the Elias forum: Explore the transcript archive.










Tuesday, September 21, 1999

<  Session 474 (Private)  >

“A Relationship with a Relationship”

“A Partnership without a Partner”

Participants: Mary (Michael), and a new participant, Jim (Silas), and also present, Vivien (Miriam) and Vicki (Lawrence).

Elias arrives at 11:57 AM. (Arrival time is 27 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good day!

VIVIEN: This is Elias!

JIM: Hi!

ELIAS: (Chuckling) Welcome!

JIM: Thank you.

ELIAS: And you are wishing to be offering inquiries this day?

VIVIEN: You want some questions answered?

JIM: Yes.

ELIAS: Very well. You may proceed.

JIM: (Inaudible)

VIVIEN: You want me to help you?

JIM: Yes!

VIVIEN: Okay. Jim is interested in understanding how he’s creating a particular relationship he’s in right now with a woman named Nancy. Is it four years you’ve been with Nancy?

JIM: Right.

VIVIEN: And I think he’s really ... am I right in this? You’re wishing that the relationship would end?

JIM: Yes.

VIVIEN: But you’re not quite able to do it for some reason, and you want to understand why you’re still stuck.

JIM: Correct.

VIVIEN: Okay. (16-second pause)

ELIAS: This would move in the direction of beliefs involving responsibility, and also aspects of beliefs that express to yourself how you view yourself and how other individuals view you, or how you perceive that other individuals view you.

In this, as you engage and create a relationship with another individual, you are attempting to be creating a certain type of persona. In this persona, you project a type of energy that you assess may be viewed by other individuals, not merely the one individual that you are creating a relationship with.

Now; this moves quite strongly in the direction of measuring your projection, measuring your value, measuring your ability to be accomplishing a certain movement in the direction that you perceive you “should” be moving into, and this also involves an area within you related to responsibility.

What I am expressing to you is that within your belief systems, in an underlying expression, there are expectations that you hold of yourself in the direction of what you should be creating, how you should be perceived by other individuals.

One of these “shoulds” is the projection of yourself within a relationship with a partner. This appears to you to be aligning with the officially accepted reality. This is what you view as normal.

This also establishes you as “fitting” with other individuals and allows you to feel, in one respect, comfortable in many different situations. But your focus is not necessarily directed in the area of creating a partnership, so to speak, with this individual. Your direction of attention moves more in the appearance and the convenience, so to speak, of a relationship.

Now; do not misunderstand. I am not expressing to you that there is any element of this type of direction that is wrong or unacceptable, for it is not. It is merely a choice.

There are certain benefits that you allow yourself to receive in the engagement of a relationship with a partner, but there is a movement within yourself underlyingly that views that your individual expression and independence wavers in the relationship of partnership with another individual.

Therefore, there are expressions of conflicts, for in this, you hold many expectations of how another individual shall interact with you – or should interact with you – and many expectations of yourself in how you should interact with other individuals.

Therefore, you create this balancing, so to speak, back and forth, continually viewing the entity of the relationship and diverting your attention from the individuals that participate in the relationship.

Therefore, what you have created is an expression of energy which develops the relationship itself as an independent entity, and your attention moves to that.

Now; as it is an expression of your creation – this entity – quite obviously you should hold the ability to be directing of it, and it should move in the direction you wish, for you have created it.

But you are not viewing the individuals that participate in the relationship. You as one individual are in this position. She as one individual is in this position, and what you view is neither this individual or this individual, but this entity between you – the relationship.

There are many expectations of this entity that you view are not being accomplished or fulfilled, and this creates frustration and conflict. This individual also participates in this game, so to speak, in this creation of this entity. Therefore, she also holds her attention in viewing the entity, and not herself or you.

In this, you are attempting to be creating a partnership without partners. You are focusing your attention so intensely into the entity in the middle – the relationship – that you are not focusing on yourselves.

Underlyingly, the reason that you project energy into this entity and you focus your attention upon it, in a manner of speaking, as opposed to focusing your attention upon self is that this becomes, in your assessment or within your thought process, easier.

But in actuality, it is much more difficult, for it creates a tremendous expression of conflict, for there is a continuous influx of this frustrating element.

I express to you, allow yourself permission to momentarily look to self and inquire within yourself what you hold in expectations of yourself and of another individual, not merely this individual.

The reason you hold difficulty in disengaging within this relationship is that you are not engaging the other individual.

