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Sunday, February 19, 2006

<  Session 1934 (Private/Phone)  >

“The Soft Session, #1: Intimate Relationships; Flamboyance; ‘Soft Moments’”

Participants: Mary (Michael) and Julie (Fontine).

(Elias’ arrival time is 19 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good morning!

JULIE: Good morning, Elias! This session is going to be for the Soft Group. (1) I’m sure you know about it.

ELIAS: Very well.

JULIE: I think we will first start out with some impressions that we had about our tone, our group tone. Some of the names that people had impressions about were Starlings, Bluebirds, Rinara and Softies. Do you have any comments about those names?

ELIAS: I may express to you that all of those names would be appropriate and would also be signifying of the combined energies.

JULIE: So each name signifies combined energies of our group?


JULIE: From a different facet, maybe?


JULIE: Some color impressions that we have are peach, cool misty pink, zeng – Z-E-N-G, which Oba said does not translate in our dimension (Elias chuckles) – and a purple hue. Is there an overall color for our group?

ELIAS: Peach.

JULIE: How about a musical note?

ELIAS: And your impressions?

JULIE: I don’t know why B-flat is in my mind.

ELIAS: (Laughs) I would express a B flat chord.

JULIE: Well, I feel like I just pulled that out of thin air. I’ll play it on the piano and see what it sounds like. (Elias laughs) Okay, thank you.

We came up with a lot of questions by different individuals, and then the whole group voted on the questions that we were the most interested in at the time. I’m just going to go down the list and read the questions.

ELIAS: Very well.

JULIE: Question number one is how can softies go about meeting people and developing new friendships when we tend to be so inner-oriented and not big on mingling? In addition to that, do you have suggestions about how we can create fulfilling intimate relationships as softies?

ELIAS: Soft individuals generally draw singular individuals to themselves in any time period. They may engage interaction at times with groups of individuals, such as in the situation of your small group. You interact through the avenue of the computer, which allows you to be within your own individual environments, but it also allows you to interact and share with other individuals without the overwhelm of physical proximity of a group. But even in that, you may notice that you may be drawn to one individual somewhat more than the other individuals. You may experience somewhat of a resonance with one individual or another individual.

In this, merely allowing yourselves your natural movement and expression of doing what you do in your own individual preferences allows you an openness in which you naturally shall draw another individual to you, whether it be through the avenue of the computer or whether it be within physical proximity. But in that, generally speaking, that shall be accomplished through actions that you naturally engage.

The individuals of the common orientation may choose to engage social situations to be meeting objectively another individual that they may choose to engage some type of relationship with. Generally speaking, this is not quite an efficient avenue for individuals of the soft orientation, for that generates somewhat of an over-stimulation and an overwhelm of environment. In those situations, a soft individual is more likely, generally speaking although there are exceptions, to withdraw somewhat and not genuinely allow themselves to participate in a manner that generates a genuine openness to the group of individuals.

This is not to say that soft individuals cannot be social in a social situation with many individuals, but in those situations a different action occurs. For unless the individual in that type of scenario moves in a direction of singularly interacting with one individual or perhaps two individuals within the group in the social situation, generally speaking if that is not occurring, the soft individual shall generate a type of automatic shield. Not that they are blocking, but they are, in a manner of speaking, automatically buffering. They can continue to interact socially but not in an intimate manner.

Soft individuals prefer to be expressing and interacting in an intimate manner, but it becomes overwhelming or over-stimulating to attempt to generate that with more than one or two individuals in any particular time framework in physical proximity. Therefore, within a situation in which there is a presentment of a group of individuals, the soft individual automatically buffers, and is more willing to share experiences but not actually generating the natural back-and-forth interaction in an intimate manner. The intimacy is what is buffered, for that becomes too overwhelming.

Therefore, in association with meeting another individual that may develop into a potential relationship, if the soft individual is generating their natural movement, their natural routine so to speak, they shall draw another individual or other individuals to themselves in that environment. It is not a matter of seeking out but more so of an allowance to draw-to, rather than seek and find. Generally speaking, this is generated quite efficiently. For generally speaking, especially with soft individuals, in the time frameworks in which they are allowing themselves their own natural movement and they are not seeking, those are the time frameworks in which they actually draw another individual to them.

