Saturday, July 02, 2005
ďCreating a RelationshipĒ
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Ongelic (Emilia).
(Eliasí arrival time is 17 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good evening!
ONGELIC: How are you?
ELIAS: As always, and yourself?
ONGELIC: Good, thank you. You sound a lot different than I thought you would sound.
ELIAS: (Laughs) And what, pray tell, were you expecting?
ONGELIC: Iím not really sure. Itís just different.
ELIAS: And how shall we proceed?
ONGELIC: First of all, my nameís Ongelic, but I would like to know my essence name.
ELIAS: Essence name, Emilia, E-M-I-L-I-A.
ONGELIC: What about my essence family? ELIAS: And your impression?
ONGELIC: Iím thinking Sumafi.
ELIAS: Correct, and your impression as to your alignment?
ONGELIC: I wouldnít even have a clue, no idea whatsoever. I was only guessing with Sumafi!
ELIAS: Alignment, Milumet.
ONGELIC: Now, I have a friend and I want to ask for her as well. Her nameís Kiley. So, her essence name?
ELIAS: Essence name, Ogden, O-G-D-E-N.
ONGELIC: And her essence family?
ELIAS: And your impression?
ONGELIC: I donít know. We havenít even talked about this.
ELIAS: Essence family, Sumari; alignment, Ilda.
ONGELIC: Iíve got a question for Kiley, but Iíll ask that later on. Iíll just start with my own first.
Itís taken me quite a while to actually be able to speak to you. Itís been four attempts, and if Iím creating my own reality, I seem to have been creating something to block it each time. Even last week, I seemed to create a fire, and I donít know if that had anything to do with it. Do you have any words of encouragement on that?
ELIAS: And what is your assessment of what you have been generating?
ONGELIC: I think that there are probably questions that I want to ask that Iím a little bit afraid of the answers.
ELIAS: Correct, generating a nervousness and an apprehension in association with exposing yourself. Let me express to you, my friend, it is unnecessary to generate fear in association with myself, for there is no expression that you may present to myself that I shall hold in judgment, but shall be quite willing to explore different scenarios with you to offer you more of a clarity in relation to your concerns.
ONGELIC: Thank you. But the fire thingís so extreme. It was such an extreme thing. I thought at the time maybe it was to try and distract my attention away from the session.
ELIAS: Yes, and generating an intensity of equal measure to your apprehension.
ONGELIC: Gee! Thatís quite huge, because it was so scary.
ELIAS: I am understanding, and that is an indicator of the fear that you are generating within yourself Ė quite significant.
ONGELIC: Yes. Iíll get on to one of those questions, now that Iím a little bit apprehensive about asking or maybe about the actual answers.
ELIAS: Very well.
ONGELIC: As you would know, I have feelings for a gentleman who lives overseas. Iíve created this wonderful looking person, really lovely person, and I want to try to create more of a relationship with that person, who I donít even really know. I just wanted your words of encouragement on that and what I can actually do to proceed with that. Is that what I really want, or is that just something that Iíve created to block out everything else in relation to relationships? Iím not sure.
ELIAS: First of all, what do you perceive as your concern in relation to this situation?
ONGELIC: I have a concern that Iím not going to be able to create it. I also have a concern that Iím creating it to distract myself from the real issues.
ELIAS: And what do you perceive to be the real issue?
ONGELIC: The real issue that Iím afraid of relationships.
ELIAS: And what is your fear?
ONGELIC: Exposing myself, I guess. Being open, I think thatís what it is.
ELIAS: Yes, and what do you perceive is the potential if you are generating that openness or exposing?
ONGELIC: I think itís for hurt, for getting your heart ripped out, I guess. I think thatís why Iím doing it. Maybe non-acceptance or something like that.
ELIAS: What is it that YOU want?
ONGELIC: Well, I think I want a relationship with this person. Iíve created such a lovely person, like all the wonderful trimmings of a wonderful person to have a relationship with, or what Iíve created and what Iíve been able to see and generate. I think thatís what I want. But at the same time, Iím very comfortable where I am, and although I want all these other things, itís part of a huge leap for me.
