Monday, September 20, 1999
“Parental Responsibility Issues”
“Convoluting the Concept of Orientation”
Participants: Mary (Michael), Elisabeth (Sebastia), Gerhard (Doro), and also present, James (Kashel), Vicki (Lawrence), Vivien (Miriam).
Elias arrives at 12:11 PM. (Arrival time is 26 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good day!
ELISABETH: Hello, Elias.
ELIAS: (Chuckling) We meet again, and you may proceed with your inquiries.
ELISABETH: First of all, we want to know our orientations. (Pause)
ELIAS: Both holding the orientation of common.
ELISABETH: So, I have much trouble with my son, so I have questions about this. I see now that he is not able to live on his own because he’s creating some, I don’t know, psychotic problems. He’s living in our flat, and I want to know what I should do, how I could help ... I don’t know. It’s creating much problems for me. I’ve always hoped that he would get rid of this problem.
ELIAS: In this subject matter, I shall address to both of you.
Let us begin in addressing to the issue of personal responsibility and the aspects of the belief system of relationships.
In this belief system, there are aspects which influence you and serve as a catalyst, so to speak, in reinforcing a personal responsibility issue with respect to this individual, for you align your energy with the aspect of this belief system concerning your role as a parent.
In this, the aspect suggests to you that you hold a responsibility to this individual, and partially that you co-create the reality with him, for him. Therefore, as this is very affecting underlyingly, it is also very influencing of much of your interaction with this individual.
In like manner, this individual, your son, aligns with the same aspect of the belief system in the reverse, for he also views that you hold a responsibility to him. Therefore, you both are creating a reality with the same underlying aspect of the belief system.
In this, you are moving in harmony with each other, but this is creating objectively of conflict, for within the mass belief systems of which you align – and you also – at a point within what you view to be the growth process of children, there is held an expectation that you create a break-point. In this, you, in your perception, ALLOW the child to become independent – these are all quite purposeful words – and in allowing the child to become independent, you also allow, in your perception, the child to be creating their reality from that point.
But your trust in their ability to be creating their reality – for obviously they are newly venturing into this expression of creating their reality at this break-point – your trust of their ability wavers, and you hold doubtfulness that they may be creating their reality efficiently or adequately without your helpfulness and without your guiding, for you have aligned with the role and the responsibility of guiding and co-creating of a reality with this child for many of your years, and therefore it is quite familiar within your experience.
Now; what I express to you is that in reality, this child has been creating his reality quite efficiently and independently from the moment of manifestation within this physical dimension. Regardless of your beliefs, each of you is creating of every element of your reality from the moment you choose to be engaging physical focus. There is no break-point in which you begin to be creating your reality individually and independently of your parents. You have been creating this action from the moment you have engaged physical reality.
Now; in addressing to these aspects of the belief system, be remembering of our discussion of yestereve.
In this, I have stated to you that you view, within your perception, that reality is not an element that you create, but that creates you. In like manner, you turn your attention and you create a twist in this perception, and although you do not believe you are creating your reality, you DO believe that you are creating other individuals’ realities.
Therefore, as you look to your children, you believe that you hold responsibility with these children and that you are creating their reality for them, and as they express in the manner in which they choose, this may be conflicting with what you want and what you assess that they SHOULD be creating, for you hold a direction, within your perception, and you are creating their reality. Therefore, it should be proceeding in the manner that you are creating, not in the manner that they are creating ... for they are not creating their reality. (With a droll smile)
Your son also views, as I have stated, that you hold a responsibility to him – and wishes to be expressing his individual freedom in creating his reality – but also holds an expectation in relation to you, that you shall be holding his hand in this creating of his reality and you shall be guiding him.
What is occurring in this situation is that this offers him permission within himself to not assume responsibility for his creations, for you shall assume the responsibility for his creations. Therefore, it becomes quite unbalanced, for he holds no responsibility and you hold all of the responsibility, in your perceptions.