Another factor in this is to recognize the natural expressions and movements of yourselves as being this orientation, recognizing that being of this orientation you do not always choose to be continuously interactive with other individuals. Being continuously interactive is not associated with merely interacting with other individuals. Soft individuals are continuously interactive but not necessarily with other individuals, and much of your interaction is with yourself. Considerable interaction is with yourself or with significant living, in your terms, manifestations within your own environment, which may be another individual, or it may be a creature, or it may be gardening, for that allows you to be interactive with plants.

But as to individuals and relationships, it is important to be aware of your natural propensity to incorporate time frameworks in which you are semi-alone, for a considerable time framework in your focus is spent in your own interaction with self. That does not always lend to a relationship with another individual in constant physical proximity. This is not to say that soft individuals do not or cannot generate intimate relationships with a partner and generate a successful long-standing relationship, but in that, in order to avoid significant conflicts, it is important that the individual recognize and acknowledge their own natural movement.

One of the expressions that generates conflict and discounting and disappointment in association with soft individuals in intimate relationships, if they are romantic relationships, is sexual activity. For within mass beliefs, that is a significant expression of a romantic relationship. That is not necessarily correct but that is the mass belief, and that can generate significant difficulties if the soft individual is not acknowledging and accepting of their own natural expression, which moves in somewhat of extremes – but they are natural extremes. In this, those extremes would be signified in intense bursts of passion, in which the individual may engage sexual activity for a temporary time framework and subsequently incorporate little or no interest in that type of expression.

This is a very natural movement with soft individuals, for you are so very interactive with yourselves that in small increments throughout each of your days you are constantly releasing and expressing that passion that you incorporate as a natural quality of yourselves. Therefore, the engagement of an action such as sexual activity many times, if forced, is perceived as a chore. For it is forced, for the individual is attempting to generate this intense expression of passion that, in a manner of speaking, does not exist, for it has already been being expressed in other manners. That passion is generally, for the most part, always being expressed in increments with a soft individual.

The reason that they engage these time frameworks of temporary bursts in which sexual activity shall become an interesting and a driving force and they shall choose to be engaging that action in a concentrated manner is that the individual may generate a lengthy time framework in which, in some areas, they are not necessarily allowing themselves to express their passion. Therefore, figuratively speaking, there are pieces of energy, so to speak, that are not being expressed, and figuratively speaking, are being saved.

At some point that saved energy shall be triggered, and at that point the energy that has been saved shall be matched with a great intensity. That intensity, generally speaking, shall be expressed in sexual activity, for that is a manner in which the individual can generate an outlet of intense energy of passion. Which at times, with other orientations, may be somewhat confusing, for a soft individual can express tremendous passion. That translates to other individuals that the soft individual is very interested in sexual activity and very willing to be exploring, but in actuality, it is more accurate to express that the individual has experienced a burst of passion, and once that is satisfied, the interest in that action fades quickly and can be nonexistent for considerable time frameworks.

As to engaging a successful relationship as a soft individual with another individual, regardless of their orientation, it is, once again, important for the soft individual to be aware of themself and their natural flow of energy and to allow that, but not to move in the direction of instruction with their partner. Rather, what may be more effective and efficient is to share with their partner, therefore creating avenues of communication between themself and their partner. It is important to be generating cooperation.

Now; it is important for all individuals to generate cooperation, but in association with romantic relationships, it is significantly important for the soft individual to generate cooperation with their partner, which is not generating teamwork and is not expressing that the other individual cooperates with you, for that is not cooperation – that is compromise or acquiescing – but that you, as the soft individual, creatively express actions that can allow you to continue in your natural movement but does not generate expectations of the partner, that allows the partner to express in the manner that they choose also – which at times, I am aware, can be challenging. But you are creative beings, and you are accustomed to paying attention to yourselves. Therefore, it may be somewhat less challenging to generate a creative action that allows you to interact or not interact with your partner in a manner that does not expect any alteration of the other individual.

Is this answering of your question?