There is difficulty in disengaging a relationship with another individual in never creating a relationship with another individual. You have not created a mergence with this individual. You have created an involvement, so to speak, with the relationship.

Therefore, many different elements of self swirl around in this entity, for you are continuously projecting energy into it, and what you wish to be disengaging is the creation of the entity, for you have not created the partnership.

Figuratively speaking, I may express to you that surfacely, objectively, you have created a movement and a persona of holding a relationship with this other individual.

In this, you move together. You engage each other verbally, you engage each other physically, you engage each other – at times – emotionally, but you are not in actuality engaging each other, and this is what I am expressing to you. You are each projecting energy to the middle, to the entity of the relationship.

How may you be disconnecting with the individual if you have not connected to the individual? There is nothing to be disconnecting from. (Pause)

There are expressions of responsibility in creating a “thing,” and once it is created, there is a belief that it must not be destroyed, but allowed growth. If you are choosing to be creating of some “thing,” then you must be continuing to be creating of that thing, and not be destroying of it.

This couples also with a very strong underlying belief that once you have chosen a direction, it is unacceptable to change that direction. “Say what you mean, mean what you say. Choose a direction, and move in that direction. Create a commitment, and do not falter.” These are very strong aspects of beliefs.

Many individuals may not necessarily allow themselves thoughts in these expressions, but underlyingly, these beliefs are held very strongly, and your behavior mirrors them. Your behavior does not always mirror your thoughts, but your behavior DOES mirror your underlying beliefs. You shall move in the direction of your beliefs, regardless of what you express in thoughts and in language.

In this, as I have expressed to you, if you are allowing yourself to turn your attention momentarily from the entity of the relationship and direct your attention to self and express to yourself what you already know in what is creating your least conflict, [you may] allow yourself the permission to move in that direction.

You hold no responsibility for another individual. Other individuals create their reality just as you create your reality. None of you hold responsibility for each other. You DO hold responsibility within yourself and within your choices, but you are not responsible for the choices of other individuals.

In this, I express genuinely to you, as you look to your own no-conflict scenario within you and allow yourself to move in that direction, what you are accomplishing in actuality is more of a genuine expression of acceptance of yourself, and also acceptance of the other individual.

In not participating in this back-and-forth play of conflict, you allow yourself to be accepting of the other individual, and that they may move in whichever direction they choose to be moving and they may be creating any choice that they choose, and it matters not, and you may choose not to participate. (Pause)

JIM: That helps.

VIVIEN: I think that will probably lead you into the next question that you had, about your daughter’s marriage. It’s the same kind of thing, I think.

JIM: There’s a lot of turmoil going on with my daughter, at least in my mind – her upcoming marriage and her choice of partner, things that have gone on in that relationship to this point. I’m still not sure at this point how to deal with that.

ELIAS: Let me also offer to you, in this same direction, your most efficient expression is to be turning your attention to self.

I am quite understanding of the difficulty that becomes involved in this type of movement within physical focus, for you hold very strong belief systems and you automatically move in the expressions of concern and worry, desiring objectively to be expressing helpfulness.

I express to you once again, your most efficient expression of helpfulness is to be holding your attention within self, for as you move your attention to other individuals and you hold your attention upon their behavior or their choices, you begin to create judgments.

Even your expression of helpfulness or your wish for helpfulness is an expression of a judgment, for you are assessing in actuality within yourself that the other individual inadequately is creating their choices, but they are not.

Each individual creates their choices purposefully. There are no accidents and there are no mistakes.

In this, I shall express to you that this particular individual mirrors many expressions with you, and this offers you each the opportunity to turn your attention from each other, once again, and to self, and allows you to view your participation, your behavior.

Many, many, many individuals within physical focus choose this method, so to speak, to be offering themselves information concerning themselves, for you view more of an ease in assessing situations and actions and behaviors as they concern another individual.

It is less threatening to view another individual’s behaviors and choices than to be viewing your own, but you each provide yourselves with opportunities to be viewing your own behaviors and your own choices by viewing each other, as you mirror to each other very similar choices and very similar behaviors.

My offering to you this day, in a beginning point, is to allow yourself, very simply, to be playing the game of no conflict with yourself, and to be allowing yourself to turn your attention from all of these other individuals and to concern yourself with what YOU want, recognizing that you hold no responsibility with respect to other individuals.

You also do not create their choices. As very much as you wish to be, you do not and you may not, for this is not how you have created this particular reality in this particular physical dimension.