ELIAS: Yes, I am understanding. But what I am inquiring of with you is an exploration of what you actually want and what you are generating that may become potential obstacles. In this, as we discuss together, you may generate more clarity as to what your actual preferences are and what your fears are in relation to what you want.
First of all, there is an element of doubt in association with your trust of your ability to genuinely create what you want, and there is an element of skepticism as to creating this relationship with this other individual that appears to you to be somewhat perfect. That triggers a skepticism within you, that once you actually physically encounter this individual, you may discover a different persona than what is being presented now. Therefore, there is an apprehension, for you have not engaged physical interaction with this individual. Therefore, there is an element of a potential disguise. Correct?
ELIAS: In this, you are also generating somewhat of a doubt of your own ability to create what you want in association with a romantic relationship, for you have not quite generated a clarity as to your actual preferences. Your attention has been focused upon the other individual. That is the element that also generates some facet of confusion within you in your evaluation of what you actually want, for thusly you evaluate what you have already created and what you already have, and whether you are comfortable with what you are creating now and questioning whether you actually want to be engaging a different direction. Correct?
ONGELIC: That last part about engaging a different direction, can you sort of explain that to me a little bit again?
ELIAS: Very well. In engaging a different direction, you generate different choices, and in that, there is an automatic association that you will require yourself to compromise, and in this, perhaps sacrifice some of the comfort that you experience now in exchange for a different direction involving a relationship with another individual, which potentially may require a different physical location or also potentially may involve differences in beliefs, differences in cultures, differences in behaviors Ė many different potential elements that are unfamiliar.
Therefore, that triggers a skepticism and an apprehension and a questioning of whether you are actually willing within yourself to generate this type of unfamiliarity and this type of different direction. Therefore, what you are attempting to seek within yourself is some sort of guarantee that if you proceed with this new direction in creating a romantic relationship that it will be a relationship that you assess to be fulfilling and worth the risk of the unfamiliar and worth the compromise.
Now; that in itself is your snare, for you are focusing your attention outside of you and anticipating many different potentials that may or may not occur. You are also focusing your attention in apprehension futurely, rather than continuing to be present now with yourself and therefore allowing yourself to generate more clarity as to what your preferences are and what you want more specifically.
You also are somewhat in a direction of either/or, black and white, not allowing yourself to view more of your choices. You either move forward, so to speak, with the creation of the relationship and anticipate all of the potentials that may occur, or you continue in the direction that you are now and you continue to generate the familiar within your environment.
Now; let me express to you first of all, neither of these choices is bad or wrong. Moving into the unfamiliar is one choice, continuing in the comfort of the familiar is another choice, and they are precisely that, they are merely choices. One is not better or worse than the other. It is more a matter of becoming familiar with your genuine preferences and what you actually want and being familiar with you and your automatic responses and automatic associations, for those are quite influencing.
Remember, any belief that you express incorporates many, many, many influences. Therein lies your freedom, for you may choose any influence that is more in keeping with your preferences, which allows you to objectively generate what you want. One significant element in this is that of compromise, which I shall express to you quite strongly is not necessary and is actually a discounting of yourself.
ONGELIC: So, are you saying that any relationship that I go into, compromise isnít necessary?
ELIAS: Yes, but that is an automatic association. It is an automatic response that is very familiar, to compromise with another individual.
Compromise is not the point. Compromise is an automatic discounting of yourself and also a discounting of the other individual. Therefore, it is unadvisable. But cooperation is powerful and very beneficial, and cooperation is quite different from compromise. It is not necessary for you to sacrifice in relation to creating a relationship with another individual. This is the reason that it is important that you be aware of what your preferences are and what you actually want.
