice to talk to you again.
ELIAS: And you also.
BOBBI: Yes, and so soon! (Both laugh) I just have one area of questions that Iíd like to ask you about. Last time I saw you, we talked about my creation of this new house that I really wanted and how I had changed my perception and really felt that, how it went smoothly. Also, I was kind of experiencing that when I had my attention on somebody else, it would slow down and things like that. Well, Iím still, weíre still in a way dealing with that creation. Part of how we were going to pay for this house is that my husband was told he could transfer his job into this area at the beginning of the year. That still hasnít happened. Heís still at his old job, he doesnít have a place to stay, and heís getting very frustrated and very angry.
So my question Ė actually, I have a few questions about this Ė is that I look at my reality and Iíve created living here, which is what I wanted. Also in my creation, since heís not here, Iím finding that I am really enjoying my time alone, very much, which is good. Iím enjoying that time. Iím really finding, seeing my preferences very clearly. Iím wondering, I know I donít create his reality, but is part of what Iím creating and enjoying this time alone lending to his not being able to find a job or be transferred up here?
ELIAS: No. They are two different expressions and two different realities.
BOBBI: But in my reality, he is not here and he does not have a job here, so arenít I creating that in my reality?
ELIAS: Yes, but you are also creating what you want in this time framework and allowing yourself to explore and experience your preferences. You are incorporating a time framework in which you are allowing yourself practicing focusing upon you more fully without the incorporation of distraction of obligation.
BOBBI: Right. I can very clearly see that. Thatís why I was thinking that my doing that, by allowing myself that experience was... I fall into this whole co-creating trap. I keep thinking that weíre co-creating, but weíre not.
ELIAS: You are not. In this, he is creating what he is creating. He could be creating employment and less struggle and less difficulty and continue to be in that location, and you could be creating what you are creating, but that is not what he is choosing to be creating.
BOBBI: I also very clearly see this is exactly how my husband always creates. It occurred to me before I talked to you, itís almost like he dams up all of his energy in certain situations where heís looking for a big change. He dams it up, and he gets really upset and worked up and very frustrated and angry, and then all of his energy kind of goes ka-boom and bursts out, and then things finally change. But while youíre waiting for that dam to burst, itís... (Sighs)
ELIAS: Ah, but you have efficiently created your reality to not be in physical proximity to that damming up.
BOBBI: Youíre right. Youíre absolutely right, and I have noticed that, too. In fact, that was another part of my question, that it is very difficult to even speak to him on the phone when heís like this Ė the negative energy and his frustration and anger. His automatic reaction to anything is anger. How can I more efficiently kind of block that? You can just feel it, wham-o, comes right at you. It takes me a while, if I can even, to shake it off. It does affect me. Iím aware of it being projected at me and thinking okay, I donít have to take this in. I do, anyway.
ELIAS: Yes, I am aware. But this is also an element of your process that you are generating now, in allowing yourself a time framework to be generating a different and new direction, moving into unfamiliar expressions and experiences, but much more aware of yourself and offering yourself the opportunity to practice genuinely paying attention to you and your preferences and your energy, and what you want and what you want to participate with, and what you do not want to participate with.
You are implementing a significant alteration in your reality without moving into the black and white that you potentially could have generated previously. In our discussions previously throughout the time framework in which we have engaged conversations, you have consistently moved in a direction of either/or, black and white Ė either I continue to generate this relationship with this individual or I discontinue the relationship with this individual. You have presented and engaged considerable conflict in this relationship for a time framework, and have questioned how to move into a different type of expression, allowing yourself your own freedom Ė we have discussed this several times Ė and not continuously acquiesce to the other individuals within your family and not to be restricting yourself in acquiescing to the obligation that you expect of yourself in relation to family. This has been a considerable challenge for you in previous years, and as you are aware, you and I have discussed this particular matter several times.
