Sunday, January 16, 2005
ďPartial and Lifetime Observing Essence RoleĒ
ďThe Choosing AspectĒ
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Daryl (Ashrah).
(Eliasí arrival time is 15 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good morning!
DARYL: Hi there.
ELIAS: (Chuckles) And what shall we discuss?
DARYL: I have different things. Iíll start with the little things. One is I want to get information for a woman named Paula that I have an online acquaintanceship with. Sheís not sure if this would be an essence name or focus, but she gets the name Ezra or Ezray.
ELIAS: Ezrae (EHZ ray).
DARYL: Is that E-Z-R-A-Y?
DARYL: Is that a focus or essence?
DARYL: Oh, wow! She was thinking that sheís Sumafi belonging.
DARYL: And Sumari aligned?
DARYL: And probably soft?
DARYL: And religious focus?
DARYL: And sheís a final focus?
DARYL: Well, very accurate with her impressions!
I want to know if Camdon has a future focus at the Alterversity named Petunia, as a name or nickname.
DARYL: Is that her actual name?
DARYL: It seems like an unusual name; sheís unusual! (Laughs) Is Wild Bill Hickok a focus of Allesander?
DARYL: Lifetime or partial?
DARYL: And is Calamity Jane a focus of Oona?
ELIAS: Also observing, partial.
DARYL: Now, she said that her focus in that was a real draw to Wild Bill. Does the observing essence of Calamity Jane account for all those feelings toward Wild Bill?
DARYL: I just wanted to make sure there wasnít anything else going on. Am I observing essence of Mathilde de Morny?
DARYL: Is that lifetime?
DARYL: Wow! She kind of fits in with my style. (Laughs) I also wondered if I was observing essence of Melvil Dewey.
DARYL: Is that partial?
DARYL: In terms of observing essences, you talk about how essences seek diversity, and therefore, they donít have similar focuses or focuses in the same time and place. Iíve noticed especially, for example, my singer-songwriters, that I am observing a lot of people who are doing similar things at the same time, and actually, some of them know each other and play together. I wondered about the difference between the observing action and the directing action in that regard.
ELIAS: In that regard, the purpose of an observing essence role in many or several individuals that engage similarities is to be exploring a particular direction and allowing in that exploration to incorporate many different angles of the same subject, many different perceptions of the same subject and many different expressions of the same subject.
DARYL: So would that tend to be in the area that I or someone else was very interested in from that many angles, something that we would thoroughly want to explore?
ELIAS: Yes, a type of fascination.
DARYL: I do feel fascinated in that area, and also philosophy and some other little clusters that Iíve noticed. Also about observing essences, I understand that by doing that, we experience their experience, but I also wondered, in terms of what I am doing there, especially because you said if someone is lifetime observing that theyíre essentially a big part of that focus, maybe that would allow some self expression, but Iím not clear on that. Whereas, with a partial, like if Iím just there for part of the time... So can you talk about expression of self when one is participating as observing essence?
ELIAS: Whether it is a partial or a lifetime, as you term it to be, it matters not. For the observing essence within that time framework is experiencing the focus as its focus, so to speak. For I have expressed to you, you each are essence. You are the embodiment of essence. You are not a part of essence. You ARE essence. Therefore, in an observing essence, you are that essence also.
It matters not, for outside of your reality there is no separation. Therefore, there are no boundaries, so to speak, of essences. It is all consciousness. Therefore, there is little distinction of essences, other than personality expressions, and in that, those are also expressed in some aspects of the individual within the time framework that the observing essence is participating.
DARYL: I guess Iím going to understand that better after I disengage or widen or something! (Both laugh) Itís hard for me wrap my head around the whole thing.
ELIAS: I am understanding.
DARYL: Especially, this year Iíve started having some dream state activity where I am observing, and it does seem just as intense as if it were my focus.
ELIAS: Yes, it is.
DARYL: Along those lines, since I have almost ten times the number of observing essences that I do focuses, I wondered if observing was a preferred action of mine in this connection.
ELIAS: Somewhat, but that also is not uncommon. For there are, generally speaking, more observing roles in some capacity with most individuals.
