Monday, April 04, 2005
“Fear of Emotion”
“Conflict with a Co-Worker”
Participants: Mary (Michael), Daniil (Zynn), and Natasha (Nichole).
(Elias’ arrival time is 13 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good morning!
BOTH: Good morning, Elias.
DANIIL: I guess we start. I wanted to ask you about a couple of dreams that I had. One of them, I was talking to some guy who was homeless, very poor, and I felt close to him. I was trying to feel the way he feels, and I felt him very emotional, very scared of life, disapproving of rich people or almost everybody else. I felt so sad that he doesn’t have something real, like separation or the ability to look at his life and have a different point of view. Was this significant? Was this a focus of mine?
DANIIL: And he was probably an emotional focus?
DANIIL: I was kind of getting his experience while trying to transfer mine to him, correct?
DANIIL: Another dream or fragment I remember was I was in a prison by myself, but I knew that this was a dream or something. It was an old prison. I was telling myself feel the walls, feel the energy deposits, feel the desperation that other people felt in that cell. What was this about?
ELIAS: This is also another focus.
DANIIL: That was in prison?
ELIAS: But it also is a type of exercise that you offer to yourself to be aware of different energies and to allow yourself to experience those energies and incorporate the ability to identify what those energies are expressing.
DANIIL: What is my fear of being emotional versus political focus, or being so okay with everything that is happening that I have no... Maybe it’s a control issue. In this focus of mine, somehow I like that I have some separation, where my emotions can go by me but I can step aside and make some suggestions to myself. But I think I have that fear of not having that ability, like being immersed in emotions and not being able to steer myself in life. I’m trying to open myself to other possibilities where that control is not necessary.
ELIAS: I am understanding. One element of it is control. Another element is an association that it is a weakness, that if you are expressing emotion to an extent that you perceive yourself to be immersed in it and not incorporating the ability to discern what the communication is but merely experiencing the emotion, that is also perceived as a weakness. Therefore, there is an aversion to that type of expression, for you want to perceive yourself as strong. But the element of control also influences that perception of weakness.
Whereas, in any emotional expression, you do experience the signal, which is the feeling, and as we discussed in our group interaction, it is significant and beneficial to not oppose what you are experiencing. The signal is generated for a reason. It may be quite subtle or it may be quite intense, but the intensity of the signal is also an indicator of the intensity of the communication. Therefore, it is signaling you that this is an important communication, and therefore, it generates that intensity.
It is not a matter of control and it is not a matter of opposing what you are feeling, but allowing yourself to feel that. As you allow, you actually dissipate the feeling, the signal, for it becomes more and more intensified as you fight with it. As you oppose it, it becomes louder, for it is gaining your attention. If you are opposing it, you are likely to not receive the message either, for your focus of your attention is upon the signal and pushing that away. Therefore, you are not concerning yourself with the communication; you are merely experiencing the signal – and that also is viewed by many individuals, not merely yourself, as a weakness.
DANIIL: Being a political focus, I will probably not lose that ability to step aside at some point. I will lose it for a moment but not...
ELIAS: Correct, correct. And in that, your perception of that type of action is associated with being politically focused, for that is not an action that you naturally do. If you perceive another individual that is expressing strongly emotionally, your perception of that individual is that they are losing themself in that emotion or in that feeling, and they are not necessarily. For if they are an emotionally focused individual, this is the manner in which they process information. Therefore, they do experience those emotions strongly, but that is also the manner in which they offer themselves information and process information. Therefore, they are not actually losing themselves in that emotion. (Both laugh)
DANIIL: One very brief episode that I was able to recall was I saw a middle-aged lady with some scars or whatever, and I told myself she’s a drug addict and I woke up. Is that again a focus of mine?
DANIIL: There is a constant theme in my dreams that I am able to recall of being in some type of school or college or university and being behind the group, not learning, and facing the fact that everybody moves ahead and I’m behind, and I don’t know what to do and sadness about it. What is this about?
ELIAS: This concerns how you consistently perceive yourself, that other individuals are offering themselves more information than are you, or that they are understanding information more accurately than are you, or that they are accomplishing more in their movement in shifting than are you. In this, it is an example, a repeated example, of comparing.
It is not a race. You are all shifting. Comparison is merely a discounting of yourself, that you are not adequate enough and that other individuals are more or perform more. But it also moves in the other direction at times, in which you compare yourself and other individuals are less.
DANIIL: Yes, indeed. (Laughs, and Elias chuckles) Do I have focuses in New Orleans?
DANIIL: Yesterday I noticed a homeless person, a young fellow. I noticed myself discounting him because he was homeless, and I wouldn’t look at his face. I saw his socks were a different color. As I was walking by, I told myself, “Here you go, you discount the person and didn’t even look at his face.” I looked at his face; he looked at me. There was some familiarity. He looked very vulnerable while being homeless. What was that? Was there a connection to him or just a message to me?
ELIAS: It was a significant message to yourself in that interaction, to be noticing and to be recognizing your automatic response to difference and how automatically you express those judgments and devalue the other individual as less than you in relation to their choice of how they express within their focus.
This is significant, for as we have discussed, in this time framework you are all addressing to differences within yourselves and in association with other individuals. This is one of your greatest challenges, to be genuinely allowing yourself to move into an acceptance of difference – not to discard your preferences or your opinions, but not to apply your opinions or your preferences to other individuals, knowing that they are your choices. But that is not to say that other individuals’ choices are bad; they merely may not be your preference.
DANIIL: Thank you.
NATASHA: I am so glad we have this session today. Actually, I was thinking even that the group session was so strong resonating with me, and I felt like it was personally directed at me because these were exactly the questions, even more specific than I thought, that would apply to problems that I have. And you are well aware of them, I guess?