In this, I have consistently expressed to you that it is not a question of the black and white, and there are other choices than merely the either/or Ė either continue the relationship and compromise, or discontinue the relationship and allow yourself your own freedom and allow yourself to become intimately familiar with yourself. It is not a matter of either/or, and you have discovered another choice in which you are not discontinuing your relationship but you are choosing an avenue in which you may afford yourself a time framework to incorporate more strength within yourself in relation to your preferences and expressing your own freedom, without incorporating the threat of the encroaching obligation.
You have removed yourself from that familiar expression to relax that, and to allow yourself to recognize and realize your own individual strength and your own power. In this choice, you have chosen an efficient manner for you to not be opposing your beliefs but also to allow yourself to not engage them as intensely as you have previously. If you are not participating within physical proximity, that expression of obligation and of compromise is less focused upon, which allows you to focus your attention in different directions and to genuinely become more familiar with you and with your preferences and with what you want, and to express your own freedom without engaging the automatic responses of acquiescing or compromising.
BOBBI: Right. (Sighs) I saw those things, so thatís pretty much what itís about, then.
ELIAS: In this, it is important to remember balance and cooperation, neither of which requires agreement. He is creating his reality. In this, he is generating alterations in his reality also, but he is also generating them in familiar manners. He is continuing within familiar patterns, which to an extent is somewhat efficient for him, for it motivates him. And he incorporates more of a propensity for drama than do you. But drama is not necessarily bad. It is merely a method that individuals choose to incorporate motivating themselves.
BOBBI: I agree. I just donít like to be drawn into the drama!
BOBBI: Iím not a drama person.
ELIAS: Correct. This is the element of balance and remembering cooperation Ė not at the expense of your freedom and your preferences, allowing yourself to hold to your preferences and acknowledging the other individual, but acknowledging yourself also.
You may be not discounting of him and his creations and his methods but also hold to your own preferences and allow yourself permission to express what you want or what you do not want, what you do not want to participate with. You may engage your partner and express your genuineness in your understanding of what he is creating and his situation, but also hold to your preference in not choosing to participate in the drama and in that type of energy expression. For it is his creation, and he shall be the one that shall either continue in his frustration or solve his dilemma.
BOBBI: Also what was concerning me was that we rely on his income also Ė part of our income is my horse cookies, part of it is his job Ė to pay the mortgage on this new house. Well, heís saying heís just going to quit his job and he doesnít care, and Iím thinking how are we going to pay for this house. Then I find myself falling back into the black and white area, kind of shifting my perception back to what it was a little bit. That change in perception was a big part of what allowed me to be in this house. I donít want that to happen.
ELIAS: I am understanding. In this, pay attention and balance, for in the moments in which you return to that energy of acquiescing in association with his threats, you reinforce that energy.
BOBBI: I donít look at them as a threat. In fact, I look at them as potentially that he could quit his job, come up here and find something else.
ELIAS: They are a threat within himself. He is threatening himself in frustration. He is threatening harmfulness to himself in relation to his frustration.
BOBBI: Thatís occurred to me, too.
ELIAS: He is not threatening you, but he is threatening himself.
BOBBI: Yeah, his emotions can be very extreme.
ELIAS: But in this time framework, the significance is that you are allowing yourself to practice a different type of interaction, and you are allowing yourself to practice moving in a different direction, paying more attention to you and what you do. Trust that!
BOBBI: I figured it came down to that; sometimes itís just a struggle. (Both laugh) Iím not used to that.
ELIAS: I am aware, and this is significant movement that you are engaging. In any time framework in which you engage significant movement in alternations of your direction, it may be challenging and even at times somewhat overwhelming.
BOBBI: Yes, it doesnít get too bad that way.
ELIAS: It is merely unfamiliar.
BOBBI: Yes, it is. I just want to make sure that Iím not going to slip back into that old perception of worrying about things and worrying about money and having to keep track of... I mean, I have really loosened up hugely in those areas. I used to balance the checkbook to the penny and monitor every little thing, and Iíve really let go of that and Iím finding that it works much better. Iím just concerning about being bounced back into that old perception, I guess.