Therefore, you battle within yourself, and worry and become concerned and create anxiety in your expressions, for you may not view how you may be accomplishing creating his reality for him more efficiently, and what I am expressing to you is that you may not create his reality at all. You may not even be influencing objectively of his reality without his participation, without his agreement. He holds the choice to not be receiving of your helpfulness objectively, and this moves us to the point of turning your attention to self.
In this situation, you three participate in a circle. You project energy to your son. Your son projects energy to you, and to you. You project energy to your partner and to the son, and you project energy to your partner, and the three of you participate in this movement of wants and expectations, and you are focusing your attentions upon each other, and you are diverting your attentions from self, and concentrating your attention objectively on the expectations that you hold of each other.
But this also becomes confused, for in this projection of expectations of each other, you also begin to create expectations of yourselves, for as you bump the wall of each other’s energy fields and you realize that you may not necessarily be affecting and that your expectations of the other individuals may not necessarily be accomplished – for it is each individual’s choice in what they are creating – you turn your attention to self and you turn your expectations to self and you express to yourself that you are not creating efficiently, that you are not moving in an adequate manner, that you may be expressing yourselves objectively better. It is not a situation of better.
I express to you that you shall allow yourselves to be moving into much less of an expression of conflict and participation in the perpetuation of conflict – which circles between the three of you – if each of you are turning your attentions, not to each other but to self individually, and recognizing that you each are participating in this circle of projecting energy and the expressions of expectations.
This is very influencing of your behavior, and your behavior is very influencing of what you project and what you allow yourselves to be receiving in energy, for your behavior is quite intentional. As you project energy in certain behaviors objectively, you create this quite intentionally to be receiving certain payoffs. You do not create behaviors if you do not hold an expectation of the payoff.
Now; in this, as you continue within the conflict, your payoff is a continuation of interaction. The fear which underlies this behavior is the expression of fear that the interaction shall cease. Therefore, conflicting interaction is more acceptable than discontinued interaction.
Ideally, within your thought process, you continue to hit the wall. You continue to project the expectation that as you continue within your interaction, the other individual will CHANGE their interaction with you, and their behavior. This continues to create a motivation to be continuing in your behavior, and in the perpetuation of this circle, your frustration continues to motivate you also, in receiving your payoff of merely the interaction.
I have stated many times previously that within physical focus, individuals engage conflict many times quite purposefully and intentionally, although you express to yourselves objectively that you wish not to be creating conflict and that you hold confusion, and you are questioning of yourselves, “Why, why, why am I continuing within this expression of creating this conflict?” I have expressed also many times, view your motivation. Turn your attention to self and inquire within yourself, what is your payoff?
(To Elisabeth) You ARE receiving a payoff in this situation.
(To Gerhard) You receive a payoff also, for this affords you objectively the ability to be expressing what you identify within your beliefs of relationship – supportiveness to your partner, nurturing to your partner – and you project expectations to the son also, that he should be holding responsibility for self and should be objectively expressing this. This also affords you the expression – with justification – to be protective of your partner.
This is an expression of an aspect of the belief system of sexuality. You identify through your gender, and that this holds certain types of expressions that are natural to your gender, and therefore you are fulfilling your role within your officially accepted reality. I express to you both, these are aspects of belief systems. Your role is what you choose your role to be. It is not an absolute; that you have created a physical form within a specific gender is not an absolute dictation to you that you must be creating certain behaviors in alignment with the gender.
Your gender is merely a physical body form and function. It is a choice of physical manifestation, but you surround this expression of choice of gender with many identifications of roles, and these are aspects of the belief systems that you have created.
Now; I am not expressing to you that these are not quite real, for within your reality, they are officially accepted and they ARE quite real. This IS your reality. I am merely offering you information that may express to you that you hold other choices, that these are not absolutes. You DO hold choices.