DARYL: I guess, from what you were saying before, that if you do want to explore a particular area in depth from all those angles, that might be the most efficient way to do that.
DARYL: Also, I wanted to check on Georgette Magritte, Magritteís wife, that I am observing essence of. Is that lifetime?
DARYL: I am transfixed by his paintings. I just like to stare at them. I feel very connected to that observing...
I always wished that reality was like a musical, and people would go around singing and dancing like the musicals that we have. I wondered if there actually is a reality like that. (Pause)
ELIAS: A translation.
DARYL: Do I have focuses there?
DARYL: Cool! (Laughs) Last Tuesday night, I was sitting on my couch and I felt the energy of someone come up close to me and gently push against me. I wondered if that was Arkandin.
DARYL: I have been having a lot of dreams, and Iíd like some help in understanding. Maybe there is more to them. One I had was a series where I was being excluded from a group, either a group at work or a social group or even the Elias group. I wondered if that had to do with rejecting aspects of myself.
ELIAS: Somewhat, but not precisely. More so imagery of a fear of proper and acceptable behavior in association with group interactions, that if behavior is not expressed in a proper manner that there is a potential for exclusion, which also is imagery concerning differences.
DARYL: Now that I think about it, I kind of sensed that at times this weekend while interacting with this group, kind of fears in certain areas, that if Iím a certain way how am I going to be received.
I had a dream about a very large house that had many floors, and the interior part was an elaborate bunch of staircases that went up and down and also across to each other. I found the house really peaceful to be in, and I really loved being there. I wondered what that was about. I donít have a solid impression of what that was about.
ELIAS: What is your un-solid impression? (Laughs)
DARYL: I guess itís me experiencing my essence or something.
ELIAS: In a manner of speaking, and the intricacies of it and the many different directions that you move within comfortably.
DARYL: Then I have a group of dreams that deal with fear in various forms. Iíll go through a bunch of them, rather than one at a time. Itís like a two-part dream. The first part of the dream, I hear someone calling for help. I occupy myself with what I am doing, and I donít answer that call. Then I redid the dream, because I felt like I should have done something. I re-dreamed it so that I could act the second time and help the person.
Then I had a dream in which I was holding a bunch of newly hatched dead baby birds, which Iíve actually literally done in life, held a dead baby bird. That wasnít totally scary but uncomfortable. I had one about a guy who kills people, holding me and someone else hostage. That might have been Oona; Iím not sure. He had kind of buried body parts but not very well, so some of them were sticking up. Included in them was two feet that were pretty much all outside the dirt, and they looked like a painting by Magritte.
Iíve also had dreams of other focuses of mine, including, I think, Marie Romanov, where she was being killed, and unpleasant, fearful focus things. Also, I have had times where I donít sleep at night and I take a nap during the day, and weíve discussed that. But lately, it seems like sometimes I stay up all night and I donít take a nap. It seems like the whole point of staying up is to not go to sleep because Iím so scared of what Iíll find there subjectively. I canít deal with it, so I literally refuse to go asleep.
So thatís the whole thing. I also wondered if these parts of me that have come forward that have been very hidden and secluded all this time, if part of what is going on with the fear is that they are encountering stuff that I hadnít encountered before, or they have less separation between myself and other focuses, or if there is some kind of action going on there in particular with the newly opening up parts.
ELIAS: Somewhat, yes. In this also, in this time framework you are presenting to yourself examples of your truths and your fears. Many of your fears are strongly tied to your truths.
In this, you are presenting to yourself imagery of turmoil and of behaviors, not necessarily your behaviors, somewhat, but more so your observing imagery of behaviors of other individuals, that are somewhat tied to your truths. That generates a fear, for your truths in association with how an individual SHOULD behave and SHOULD express are quite strong.
Any of your beliefs that are expressed strongly, you incorporate the tendency to automatically generate some element of fear in association with that Ė a fear of your own power, a fear of your own expression, a fear of your own strength Ė that you may potentially betray yourself and express in opposition to those strongly expressed beliefs, that if you are not holding tightly to your energy and continuously paying attention and being aware of precisely how you are expressing of yourself and expressing that control of yourself, that you might express yourself or express a behavior in similarity to other individuals that you observe that express in manners that are contrary to your expressed beliefs and your truths.
