Sunday, July 23, 2005
ďBeing a Leader at WorkĒ
ďExercise: Relaxing by Connecting with a TreeĒ
ďExercise: Dealing with Demanding KidsĒ
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Alicia (Tisara).
(Eliasí arrival time is 15 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good day!
ALICIA: Hello, Elias! Itís so good to hear your voice again.
ELIAS: And you also!
ALICIA: Thank you. Well, you were right. We said last Saturday that weíd be talking again. I want you know that I have been doing the exercise that you asked me to do. (1)
ALICIA: And Iím going to continue to do it. I remember you said donít stop within a week, just do it for the fourteen days. I was joking to somebody that I might even to do it longer than fourteen days. I might get addicted to it. (Elias laughs) But what I noticed, which I thought was kind of interesting, is that Iím much more relaxed if at some point during the day, like if I do it in the morning when I first get up, I find Iím much more relaxed and Iím much less pushy with my energy and much less impatient.
ALICIA: Itís been an issue of mine, so I guess what Iím seeing or realizing is that there is a connection between my not feeling deserving and my impatience about things. I had never made that connection before, so that was very interesting.
ALICIA: I also thought that I would discount my appreciation, and I found that I didnít. In fact, I write them down. I looked over the list of how many I had and went wow, yeah! But then I had an automatic response, which I am sure is not too unusual for anybody else, and it was ďstop being so conceited!Ē (Elias laughs) I think that itís kind of drummed into our heads since weíre small that anytime we appreciate ourselves we find we are conceited. Itís something to overcome. But I will continue.
ELIAS: But as you continue to practice, that expression shall become less and less.
ALICIA: Yes. At least I noticed that it was an automatic response, so as you said, I just noticed it. I said, ďThere it is.Ē I donít try to do anything with it.
ALICIA: I feel like Iíve been wanting to talk to you since May. Thereís so much. I thought what I would do is maybe start out and ask some questions that would probably have briefer responses. Iím exploring some of my focuses. I would like to get your thoughts on whether Iím on track with what I feel, and then after that we could go into some longer discussions. It made a powerful impression on me when you said I have a lot of beliefs about my power and not being able to acquiesce. I see that as a huge issue for me, so I want to spend some time talking about that. Is that okay?
ELIAS: Very well.
ALICIA: I sort of feel like in my focuses I have a lot that maybe have to do with being underclass; then I have a lot that are more of the privileged class. I donít know if Iíd say royalty. But I have sort of extremes in that area.
ALICIA: I also feel like I have a focus of a small boy in present day Afghanistan.
ALICIA: When I was doing some relaxing, I also had a vision of being somewhere in Saudi Arabia, a male, and I was walking my camel in a huge expanse of sand.
ALICIA: A long time ago, I actually had an image of being a World War I soldier who was dying in a shallow pool of water, was shot.
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.
ALICIA: How about a female ruling class member in ancient China?
ALICIA: My goodness, Iím getting good at this! (Elias laughs) Okay, a past focus from the Aztec or Inca period?
ALICIA: Was that a connection of an image that I had a couple of weeks ago, where I felt like I was a male figure in an orange robe standing on some steps?
ALICIA: Was I some kind of religious figure or priest or something?
ALICIA: Iíve always had a fascination with the Salem witch-hunting period. Did I have any focuses then?
ALICIA: Any of them that were involved in being tried or being a part of the trials?
ALICIA: Oh! Was I one of the girls?
ALICIA: I was! Also, I had a bunch of dreams a few years back where I was in Italy. I wondered if I had any focuses that were part of the original Italian mafia.
ALICIA: Actually, I have become very close to Awan and Baruch, and Awan thought maybe that I was connected with Aragon or that there was a connection with Lucrezia Borgia. I canít remember her name now, so Iím probably no help there. I sort of feel like I have, since it was such a tremendous instantaneous connection, whether or not I have a lot of focuses with them.
ALICIA: Iíve had, I think you said, 931 focuses.
ALICIA: How many focuses have I shared with them? (Pause)
ALICIA: Did any of them have to do with being in Rome, ancient Rome or Greece?
ALICIA: You also said the last time I talked with you that I had been or I had focuses of friends and family with your focuses. You also said that at one point I was an adversary of yours.