You are not locked to your role, as what you identify as a mother, merely for the reason that you have given birth, so to speak, to this individual. As I have expressed previously, your agreement in this action is merely to offer an entering avenue physically to another manifestation of essence into physical reality. This is all. All that you project beyond that agreement and that action are aspects of your belief systems, in which you place yourselves in certain roles and dictate to yourselves certain behaviors.
Be recognizing, I am not discounting the reality of these beliefs and how very affecting they are, and I hold no expectation that merely for the reason that I am expressing this to you this day, that you shall disengage this discussion with myself and you shall immediately return to your son and you shall immediately express with no conflict to yourself and to him and to your partner, “I hold no responsibility for you or your choices. You create your reality, and you are creating it efficiently and perfectly, and I have no conflict in this situation.” This is ludicrous. These are very strong belief systems, and I hold an awareness of the reality and the strength of these belief systems. I merely offer you information, that you may allow yourselves to view that you hold more choices than you allow yourselves to objectively view.
Many times, as you allow yourself to view what is motivating your perpetuation of your conflict and as you allow yourself to view what YOU are creating, not concerning yourselves with what each other is creating but what YOU are creating and how you are participating in this scenario and what your payoff is in this scenario, you may allow yourselves to stop momentarily – in like manner to our discussion of yesterday – and you may allow yourselves the opportunity to view your expression of your behaviors and your interactions with these other individuals, reminding yourselves to not be concerning yourselves with how the other individuals are creating their reality, but to be turning your attention to what YOU are creating.
I also hold an awareness of the difficulty in this type of situation, for as you continue to be interactive with another individual, they shall continue to be expressing. They shall continue their behavior.
This may be difficult in distracting you within your attention, and the difficulty appears in your individual movement of not allowing this distraction. (With emphasis)
You each also hold a subjective awareness, and in part an objective awareness, of each other’s energy fields and the strength that each of you holds in energy.
In this, individuals recognize many times if you are not paying attention to their expressions, and you shall notice their movement in physical proximity closer and closer to you physically. They shall move their physical body closer to you in their interaction. Their tone of vocal quality shall raise. This is quite purposeful, for this is an intensity of projecting energy through your energy fields, and in this, you become more forceful, with the expectation that this shall penetrate another individual’s energy field more efficiently, and many times it shall. (1)
For many times, as one individual objectively is projecting their energy quite directly and strongly and intensely to you, your automatic response, in conjunction with your belief systems of your responsibility, shall be to retreat within your energy and to hold within your energy and to be holding your energy closely to yourself, and as I have expressed, as you create this type of action, you are allowing the penetration.
You view this to be reverse. You view that as you are holding to your energy, no other energy may penetrate, and you create an expression of protection and you view yourselves to be shielding yourselves. But your attention is diverted, and therefore you DO allow penetration.
If you are relaxing your energy, if you are allowing your attention to be within self and you are NOT occupying your attention with the expression of the other individual but holding your attention within self and YOUR expressions, you allow your energy field to relax, and it automatically creates the very shield that you seek, and it automatically allows you the ability to bounce the projected energy away.
What I am expressing to you in this “holding to your energy” in the expression of shielding yourself ... as I say to you that your attention is diverted, it is, for it is focused in the direction of the other individual. You are no longer viewing your participation. You are no longer holding your attention objectively to self or to your participation. You are concentrating and holding your attention in the expression of the other individual. Therefore, to you each, I express, turn your attentions to self. Recognize your individual expectations and how that is influencing of each of your behaviors.
(To Elisabeth) You hold expectations of your son.
(To Gerhard) You hold expectations of this individual. You also hold expectation of your partner in how she shall be creating her interaction with her son.
And listen to this language that we engage presently – “your son.” Hear this expression of this language that you have created within your officially accepted reality, and you all agree in this expression.
I engage this also, for your identification of what I am expressing to you, but this individual is not your possession. This individual holds his own integrity and his own choice of manifestation and does not belong to you.