NATASHA: I still don’t know what to do with it. I understand what you are talking about, but it is so hard to place yourself. Once you are in the situation where you already express what you feel, how do you get out of the situation?
ELIAS: Offer example.
NATASHA: (Sighs) Okay, I’m going to go for this example. I was already telling this to Rodney and guys at work, that I felt all this energy pent up in me, this conflict with another co-worker of mine, and it felt so good when I actually opened my mouth and just let it out a little bit. But with all this intensity that I had, I am hurting her, I am beginning to hurt myself, even though I was tolerating and trying to discount it, to put it aside, trying to sustain myself, trying to not automatically react, to hold my automatic reactions. But I probably didn’t do it right, because it was built up and then I let it out. What do I do in this situation?
ELIAS: Therefore, you generate one extreme and subsequently you generate the other extreme.
Now; this is precisely what we were discussing: opposing. First, you are opposing yourself, not listening to your own communications and not paying attention to what you are doing, stifling your energy, restricting your energy – and what have I expressed? You can hold energy temporarily, but eventually it will be expressed. You cannot contain it. It shall be expressed in some manner.
NATASHA: It felt good, actually, at the moment when I was expressing.
ELIAS: Yes, and the reason that you feel good is that you are releasing that energy you have been restricting. But HOW are you releasing that energy? And subsequent to that initial feel of good, what do you communicate? You offer yourself other signals, and now it does not feel good, and subsequently you move into questioning yourself or guilt or berating yourself for you should not have expressed in that manner. You generate this circle.
Now; in this, contrary to common beliefs that once what is done is done and there is no undoing, that is not entirely correct. The key is balance and to generate a cooperation, to, in your terms, honor your preferences and your opinions and what you want, but also allow yourself to generate a cooperation and an acceptance of the other individual’s difference. This is not to say that you must like it or agree with those differences, but agreement is not a requirement for acceptance.
In this, as you allow yourself to not oppose yourself, to not restrict yourself, in the moment you may allow yourself to discover an avenue in which you can generate a cooperation with the other individual but not acquiesce to the other individual.
Now; you have already created your sticky situation, and the other individual is disturbed, yes?
NATASHA: Yes, that’s true. So am I.
ELIAS: And you are also. Now you may share with the other individual your experience, what you view in your experience and share your disturbance, which acknowledges yourself and also acknowledges the other individual. It is not necessary to be generating apology but to express and acknowledge your disturbance also, and in that, you open a door of cooperation. You may discover that you may engage new communication with the other individual in a different manner in which together perhaps you may generate an expression of cooperation without discounting either of you and with recognition to both of your differences, that they are your differences.
NATASHA: But the funny thing is that when I see her acting this way, I see myself exaggerated probably. I see myself, because I see where she comes from. I really see, and I hate that. (Laughs) I see myself in that.
ELIAS: Yes, which is the point, the reflection from the other individual. But in sharing information with the other individual in relation to your experience, that allows for an understanding, and it also generates an avenue in which you move more into an expression of exposure of yourself.
NATASHA: Yes, and I don’t like it, exposing myself!
ELIAS: But what are you doing?
ELIAS: Yes, and the more that you express that, the more you shall dislike and the less freedom you allow yourself.
Let me express to you, my friend, you have generated considerable movement in the time framework that we have been engaging conversations. You have generated enormous leaps and have allowed yourself tremendous alterations within your focus and have allowed yourself much more freedom and have allowed yourself much more acceptance. This is another step. Do not stop yourself now.
NATASHA: Thanks, Elias. Thank you so much.
ELIAS: You are very welcome.
NATASHA: I have actually two more questions. The first one is my eyes are tearing. I know it’s a signal, but I’m not sure which one. Is it I’m clogging my perception? I’m clogging something that I shouldn’t, probably.
ELIAS: The tearing, yes, is partially a clouding, but it is also associated with restricting your energy and not allowing that relaxed free-flow of energy. You are restricting yourself and holding to your energy and not entirely paying attention to your own communications, or attempting to ignore your own communications, which is more frequent. In that, you are not generating this tension to the extent yet of weeping, but you are moving in that direction. It is a matter of tension and holding energy. That is a natural physical function of automatically naturally releasing energy.
NATASHA: I see, thanks. When I was about thirteen or fourteen years old, I finished the eight classes of regular school and I was going into technical school. At 2:00 A.M. in the morning, I stepped out on the balcony to have a cigarette, and then I saw a light in the sky. I thought first it was an airplane, but then it was acting so weirdly and had such a weird line as it was moving that I thought it was something else. I felt very excited, and as it was getting closer to me, I got scared. At that moment I felt and got scared, it started changing its direction and started going out of the sight of my vision. I’m curious what it was. It’s been so many years, and it was not haunting me but I was curious for so many years, and during the sessions I always forgot to ask about it.
ELIAS: A bleed-through of another physical reality. They occur. In actuality, they are more common than individuals choose to accept or believe, but it does occur. What you viewed did not belong in your physical reality – that what you would term to be alien.
NATASHA: I thought these were aliens, but I couldn’t believe it. I was trying to rationalize and come up with a suitable explanation. I couldn’t.
ELIAS: Ah. The suitable explanation is the alien! (All laugh)
NATASHA: Gosh, I have so many more questions, but then again we’ll have private sessions soon anyway.
ELIAS: Very well! We shall speak to each other again in what you term to be your near future, and I shall be greatly anticipating our interaction.
NATASHA: Thank you so much, Elias.
ELIAS: I express to both of you great friendship, and I offer my appreciation to you each. Remember playfulness! (Chuckles) In great lovingness to each of you, au revoir.
NATASHA: Au revoir.
Elias departs after 27 minutes.
© 2005 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.