Tuesday, November 20, 2001
ďTrauma of the ShiftĒ
ďExercise: A Painting of Your EnergyĒ
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Carmen (Tirza).
Elias arrives at 11:37 AM. (Arrival time is 21 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good morning!
CARMEN: Hi, Elias.
ELIAS: We meet again.
CARMEN: Oh, yes. I seem to be calling on you many, many times. (Elias laughs)
Well, as you know, I am still moving through this time framework of addressing to myself. I have to admit that at times I do think that I have made a complete mess of it, even though I know thatís the big dog talking. I was at an extremely low ebb before I created this time framework, and now at times Iím afraid Iíve traumatizing myself so badly, despite attempts not to, that Iíve actually done more damage. Iím afraid Iíve done more damage to myself and actually moved backwards in relation to self-acceptance, trust and a freer flow of energy. But then another voice comes in within me and says that despite these feelings, I have accomplished during this time period, that I havenít set myself back. (Emotionally) I just wanted to verify that I am correct in this, arenít I?
ELIAS: You are not moving backwards, Tirza.
CARMEN: I really thought I wasnít going to cry, but Iím holding tension so strongly right now.
ELIAS: I am understanding.
CARMEN: That really does help, because Iíve been up and down so much that itís hard for me to tell where Iím sort of netting out through this movement. Sometimes I do genuinely feel movement and other times I feel like Iíve just pushed myself into the abyss.
ELIAS: Tirza, offer to myself an example of your expression of feeling that you are moving backwards or that you are moving yourself into the abyss.
CARMEN: Well, before I created this time framework I wasnít happy. I was extremely bored and confused and frustrated, but I had total confidence in my professional self, which is very much how I define my worth, and that is coming home very, very clearly to me. Since I created this time framework, which I objectively understand was in benefit to give me time to feel better about myself and figure out what I wanted and feel more trust and release tension, despite my understanding all of that objectively, my belief systems, my big dog belief systems have kicked in and said, ďYou have kicked the framework out from under yourself, what supported you, what defined you. You have done this horrible thing to yourself.Ē
I have allowed myself, based on that translation, to go into complete self-disparagement, which is the opposite I believe of acceptance, thinking that Iím hurting myself, I feel terrible about myself, Iím not using my time well Ė even though objectively Iím telling myself how could I use this time better than to address to myself? But I feel like a failure now in ways that I didnít objectively feel like a failure before, so that is one way.
Also, because I have identified this big mountain that you referred to in the last session, that I am bulldozing despite attempts not to, I can see laid out all in front of me all of the ways that I do hurt myself and the beliefs that I have that are not supporting me, and I think, ďHow can I hurt myself like this?Ē
I guess those are two expressions of my feeling that Iím feeling worse about myself.
ELIAS: Very well.
Now; first of all, let me express to you that what you are creating in movement is precisely what I have spoken to many, many individuals concerning in relation to the movement of this shift in consciousness. I have expressed many times that the reason in your terms that I interact with each of you in this time framework is to be offering information and helpfulness to you in response to your request within consciousness to be lessening or avoiding trauma in association with this shift in consciousness.
Now; let me also identify to you that many individuals perceive this statement as being one in relation to trauma in association with mass events or actions. In actuality, what you are experiencing and have been experiencing is precisely the trauma that I am now speaking of, for this is the actual movement of inserting this shift in consciousness into your objective reality.
Therefore, prior to our discussion together concerning these examples that you have offered, let me assure you that although you are experiencing trauma in your individual focus, this is actual evidence of your movement. I am quite aware that it is extremely uncomfortable and that this generates within yourself tremendous anxiety, but I may also express to you that you are actually moving your energy in a manner in which figuratively speaking you are turning the gears, so to speak, to move your perception. The manner in which you are creating this is precisely in alignment with the expression of this shift in consciousness: redefining terms and therefore redefining your reality.
Now; in examining your first example, you identify and recognize that you have expressed the defining action within your focus, which expresses the outward product which defines your worth in your perception as what you generate within your job, so to speak. Let me express to you that this particular expression is quite common within your physical dimension, and it is quite commonly expressed by individuals that incorporate the orientation of common, for what is familiar to you is to express energy outwardly and to generate physical manifestations outwardly, to express a product and productivity outwardly.