For the most part, in association with relationships or the subject of relationships, generally speaking individuals automatically focus their attention upon the other individual and generate assessments within themselves of what they want from the other individual or what they want in relation to the other individual, which is a false want and sets into motion a tremendous potential for disappointment. For in focusing upon what you want from the other individual or in relation to the other individual, you begin to generate expectations. Expectations discount you and they discount the other individual, and they generally generate disappointment.
In this, it is important to pay attention to what YOU want to express, for that is actual want. That is not the false want. That is the real want: what you want to allow yourself to express in relation to interaction with another individual. You want to express your freedom, your affection, your appreciation, yourself, and share with another individual. The snare is created when you move your attention to the other individual and your attention is fixed upon how you want the other individual to respond. Are you understanding thus far?
ONGELIC: Yes. Iím also currently thinking about what he wants and then trying to, I guess, change myself.
ELIAS: Correct, which is not the point. That also is the beginnings of generating disappointment and not creating what you want. It is not a matter of acquiescing or compromising.
In generating a successful relationship with another individual, it is important that you allow yourself to express you in your own genuineness. It is important that you accept yourself and appreciate yourself. In that, if you generate that appreciation of yourself, that shall be the energy that you project outwardly, which that shall be what is reflected to you. It is unnecessary to acquiesce to another individual or to compromise.
Now; in cooperating with another individual, you may each incorporate some differences, which is quite natural, and in those differences, it is unnecessary for either individual to acquiesce or compromise themselves to accommodate the other individual. That limits your choices and also moves in opposition to your preferences, and therefore, you move in opposition to yourself, which generates conflict. But in allowing yourself to cooperate with the other individual, you discover other choices in which you each express your differences but are not threatened by those differences, and can generate different choices that, in your terms, honors both of your preferences. Are you understanding?
ELIAS: Initially, it may be somewhat challenging to recognize other choices, and initially, it may be somewhat challenging and even somewhat hazy, so to speak, or unclear as to what the action or the expression of cooperation actually is.
Now; I may offer you a clue in association with that. As you present differences to yourself between yourself and this individual, allow yourself to attempt to discover what the similarities are in the differences.
As an example, you may want one expression and hypothetically he may want a different expression. Your automatic response is to acquiesce and attempt to change yourself to fit what he wants. Rather than moving in that direction of acquiescing and attempting to change you, which is not very successful regardless, allow yourself to receive the information of the difference and allow yourself to evaluate what similarities there are within you and within the other individual. Perhaps the similarity is the strength in which a particular expression or quality is desired. Perhaps the similarity is the strength in how you value a particular quality or expression, or how strongly you hold to a particular quality or expression within your perception. Are you understanding?
ELIAS: Therefore, that allows you to move outside of the competition and the automatic response of acquiescing or altering, and allows you to generate an appreciation in some manner of the differences that you hold. Generating an appreciation in any manner, in any form, creates a very different energy and opens you to other possibilities and choices. You limit your choices if your concentration and your attention is focused upon what the other individual wants.
ONGELIC: So, say I decided that this is the path I wanted to take and this is the person that I wanted to be with. Regardless of having gotten to know them or whatever, I could go down that path if thatís what I chose and thatís what I decided I wanted, just by basically recognizing these things? What about the other individual? Because Iíve read things about the other individual... Itís me creating my reality, and itís not them creating their reality within my reality.
ELIAS: Correct. Therefore, this is the most important element, for you to be aware of you and your preferences and what you want, and for you to be allowing yourself your own freedom to express yourself, to express your sharing, to express your openness, to express your appreciation and your affection in the manner that you want to express it, not in the manner that another individual expects. If you are not generating expectations of the other individual, you present no threat in your energy in interacting with the other individual, which influences the other individual to reflect in kind.
ONGELIC: I think Iíve kind of had an experience of that with this person. We met a couple of years ago, and I was just very open and I wasnít expecting anything back from him. It was just such a great meeting, and it was just wonderful. I was open and loving and really wonderful, and his reaction to that was... I didnít have any expectations of how he should behave or anything, even though this had been going on with me for a long time, but there didnít seem to be any sort of him holding back as well.