You have not created this individual, but within the role of a mother, another aspect of this belief system is that you HAVE created this individual. This individual has not created himself. You have given birth to this individual. Therefore, you have created him.
This be the reason also that you very easily move yourself into the perception that this individual is not creating of his reality, for he is a creation of yours, in like manner to a painting or a song. It is not creating of its reality. You have created its reality, for you have created it. Even within a painting or a song, it holds its own reality. You may participate in its manifestation within a physical form. You may facilitate aspects of its manifestation in solidness of physical reality, but it also holds consciousness. It is creating its reality itself.
You may view the strength of these beliefs, for you view them to be absolutes. If you are drawing a circle upon a paper, your belief is absolute that you have created that, and it holds no creation of itself. You have participated in creating it, but once expressed, it also participates in creating itself.
As to individuals, you are viewing the physical manifestation and expression of essence manifest into physical reality. You are not creating of this. You are creating of your own individual expression of this manifestation, and they are creating of theirs in like manner to yourself.
It is NOT your responsibility to be creating another individual’s reality. It IS your responsibility to be creating YOUR reality.
Are you understanding?
ELISABETH: Yes ... but not really! (Laughing)
GERHARD: I think that accepting self, and the next step, being able to accept other people, is very important, and also, I think this is somehow in my projects. I want to be able to live accepting myself and others, but I do not really know where I stand, how much I am accepting of myself, which is obviously a necessary step to improve.
ELIAS: First of all, it is not an expression of improvement.
Each time you express this to yourself or to other individuals, you are in actuality creating an invalidation of yourself, a discounting of yourself, for if [you are expressing that] there is any element that you need be creating in improvement or betterment within your reality, you are also expressing that there is some element of your reality which is not adequate yet.
Now; objectively, you offer yourselves information, imagery, and expressions continuously – within every moment of your day, within every moment of your focus in this physical dimension, through all of your expressions – of “where you stand,” so to speak. (Smiling)
You are continuously offering yourself objective expressions and identifications of your movement and of your measure, in your terms, of your acceptance and your lack of acceptance of self.
Each time you are projecting an expectation to self or to any other individual, you are offering yourself the opportunity to view an area of lack of acceptance within self, for expectations are projected as a mirror of what you view you are lacking.
This may assume many forms, many different disguises, many different elements of camouflage, for you may be quite objectively convincing yourself that you hold no expectation, and you may quite efficiently express to yourselves that you are quite accepting of self – it is merely another individual that you are not accepting of.
Each time you are not accepting of any expression of another individual or circumstance, you may assure yourself that you are offering yourself an objective opportunity to view another area within yourself that you are not accepting. This is your objective outward projection of energy to mirror to you these areas that you are not accepting within self, and you camouflage these expressions in nobility and in helpfulness and in compassion and understanding and in many, many, many other expressions.
Now; I am not expressing to you that there are not genuine expressions of compassion, but they are quite different from what you automatically create. You may hold compassion for a situation or for other individuals or for any element within your reality, and you also may be expressing acceptance ... WITHOUT EXPECTATION.
Therefore, in your question and in your assessment of self, and in your exploration of self in your sojourn into acceptance of self, you may be reminding yourself that you are continuously offering yourself within every moment expressions of your beliefs, and your beliefs are also expressions of your measure of your acceptance and your lack of acceptance of yourself. As we spoke yesterday, in a manner of speaking, your acceptance of self is almost a prerequisite to your acceptance of any other element of your reality.
I have stated many, many times to individuals, and I shall repeat presently: in turning your attention to the acceptance of self, you create automatic byproducts in acceptance of other individuals, in acceptance of aspects of beliefs. They are automatic byproducts and may be quite accomplished quite effortlessly with no thought process, with no objective concentration or meditation or ritual. (Grinning)
You shall allow yourselves an automatic expression of acceptance of aspects of belief systems and of other individuals as you are allowing yourselves to be accepting of SELF.
