Thursday, August 03, 2000
“The Objective/Subjective Soft Thingy”
“Creating Intimate Relationships”
“A Matter of Life and Death”
“The Challenge of Soft”
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Daryl (Ashrah).
Elias arrives at 4:00 p.m. (Arrival time is 18 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good afternoon!
DARYL: Hello there! (Elias chuckles) I’m back again for more! (Laughing)
ELIAS: Very well! (Chuckling)
DARYL: The last time, we were talking about acceptance of self and orientation, and I wanted to continue talking about those areas. We also talked about how I sensed a difference between myself and other people, and I want to explore especially the area of I guess what you would call emotional qualities, and also the area of relationships.
Because I realized last year, when we were talking about duplicity and you asked me what it was that was so very unacceptable about me, that it was that I wanted to interact with people, and it’s not just the interaction – it’s a certain kind of quality of interaction that I want. I feel very strongly that it’s something that is considered unacceptable in me and that other people don’t want, and I feel like I’m bad for wanting it, and for wanting as much of it as I do. A lot of it has to do with terms of intensity, rather than being something that nobody else wants, but I don’t know how to explain that exactly.
In terms of the emotional part, (sighing) especially if I look at models of what’s considered socially appropriate or psychologically healthy, I’m constantly giving messages back to myself that I’m too emotional and I’m too expressive of my emotions, and I don’t control them well enough, and that I’m too intense as an individual, both by myself and in a relationship.
In relationships, I want intimacy in friendships – I’m talking about emotional intimacy – as well as with a partner, and a certain quality of inwardness and sharing of what’s going on inside, and what I would call an openness between the people involved in the relationship, and I feel like the degree to which I want this ... it has really been an area of unacceptance with me, and I’d like to address that. I think some of it, at least, has to do with orientation, and possibly being emotionally focused.
One other area is, I like a lot of similarity between myself and a partner, so we can share as many experiences as possible, and have perceptions that are similar enough to allow a lot of communication and sharing, but not identical, and I wonder if that has to do with the mirror thing that we were talking about last time.
So that’s about it, for what I want to say for now! (Laughing)
ELIAS: (Chuckling) Very well. (Pause)
First of all, you are in actuality identifying influences of several different mass belief systems.
You are also identifying some aspects of yourself – in what you wish to be creating in relationships, in recognizing your natural expressions and your want in the allowance for those expressions – and in this, you are confusing some information which has been offered in relation to orientations with your own expressions and the influencing beliefs in relation to perception.
Now; in addressing to these subjects, let me express to you first of all, many, many, many individuals – in actuality, MOST individuals – move in a type of direction, in association with the subject matter of relationships, of wanting to be creating relationships with other individuals that express similarities to themselves.
Now; in that identification, each individual may express to themselves, and even to other individuals, many justifications for why they wish to be creating a relationship with other individuals in the expressions of similarities.
Many of these identifications are camouflages. They are directly associated with the individual’s belief systems, which are affecting of their perception, and in most situations, the belief systems that are being expressed may also be coupled with aspects of the belief system of duplicity, which creates the defining expression, within the individual’s perception, of their own trust and assessment of worth of themselves.
This is projected outwardly in the designation of expectations that the individual associates with the criteria of what shall be created in their design of an acceptable relationship with another individual.
Now; in this, each individual moves in an expression of allowance for SOME differences between themself and the expressions of another individual, but in actuality, there is not an allowance for tremendous differences. You wish there to be only few areas of expression that may be exhibited differently.
Now; you have also expressed the inquiry as to the identification of mirroring which occurs in association with orientation, of which you are referring to the orientation that you hold [of soft].
For I have expressed information concerning this particular orientation, and the mirror action that occurs between individuals that choose to be creating a relationship in intimacy holding this same orientation, which for the most part, although not entirely, this particular orientation exhibits this type of expression more intensely and more often than the other two orientations.
You are, in actuality, Ashrah, expressing MANY questions in your direction....
DARYL: Well, I didn’t know how to separate them, because I knew there was stuff mixed in together, but I know part of it has to do with orientation, and all of it seems to have to do with acceptance of self right now with me.
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct. This is the one common element of all of these beliefs and their motivational factor in relation to perception.
Now; in movement into a relationship with another individual in any form of intimacy, what in actuality creates the most efficient free flow of energy – in what you commonly, objectively, physically term to be a working situation of relationship between individuals – is the expression of acceptance of self within each of the participating individuals. The expression of a lack of acceptance of self in any area, so to speak, shall present itself in objective manner within the design of the relationship.