ELIAS: I may express to you, do not worry. Continue your practicing with yourself and trusting yourself. You are incorporating more and more strength in that, and you are realizing your power more and more. Trust yourself in that, and allow yourself to continue in this new unfamiliar direction. You have already offered yourself significant evidence that is it much easier and much more preferable and even pleasant.
BOBBI: Oh, yes, absolutely! Thatís why the thought of reverting back is just so horrifying. I want to keep going this way. I like how it works! (Both laugh)
ELIAS: And so you are continuing.
BOBBI: So, itís basically, then, what I should be doing is continuing paying attention to myself and learning about my preferences and not worrying. All the things that I already know. (Laughs) Right?
ELIAS: (Laughs) Ah, yes, but at times it may be beneficial to be reminded.
BOBBI: Oh yes, it is, very much. You keep mentioning balance, and one of the things I was going to ask is since we moved into this house, Iíve given myself a black eye, I pulled all the muscles in my leg so badly I couldnít walk, then I cut off the tip of my thumb, and now I have a cold. So this probably all relates to balance.
ELIAS: (Laughs) Yes!
BOBBI: I was thinking am I pushing my energy, should I be slowing down, but itís a balance thing, then.
ELIAS: (Laughs) Yes, and in this, allow yourself to relax and pay attention to what you are doing and balance.
BOBBI: And stay off the roof! (Both laugh)
ELIAS: That would be an element of paying attention to yourself! (Both laugh) And your own communications.
BOBBI: The way Iím going lately, believe me, Iím staying off the roof or anything high. Who knows what Iíll do next! (Elias laughs) That about sums everything up. Like I said, I was just starting to get really concerned when I felt my perception shifting back to pre-shifty levels. (Elias laughs)
I have one other quick question. I think I see that my son Chris and my husband are doing some kind of a parallel creation thing. Would you say that is accurate?
ELIAS: Yes, and engaging another counterpart action.
BOBBI: Chris creates in a very similar way to how my husband does, with extreme drama. Movement through drama, ehhh! (Elias laughs) Iím surrounded by very dramatic people, Elias.
ELIAS: Which provides you with adequate practice to be paying attention to YOU and YOUR preferences and not acquiescing to their choices.
BOBBI: Well, itís much easier being out of physical proximity. That is definitely the case.
ELIAS: Yes, which has afforded you a time framework to generate more strength in yourself to accomplish.
BOBBI: Right, so I should just sit back an enjoy it! (Both laugh)
ELIAS: That would be my suggestion.
BOBBI: Stop worrying and sit back and enjoy it.
ELIAS: (Laughs) And appreciate what YOU are creating.
BOBBI: Right! I am very much. This is one of the most enjoyable periods of my life. (Elias chuckles) Okay, I was only going to speak to you for a very short time...
ELIAS: Very well.
BOBBI: Oh, I have a cat thatís kind of adopted me up here. Sheís just the sweetest cat, and I named her Kate after the mistress of the Old West gunfighter Doc Holliday, who was called Big-Nose Kate. (Elias laughs) Several people thought that was very funny, like where would I have pulled that name from. To me, it was just right there. So the obvious question is do I have some kind of focus connection to either one of those people?
ELIAS: The female.
BOBBI: Big-Nose Kate? (Both laugh) Would that be a focus of Jale or observing?
ELIAS: A focus. (Both laugh loudly)
BOBBI: Okay, then! She was quite a character! Thatís pretty cool. Thank you very much, Elias. As usual, itís always extremely enjoyable talking to you and reassuring, as well.
ELIAS: You are very welcome, my friend. Consider yourself validated, and I shall continue to be offering my energy to you in supportiveness. I am greatly acknowledging of your progress.
BOBBI: Thank you very much. And I appreciate the energy, hugely. I notice when you are around.
ELIAS: Ha ha! Remember, I am always available. To you, my dear friend, in camaraderie and in appreciation, I express to you great lovingness. Au revoir.
BOBBI: Au revoir.
Elias departs after 28 minutes.
© 2005 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.