You all mirror to each other. Therefore, the areas that you hold in a lack of acceptance with self, you mirror to each other. You are continuously offering yourselves this interaction with all other individuals that you engage objectively. This is ongoing within your physical reality. You are continuously offering yourself objective imagery and information in mirror actions in what you create within your individual expressions, in what you create within your behavior, in your thought processes, in your emotional expressions, and how you assess and define your emotional expressions.
These are all objective manifestations that are continuously offering you information and the opportunity to view all of the expressions of lack of acceptance of self, and in like manner, they also offer you the opportunity to view the areas in which you ARE accepting of self, and as I have engaged discussion with Lawrence yesterday, this may be quite efficient for you at times within this step two of identifying, which you are participating both within presently in this very situation of this circle that you are expressing to myself.
This offers you an opportunity to hold within, and stop momentarily. Turn your attention to an area in which you have offered yourselves an acceptance of self. Allow yourself to be acknowledging of certain areas of yourself in which there is no expectation and no judgment and no justification, but is genuinely accepted, and allow yourself a reinforcement of that acceptance, which also serves in helpfulness to yourselves, in that reinforcement, to motivate you into new areas of acceptance. (Pause)
GERHARD: Thank you.
ELIAS: You are very welcome. (30-second pause)
ELISABETH: Can you tell me the orientation and family of my son, and his essence name? (Pause)
ELIAS: Essence name, Marjoum; M-A-R-J-O-U-M. (mar-jor’-um) Essence family, Vold; alignment Sumari. This individual holds the orientation of common in this focus.
Let me also offer to you briefly, in these discussions that we have engaged recently concerning orientation and the interaction of individuals in conjunction with orientation, many individuals have turned their attention within these aspects of belief systems, and in their confusion are merely moving in circles, figuratively speaking, presently, in a tremendous expression of confusion objectively with respect to this subject matter, and many, many individuals are experiencing a tremendous expression of convolutedness presently.
In this, I have stated that each orientation holds its own individual language and that there may be objective difficulties in translations and understanding between different expressions of orientation. Many individuals have convoluted this concept, for presently it remains a concept with each of you and not necessarily reality.
Many individuals have created a thought process in identifying within their perceptions that if you are engaging other individuals that hold the same orientation as yourself, that all of your interaction shall proceed smoothly and without conflict, and that you shall move through your focus engaging intimate relationships with each other, and you shall not be creating of confusion or conflict, for you are speaking the same language.
But horrors! that you may engage another individual holding a different orientation, for you absolutely shall not be speaking the same language, and therefore you shall create much conflict and much confusion and you are doomed, especially in the manifestation of intimate relationships of any type.
Now; I am expressing to you, in this moment, all three of you that participate in this circle presently hold the same orientation. You all speak the same language, so to speak. Not one of you holds a different orientation, but you participate in beliefs that are very strong and very affecting within your objective creations and reality.
Therefore, it matters not that you are speaking the same language or that you are holding the same orientation. This is not a key that you shall not engage conflict merely for the reason that you hold the same orientation.
In like manner, the engagement of different orientations together may introduce difficulties – shall introduce difficulties – for this is how you have created your reality in this physical dimension. You shall be speaking different languages and you shall be creating translations in your communications and your interactions, but this is not say that you may not efficiently and quite effectively engage relationships and accomplish them in what you term to be quite positively.
This may serve as an example to other individuals also that occupy their thought processes presently with much confusion in the area of orientations and what these orientations shall or shall not dictate within your reality in your interactions with each other.