Therefore, your fear is of a potential that you might betray yourself by expressing yourself in what you deem to be an inappropriate manner.
DARYL: I also might turn out to be somebody I donít like.
ELIAS: Which, let me express to you, this, in actuality, shall not occur, for you automatically move in conjunction with your own truths, and you automatically move in association with your own expressed beliefs. The stronger those expressed beliefs are, the more you hold to them. Therefore, the potential for expressing yourself in a manner that is contrary to those expressed beliefs and truths is exceptionally small.
DARYL: Something just went fuzzy in my head, so Iíll have to listen to that on the tape. (Laughs)
ELIAS: You are accustomed recently to evaluating your truths and your expressed beliefs in association with their influences and your choices with them. You know intellectually that you are not eliminating them, but you are not accustomed to viewing your own truths as your own guidelines and in what you would term to be a beneficial or a positive manner.
The automatic movement is to identify a truth and automatically be evaluating it in somewhat of a negative manner, viewing it as some expression that is limiting, attempting to evaluate what all of the influences of this belief are, and therefore allowing yourself to choose the more preferred influence, but underlyingly, continuing to perceive the belief as limiting or negative, especially in association with truths. You are not accustomed to viewing those truths as an expression of your benefit or as a preference or as a positive.
DARYL: As an expression of myself.
ELIAS: Yes. (Pause) I may express to you individually, also I am aware that an obstacle with you is an underlying belief and association that preferences and opinions are not necessarily good, that preferences and opinions are an expression of non-acceptance. Therefore, expressing preferences and opinions is bad.
Another association is that preferences and opinions are meaningless, for all individuals incorporate an opinion or a preference, but that does not mean that is right or that it is real. Therefore, YOUR preferences and opinions are not right or real, either. Therefore, they are bad, and thus create an obstacle in your allowance of yourself Ė in your allowance of yourself to be expressing yourself and to be generating what you want, for it creates a limitation. For it is not merely that other individualís preferences and opinions are not necessarily right, but if theirs are not right, yours may not be right, either.
DARYL: Iím trying to think about that. Again, my brain is shutting down! (Both laugh) So unless you have something else you want to say, Iíll move on to the next subject. I donít feel capable of conversing! (Laughs)
ELIAS: Very well.
DARYL: I am having the breathing stuff, very slightly but very often. Is that primarily related still to exposure and fear about this last little part of me opening up? It is taking longer than I thought it would...
DARYL: ...but itís moving along still?
DARYL: In terms of Shift-Assist, I have been doing some things there. (1) One is that for months now I have felt that thereís a lot of subjective growth in our present having to do with that, although not necessarily what I would term the same form as the Elias Forum and Shift-Assist, but some kind of growth within the world of people becoming aware of it. Is that...?
DARYL: I set up a website, and part of that is it gives people something objective to stumble upon if they so choose to do it that way. I also was amazed with the website, because I know that the words are a focal point, but I feel that the website is also a focal point or allows some kind of energy to individuals. Is that correct?
ELIAS: Yes, in a manner of speaking.
DARYL: Would you consider it like another focal point? Or can you explain what is going on there?
ELIAS: Yes, for in a manner of speaking, what you are generating is a type of what you would term to be vortex, a center in which energy is deposited and collected but is also accessible. Therefore, there is an interaction in that center.
DARYL: That also involves future focuses of individuals, so that they can...
DARYL: I felt an awareness on that side, too, while this was going on. Wow, thatís exciting.
Also, Iíve had butterfly imagery a lot lately, which seems pretty well connected to Shift-Assist. Iím interpreting it as transformation.
ELIAS: Yes, and also of my energy participating.
DARYL: Really! All right, I like that!
ELIAS: I am quite fond of butterflies.
DARYL: I didnít know that. (Both laugh) Well, nice to have you!
