Tuesday, August 02, 2005
ďWhat Is Paying Attention to Yourself?Ē
ďConflict in a RelationshipĒ
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Caroline (Tsen).
(Eliasí arrival time is 12 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good afternoon!
CAROLINE: Good afternoon, Elias! I hope you are fine.
ELIAS: As always!
CAROLINE: So, there have been some things I want to ask you again since the last time we spoke. I want to ask you some quick questions at first and then the complicated questions for last.
ELIAS: Very well.
CAROLINE: Is this my final focus?
ELIAS: And your impression?
CAROLINE: Oh, I donít know. I think not.
CAROLINE: I thought maybe because it was a difficult one that maybe it could be the last one, but no. (Elias chuckles)
I donít have any connections to my other focuses like other people that speak to you. Maybe you can tell me something about those other focuses of mine.
ELIAS: Very well, I shall offer you two that you may investigate yourself. But first let me express to you, it is not necessarily that you do not incorporate a connection to other focuses but perhaps that you are more focused in your attention in this focus, and therefore are not as inclined to be investigating other focuses, which is not bad.
CAROLINE: Iím just so curious!
CAROLINE: You mentioned last time I have five other focuses in this time framework right now...
CAROLINE: ...and I was wondering where they are or how they would be. Would it be possible just to know, would it be possible to meet another focus? What happens then? Would I recognize something?
ELIAS: Let me express to you, generally speaking, focuses within the same time framework do not generally objectively meet each other. It does occur on rare occasions, but generally speaking, this is not an action that occurs within the same time framework. For in that type of situation, it may easily threaten your individuality and identity. Generally speaking, also, in the rare occasions that two focuses of the same essence may encounter each other in the same time framework, they generally do not incorporate much of an interest in each other.
Now; that is not a rule, but for the most part, they generally do not generate what you would term to be an actual connection between them. There are some occasions in which that may occur, but as I have expressed, that is rare. Generally speaking, an individual such as yourself may incorporate an interest in discovering another focus in the same time framework, but may also be somewhat disappointed that the interest is not returned.
CAROLINE: That leads me to another question, because there was something strange that happened to me several years ago. Itís not all that strange, but to me it was strange. Let me explain a little bit how the situation was. I was alone and I went to another town, and in this town, they have a big festival, a music festival. I was there alone with nobody, no friends. The reason I went there was because I was in love with this guy. He didnít have any interest in me Ė I didnít know it at the time Ė but I thought this guy would be coming to it. So I was there and I had a really great day. There was like magic in the air; I canít explain it. I was there and I was alone Ė I was a little bit sad because I was alone and not with my friends Ė but it was warm and it was nice and I felt great. I donít know why.
I was up the hill a little bit, looking down the hill, and there was this band playing, my favorite band. When the band played my favorite song, I was looking down the hill and I was looking straight at the back of a guy in the middle of the crowd. I was just staring at this man. I thought oh, maybe itís him, the guy I was thinking of. Then I thought please turn around, so I can see if thatís him or not. As I was thinking that, he turned around and looked straight at me. I thought no, that canít be true, he must be looking at somebody else. I turned around, looking at the people, and I looked at him and he stared at me for a couple of seconds. Then he turned around, and I thought what was that? He even looked like the guy, looked like the person! But he was taller and I could see that he had different hair. Can you tell me what was happening there? Was that a real person or maybe... I donít know. (Laughs)
ELIAS: (Laughs) Yes, a real individual. Let me...
CAROLINE: Was that another focus that I saw, maybe?
ELIAS: Not another focus of you, but an individual that has shared many focuses with you, yes.
CAROLINE: Did he have the same feelings as me when he saw me? It was really like because I was thinking please turn around, he turned around and looked at me.
CAROLINE: But did he recognize that?
CAROLINE: Wow! Will I meet him again some day?
ELIAS: It is a possibility.
CAROLINE: He was good looking!
ELIAS: It is curious at times how surprised you may be, as individuals within your reality, at your own power and your own connection with other individuals, and how you may be projecting energy to another individual and the other individual shall respond if the energy is directed clearly enough and strongly enough Ė which in that moment, it was.
CAROLINE: Within that moment Ė thatís right. Thatís why I felt there was this magic all day long. I donít know! (Laughs with Elias)
How many focuses do I have in this dimension in total?