ELISABETH: I have this belief system that I am a mother and I have to help my son, but I don’t want to have this situation I have now, but I cannot force myself to say, “You leave my apartment.” It’s too much for me, and I cannot do it. But I cannot do this either, so ... I don’t know. (Expressing much frustration)
ELIAS: And this is the point. This is what I am addressing to with you this day and expressing to you. The expression of offering communication to your son in the direction of creating choices for him is NOT the point. What I am expressing to you is to be turning your attention. Do not be concerning yourself with his creation, with his behavior, with what he shall or shall not do, so to speak, but be turning your attention to self and how YOU shall be choosing to be participating or not participating, and offering to yourself your evaluation of what offers YOU no conflict – not what is offering him no conflict, but what is offering YOU no conflict.
You may be continuing within physical proximity. You may continue to be occupying the same flat, and your participation may turn in your interaction and you may be creating of your reality quite differently. In the acceptance of self and in turning your attention to self, and not holding your attention upon his reality and what he is creating but what YOU are creating and what YOU are participating within, you may alter your reality quite dramatically, even in continuation in occupying the same physical location, the same flat.
Your choices are your choices. His choices are his choices. You need not be creating a “meeting of the minds,” in your physical terms. This is unnecessary. It is unnecessary also for you to be creating of your “middle ground.” You may not necessarily be in agreement to be creating a middle ground, and in this, it matters not. You may continue to be creating your reality in your least conflict scenario and within addressing to self, and he may continue to be creating what he is creating. It is not a situation of what you should or should not be doing in relation to him.
Think of our analogy of the buffer.
In this, as I have stated previously, it matters not the expression of another individual. It matters not the projection of energy of another individual. Think to yourselves of my interaction within this forum of a group of individuals, which you are privy to through the transcriptions of these sessions.
Previously, with a group of individuals, I participated in offering the analogy of this buffer, and in this, I offered the expression of the action of the participation of projection and the incorporation of this buffer. (reference #302, 7/26/98)
Now; I shall express to you each that in that projection of my energy within that time framework objectively, the individuals participating in that forum in that moment GASPED. Each of them, not anticipating the thrust of my energy within that moment, created a retreat and an automatic holding to their energy, and I express to you each that you may view that each of these individual’s energy fields became quite thin about them and was quite retracted to their physical form, vibrating, (vibrating his voice and grinning) and this offered a very efficient example.
(Firmly) It matters not what is being projected. I may project energy quite strongly to you, and you may perceive this to be quite offensive. This is the point. This is the point that you turn your attention to self, for your perception is creating of your reality. If your perception of my projection is offensive, if your definition within your perception of my projection – or of any individual’s projection of energy – is that it is offensive or hurtful, you shall automatically hold to your energy, and what I am expressing to you is that the point is your perception.
It matters not what another individual chooses to be creating within their reality and what they are projecting in energy to you. What shall matter, in your terms, is how you choose to be perceiving of this and how you choose to be receiving of that energy and your recognition that you hold choices, that it matters not the energy that another individual shall project. This does not dictate to you how you shall receive or how you shall perceive. You hold the choice.
Therefore, do not be concerning yourself with questions of, shall you request that your son leave your flat or continue to reside within your flat? Turn your attention to yourself and your perception and your allowance of your receiving of the energy that is being projected, and THIS shall create differences within your objective reality, for you shall create differences within your perception, and this shall be affecting of your creation of conflict.
ELISABETH: Thank you.
ELIAS: You are quite welcome.
For this day, I express to you that you may be assimilating this information which has been offered to this point, for I intend not to be overwhelming of you both within an objective time framework.
Therefore, allow yourselves to be assimilating what we have been discussing, and I shall be anticipating our continuation of objective engagement within your holiday! (Grinning)
To you both presently, au revoir.
ELISABETH: Au revoir.
Elias departs at 1:30 PM.
(1) This sentence – “In this, individuals recognize many times if you are not paying attention to their expressions, and you shall notice their movement in physical proximity closer and closer to you physically.” – was originally stated as such: “In this, individuals recognize many times that if you are not paying attention to their expressions, you shall notice their movement in physical proximity closer and closer to you physically.”
© 1999 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.