Now; what is unfamiliar to individuals that incorporate this orientation of common is the action of holding your attention inwardly upon self and also continuing to project energy outwardly in your natural flow and to continue to create objective expressions, objective manifestations and objective imagery outwardly as a reflection of yourself, but to not concentrate your attention outside of yourself upon the manifestations that are projected outwardly. Are you following thus far?
CARMEN: Yes, I am.
ELIAS: Therefore, in redefining terms and therefore turning your perception and moving your attention, you move into quite unfamiliar expressions. This may be extremely confusing, for as you recognize that you have previously defined your worth to yourself through what you generate outwardly, you may also now recognize that your attention moves from self to the actual manifestations that you create in projecting your energy outwardly.
In a manner of speaking, within your terms, you may assess that there is a thin line between the expression of what you naturally generate in association with your orientation Ė projecting energy outwardly and creating objective manifestations, for this is the manner in which you offer yourself information concerning yourself through your particular hue of perception in association with your orientation Ė and the action of holding your attention inwardly.
Now; the action of holding your attention inwardly is not to be ignoring or discounting or not paying attention to the outward projection of energy. Therefore, it is not an expression of ignoring your objective imagery or manifestations; but temporarily, in moving your attention inwardly to self and to your communications that you express to yourself, it may be quite challenging to differentiate holding your attention outwardly and moving your attention inwardly. Are you understanding?
ELIAS: For your natural expression as an individual of common orientation is to be paying attention to outward manifestations and imagery. This is a natural expression of individuals incorporating the common orientation. What is unfamiliar is to be also simultaneously paying attention to you, turning your perception in a manner in which you recognize the outward expressions in every manifestation as a reflection of what you are generating inwardly.
CARMEN: And I think I am moving in that.
ELIAS: Yes, you are, and this is what I am acknowledging to you, that although you experience anxiety and you are actually experiencing expressions of trauma, you are creating this type of movement of turning your perception. Step by step, so to speak, you are recognizing in a genuine expression that the outward objective expressions and manifestations and imagery are reflections of what you are generating inwardly.
Now; the challenge, as you are aware for you are experiencing this challenge, is to be also simultaneously paying attention in the moment, in the now, to you and what you are expressing subjectively, to incorporate the objective imagery as the reflection and to also pay attention to your subjective expressions of communication.
As we have discussed, the subjective communications are in actuality quite obvious. They are not hidden. But it is an unfamiliar action to be paying attention to these communications. The mere action of recognizing the physical tension that you incorporate, as we have discussed previously, may be quite challenging at times. For, it is unfamiliar to you objectively to be paying attention to this subjective communication as it is unfamiliar to be recognizing that all of these avenues of communication that we have defined are in actuality the expressions of your subjective movement and actions in communication to your objective awareness.
What becomes challenging is the translation, for objectively this is automatically complicated. Rather than merely simply paying attention to what is being expressed by the subjective awareness without analyzation or without rationalization and even without attempting to identify the influencing beliefs but merely allowing yourself to simply recognize what you are expressing to yourself subjectively in certain communications, the automatic objective translation is that you MUST be attempting to uncover, so to speak, the hidden message. This is the reason that I have discussed with you individually allowing yourself to move in a step-by-step type of expression and in that allow yourself not to overwhelm yourself.
In a manner of speaking, in this type of movement in increments, before you attempt to be overwhelming yourself with the identification of all of the beliefs that are influencing these expressions that you generate, allow yourself to merely recognize and notice what you are generating in subjective communication to yourself and simply address to that first.
As we have discussed previously examples of this, which I may express to you I do recognize in your energy that you are moving in this direction, but once again in reminder to you, the example of this simple movement first of all is to be recognizing in the now your physical body expressions, as you are aware, allowing yourself objectively to recognize this extreme tension that you incorporate, and merely to allow yourself in the now to address to that, to intentionally physically respond to the communication of the tension, and allow yourself to address to it through the action of relaxing.
This is the reception of the message and allowing yourself to express choice, rather than automatic response in continuing to receive the signal of the tension but automatically responding in not addressing to it or to be listening to the communication of intuition and emotion and not merely recognizing the signal.
Now; initially, remind yourself, my dear friend, it is not necessary yet to be analyzing all of the beliefs that are influencing these expressions of energy.