ELIAS: Eight hundred twenty-seven.
CAROLINE: Oh gosh! So many!
So, my daughter Emilyís essence name is Carolina, and you told me the last time. Is her essence a fragmentation of my essence?
ELIAS: No, but she does incorporate a similar tone.
CAROLINE: Now let me go to the maybe difficult questions. You tell everybody to pay attention to themselves and keep your attention to the here and the now and to yourself. I tried that, believe me! But I found out itís almost impossible to keep your attention on yourself. Maybe you can do that for a couple of seconds, and then itís gone. (Laughs) It comes back in the evening when you go to bed and you think of your day, and then, ďOh, right, I forgot to pay attention to myself!Ē So itís not really working.
When Iím having fights with my boyfriend, you told me to pay attention to myself. I found out that when weíre having a fight and heís arguing and Iím shouting back or things going on like that and I remind myself ďpay attention to this now,Ē I recognize that heís saying something and Iím directly reacting frustrated. Iím recognizing that because Iím paying attention at the moment, but Iím not able to alter my perception. But thatís what should happen; thatís what you said. So, Iím paying attention to it at that moment and itís not doing anything.
ELIAS: I am understanding. I may express to you that you have somewhat misunderstood what I have expressed to you, which is not unusual. Individuals generally incorporate information in black and white terms, and therefore, the initial assessment of paying attention to yourself incorporates a meaning that you assess as being if you are paying attention to yourself, you are not paying attention to any outside element or situation, which is...
CAROLINE: I think thatís what Iím supposed to do: Iím paying attention to myself. I feel like Iím aware what Iím feeling, what Iím thinking, but Iím also paying attention to the other individual.
CAROLINE: All the same at that moment, right?
ELIAS: Yes, correct. That is the action. But in that, as you are generating a situation such as you have expressed, it is an action that moves farther than merely being aware of yourself in that moment, but also generating an evaluation of what is actually occurring. What are you reacting to? What is triggering within you that is generating this reaction, and what are you doing in the moment that is creating the scenario? This is the reason...
CAROLINE: I am frustrated; thatís my thing. I recognize that. Iím very frustrated.
ELIAS: Very well. Offer an actual example, and we shall explore it.
CAROLINE: My boyfriend, I donít know how it starts, but somehow we were having a conflict and heís getting somehow... Letís see, whatís the word? Not angry, angry is too much. I have a situation in my mind and itís hard to explain. Heís saying something stupid, heís being stupid with me, heís acting like Iím stupid and that makes me mad too. So Iím shouting back, and one thing comes to another.
ELIAS: And what is he expressing to you that is suggesting that you are stupid?
CAROLINE: ďYou silly cow!Ē for example.
ELIAS: And how do you interpret that as stupid?
CAROLINE: Because itís out of the action. I want him to explain. Iím asking him something about my medicine that I wanted to take because I have a cold. Thereís two different kinds. Iím holding up one and Iím just asking him how many do I have to take and is this for day or at nighttime. And heís saying, ďOh, give it to me. I donít know if you have the right ones,Ē but I already had the right ones. I say, ďJust tell me, is it for the day or for the night?Ē and heís saying, ďYou silly cow, give me the damned thing. I have to look and see if you have the right ones!Ē I already have the right ones. Thereís always a misunderstanding.
ELIAS: Ah, very well.
CAROLINE: Iím getting frustrated because he doesnít get it that I already get it!
ELIAS: Let us examine this scenario. What prompts you to generate the question initially? If you already know that you are possessing the correct medication, what motivates you to pose the question to him?
CAROLINE: I just asked him if I have to take these during the day or are they for the night. But I had the right medication; he just didnít know that.
CAROLINE: It was a misunderstanding.
ELIAS: But what motivated you to pose the question?
CAROLINE: To pose the day or night question?
CAROLINE: Because I didnít know if I had to take them in the daytime or the nighttime, because it was his medicine. It wasnít mine.
ELIAS: Ah. And what motivated you to engage THAT action, of incorporating his medication?
CAROLINE: Because I didnít have any other medications here! I have a bad cold right now, and I felt really sick. I have pain in my throat and my throat hurt a lot. I remembered that he had this stuff here because he often has that problem, so I wanted to take his medication. I took two bottles out of the box, and I looked at both and thought this one is aspirin, itís just for headaches, and this other stuff is for flu.