I had the feeling ahead of time, I had the impression that there was going to be some kind of interaction with Shift-Assist people, at least my focuses, some of them, but maybe some other peopleís, that they were going to project or do something in the group session yesterday. For a while, I wasnít sure if there was anything there. Allesander flashed me a peace sign, which to me is a connection, and then Polly was barking and I couldnít see anything there. I wondered if those were objective signs to me that there was a participation.
DARYL: Do you have anything else you want to say about that?
ELIAS: Supportive energy, although it was not quite successful.
ELIAS: A supportive energy to be encouraging of each of you in the direction of the subject matter of that interaction. But most of you were experiencing somewhat of what you are experiencing now, and not allowing yourselves to be actually accessing and connecting with your own selves in association with your individual truths and your individual tsunamis.
I am aware many, many Ė most Ė of the individuals participating yesterday were experiencing similar fuzziness.
DARYL: I know I was drifting away, and I said Iíll just read it when it comes out because I canít seem to stay with it right now, objectively, anyway. I felt I was there subjectively, but objectively I was just ďget me out of here!Ē
ELIAS: Slightly somewhat overwhelming of subject matter, and I am understanding. But it was purposeful and timely to be introducing the subject matter, for you all are beginning to genuinely experience this subject matter, and you are somewhat floundering.
DARYL: I would like to think itís calming down and going away, not building.
ELIAS: I am aware. I am also aware of the disappointment of most individuals in that moment of that revelation! (Laughs) Actually, I found that to be quite amusing!
DARYL: Thatís easy for you to say!
ELIAS: Quite! Ha ha ha! Although, I am participating with you.
DARYL: Thank heavens. I wonder about the probability where we are not getting this information.
Anyway, another area, I talked to you a couple of sessions ago about an interaction with a particular individual, and Iím still in the process of trying to sort out what Iím creating and what the other personís energy is contributing. I know, in that particular instance, that I was drawing that to me for specific reasons of noticing automatic responses and stuff, but I also know that Iíve had a tendency in the past to look at everything as being me. Now Iím trying to consider the component of their energy, like with this individual. I felt sheís not interested in receiving most of what I say for the entirety of our relationship, but she wants me listen with rapt attention to her. I kind of talked myself out of it, but I kept feeling it. She said that at least regarding one subject, yes, she was bored, and she was pretending to be interested because her beliefs said that that is what a friend does.
I recognize that belief myself, but I also know that I have a good number of friends where I feel their participation with me and I am received, and thatís my preference. Since it is only happening mostly with one or two individuals, I donít think itís necessarily some pattern that is a reflection of me. I guess Iím trying to figure out how to know if perhaps Iím reading the personís energy, and that is the way they are. Maybe I donít want to chose that, and I should just stop participating in that and go elsewhere, as opposed to saying this is all my fault, this is what I am creating and I need to stay here until I create it the way...
DARYL: (Laughs) No?
ELIAS: Quite definitely no.
DARYL: Because I have a tendency to just...
ELIAS: I am aware.
DARYL: ...want to keep going. (Laughs) Sometimes I can just say it is her and has to do with her, because I donít want to spend all my time trying to reconfigure energy...
ELIAS: I am understanding.
DARYL: ...when I could just go and find somebody elseís energy that is what Iím seeking.
ELIAS: And more compatible, and more in association with your preferences.
DARYL: And not feel guilty about it.
DARYL: Okay. (Laughs) I want to stop for a moment and turn over the tape, because this next part is kind of a big chunk.
Iím getting to know my choosing aspect that I talked to you briefly about before. I had what you were calling glimpses yesterday, where I am actually aware of what I am choosing and being in the moment with myself in a way that I have never been with myself. It was like intensely intimate. That is the direction that I want to head in, but I realize it also involves coming to grips with things that make me uncomfortable, like choosing fear or choosing pain, and what is really my nature. Although, when I am in that state, I could tell that that was my nature; but in a way, I am scared of myself and what I create.