ALICIA: So I have this feeling, I donít know whether or not itís accurate, that the adversary had to do with Oscar Wilde?
ALICIA: So I had more than one adversary of yours?
ALICIA: Aak! (Elias laughs) I donít understand. I like you so much, Elias. Whatís the matter with me? I also had an impression that I had a focus that was connected with your Beethoven focus and that I was somebody who had a crush on you.
ELIAS: That would not be a focus that actually generated interaction but...
ALICIA: I felt like it was unrequited on my part.
ELIAS: Yes, an admirer.
ALICIA: Am I at the Alterversity?
ALICIA: Baruch said he thought that I teacher involved with color.
ALICIA: And he felt my name was Sarina.
ALICIA: Wow. He also got an impression that one of the shared focuses we had was that I owned an inn and that we were married.
ALICIA: And it was between Italy and Switzerland?
ELIAS: Yes, in Italy.
ALICIA: My mother used to call me Mozart, so I was wondering if I had any connection with that figure.
ELIAS: Observing essence.
ALICIA: And Sarah Bernhardt? I was also called that a lot when I was young.
ALICIA: What about Louisa May Alcott? I sort of felt like there might be some kind of connection there.
ELIAS: You have shared other focuses with that individual.
ALICIA: How about Harpo Marx? I was reading his autobiography, and I just really felt incredibly drawn to it.
ELIAS: You have shared other focuses with that individual, also.
ALICIA: Iíve had dreams where I am performing in ďPeter Pan.Ē I wondered if I had any connections with J.M. Barrie.
ELIAS: No, but you do incorporate a focus that did perform in that play, but not as what you would term to be a famous actor.
ALICIA: I havenít exactly hit on any of my famous focuses, and I know we all have some. So, can you give me a hint, like a time period or something, or maybe what the person did?
ELIAS: I shall offer you a clue of sixteenth century Spain, and you may investigate.
ALICIA: I will. I like to investigate, actually. How many focuses have I shared with you?
ALICIA: I think I want to turn now to the topic of opposition. One thing I want to ask you is that I am exploring a job move. I have an interview this Wednesday, and itís for a manager position of a mental health organization. I thought this over and I think this is something I want, because I think that I have some leadership potential. I can visualize being a straight little sapling more in that job than in my current job. I also think it can offer me more opportunity to be shifting and to be observing myself.
However, there have also been moments when I thought to myself but what do I do about the traditional expectations that a manager must direct others? That goes against what youíve presented. I believe what you are saying, that it is not necessary to direct others. But just because I understand that and feel that way, it doesnít mean that everyone else does yet. The leadership at this agency is pretty traditional, so Iím wondering what is the best way to handle these traditional expectations and probable instructions of leading others, and at the same time be incorporating the things that you have talked about.
ELIAS: I am understanding. My suggestion is to be generating a cooperation with the other individuals that you shall be interacting with in relation to this employment. But also I may express to you, it is unnecessary to offer explanation or instruction to those individuals that you view or you associate to be your superiors in that employment. Once you establish yourself in your position, you may implement your employment in a manner that may be expressing sharing rather than directing, but shall appear to other individuals to be directing. Are you understanding?
ALICIA: Oh, Iím understanding completely. Thatís kind of what I was hoping for.
ELIAS: In this, this is matter of generating cooperation. For in actuality, you are not actually directing of other individuals but sharing experiences and information with them and allowing them to generate their choices but within the structure of the establishment. In expressing yourself confidently and in a trust of yourself, you express in manner that other individuals may translate as being directing or being an authority, which generates a cooperation with those individuals that expect you to generate that type of role. But the manner in which you implement your role is not actually dictating to other individuals but generating also a cooperation with them, sharing experiences and information that maybe encouraging and supportive to the other individuals to execute their tasks efficiently also.
ALICIA: I think I understand what you mean. Itís kinda what I was hoping, but I guess I was having some doubts on whether I could do that.
ELIAS: And yes, you can.
ALICIA: Yes, I can. (Elias laughs) One of the things I really like about the job is that when I met the person who would be supervising me, his name is Frank, I felt amazingly comfortable and very energized and very relaxed and accepted by him. In fact, I never said it before, but I got up from the interview I said, ďThis is a lot of fun.Ē I was wondering if that experience was because he and I had shared focuses, or is it that our energies were working so synergistically? Or is it something else?