Now; let me express to you, there are individuals that create relationships with other individuals and may be quite unaccepting of self, and may also create an outward exhibition of behavior that may surfacely, in a manner of speaking, sustain the continuation of the relationship. But they shall not achieve the intimacy that they seek or the expression of joyfulness that is desired in the design of the relationship, for the energy is projected in concentration to the camouflage rather than the opening of self, in relation to an exchange of energy with another individual.
Your conflicts with other individuals arise from your own expression of a lack of acceptance within self.
Now; let me also express to you that there are individuals throughout your planet that may express enough of a difference in personality type that each individual may not necessarily experience an objective draw to the other individual.
I am not expressing to you that your beliefs are the only factor, in the design of intimate relationships, that are influencing of whether you shall allow yourself to be moving freely in that type of a relationship or not, for there are other factors.
And you are correct – orientation may be another factor that may be valuable in consideration, in creating intimacy in a relationship with another individual.
(Firmly) Although once again, I shall caution you – as I have with other individuals previously – not to be moving your thought process in the direction of assessing that if you are not holding the same orientation as another individual, that you may not be creating a relationship with that individual in an expression of intimacy, for this is incorrect.
You may experience some aspects of difficulty or struggling in your movement to be creating a translation of communications or languages, but it is not impossible to be accomplishing that action, and even creating an expression of intimacy with another individual speaking another language, figuratively speaking, of another orientation, and create this intimacy in ongoing fashion and continue in that creation throughout much time framework of your focuses.
As I have stated, there are many elements of involvement, so to speak, in this subject matter.
As to yourself individually, and holding your attention with you.... (Pause, taking a deep breath, almost sighing)
Let me express to you, you may be allowing yourself interaction with another individual of the same orientation as yourself.
In this action, the underlying movement of your language, so to speak, the design of your perceptions, shall be very similar, and therefore, this creates an underlying ease in your movement together, and provides a type of underlying motivation to be continuing in movement together.
I may also express to you that holding this particular orientation creates a certain expression of what you may term to be “dynamic” between individuals. This is the mirror action aspect of the combination.
In this, both individuals are creating their movement, so to speak, subjectively and objectively simultaneously, therefore also creating inwardly and outwardly. Both individuals shall express holding their attention not merely outside of themselves in objective manner, but may also express an intensity of focusing their attention upon self.
Now; as you are aware, in focusing your attention upon self and creating this subjective movement, and allowing the subjective awareness to be more closely associated with the objective awareness, in objective terms, this becomes quite confusing, and you yourself may be misinterpreting what you are creating. It also may lend energy to your own perpetuation of issues, and of certain beliefs that you hold quite strongly.
In this, as you involve yourself with another individual holding the same orientation, they create a very similar action. This may at times become frustrating to the participating individuals.
Now; I am not discouraging movement into interaction between two individuals holding the orientation of soft.
I am merely providing you with information, that you may allow yourself to objectively understand and recognize that you are not necessarily creating obstacles in this type of relationship, but more, you are creating an interaction of intensity of mirroring that may move you, through your own allowance individually, into a motivation of allowing yourself to become more open and more familiar with self, or it may motivate you in the expression of not wishing to be participating in that type of intensity.
Now; I shall also express to you, as you involve the elements of emotionally focused and the intensity of emotions that may be expressed, coupled with the intensity of experience expressed through the soft orientation, (chuckling, and Daryl laughs) you may also be creating challenges.
This be the reason that I am continuously expressing to you to focus your attention upon self, allowing yourself to become familiar with you, with your natural expressions, with your natural flow of energy, with your natural intensity of emotional expressions.
In this, as you allow yourself the familiarity with self and you allow yourself an expression of acceptance of self, you also create less of what you may term to be a likelihood or a potential of moving yourself into negative duplicitous expressions in which you are discounting of self.
This is the element of the involvement of the subjective awareness. Your subjective awareness is not immune to your belief systems. It moves in harmony with your objective awareness.
In this, the subjective awareness may be continuing to hold to the expressions of your beliefs and may be continuing to influence your perception, simultaneous to your objective awareness attempting to be moving in a different type of expression.
Now; let me also clarify, there is no hidden element. The subjective awareness is not sabotaging you or any other individual, and is not hidden. For regardless of your thoughts within your objective awareness and the movement that you may create in relation to your thoughts, your behavior and your automatic responses shall be a mirror expression of your subjective attention and movement. Therefore, they ARE exhibited objectively.
