Friday, January 01, 1999
“What’s Wrong With Me?”
Ron’s note: This is the first time I have ever asked Paul a question. The question was, “What’s wrong with me?” (1)
Within attempting to connect with other aspects of reality, Olivia has opened a channel, so to speak, within a most difficult area which has been closed for much of her time period. In opening this particular area, much confusion has resulted, therefore creating an appearance of emotional upset. This is not the case, for there are many ways of interpretation within this situation, one being that this essence shall be experiencing what you may term trauma within this opening.
This is not to be confused with transition, for this is not the exact expression being experienced. It has much to do with the outermost fringes, so to speak, of consciousness, and an unfamiliar aspect of this noticing. As this area is viewed, it may be so unfamiliar that it may cause great uncertainty within rational thinking, and may seem to others as though this individual has simply quit caring, so to speak. This reaction to this expression is quite common and may be quite helpful to others, once understood.
First of all, there may be times within your present now in which you may have fears of growing farther apart from individuals that you may have feeling for. This is a physically focused reaction that has been created by you for understanding of certain expressions that are foreign to you. Within these expressions, you may wonder what has happened to an individual that was once quite attentive to your thoughts and focus. When this individual turns his attentiveness (2) within another direction, it may be misinterpreted to mean something very dissimilar to what the action truly represents.
If you are listening to your inner voice, you may be hearing this voice telling you that this is fine, for within consciousness there is no separation and there may be no drawing away, so to speak. As more of your time goes by, this fear begins to increase, and certain individuals may begin to wonder what is wrong ... although there is no wrong!
These actions expressed and this information offered is created by you for your own noticing of certain aspects of this consciousness that have not to this point been explored by you. In this, you may be giving yourselves examples of other focus intents that may at first seem unfamiliar, but shall become quite clear to you as you become more comfortable with them.
Olivia has herself recently experienced doubtfulness within her own understanding of these concepts presented, for they are quite unfamiliar to her, and within this she has fought back, so to speak, within consciousness and has created confusion for herself. This confusion is temporary, for within expressing the outer feelings that seem to distract and confuse, inner knowing shall be taking place as well. This question asked by Olivia is not so easily answered, for objectively the confusion continues. Subjectively, however, there is no confusion at all.
There has been much objective time period, within your terms, since our previous exchange within this manner, and there may be misunderstandings within this expression. The exchange becomes simpler, so to speak, within practice, and Olivia has not practiced much! So for now I shall bid you good day. Until we next speak, ta!
Ron’s note: I read the above and did not understand it, so I resumed the exchange about a half hour later.
Greetings, once again! This inquiry has been continued, for it seems to have not addressed to Olivia’s confusion satisfactorily ... within her terms!
This withdrawing, as you term it, is a direct result of this opening that we have spoken of previously, this being a term used loosely, for it is much more than a mere opening. It has many aspects that to you shall be confusing, and as you try to decipher the meanings of these aspects, they serve to confuse more. This is why it has been stated previously that by trying too hard, so to speak, the effect may be reverse to what is expected, in your terms.
These aspects SHALL play themselves out and DO play themselves out and HAVE played themselves out. The concentration upon the individual aspects does lead to confusion, for the aspects all work together ... this being the way that they work! Individually, they have little or no meaning, for they are but fragments of the whole.
Recall your analogy of your orange. This still stands as truth. There are no sections, and therefore, there may be no separations. As Olivia moves into a greater understanding of concepts, she may, within trying to move through, actually stand static, so to speak, focusing upon the individual aspects and not engaging periphery to encompass the totality of the whole. This is experienced by you all within varying degrees, so to speak, for this is how you create your physical expression. You wish to not be moving too fast within consciousness, for you fear too much may be overwhelming to you. This may or may not be the case. It only depends upon your own choice of movement.
At this present time, so to speak, Olivia has chosen to move quite slowly objectively, and within subjective expression still moves as always, thus creating confusion objectively, trying to “keep up,” so to speak.
We shall close once again for now, but be expecting more of these encounters, so to speak, within your near future. Ta!
(1) Ron says he asked this question – What’s wrong with me? – because I have been asking him “What’s wrong?” for a short time now, which is true. Ron rarely experiences confusion or conflict, but in my perception, he has appeared to be experiencing this recently, as well as distancing himself more than usual from other folks.
(2) This word was typed as “attentativeness,” which was interesting because Elias often uses this word incorrectly also. The interesting part is that Ron has always made fun of Elias’ usage of this word, but was clueless that he typed it himself in this exchange.
For those who don’t know, Ron has been engaging this energy exchange with Paul (Patel) for a few years now. It is accomplished through typing and is offered as one huge run-on sentence, after which Ron and I go through it together and he tells me where to insert punctuation, etc. Olivia is Ron’s essence name, and Patel is Paul’s essence name. We just call him Paul because ... well, because we do!
© 1999 Ron Churchman, All Rights Reserved.