ELIAS: Both of those identifications, and also your energy being expressed in a more relaxed manner.
ALICIA: But how did I get there? (Laughs) Typically, I donít walk into an interview with a relaxed energy. Iím usually nervous.
ELIAS: I am understanding. But you have been presenting yourself with more information, you have been paying attention more, you have been acknowledging yourself more, and that is changing your energy.
ALICIA: Thatís good to know. I was hoping that was the case. How many focuses have we shared, and have they all been mental health focuses or...?
ELIAS: No, different capacities of relationships. You have incorporated 26.
ALICIA: So heís an important person in my life?
ELIAS: That is dependent upon your direction and what you choose.
ALICIA: I knew that was what you were going to say. Iím getting the impression that heís soft orientation, political, Tumold aligned and either Sumafi or Sumari belonging.
ELIAS: Yes; Sumafi.
ALICIA: And his essence name?
ELIAS: Essence name, Veelo, V-E-E-L-O
ALICIA: Thank you. By the way, I have to say that I love my essence name. Itís one of the things that I thought to appreciate about me. It has sort of a regal tone to me. (Elias laughs)
Can we talk now about this belief I have about not having the power to not acquiesce? I think thatís huge for me. I think I need some help from you to kind of work that through.
ELIAS: Very well.
ALICIA: One of the things I made a connection about last week or the past week was that some of my issues with this have to do with my soft orientation. My fear is that if I stand up and disagree or say no and not acquiesce that Iíll be ostracized and abandoned and rejected. Since Iím soft and I love interaction with people so much, that holds me back. I think that if I wasnít soft, it wouldnít be as much of a problem. I was wondering if you had any ideas about how to obviously still be soft, because thatís what I am, but also be able to get past this belief I have?
ELIAS: First of all, let me express to you, I am understanding what you are expressing, and in responding, I am expressing this to you individually. For in actuality, this association is not connected to your orientation. It is not actually associated with the soft orientation, but YOU are generating an association with it, individually.
In this, you have, in similarity to other individuals of the soft orientation, generated an association to an extent of not fitting already, of being different, of not incorporating sameness with what you consider to be the majority. Therefore, that generates an association within yourself of difference of yourself and that that difference is not necessarily good. THAT is what you are associating with this situation of not acquiescing, that you already generate an association that you are different and that is somewhat unacceptable, and if you allow yourself to express yourself fully, that generates an additional association that you will be more unacceptable, and that generates a fear.
But you are generating considerable obstacles and blocks with yourself by creating this type of expression, by denying yourself and by continuously acquiescing to other individuals, and you generate the reverse of what you want. You merely perpetuate your own frustration and your own obstacles in not allowing yourself to accomplish what you want. Let me express to you also my friend, you are not being helpful to other individuals by acquiescing.
ALICIA: I need to hear that. You can say that about five billion times. (Elias laughs)
ELIAS: You are merely perpetuating different qualities and choices and behaviors in other individuals that you actually dislike. You are not responsible for other individualís choices. You are also not responsible for other individualís happinesses. You ARE responsible for your choices and for your own expression and your own happiness.
ALICIA: I think there is that responsibility that I struggle with. If do something that they like, well then, thatís good Ė which is making me responsible because Iím so connected to their response.
ELIAS: Correct, but that is not necessarily genuine. In acquiescing, you are generating an in-genuine expression. For in acquiescing, you are not necessarily generating an action that you want or prefer. You are discounting yourself to the point where you are no longer within your focus.
ALICIA: Where am I then? With their focuses?
ELIAS: You have disappeared yourself.
ALICIA: Oh! Thatís so true. Isnít that terrible? Thatís so true.
ELIAS: You are no longer acknowledging your own existence and your worth, for your attention and your direction and your action is entirely focused upon other individuals and what they want, and creating yourself in all of these twisting, bending, convoluted, contorted directions to accommodate.
ALICIA: I think I did that in my marriage. I eventually ended it last summer. Something got triggered in me that I had to stop this.
ELIAS: You are offering yourself new information and becoming more aware of you and moving in the direction of valuing you and being present with yourself and acknowledging your existence.
ALICIA: In fact, after I ended the marriage, thatís when I really stumbled upon all the Elias transcripts and got heavily involved. I think that somehow was subjectively a connection.