Now; you do not always pay attention to the automatic responses or to your own behaviors, for many times, you are occupying your objective attention outside of self.
This is the element that becomes challenging in the expression of individuals holding the orientation of soft. For you question yourselves, but as you identify that your attention is moving outside of self, you allow more of an extreme in turning your attention back to self, so to speak, with the influence of the negative aspects of duplicity, discounting of yourselves or reinforcing what is familiar to you. Now....
DARYL: You mean like I go outside and find things that reinforce the duplicity, and then put it back in, sort of?
ELIAS: Within the expressions of the relationship.
You may be interactive with another individual and they may be presenting a mirror action to you, and you shall create an automatic response in simultaneously projecting energy to the other individual as a protection, so to speak, of self, therefore moving into the expression of offensive in relation to the other individual, and simultaneously creating a defensive action within you, and turning your attention in the expression of discounting of yourself.
There are two actions that occur simultaneously, consistently.
This differs from the actions which are created by individuals holding the orientation of common or intermediate many times, although as I have stated, it is not a rule. Therefore, at times, individuals of these other two orientations may create a similar action. But for the most part, they may be expressing interaction with another individual, and may not necessarily move in this type of dual simultaneous response that you shall respond within.
As you interact with another individual holding this orientation of soft, they also shall be creating the same action. This may become quite confusing at times to you both.
DARYL: So, I do that no matter what the orientation of the other person that I’m interacting with is.
DARYL: But then when there’s two of us who are both soft, we’re both doing it.
ELIAS: Yes, which creates another aspect of confusion within the interaction and within the relationship, so to speak.
Now; this once again is the importance of familiarizing yourself with self and allowing yourself the expression of acceptance within self, for this offers you a type of foothold, so to speak; or figuratively speaking, an anchor within self.
DARYL: I’m still kinda confused about what you’re talking about. Could you use an example of that action to help me understand it? (Pause) Or repeat it again? Because I....
ELIAS: Of the interaction between two individuals holding the orientation of soft?
DARYL: No, just the one person, like what I always do in terms of responding to what the other person is doing.
ELIAS: Very well. (Pause)
I shall express to you a hypothetical situation in which you may be interactive with another individual, and that individual may be in disagreement with yourself in relation to any particular subject.
It matters not what the subject matter may be. Let us express that you are engaging within disagreement of a particular subject matter.
You may initially be expressing within yourself an ease in this exchange, and it may not be concerning to you, within your perception, that the other individual is not in agreement with you concerning the subject matter.
Now; your interaction may move slightly, and an exchange may occur in which you perceive the other individual to be expressing in not merely a disagreement with yourself, but also in slight criticism of your position, so to speak, in relation to the subject matter.
Now; identify to me, what is instantaneously occurring within your reality in that moment? (Pause)
DARYL: I’m having trouble hearing. Can you hear me? (Daryl is fading in and out here)
Two actions shall simultaneously occur. One, you shall project energy outwardly, in response to the other individual, in defense of yourself in an objective manner. You shall also create an automatic association of indignation, in part, that the other individual may be in disagreement with you, and may be even moving in the expression of critical. You shall also simultaneously create an action within you of doubt and questioning.
DARYL: Okay. I’m not sure if this is the same thing that I have identified in myself, like when I disagree with someone, and I feel like I desert myself and join their side.
ELIAS: Many times, this is the same type of expression of which I am speaking of.
DARYL: Okay, because it really complicates trying to (sighing) know what I believe....
ELIAS: Quite, and this is the point.
DARYL: Like I lose my footing or something.
ELIAS: And this is the point.
DARYL: Okay, now I do understand what you’re talking about.
ELIAS: This is merely a different expression of camouflage for the same action, in which you are expressing the doubt of self, and you are moving into an objective expression in relation to the other individual. That expression may be offered in a reluctant compliance or it may be offered in an offensive. It matters not. They are the same movement. They are merely objectively camouflaged in different manners.
DARYL: Now, within acceptance of self, there’s a different action that goes on?
ELIAS: Yes. In this, as you allow yourself the foothold in your acceptance of self, what you create is a quieting of the automatic response being translated into an objective manner from the subjective awareness.
Your automatic response within you – of discounting self or doubting self, and creating your alteration of your opinion, so to speak, in this type of example, and moving your expression into compliance with another individual’s expression – this is an objective display of behavior, which is the mirror of the subjective movement.
Are you understanding?
ELIAS: As I have stated....