So, there is a fear of self there, but there is also great desire to become intimate with myself. I still have this lump thing going on. I got this impression last night while I was writing my notes about how to discuss things that as much as possible I would like to discuss the particular manifestation of the lump with you and how I chose that. We have discussed the imagery and the beliefs involved, but Iíd like to get more of the how Ė how I chose that specific thing, how Iíve been changing it over time and how it seems to be coming to a head this weekend, although it hasnít quite made that. I would like a discussion that will lead me closer to myself and help me open up to myself in spite of my fears in that area, and like I was just saying, coming to grips with who I am. I really do think I like who I am if I can just can get through this, and also recognize that when I am creating you that I am really creating the exchange, and this is another way of me giving information to myself.
DARYL: So, helping me be intimate with myself through you. If you would rather use a different manifestation, we could, but I have the feeling the lump has been very involved in me getting to know my choosing aspect, and that it would be an appropriate thing to talk about.
ELIAS: Very well. Be more specific as to what you view and what is your confusion in connection with the physical manifestation and the choosing aspect of yourself. We have already discussed that that is not associated with thought.
DARYL: I guess part of it is that when I think about choice, in a way I think about objectively sitting down and saying where am I going to go to dinner, making an objective choice, or saying this is what I want.
But my experience of choosing is that I kind of discover that I have made a choice; I become objectively aware of the choice that I have made. It feels like Iím making the choice but it isnít necessarily what I would consciously say that I want, and that gets into the area of fear itself. I didnít ever say I wanted to create a lump in my breast, or I want to express this and Iíll think Iíll express it by creating this. Does that give you more an idea?
ELIAS: Yes. In this, remember, thought does not create your reality.
DARYL: I guess I think that choice is a thought, then, donít I?
ELIAS: Yes, and it is not, or that thought precedes the choice.
DARYL: Because if you didnít have the thought, you couldnít have chosen.
ELIAS: Correct, which is not correct. Choice does not require thought at all.
DARYL: I hadnít even seen that. Iím so blind to that.
ELIAS: Choice is an action; it is merely doing. You engage that action continuously and are not necessarily incorporating a thought process with it.
Let me express to you a type of example. If you are engaging conversation with myself or with any individual Ė more so with other individuals, for you do engage a process of preparation prior to your engagement of conversation with myself Ė but in the actual exchange in which you and I or you and another individual are discussing any subject matter, you speak, but prior to the words being spoken, you are not necessarily thinking those words before they are spoken.
DARYL: Although in the past, I have had an internal sense of it, but I have less of it now.
ELIAS: But generally speaking, unless within the conversation the other individual expresses some idea or is expressing in a certain manner, you are thinking concerning what the other individual is saying. You are thinking about what the other individual is saying and what you are responding with within yourself. But as to the actual words that you are saying in the conversation, you are not thinking each word before you express the word, before you say the word. Were you to be thinking of every word prior to your expression of it, you would incorporate a tremendous volume of time to express one single sentence.
This is an action that does not require thought. You merely do it: you speak words. You think concepts, but you do not necessarily think words. Unless, in a particular moment, infrequently, you stumble. You are flowing in sentences, in words, and you seek a particular word to be the most accurate, and you begin to stumble and do not necessarily remember the most accurate word. In those moments, you do begin thinking of words prior to your actual speaking of them. But that is an infrequent action that occurs with individuals. Generally, you are not thinking each word prior to your speaking them.
In similar manner, what you choose and what you do does not necessarily require a thought process prior to the action. At the close of our interaction this day, you shall rise, you shall walk to the door, you shall extend your hand, and you shall open the door. You shall not incorporate a thought process. You shall merely do it.
DARYL: Although I might have the thought that I am leaving, something about leaving.
DARYL: But not the particulars about...
ELIAS: Exactly. It does not require a thought to precede every action that you do. That is not the function of thought, either. Thought is a translating mechanism, and it is unnecessary to translate many of your actions. But even the actions that you create that you do want to translate, that translation is subsequent to the choice.
DARYL: And that is why it feels like the choice has been already been made, because Iím becoming aware...
ELIAS: Yes. For the thought process does not precede the choice.
DARYL: So like on election day, I sort of felt myself re-elect Bush. Which was not thrilling to me, but I could feel that it was a choice of mine. I didnít sit down and go now Iíve got to decide. I just kind of became aware that I had chosen Bush.