JULIE: I think so. (Elias chuckles) Do you have an example of a creative solution for cooperating in this area?

ELIAS: Offer an example of a situation.

JULIE: A situation where one person, the soft individual, does not feel sexual and the other individual does and requests sexual activity.

ELIAS: I may express several avenues, but I am also aware that individual’s beliefs also can create an interference. In these different avenues, one avenue is to be acknowledging and accepting that you as the soft individual are not interested in engaging that action and allowing an encouragement of the other individual to engage that action in a different avenue, and in not expressing an expectation that the individual must alter themselves or that they must deny themselves to accommodate you, but that you are choosing to express in the manner that you are, and the other individual can express themselves in the manner that they choose in a different avenue, perhaps with another individual.

JULIE: I realize that I may have gotten off track with the questions a little bit, so I think I’ll move on to the next one.

ELIAS: Very well.

JULIE: Thank you, Elias. The next question – I’m just going to read it. In past sessions, you mentioned that softies are no wallflowers, and that we are seen by other orientations as flamboyant. This is our natural flow of energy, but we often tend to discount ourselves for being like this and then restrict ourselves. I’m interested in how, at times, even we softies in our interactions with each other oppose this specific quality of our orientation. We dislike when we see this quality reflected in another softie.

Is this associated with the soft/soft ball bouncing in addition to the reflection of the discounting of self? Could you comment a bit on this natural flow of our energy and what we explore by being intense and being “no wallflowers” and being flamboyant? And I’ll add, does this concern the burst of passion that we naturally express?

ELIAS: Yes. It is associated with your passion and how you express that in many other areas, and how you express it in a continuous manner.

You are generating this constant expression of passion. You can express genuine passion in reading a book or engaging a film. You generate a genuine interaction with yourself in a manner that allows you to express this passion, and in the flamboyance, you express passion in fun. That is a fun expression.

Many soft individuals discount themselves, for they compare. The soft individual that does not compare is the soft individual that shall be comfortable with their own flamboyance and shall not generate irritation in facing themselves with another soft individual that is expressing in a flamboyant manner. For, the reason that the individual becomes irritated or judgmental in association with another soft individual being flamboyant is that it generates a threat to you, for it reflects what you yourself oppose and discount. The reason that is being opposed is who are the greatest numbers of an individual orientation within your reality?

JULIE: Commons.

ELIAS: Correct. And who shall you compare yourselves to?

JULIE: To them.

ELIAS: Correct. In this, this type of flamboyance with soft individuals is different from any type of flamboyant expression that a common individual would generate. Soft individuals in their flamboyance are, figuratively speaking, the clowns. They are the entertainers. In this, they allow themselves to express their passion in that fun. But they also recognize that common individuals do not generally express in this manner. Therefore, there is an easy avenue for comparison.

Also, generally speaking, many soft and intermediate individuals compare themselves to common individuals, for they interact with common individuals from the time of being a small one. Therefore, they view that the general expressions and guidelines are set by the common individuals, and they view themselves as different. Generally speaking, as we have discussed many times, difference is automatically viewed as bad and threatening. Therefore, as a difference is recognized, the individual compares themself to what they perceive to be the norm, and if they are not expressing in association with that norm, they discount themselves and they oppose their own expression, attempting to place their triangular self into the square hole.

In the moments in which they present themselves with another soft individual that expresses similarly, the automatic response is to want to place the other triangular individual into the square hole, simultaneously discounting of self and continuing to pound self into the square hole. Whereas, if you are genuinely acknowledging your natural expression and your natural flow of energy, recognizing that yes, it is different, but that is not bad and it is not wrong. It is you, and it is acceptable. In that, in not being the wallflower, in being flamboyant, in being the clowns, you provide a spice in the collective. You provide the excitement in a group, for you are willing to generate this action.

Let me also express to you, this is also another manner in which the soft individual prevents themselves from overwhelm and prevents themselves from over stimulus. By allowing that release of passion in fun, in being flamboyant, that is a natural and efficient expression to create the buffer, which prevents the overwhelm.

JULIE: So you’re saying that all of us softies have this propensity to be clownish and flamboyant if we don’t discount ourselves?