CARMEN: Thank you very much for that. I do want to kind of acknowledge myself because I really did hear what you said about the physical tension. I have genuinely been attempting to address to that, and I actually feel that I may be dissipating some of the tension that Iíve been holding. Would you agree with that?
ELIAS: Yes! I may express to you that I quite agree and am quite acknowledging of you. What I also shall express to you is a gentle reminder that you also allow yourself to not be judging and discounting yourself in moments that you recognize that you continue to generate this type of expression, but merely to notice.
CARMEN: That really helps, because, oh boy, am I harsh on myself.
ELIAS: I am understanding. Allow yourself permission to merely notice and not express judgment upon yourself and your expressions.
CARMEN: (Emotionally) You know, I thought... Iíve said this before, but I thought that I have been studying this stuff my entire life and to be Ė now, this is a big dog assessment Ė but to be my age and feel like Iím starting. This is not acknowledging myself, but I am so tired.
ELIAS: I am understanding, and this is precisely what I have expressed to you in this previous moment of allowing yourself to notice what you are expressing, but not to be generating what you are generating in this moment of discounting yourself and creating judgment of yourself. For, my friend, I may express to you quite genuinely and strongly, you are not creating movement to reach a goal. You are a traveler, you are an explorer, and what you are exploring are expressions and self in a physical dimension.
You are generating the same exploration as you do as essence in every area of consciousness, for this is the nature of consciousness, to simply be generating a continuous and never-ceasing exploration of itself, a continuous becoming, a continuous expansion, and what you are creating in movement in your physical manifestation is the same action, a folding in upon self.
CARMEN: I do feel that and am noticing aspects of that.
ELIAS: Correct, and therefore there is no need to be discounting of yourself or judging yourself that you have been exploring for many years, for this is the nature of the action and movement of essence, of consciousness. Therefore, you are creating precisely what is natural for you to be creating, and you are not creating this action to be achieving a goal.
CARMEN: Self-acceptance has been a big, big issue for me, and I do have periods of extreme self-judgment. But on the other hand, there are periods now when I do feel a little more accepting of myself in feeling that I have value and that my desires are worthwhile. So Iím thinking that despite the fact that I donít think I have moved as much as Iíd like to in this area, I think that I may be more accepting of myself than I was before I created this time framework. Would you agree with that?
ELIAS: I am in agreement with what you are expressing.
Now; shall I offer you another exercise that you may be incorporating?
ELIAS: This in actuality may be an interesting exercise that you and I may incorporate future discussion concerning. And I may also express to you, in this particular exercise that I shall offer to you individually, I shall express an offering of my energy to you to be interactive with you as you generate this exercise. Shall you accept?
ELIAS: I shall express to you a challenge, and this is your exercise. Create, in your natural expression of your orientation, an outward expression of your energy, and manifest a painting of your energy. I express in this exercise that you generate this picture as an offering of yourself in all of the colors and hues and shadows of you, as an expression to myself. Shall you accept the challenge?
CARMEN: Oh, yes, but immediately coming to mind, it will depend... I could do 10,000 depending on my mood (laughs), but what youíre talking about is to manifest a painting of my essence...
CARMEN: ...rather than Carmen.
ELIAS: Ah, but Carmen is essence. Therefore, incorporate also the expression of this focus of attention, of Carmen, and in this generate your expression of you. Create a picture of your perception.
CARMEN: Okay, I can do that.
ELIAS: As you create this, be remembering that this is a genuine expression of your perception that you shall offer to myself as another essence.
CARMEN: Immediately I think, though Ė and this may be the Vold part of me Ė but would it be okay to do more than one?
ELIAS: If you are so choosing.
CARMEN: Because I do change colors and hues, even though my essence ... well, my essence is so huge. This is just getting my imagination going.
ELIAS: Ah ha! (Carmen laughs) This may be quite an interesting exercise for you to be incorporating, and one that shall offer you information in acknowledgment of yourself and also in recognition of the shadows Ė but not in judgment Ė in recognizing how those shadows that you generally do incorporate judgment in association with create defined depth.
CARMEN: Yes. I will do that, very happily.
ELIAS: Very well, my friend, and I shall be quite compliant in my offering of energy in interaction with you as you participate in this exercise.
CARMEN: As I am sure you are well aware of, one very large area of conflict for me is that I havenít manifested the quote ďwork projectsĒ that I want. You mentioned that the most efficient way to create what we want is to decide what we genuinely desire and then to actively give ourselves permission to create that.