Within this physical expression, you have officially chosen collectively to be individually creating your realities, and no individual may be creating the reality for any other individual.

Many, many, many of you wish that you would be creating another individual’s choices and reality, and you strive very much to be accomplishing in this area, and this is also why you experience objectively so very much conflict and frustration and confusion!

What you are creating in energy is very similar to tossing a ball at a wall, and you continue and continue and continue to toss the ball, and it continues to impact with the wall and it continues to go back to you, and all the while, you are expressing frustration and confusion in questioning to yourself why the wall does not move: “I am throwing the ball. The wall should be moving and removing itself from the path of my ball.” But the wall shall not be moving, but you continue and continue and continue to throw the ball.

Every other individual is the wall, and you may project your ball as many times as you are choosing, and it shall not move the wall.

JIM: True.

VIVIEN: This is probably the same effect with Nancy as with your previous wife.

JIM: Same wall.

VIVIEN: Yes, same wall. Different name, but same wall!

JIM: Yeah, same wall.

ELIAS: You hold the ability to be altering any element within your reality. You do not hold the ability objectively to be altering another individual’s reality without their agreement, but you wish for their agreement!

VIVIEN: You’ve just got to get Nancy to agree with you now! (Laughing)

JIM: Yeah, right. Good luck!

ELIAS: This is not the point.

The point is not to be attempting to be altering another individual’s reality, but to be focusing your attention upon what YOU desire in what you are creating in your reality, and this is not dependent upon the choices of other individuals. (Pause)

JIM: I understand. (Pause)

VIVIEN: Want to move on to some more questions? You had a concern that you mentioned to me about your feelings about finances and work, and security within that.

JIM: Right, and where we’re going with that.

ELIAS: And this also moves in this same direction. You are merely mirroring outwardly imagery in many different areas with respect to the same issue. You hold concern in what you hold the ability to be creating.

This is what I was expressing to you earlier in the area of responsibility and your assessment of self and your ability to be creating of your reality efficiently, and in this, your expectation that if you are creating in a certain manner, it should be moving in a certain manner.

You create concern in your viewing of all of your creations, for you are outwardly expressing what you are experiencing within – a questioning of your abilities, a questioning of your individual reality and what you are creating.

In this, within every area presently of your focus, regardless of which direction you choose to turn your attention, you shall be presenting yourself with this same issue – that other individuals, circumstances, and situations all dictate to you your reality.

In actuality, it is reverse. But within you, you question whether you shall in actuality be creating of all of your reality: “In some areas, I am creating of my reality. In some areas, other situations are creating of my reality.” No. YOU manipulate the energy to be creating of your reality.

As I express to individuals – as they inquire of myself, “Which direction shall I be moving within in my financial expressions?” and I express, “This would be your choice,” – this is quite literal, for within a moment, you may alter your reality, and this is all very influenced through your perception of how you view YOU.

If you are trusting and accepting of self and paying attention to self, you shall allow yourself to create in any direction that you choose, and within your beliefs, you shall allow yourself to be “successful.” If you are questioning your ability to be creating, you also do not create consistently the movement of successfulness.

You are already viewing failure in certain expressions of your focus, and you are turning that energy to be influencing of many other areas of your focus, and what I am expressing to you is that you have not created failure in ANY area of your focus.

JIM: Okay. (Pause)

ELIAS: You may be inquiring of these individuals physically present subsequent to our discussion this day, and they may be offering you the example of the exercise of no conflict, and this may be helpful to you if you are allowing yourself momentarily to offer yourself permission to engage this exercise, and this you may view as your beginning point.

JIM: Okay.

VIVIEN: It’s a good exercise. Got anything else?

JIM: I don’t think so. I have a lot to process right now.

VIVIEN: I know. It’s a lot of information. Would you like to know your essence name?

JIM: Sure.

VIVIEN: Family and alignment?

JIM: Sure.

ELIAS: Essence name, Silas. Essence family, Vold; alignment, Borledim. (Brief pause)

Very well.

I offer to you this day a welcoming energy and encouragement in your movement and encouragement in your accomplishment within no conflict, and I shall offer to you energy to be helpful in this area.

I express also, once again, much affection, and I anticipate our continued interaction. To you this day, adieu.

VIVIEN: Thank you, Elias.

JIM: Thank you.

Elias departs at 12:41 PM.

< Previous session | Go to the top | Next session >

© 1999 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.