ELIAS: Yes. What you are doing is you are becoming more familiar with paying attention to yourself and to your energy, and becoming much more familiar with listening to yourself. In that listening to yourself, you offer yourself an impression which you translate into a thought or into a feeling.
DARYL: I could have translated that choice into like a twinge or something, rather than an actual thought or awareness?
ELIAS: Yes. But the more you widen your awareness, the more clearly and the more accurately your thought mechanism functions, for it is more clearly and more accurately translating your communications.
DARYL: I feel like that is where I am hung-up, because of my fear of what Iíll become aware of, whether it concerns something that scares me or... Do you know what I mean?
ELIAS: Yes. This is your belief concerning betrayal, self-betrayal. That is what generates this fear. I am aware that this is a considerable fear. And the reason is...
DARYL: Also because I have created things in my past. When I look at the past, I go, ďIf I created that...Ē Itís like I donít trust myself to not create something that horrible or more horrible.
ELIAS: Which we have discussed previously, several times, in not projecting your attention pastly and therefore generating the concentration upon past experiences and generating them into absolutes. That is your snare. For that has become one of your truths, that your past experiences dictate your present or your future, for they are absolute.
DARYL: I guess. Also part of this has to do with letting go of what I think is a bad experience or a good experience. Iím kind of struggling with myself over it. Just accepting what Iím creating as an expression of self.
DARYL: Is there anything you care to add? I donít know, frankly, what Iím trying get from you from this discussion.
ELIAS: (Elias coughs for 45 seconds) It is a process, and you are beginning a new avenue in that process. Once again, I shall remind you to remind yourself of your deer.
DARYL: Who were a very big hit, by the way, when I published that transcript.
ELIAS: Rather than forcing your energy and pushing yourself in this new avenue, allow yourself that gentleness with yourself.
DARYL: It could be quite playful if Iíd allow it, and gentler, rather than pushy and traumatic.
DARYL: Is what I am going through with the lump, one of the reasons that I am doing this this way is to become aware of my choosing?
ELIAS: Yes. It is a presentment of objective physical imagery. The reason you have chosen a physical expression, also, somewhat, is associated with your orientation, for it is an interaction with you. It is a choice of a manifestation that is a type of focal point. It encourages you to hold your attention upon self and to pay attention to you and your evaluation of yourself and your movement, rather than another type of imagery that may be somewhat distracting outside of yourself. This is a manner in which you are interactive with you.
DARYL: Weíve discussed me leaving my bird alone before, and Iíve been trying not to think about it much while Iím gone. But I did have the question, because Iím not clear on creatures creating their reality. Sheís there in my apartment Ė and I know that Iíve got energy deposits all over my apartment Ė and I wondered, if she wished, could she create me being there?
DARYL: So I donít even have to feel responsible in that sense. If she wants to create me sitting next to her on the couch, Iíll be sitting next to her on the couch.
DARYL: Cool. One last little question is that recently Iíve been hearing an animal in the walls where I live. Iím not quite sure what kind of animal it is, although it seems at least as big as a squirrel. Iím not quite sure what Iím telling myself with that. Could you explain any of that, imagery wise?
ELIAS: And your impression?
DARYL: None, except that it is inside the walls and that it might have to do with something interior or inside or something. My inner monster? (Laughs)
ELIAS: Not necessarily, but it is associated with this emergence that you are generating now, which you are aware is, figuratively speaking, just beyond your grasp, but you are aware that it is close.
DARYL: Yes. I could just push, push, push my way through it. (Both laugh)
ELIAS: Or perhaps incorporate the action similar to the small creature, and allow yourself to move freely and discover your small opening which you may emerge through easily.
DARYL: It does seem to have a way in and out. Also, my landlord seems to be totally unaware of it, even though itís right between them and me. It seems like I hear it and they donít. (Elias chuckles) Itís kind of funny.
Okay, weíre pretty much out of time. I thoroughly enjoyed meeting you face to face, so to speak.
ELIAS: And you also. I shall be anticipating our next meeting and discussion, and I shall be continuing to offer my energy to you in encouragement and in supportiveness and especially in appreciation. To you, au revoir.
DARYL: Au revoir.
Elias departs after 59 minutes.
© 2005 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.