DARYL: What I’m doing with the other person is reflecting what I’m doing inside myself.
As I have stated, your subjective movement is not hidden from you. It is merely expressed in different manners, not necessarily in thought. It may be expressed in automatic responses. It may be expressed in actions, in behaviors. It may be expressed in emotion. It may not be expressed in emotion. You may be creating emotional responses in similar manner to your thought responses, which may be the objective action, and the subjective action shall be mirrored through your automatic responses and your behaviors; actions, so to speak.
Now; in this, as you create your acceptance of self and you create this foothold, so to speak, within self, you also reduce the objective automatic response in discounting of self.
DARYL: Will it change the way things are? Because I’m aware of this going on with myself, and I also then discount myself because it goes on! (Laughing)
ELIAS: Correct, and you create this circle and you perpetuate, for you are continuously moving within this circle.
DARYL: It’s like I have a pretty shaky relationship with myself and concept of self, and it seems that it really plays in with that, and leaves me with even less of a sense of self.
ELIAS: And this is the reason that we continue to address to the movement in the action of acceptance of self.
DARYL: Is this a natural expression? I mean, in itself, apart from whatever else is going on with me?
ELIAS: Yes, in a manner of speaking. It is an automatic expression.
DARYL: Automatic; okay. (Sighing, and a pause)
ELIAS: Now; let me also express to you, many, many, many times, individuals of this orientation, yourself also, may be accomplishing this movement, in the action of acceptance of self initially, with some element of more of an ease as they allow themselves to be interactive with other individuals.
Just as you and I have spoken of acceptance and of fear and of trust, and I have expressed to you that I shall continue to be interactive with you and offering to you the expression of acceptance, that you may familiarize yourself with that energy to the point that you may allow yourself to be expressing this to self, this also moves beneficially in interaction between individuals within your physical focus. You may be creating a very similar type of action with another individual, and it may be quite beneficial.
Many individuals holding the orientation of soft, in creating what you identify as a physical isolation of self, confuse themselves, for they are confusing the objective and subjective movements that are occurring, and create a very similar type of action that you are creating in this circle of perpetuation.
But as they allow themselves to be interactive with other individuals, they may also allow themselves a temporary gleaning of acceptance from the other individual, which lends an expression of energy to your own action in this manner.
Are you understanding?
DARYL: I believe so. (Sighing) How do I accomplish that instead of repeating the pattern? I’m automatically creating this if there’s a lack of acceptance from the other individual, correct?
ELIAS: Not entirely, but you are projecting outwardly an expression of energy which is identified as unworthiness, and therefore, this becomes mirrored to you.
DARYL: Yeah, that’s what I mean.
ELIAS: In this, as you allow yourself to be creating a very similar type of movement with another individual that you have created in your interaction with myself – and with yourself in your movement in relation to the box – you shall allow yourself to be creating increments of openness in relation to another individual, and as you create an openness, you also allow yourself to interact with and experience the openness of the other individual. (Pause)
(Slowly) Be aware of YOU. Be aware of your reception of energy, recognizing that if you are experiencing what you perceive to be a lack of acceptance from another individual, you are projecting that yourself, and if you are allowing yourself to be noticing of that, you may also allow yourself to be moving away from that expression.
Now; I shall also express to you, Ashrah, I am quite aware of the challenge in this type of movement. You have created much time framework, many years, so to speak....
DARYL: In my mind, I have been aware of it as a projection coming back to me, but that hasn’t moved me....
ELIAS: It is an automatic action, and you are quite familiar with it! The movement outside of automatic responses temporarily is requiring of effort and awareness, for you have created responses that are requiring of no thought, no effort, and are automatically projected instantaneously. (Pause)
Therefore, once again, I direct your attention back to you. (Pause) The more you allow yourself to become familiar with self – without judgment, which is a key point – the more you shall become familiar with your automatic responses ... IN the moment, not outside of the moment! (Chuckling)
DARYL: (Sighing) I guess I’m still kind of confused, in many cases, by where it’s coming from, but as long as I could stop judging myself so much, I guess it doesn’t matter where it comes from.
ELIAS: This may be a very efficient beginning point!
DARYL: I felt something a couple of days ago, like something inside of me began to let go of maybe holding onto some of this so tightly, or whatever. Do you know what that was?
ELIAS: Yes. I am acknowledging of you in your movement.
DARYL: So, was that kind of a loosening?
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct, which may allow you to be noticing objectively of some differences within your expressions, and some expressions in more of an ease.