ELIAS: Yes. It is not an accident.
ALICIA: Have we had subjective interactions prior to this past March?
ALICIA: For how long?
ELIAS: Approximately two of your years.
ALICIA: From the time that I ended my marriage, or from this point today?
ELIAS: From this point.
ALICIA: But I donít remember.
ELIAS: But it matters not, for you have been interacting and you have been generating new choices and new directions in response.
ALICIA: Thereís a part of me that likes to think that yes, Iím shifting, and yes, Iím making movement. But thereís another part of me that sometimes feels that Iíve been standing still. I wondered if that is sort of a reflection of my Sumafi belonging?
ELIAS: No. This is your association of being so very familiar with discounting yourself. You ARE generating movement. You ARE shifting. You are widening your awareness. But it is very familiar to you to discount yourself.
ALICIA: Yes, it is. I was going to title the discussion we had in March ďThe Day I Quit Being My Own Worst Enemy.Ē (Elias chuckles) I think of myself as the queen of discounting, sometimes. Itís an incredibly powerful familiarity that I have. Is that just me and this focus I am presently viewing? Or is some of discounting a bleed through of other focuses?
ELIAS: Let me express to you, my friend, as I have to other individuals, whatever you chose and experience in this focus, if you are experiencing somewhat of an intensity of certain directions or experiences, you are also automatically drawing energy from other focuses that express similar. That is an action that you all incorporate.
What may be encouraging to you is that that action changes, and it changes in association with what you alter in your explorations and your experiences. Therefore, you may be generating new directions in which you are not discounting of yourself and you are acknowledging yourself, and you shall draw THAT type of energy from other focuses also.
This is the reason that this exercise that I express to you is important, to be interrupting that familiarity and that pattern of discounting yourself so frequently. This allows you to introduce a new energy to yourself, a new direction. In practicing that, you become more familiar with that, and the discounting shall eventually become less and less. In that lessening, it shall also become less familiar.
ALICIA: Thatís interesting that you say that, because actually one of my questions was going to be are there any focuses of mine that I can get in touch with that can help me be more powerful? But what I am hearing you say now is itís the other way around.
ALICIA: Darn! Then Iíll get more in touch with the more powerful focuses that Iíve had, as I, myself in this focus, become more powerful.
ELIAS: Correct, as you express that. But I may express to you also, you can access and interact with a future focus if you are so choosing, and allow yourself to draw upon the energy of a future focus that may be reinforcing to you in your movement now.
ALICIA: So a future focus, if I am able to connect with them, would be able to help my movement?
ELIAS: Yes. Offering supportive energy, yes.
ALICIA: Would that be Sarina? Or is there another future focus?
ALICIA: Can you give me a clue?
ELIAS: Merely listen to your impressions and allow yourself an openness, and it shall be presented.
ALICIA: In allowing myself openness, are you saying I can achieve that if I practice relaxing?
ALICIA: The relaxing is part of creating openness? Because there are times when I sort of get frustrated as I want to explore my focuses. I feel like I get these little snippets, but I certainly donít get the richness in terms of impressions that I desire.
ELIAS: The more you incorporate a relaxed energy, the more you shall allow yourself to connect. In this, also an openness is an expression of acknowledging, for you may be offering yourself information and immediately discounting it.
ALICIA: I do that! I am really surprised, because when I went through these focuses in terms of my impressions, so many of them you said, ďCorrect,Ē and I was like ooo!
ALICIA: Iíd better stop discounting myself, because my impressions are more accurate than I give myself credit for.
ALICIA: Since you were so good at giving me an exercise of appreciation, is there an exercise in terms of relaxing that could be helpful to me?
ELIAS: Perhaps. If you incorporate a time framework in which you engage a walk, at a point within your walk allow yourself to stop and sit beneath a tree. In that, as you sit beneath the tree, allow yourself a calmness in which momentarily you focus your attention upon each of your senses, connecting each of those senses with the tree. That may be expressed in a brief time framework. It is not necessary to incorporate a lengthy timeframe to be generating this connection with the tree, but allow yourself to experience and feel the energy of the tree.
ALICIA: I love that. The only thing is, I can get the idea of sound and visualization in the senses, but taste?