ELIAS: Correct. But as you are aware, beliefs are strong, and that openness and that lack of expectation can change in a moment. For as you move more into the development of a relationship with another individual, you also incorporate more of a likeliness to begin to express influences of beliefs that are familiar and that are strong and have been expressed in patterns previously.
That is the significance of being aware of automatic responses, which, I acknowledge, initially is somewhat challenging, for automatic responses are precisely that, they are automatic. They require no thought, and generally speaking, they are not accompanied by any emotional communication. You merely act. You merely do. Subsequent to the act or the doing, you begin to recognize that you have incorporated an action that you are not necessarily comfortable with. For subsequently, as you continue to widen your awareness, you do offer yourself emotional communications with signals that express to you the identification that you are generating an action which is contrary to your preferences.
ONGELIC: I just want to get this clearer in my head. So, should I go down this path? So, Iíve decided that Iíll go down this path; I can generate this. He wouldnít necessarily have to generate that himself, would he? It would just be me?
ELIAS: Yes, but...
ONGELIC: It could be both of us.
ELIAS: Yes. Let me express to you, as I have previously with other individuals, generally speaking, in interactions with other individuals, you do not necessarily reconfigure the energy of the other individual. Therefore, in your interaction with another individual, you are receiving the other individualís energy and you are projecting that into actual imagery. You are creating the actual form of the other individual, you are creating the expression of the other individual, the behavior of the individual, but you are creating that in translation of what you have received as their projection of energy. Generally speaking, it is almost Ė not entirely, but almost Ė exact to what the other individual is projecting. Of course, there are always some elements that are somewhat different, for you are filtering their energy through your associations and your beliefs. Therefore, it is not precisely exact, what you project in imagery of the other individual, but it is expressed closely enough that whatever differences you generate in your translation shall be so slight that it matters not.
But the key in association with interacting with another individual, especially if you are generating a direction of creating a relationship, is that you be aware of what type of energy YOU are projecting, for whatever you are projecting, you shall reflect. You all do this automatically. You all reflect to each other what you receive from each other. Therefore, if you are projecting an energy that is devoid of expectation and is expressing appreciation of yourself and of the other individual, and if YOU are projecting an energy of freedom, you shall reflect that also to yourself in what you receive from the other individual.
The challenge arises in moments in which you present to yourself differences. For in that presentment, you, generally speaking, generate automatic responses, which, generally speaking, are black and white: either we move in the expression that you want or we move in the expression that I want, either/or. That generates competition, which also sets forth the expectation for compromise or acquiescing, rather than allowing yourselves to move into an expression of cooperation, acknowledging the differences and discovering other choices that are not compromising to either individual.
And I may express to you, my friend, you may quite successfully generate the relationship, but it is dependent upon you.
ONGELIC: I know! Thatís my issue. Itís just trying to keep the focus on me?
ONGELIC: Thatís the hard bit.
ELIAS: And being present with you.
ONGELIC: Could you explain being present?
ELIAS: Yes. You may be holding your attention in the now, and you may even somewhat focus your attention upon yourself in moments, but being present with yourself in the now, especially in association with other individuals, is that action of interacting with other individuals and paying attention to their energy and what they are expressing and how you are sharing in the interaction with the other individuals, but also being aware of all that you are doing in that interaction, being aware of how you are assessing whatever you are receiving from the other individual, being aware of what YOU are doing with your energy, what YOU are evaluating, what you are actually DOING in each moment, what you generate in responses, what influences are occurring within you. This is being present with yourself. It is an allowance of yourself to interact and share with other individuals, but not allowing that to distract you from your own presence, your own being, your own participation, your own existence.
I have expressed many times to individuals that, generally speaking, most individuals move through their day in the position of the copilot of their plane, and the position of the pilot is empty. Therefore, they move through their day generating actions that are so automatic that they are not paying attention to what they are actually doing. They are not even aware of their own presence, their own existence.