CARMEN: But because I havenít been successful at physically actualizing the flow of projects, Iím wondering if I have actively given myself permission to do so. I feel like I have, but Iím having doubts. Iím also thinking that maybe Iím being impatient, that maybe I am in probabilities where the projects are coming but they just havenít manifested yet.
But every day that goes by that I havenít objectively actualized anything Ė and here I go speaking as a common Ė I sink deeper into discouragement and the voice of ďI cannot create what I wantĒ gets louder. So, would you tell me whether or not I have, in fact, given myself permission to create the flow of projects?
ELIAS: Not entirely.
CARMEN: Because I donít trust myself.
ELIAS: Correct, and you are reinforcing your expression of not offering yourself permission in your expression of discouragement, and expressing to yourself that you cannot create it, that it is dependent upon outside other individuals to be presenting projects to you rather than generating this within you. As I have expressed to you previously, in identifying what you want genuinely and offering yourself permission to create that, as it is unfamiliar, temporarily you also actively may be reminding yourself that you can generate what you want and continue to reinforce your ability and not to reinforce the doubt.
The manner in which you may practice is to be paying attention and recognizing and acknowledging in each action that you do generate the manifestation of what you want, regardless of your assessment or your belief of how small it may be. You may be within a particular day, so to speak, expressing to yourself a want to be accomplishing a certain number of tasks, as mundane as they may be, and as you accomplish each task that you express to yourself that you want to accomplish, although this may appear to you to be quite small, as you allow yourself to pay attention and to acknowledge yourself that you have accomplished creating each expression that you want within your day, you offer yourself practice, you reinforce validating yourself, and you reinforce your trust.
Each time you accomplish objectively recognizing an expression of tension within your day and you accomplish relaxing, this may not appear to you initially to be tremendously significant. It may not be generating what you view as clientele in relation to your job, so to speak, but it is a tremendous movement and it is worthy of your acknowledgment, for YOU are worthy of your acknowledgment. And in this, you reinforce your trust of your ability and you validate yourself.
As you continue to practice becoming familiar with this action and not doubting yourself, you may allow yourself permission to be creating what you want without doubt in other expressions. Are you understanding?
CARMEN: (Emotionally) Yes, I understand. I thought that I was giving myself more permission than I am.
ELIAS: You are in certain expressions, and in other expressions you continue to challenge yourself. But these are aspects of the movement of exploring; therefore do not discount yourself.
CARMEN: (Very emotionally) Oh boy, the big dog is howling right now!
ELIAS: And what is it expressing to you?
CARMEN: That I cannot do this. I know that I can, but I feel that I canít. I will work on it.
CARMEN: I know. Iím sorry.
ELIAS: Do not apologize to myself. Turn your attention to your exercise. Do not concern yourself in this moment with [the] future. Allow yourself to release tension in this now. Pay attention to this now.
CARMEN: Oh god, this is hard. I just reinforced that belief!
ELIAS: It matters not. You are also noticing.
CARMEN: Thatís true. I know everything youíve said is true.
ELIAS: The beliefs are not moving in a direction of disappearing. This is not the point.
CARMEN: Yes, I understand. I just want to be able to choose the ones that are creating what I want.
ELIAS: I am understanding. In this now presently, what are you creating? What are you choosing? What are you doing?
CARMEN: Right now I am choosing the ďI cannot,Ē but I will.
ELIAS: No. In this now, the action you are generating, what you are choosing and what you are doing, is speaking to and listening to myself, quite simply. Therefore, all that you perceive to be future matters not. All that you perceive that you are not generating matters not. What you are creating in this now is an interaction with myself.
CARMEN: Yes. When I wake up in the morning Ė and this has been happening because Iíve been traumatizing myself Ė but I feel a very deep depression and dread for the day, and I recognize this as my lack of trust in myself. But Iím wondering if this means Iíve spent my entire sleeping period reinforcing my lack of self-trust.
ELIAS: No. Incorporate those moments as you awake and move into objective expression to recognize what you are expressing and allow yourself to pay attention to the moment, reinforcing to yourself that there is no need to be expressing dread in that moment, for what you are expressing is the dread of the day, which has not been created yet.
CARMEN: Thatís true.