ELIAS: Very well, very well. What I am enquiring of you, the reason I am posing these questions to you is to prompt you to view what you did that creates this type of a scenario in which you set yourself forth to the other individual as less than or knowing less than. You choose actions that set yourself into this type of scenario. But subsequently, you become frustrated and distressed, for he is reflecting what you have already set forth in energy. You have already set forth in energy a discounting of yourself that you are less knowledgeable than the other individual. That is the projection of energy that you are expressing, and subsequently, that becomes reflected to you, but you become irritated and frustrated with the reflection.
This is the point of paying attention to you. Not paying attention merely to what is occurring Ė that is one aspect of it Ė but in what you are doing. In paying attention to what is occurring, that offers you information as to what you are doing in other manners also. The physical expression is merely the surface expression. That is merely the indicator to be evaluating what other actions you are incorporating that are motivating you to generate certain types of energy that you are projecting.
Other individuals reflect what you project. Therefore, if you are engaged in a conflict with another individual, that is your indicator that some action is being generated within you that is creating this scenario.
CAROLINE: I understand that, but I didnít know Ė and maybe this is a good example Ė at that moment, I was asking him if it was taken for day or for nighttime. I didnít know at that moment that I was really frustrated or anything like that. Maybe I was frustrated because I was sick but...
ELIAS: No, no. You are not understanding the point. It is not a matter of recognizing that you were frustrated initially, for you were not. The point is how you initiate your projection of energy and what motivates that. The frustration ensues subsequently. But initially, it is not a matter of you being frustrated; it is a matter of paying attention to what you are actually doing.
In that moment, you are experiencing discomfort. You choose to incorporate medication to somewhat alleviate the discomfort, correct?
CAROLINE: Yes, right.
ELIAS: Now; the choice of the medication is the base, for you chose to incorporate the other individualís medication rather than choosing to generate some type of medication yourself. You chose to incorporate the medication that he possesses in...
CAROLINE: I donít think itís the problem of the medication here, because we have one box with all our medications. Itís not really his or mine, because we both bought it and we both take it, or I buy aspirin and he takes it...
ELIAS: I am understanding, but you are not listening. Allow me to continue. In this, it is not a matter of who purchased the medication. It is a matter of whose medication is more strongly associated and what that generates within you. For if the medication is more associated with the other individual, it becomes an underlying association of possession, which that generates an automatic association within you that he incorporates more information concerning it than you do. Therefore, you are already automatically discounting yourself and your knowledge of your own choice. Therefore, you approach the other individual and request information, but the energy that you are projecting in that request is already discounting yourself.
CAROLINE: Okay, wait a minute. If I asked this same question but I am not generating this energy, then he would have responded normally. Am I getting that right?
CAROLINE: So itís not a matter of medicine or the matter that I asked him that question, itís a matter of projecting this energy.
ELIAS: Yes, that you are already discounting yourself. You are already generating an association automatically that the other individual knows more or is more able than yourself.
CAROLINE: Is this the same problem as other conflicts with him, with the same individual? Am I doing the same thing?
ELIAS: Many times, yes.
CAROLINE: Yes, I think so. So, how can I change this? Now youíre going to say pay more attention to yourself, right?
ELIAS: Let me express to you, what you may practice is to be appreciating of yourself and acknowledging of yourself. Within your day as you incorporate all of your mundane actions, allow yourself to appreciate how you accomplish any action that you generate and allow yourself several times within your day to generate some type of appreciation for yourself. It matters not what it is, but it is important that you allow yourself to generate some type of appreciation.
In this, also notice each time you begin to feel or experience defensiveness. In that, I express the suggestion that you not merely notice but also actually note each time you begin to experience defensiveness, for defensiveness is opposing. Therefore, each time you experience or feel defensive, you are also projecting an energy of opposition. You are shielding, which does not allow for receiving. You are opposing, and in that, you generate the atmosphere for conflict.
Now; in this, do not attempt to alter what you are feeling Ė merely acknowledge that and note it. Once you have become more familiar with how often you generate this defensiveness and once you are more recognizing of it, we may subsequently move into an evaluation of what triggers that defensiveness, what you are doing within yourself, what automatic associations are you generating, what are you denying or discounting within yourself that generates this automatic response of defense.