ELIAS: Yes. If you are connecting with the tree, you may actually incorporate the taste of the treeís lifeblood. Allow yourself to incorporate the actual feeling of the atmosphere upon your skin and how you are connecting with this tree, how the tree incorporates its atmosphere, how it sways with it, how it incorporates tremendous strength but also great flexibility, and is interconnected with all of its environment and not disturbed by any of it.
ALICIA: Iím going to do that. I love that exercise. Thank you very much, Elias.
ELIAS: You are quite welcome.
ALICIA: Speaking of that, as you were talking I was just remembering that I have this conflict, I think, about, as a person who councils people, really feeling that at some point in my life I would love to be part of the process of helping people understand what you are presenting. I really feel myself disengaging quite a bit from traditional psychotherapy. So much of what I hear you talk about reminds me of certain things, like having feelings and emotions as signals of communication or to just be noticing. I said that to many of my clients years ago: you donít have to do anything, just notice. But on the other hand, I sort of feel myself resisting, wanting to do this but resisting at the same time, because I sort of feel that I wonít do your information justice.
ELIAS: That is another discounting!
ALICIA: Oh, I know! (Elias laughs) I am the queen of discounting.
ELIAS: It is not a matter of doing justice to myself; it is a matter of expressing YOURSELF freely and allowing yourself to share information with other individuals. This is not MY information. It is yours! It is what YOU are creating and what you are drawing to yourself. I am merely your method of presenting information to yourself.
Therefore, in your terms, if you do justice to your own information with yourself, you shall also with other individuals. It is a matter of acknowledging your own creativity and your own passion in wanting to interact and share with other individuals in a manner that is beneficial and cooperative.
ALICIA: I have the capability and the power to do that?
ELIAS: Yes, you do.
ALICIA: I have to remember that. For so many years I didnít think I had any leadership capability, but something never felt really quite right in the jobs I had. It suddenly dawned on me that I really have more of a capacity to lead, be the example kind of role, than I ever gave myself credit for.
ALICIA: The other thing I wanted to talk about is my kids. Thatís the other thing that is really troubling me and I need some help with. Iím trying to figure out why it seems that all they want to do is fight with each other. I have four of them. Especially my oldest, Daniel, and my next to youngest, Teddy, are constantly at each other, either because of an issue of space or teasing or whatever. Sometimes the tension in the house gets to be too much. I also have some concerns about my son Daniel in terms of all he seems to want to do is lay around on the sofa and watch television and play Gamecube. I know itís not my job, but I do have a lot of concern about him in terms of doing something with his life and using his energy. Iím having problems with the idea of him being on the sofa all the time. I was wondering if you could help clarify some of these issues regarding the four of them.
ELIAS: First of all, I shall express another exercise. In this, for the incorporation of two more of your weeks, do not concentrate your attention upon these four individuals. Do not concern yourself with what they do or what they choose. Concern yourself with you. Pay attention to you, almost to the exclusion of paying attention to them.
ALICIA: Thatís going to be hard when they are screaming and yelling, saying, ďMom!Ē
ELIAS: And you may express that you are invisible.
ALICIA: I can say that to them?
ELIAS: You do not exist in this atmosphere any longer! Therefore, as you have not acknowledged your own existence previously, now you shall generate the reverse. You shall acknowledge your own existence to the exclusion of theirs, therefore creating the reverse expression of energy. Now you do not exist in their atmosphere. You exist in yours but not in theirs. For two of your weeks, practice this exercise.
ALICIA: For how long? Once a day?
ELIAS: NO. You no longer exist in that atmosphere from this moment!
ALICIA: Oh, I see. For like hundreds of hours?
ELIAS: For the entirety of...
ALICIA: The two weeks?
ALICIA: Do you recommend I get some earplugs?
ELIAS: (Laughs) If you are so choosing, or remove yourself from the environment, if you are so choosing Ė in any manner that you choose, but you no longer exist in that environment. You only exist in your own environment.
This shall accomplish many different actions. It interrupts your constant agitation and projection of that agitation in energy. It interrupts their expectation of your participation in their frustrations and agitations. It interrupts their rebellion against the energy that you project, dictating to them of what you want them to do or how you want them to behave.
There are many actions in energy that are occurring in your environment. You are all participating with each other in this environment, and you have established these roles and these behaviors as patterns. The point is to interrupt all of these patterns with one action.