It becomes so automatic that when you notice your own existence and your own presence is when you are generating some type of strong emotional communication. Generally speaking, I may say to you when you are most aware of your presence, of yourself and your existence, is if you are offering yourself an emotional communication that is uncomfortable, if you are anxious or if you are sad or if you are depressed. These are emotional signals with emotional communications that trigger you to be present with yourself. You are aware of yourself; you are aware of your existence; you are aware of your own presence.
But many times within your day, if you are not offering yourself that type of an emotional communication, you are not necessarily aware of your own presence. You are not present with yourself. You are projecting futurely or pastly, or your attention is focused upon some outside element or upon another individual and their expressions or their behaviors, or a situation or a circumstance that is occurring within your environment physically. Which, the key is not to exclude all of these outside expressions, for they are all extensions of you, but to simultaneously be aware of your own presence with them. That is the challenge.
You are quite proficient at focusing your attention outside of yourself in relation to a situation or a circumstance or another individual to the point of the exclusion of yourself. You are familiar with focusing your attention so strongly upon some outside element that you become unaware objectively of yourself. Therefore, you are excluding yourself from your attention.
Conversely, it is unfamiliar and somewhat challenging to offer yourself that kind of focus of attention. Which, the point is not to focus your attention upon yourself to the exclusion of your world or to the exclusion of all that you create within your environment Ė that also is an extreme Ė but to generate a balance in which you are aware and present with yourself. You are aware of the now and you are also aware of your interactions and what you are creating within your individual environment. Which, as it is an unfamiliar action, it does somewhat require practice. (Laughs)
ONGELIC: The way I tend to do it, or try to do it, is to sit down and write at nighttime in a journal that Iíve got. I kind of look at what Iím generating and what I want, and sit down and try and figure things out. Is that a suitable way?
ELIAS: Yes. Also perhaps practice within your day of checking with yourself and questioning yourself in a moment. What am I doing in this moment? What am I experiencing in this moment? Where is my attention in this moment? Where is my presence with myself in this moment? And it may be expressed, literally, in a moment. But that shall offer you a practice that shall allow you to become more familiar with the action of being present with yourself.
ONGELIC: I think we just about need to wrap up. Itís only just one other thing that I wanted to ask. Sometimes when I go to bed at night and Iím half-asleep, half-awake, I seem to hear voices and things like that. Can you tell me what that is, or is that just my imagination or...?
ELIAS: Ah, let me express to you, imagination is another avenue of communication and is quite real. I may express to you, what you are hearing are other focuses of you.
ONGELIC: I thought so!
ELIAS: Which, if you allow yourself to generate an openness, you may actually generate more clarity with those voices and even continue within dream state to generate actual imagery of these other focuses.
ONGELIC: Well, that would be interesting. Maybe Iíll do that. (Elias laughs) Thank you very much, Elias. Is there anything else that you wanted to tell me or tell my friend, Kiley, before we go?
ELIAS: I shall extend an invitation to your friend to be engaging conversation with myself also. And I shall express to you, specifically, an encouragement, an encouragement in your direction and in your ability to genuinely create what you want in association with this relationship. You do incorporate the ability, my friend, and you do incorporate a potential to generate quite successfully. Merely allow yourself your own freedom. That is the most important. Acknowledge yourself and appreciate yourself, for you are definitely worthy of your own appreciation, and that shall be reflected to you.
ONGELIC: Thank you very much, Elias. Itís been lovely talking to you.
ELIAS: And you also, my dear friend. I shall be anticipating our next meeting.
ONGELIC: I feel it wonít take too long. I feel it wonít take four times.
ELIAS: (Laughs) Now that you have overcome your apprehension! In this, I offer to you great affection, and I shall be expressing my energy to you in playfulness.
ONGELIC: Thank you.
ELIAS: In great affection and appreciation, au revoir.
ONGELIC: Au revoir.
Elias departs after 57 minutes.
© 2005 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.