CAROLINE: I have an idea what it could be. At the moment, Iím not very satisfied with my life and I feel I am denying my choices, but I donít know how I could get to these choices. Iím denying my choice of making all of my creative things that I want to do and itís hard to say. Itís a situation, Iím really... Iím like trapped in this apartment here far away from where I lived before. Years ago, I moved away from a place where I lived with a lot of friends. I had friends, I had my apartment, I had my job, I had my little car, I was independent, and I had a really fun life. Then I moved together with my boyfriend and went to another town. That was three years ago, and since then I felt like Iím trapped. Iíve lost the car; Iíve lost the job; I donít have any money; I donít have friends. My boyfriend is working all the time, and if heís not working and heís here, weíre having conflicts so Iím happy when heís working. All I have is my little daughter right now.
ELIAS: I am understanding.
Now; in this, let me express to you that it is a matter of practicing and altering what you are doing and how you are perceiving yourself in increments. I may express to you, this scenario may not necessarily altar immediately but some elements of it shall. It is dependent upon you.
This exercise of appreciation and acknowledgment of yourself shall begin to altar some elements of your situation immediately. But as you continue to practice that, that also shall more and more alter the scenario and the situation which you are creating. The exercise of noting how often you are expressing this defensiveness shall also be quite enlightening and shall also serve to alter your perception and what type of energy you are projecting, which shall actually alter your reality.
These are steps. They are exercises and actions that you can incorporate now, in this day, that shall begin to turn what you are creating. The most important factor is that you have become very familiar with discounting yourself and not trusting yourself and generating disappointment with yourself, and therefore generating disappointment with the rest of your environment also, all of your directions.
You seek comfort and solace with the small one but are not generating that gentleness and nurturing with yourself. Therefore, you continue to create this environment in which you are expressing continuous disappointment and frustration and anxiety. The manner in which you alter that is, yes, to be paying attention to yourself, but also to be implementing action, action that shall influence your perception and therefore change your perception. For changing your perception changes your reality, for it is what creates your reality.
Now; in this, you have become quite unfamiliar any longer with acknowledging yourself or appreciating...
CAROLINE: I had that. I donít know how I could lose it!
ELIAS: In generating choices that are not based upon you, generating choices in association with holding your attention consistently outside of yourself and generating choices that are generally compromising or acquiescing to your partner.
You have allowed yourself to occupy your attention with your partner more than you, and therefore, the choices, the expressions, the behaviors, the wants, the likes, the dislikes of your partner have become more of your attention then your own. That generates an automatic response to be compromising and to be acquiescing, and in that, you discount yourself.
It is not a matter of compromise in a relationship with another individual. It is a matter of cooperation. But you have forgotten cooperation and have, in a manner of speaking, replaced that with acquiescing and compromise. Compromise is always a discounting of yourself and also a discounting of the other individual.
In this, in your terms what you have lost Ė which you have not actually lost, you have merely forgotten Ė is your attention to you and allowing your choices, your preferences, your wants, your likes, your dislikes, in equal measure and as importantly and as valued as his.
CAROLINE: I would like to listen to you more and more and more, but my timeís already over and my babyís crying.
ELIAS: Very well, my dear friend.
CAROLINE: Thank you so much, and one quick question...
CAROLINE: Was that you at the airport in Dallas?
CAROLINE: (Laughs) Yes! What did you say?
ELIAS: I was merely projecting an energy to you to remind you that I am always with you.
CAROLINE: That was so cute, because you said, ďSmile, itís going to be okay,Ē right? This guy walked by me and said that to me. That was really cute. I was wondering, because today the phone was ringing two times, and yesterday too and the day before, too, but nobody was there. Was that your energy, too?
ELIAS: Also reminding you to pay attention to your own communications, yes.
CAROLINE: Cool! Go on! (Laughs) Thank you very much for the conversation with you.
ELIAS: I express great appreciation and affection to you, my friend. I shall be anticipating our next meeting, and I shall be projecting my energy to you in encouragement. Remember your playfulness. (Laughs) It is a passion within you. Allow yourself to express your own passion. In great friendship to you and in tremendous lovingness, au revoir.
Elias departs after 40 minutes.
© 2005 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.