ALICIA: Hereís a situation that I am thinking of. How do I handle feeding them, then? If they are invisible, then they have to feed themselves?
ELIAS: Correct. What you are generating in this exercise is being responsible for YOU, not being personally responsible for each of them. You are projecting an energy as an example for them to be responsible for each of themselves, rather than generating the expectation of you acquiescing and complying and interceding and fixing and directing with each of them. This is not your job. But you continuously perpetuate all of these circles and these interactions for you are continuously acquiescing.
ALICIA: I know that when you said that on Saturday about the fear of not having the power to acquiesce, I knew part of that was connected to my relationship with my kids.
ELIAS: Yes, quite strongly.
ALICIA: Yes, very, very strongly. And it was with my ex-husband.
ELIAS: Yes, I am aware. But now is the time for your acknowledgment of your power and your existence.
ALICIA: Now, if I am really struggling with being able to do this continuously for fourteen days, should I just acknowledge what I have been able to do?
ELIAS: Yes, and allow yourself to incorporate your exercise for relaxation, and in your terms, regroup yourself and begin again. Do not discount yourself. If you become overwhelmed, acknowledge that. Allow yourself to intentionally generate an action that shall allow you to relax, which shall be very helpful in re-establishing your center, your balance and the acknowledgment of your existence.
What is the challenge in this and what shall be the most difficult is for you to maintain your awareness of your existence without offering that over to the other individuals, in which you within you no longer exist but only exist in their environment. That shall be the most challenging for you, which is the reason that it is important, very important, that you actually physically remove yourself from the environment momentarily and move yourself into your exercise to relax and generate that balance of centeredness within yourself and re-establish your existence within you. That is ultimately the most important.
ALICIA: So, would it be okay for me to let them know, kind of give them a heads up that this is what I am going to do? I think if I just walked out of the house, that might freak them out. But if Iím saying Iím going to be doing this as a way to regroup and re-center...
ELIAS: In association with your relaxation?
ELIAS: You may; you may express quite briefly. It is not necessary for you to offer lengthy explanation. But you may express briefly, ďI am choosing to incorporate a walk. I shall return shortly.Ē It is not necessary that you justify yourself. In offering lengthy explanation as to what you are doing, that is a form of justifying yourself.
ALICIA: Which is a form of defense.
ELIAS: And also discounting. Therefore, do not incorporate that action. The point in all of these actions that we are discussing is to allow you to establish a connection with you and to become familiar with you and to discover your strengths.
ALICIA: Speaking of, I always had a curiosity in terms of Tisara in terms of fragmentation. Can you tell me who I am fragmented from? I donít know if I have said that correctly, but in terms of my origin?
ELIAS: I am understanding. Fragmented from Aktel, A-K-T-E-L (AK tuhl) and Lazlo and Twylah.
ALICIA: Thank you very much. The last question I have for you, Elias, until the next time we objectively talk, could you give the essence names of my children?
ELIAS: Very well. Offer each.
ELIAS: Essence name, Arrness, A-R-R-N-E-S-S.
ELIAS: Essence name, Kuda, K-U-D-A (COO duh).
ELIAS: Essence name, Giliene, G-I-L-I-E-N-E (gee LEAN).
ALICIA: And Connie?
ELIAS: Essence name, Rachel.
ALICIA: Rachel, R-A-CĖH-E-L?
ALICIA: Thank you so much, Elias!
ELIAS: You are quite welcome.
ALICIA: I love you.
ELIAS: And I you also, my friend. I express great energy of encouragement and supportiveness to you, and shall be in conjunction with your exercises, for I am aware of the challenge they may present.
ALICIA: So youíll be supporting me in my effort in doing this?
ALICIA: Thank you so much.
ELIAS: And I shall be expressing my encouragement for your successfulness. In great affection and appreciation, my friend, au revoir.
ALICIA: Au revoir.
Elias departs after 1 hour, 1 minute.
(1) The exercise was: ď...I shall offer to you a simple exercise that I am instructing of you to be incorporating within a time framework of two of your weeks. In this, within each day you shall express in different moments three different elements of yourself that you appreciate.Ē
Exercises: find out more about how to appreciate yourself.
© 2005 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.