ELIAS: What is being created is the moment. Therefore, within the moment, no trauma is befalling you other than the anticipation of the day, which has not occurred. In that moment, in recognizing that, allow yourself to relax and appreciate that in that moment, without the anticipation of the day which has not occurred yet, that you merely are.
CARMEN: (Softly and emotionally) Oh god! I know I shouldnít apologize, but Iím just in such despair. But I am listening.
ELIAS: And what are you despairing of in this moment?
CARMEN: That I canít do this.
ELIAS: Which is a projection. Pull your attention to the now. Allow yourself to incorporate even breathing. Allow yourself to recognize that what you are engaging in this now is in actuality what you want. You want to be interactive with myself, and this is not unpleasant.
CARMEN: No, it isnít. Youíre right, I was projecting.
ELIAS: Therefore, why shall you be in an expression of despair? For you are actually experiencing a not unpleasant experience.
CARMEN: Thatís true.
ELIAS: This is an example, my dear friend. Pay attention to the now, not even projecting your attention two minutes from now.
CARMEN: Believe me, I have realized that can be painful, too. Any idea of the future can throw me.
Letís see. I just have two more quick questions. Iím wondering if my periodic back pain that I create is communicating that Iím out of energy balance, that Iím not supporting myself emotionally, or my feeling that Iím not adequately supporting myself financially right now. Sometimes I also create that pain after aerobics or swimming, so I think it might also indicate that Iím not allowing myself to feel free enough in having fun. Are any of these...?
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.
CARMEN: All of them?
CARMEN: When I watch TV sometimes the screen turns into a solid blue color and then it either returns by itself or I have to click the remote control to bring the program back. Is this imagery communicating to me that Iím blinking into another reality, or is it reminding me to return to the now, or neither?
ELIAS: (Smiling) I may express to you that this is a reminder. This is also an interaction of my energy with you...
CARMEN: I thought so. (Laughs)
ELIAS: ...to be reminding of you.
CARMEN: To come back to the now?
CARMEN: You know, I said, ďThat is a bright blue that looks like the sky in its deepest expression. I wonder if thatís you.Ē
ELIAS: Quite! Ha ha ha!
CARMEN: I thought to myself that I havenít really been noticing blue expressions before, so I doubted that impression. So thatís another ďnowĒ reminder. (Elias chuckles) Boy, if I ever get that down, stay in the now, Iíll have it. It will be a lot easier for me to live.
I often see a flash of white light, both when my eyes are open and when theyíre closed. Now I see a lot of points of light, entire fields of them, but this one flashes and is brighter. Is this another of my focuses or another essence communicating with me?
ELIAS: This is you and an expression of your energy as essence. In a manner of speaking, it is imagery that you offer to yourself to be reminding you that you are this immense expression of essence.
CARMEN: Because itís not my plum color. Itís white.
ELIAS: I am understanding. This is merely an expression of offering you a type of imagery that moves your attention, so to speak. In this, in association with mass beliefs, the reason that you image it as white is that this symbolically in beliefs is associated with purity and spirituality. Therefore, it is imaged in this color as an expression of essence.
CARMEN: Iím going to squeeze in one last one, because itís been dogging me. Again, I feel like Iím really behind schedule for this time period. Am I still within the framework of what my subjective awareness thought I might need for this or not?
ELIAS: Yes, but I shall also express to you to allow yourself to discontinue this expression of pressure.
CARMEN: Yes, I have been hammering myself with it. Iíll try to let it go.
ELIAS: For you are creating another box to place yourself within in association with time.
CARMEN: (Emotionally) Thank you very much.
ELIAS: You are quite welcome, my friend. Let me express to you, in this moment, in energy exchange between yourself and myself, pay attention presently in this now and allow yourself to receive from myself now my expression of energy.
CARMEN: I have been allowing myself to do that more, so I thank you very much. I have been trying to incorporate your expressions into my energy as support, so I do appreciate it.
ELIAS: I offer to you a blanket of energy of calm and one that you may experience in warmth.
CARMEN: Thank you.
ELIAS: You are very welcome, my friend.
CARMEN: I guess thatís it for today, then.
ELIAS: Very well. In tremendous affection as always, and in anticipation of your exercise and our interaction, I express to you au revoir.
CARMEN: Au revoir. (Softly) Goodbye.
Elias departs at 12:47 PM.
© 2002 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.