DARYL: Because the biggest effect on me was that it all stopped seeming so serious, and seemed more ... I don’t know, not exactly like a game, but it just wasn’t on the same level of emotional ... something! (Laughing)
ELIAS: Quite, and this you may incorporate also as a method, so to speak. Allow yourself to be reminding yourself that all that is within your reality and your focus may be viewed as not so very serious!
You may allow yourself to be playful and to be incorporating humor and fun within your expressions, and I shall guarantee to you that your universe shall not collapse in upon itself! Ha ha ha!
DARYL: (Laughing) Thank you for that guarantee! (Elias laughs) And can you also guarantee that I won’t cease to exist? (Laughing)
ELIAS: Ah! I may also guarantee to you that you shall not cease to exist in your expression of fun! Ha ha ha ha ha!
You may surprise yourself, and in allowing yourself to be expressing in less serious manner, you may [be] becoming more visible!
DARYL: I think it’s about time for me to start moving in that direction.
ELIAS: And you may view yourself to be MORE in an expression of existence, figuratively speaking. (Chuckling)
DARYL: It would be nice to not feel like it’s life or death all the time! (Laughing)
ELIAS: Quite, and let me express to you, (chuckling) you may incorporate humor even within that thought, for what shall be the identification of life and death? (Chuckling) They are the same!
DARYL: Yeah.... (Laughing, and Elias chuckles)
ELIAS: Therefore, what shall it matter? All of your expressions....
DARYL: If I’m coming from that perception, that they are the same, but I haven’t been coming from that, so....
ELIAS: Ah, and may you attempt? All of your expressions regardless are a matter of life and death, so to speak, (chuckling) for they are all choices, and it matters not, for it is all the same! (Chuckling)
DARYL: It certainly makes things easier!
ELIAS: Quite, and much more pleasurable! (Chuckling)
Therefore, present this to yourself as your exercise within this week, (chuckling) to be incorporating fun and less seriousness, and recognizing your continuous expression of life and death, and how it matters not! (Chuckling)
DARYL: Okay.... (Elias chuckles and Daryl sighs)
ELIAS: (Grinning) You may be amusing yourself also, in expressing this seriousness to yourself in each situation that you encounter. Ask yourself that question!
Create this statement to yourself: “This is a matter of life and death. Shall I incorporate brushing my teeth this morning? It is a matter of life and death.” (Chuckling) “Shall I incorporate offering seeds to the birds this day? It is a matter of life and death.”
And what is life and death?
DARYL: Fear, in my case.
ELIAS: (Chuckling) Ah, and in this expression, you may be deflating some of the expressions of that fear.
DARYL: Yeah, I have been doing that to some extent, (sighing) but I really want to do that more, because I’ve gotten myself so tied up in knots over things, and there’s no point in it. (Elias chuckles) It’s amazing how – I don’t know – with belief systems, you can just get so totally involved in running everything around them, when they have no validity whatsoever.
ELIAS: Ah! They are quite valid within themselves, but they are also neutral.
DARYL: Yeah. Well, I mean ... I don’t know. In my case, (sighing) no one is actually going to come in and kill me if I decide not to brush my teeth that day.
DARYL: But my experience has been, you know, that it IS a life and death matter.
ELIAS: And this is the point of acknowledging self and continuing to hold your attention within the now, for [in] the recognition of the now, you also dispel the fear, for you allow yourself to objectively recognize that there is no exhibition of threat within the now.
DARYL: Yeah, that’s true. There isn’t.
ELIAS: Threat is illusion. It is a contrived design – which is anticipated – of some illusive action that may or may not occur. This is a projection outside of the now, and may be identified more generally with the expression of imagination, in YOUR definition of imagination. (Pause)
DARYL: Well, as usual, I have a lot to think about now! (Laughing)
ELIAS: Ha ha ha ha ha!
DARYL: Maybe I can try to get someone to interact with me, and maybe I can do some of this, change things a little bit, and begin noticing what’s going on.
ELIAS: (Chuckling) And I shall continue to be offering energy and be encouraging of you, as always.
DARYL: I appreciate that, ‘cause I’m pretty much always aware of your presence now.
ELIAS: And I continue to be offering to you. (Pause)
I express to you this day encouragement in your movement, and the energy in supportiveness to you to be noticing – noticing of seriousness, noticing of playfulness – and acknowledging of self, and I shall be offering energy in reinforcement.
To you in tremendous affection, Ashrah, au revoir.
DARYL: Au revoir.
Elias departs at 5:11 p.m.
© 2000 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.