JULIE: Anything else about that?

ELIAS: As always, it is a matter of degrees, for there is also the factor of the individual’s personality and the individual’s focus type and the individual’s beliefs. Therefore, as I express these qualities or propensities to you and offer an explanation, do not move into the interpretation of generating an absolute, for there are varying degrees of these types of expressions, and there are variances in what the individual shall comfortably express.

But I may say to you, generally speaking, if a soft individual is accepting of themself and is aware of the natural flow of their energy, is allowing that, and if the soft individual is comfortable with themself and not comparing, their allowance of themself to express this natural passion in fun, in flamboyance, shall be more obvious.

JULIE: Well, that sounds fun to me! (Laughs with Elias) I’m ready to go there, or allow myself to go there a little more. I notice that I do naturally tend to make a lot of faces to express myself when I’m feeling comfortable, to make my kids laugh, or make strange faces or actions or clowning. I can recognize some of that.

ELIAS: (Laughs) Yes.

JULIE: Looks like we have time for maybe one more question. The background for this is that Anjuli and Lynda were talking about something that they call “soft moments,” where a soft person will express something intensely in one moment and then later on the common person will ask her about it and she doesn’t feel the emotion anymore. We’re wondering if you have anything more to say about what these soft moments are. (Elias chuckles) Was that clear enough?

ELIAS: Yes, I am understanding. This may occur in many different types of situations, but generally speaking, the commonality that is expressed is that the soft individual shall either offer themselves an intensity of revelation in some fashion, or they shall present themselves with an intense trigger.

In those moments once again, in a manner of speaking, there is generated a flood of passion, and the individual, in a manner of speaking, almost becomes consumed with the passion of the situation. Whether it be that they have offered themselves what they perceive as a revelation in generating an experience in understanding some information in an intense manner, or whether they are engaging another individual or a scenario in which they generate an intense trigger, in those moments the subject becomes all encompassing. The individual’s attention is tremendously intensely focused, to the point in which any other expression that may be occurring is unnoticed, for the individual is genuinely focused.

Let me express to you, you may be recalling a group interaction previously in which I was speaking of being genuinely present with self and aware of your existence, and I incorporated the example of physical pain. If an individual is experiencing physical pain, regardless of their orientation, generally speaking they shall generate a time framework, even if it is brief, in which they are present and aware of their existence, for their attention is very focused. It is focused upon the pain, which generates somewhat of a clarity.

In similar manner, soft individuals at times present themselves with moments of this type of intense focus in which they are very present with themselves, and they are very present in what is occurring and what they are engaging. In that intensity of focus, they are generating a considerable expression of that passion. Subsequent to the actual event, the moment of passion in that intensity has passed.

Those intensity-moments of passion are the outlets that generate lengthy time frameworks between the sexual bursts. For in addition to the individual continuously expressing passion in what you would term to be small expressions, less obvious expressions continuously throughout the day, there are periodic moments in which there shall be bursts of passionate focused energy, but they are considerably temporary. They are almost literally moments, although a moment in that type of burst may actually incorporate a partial day or perhaps, dependent upon the intensity, may even incorporate an entire day.

But subsequent to that burst of passion and that intensity of focus, as the individual is present and is aware and is generating such an intensity of focus, the individual also offers themself other information quickly. Therefore, if the burst – or what you are terming to be the soft moment – is concerning a revelation, the individual may be intensely expressing and may want to engage sharing that with another individual in an intense manner. Subsequent to that, the passion has dissipated. The information remains but the soft individual is not as concentrated upon it any longer, for they accomplished the expression of that passion in the moment. They offered themselves the information, they assimilated that information quickly, and now their attention moves to some other area and is no longer generating the concentration upon the previous event, so to speak.

If the individual is being triggered in relation to an interaction or a scenario with another individual, they may express quite intensely also and in that moment are once again, in very similar manner to the other direction, very focused. But also, quite in association with the inspirational revelation moment, the individual offers themself information quickly and assimilates that quickly. Therefore, once again, the passion has been expressed. They have offered themselves the information, they have assimilated that, and now their attention is moving in a different direction.

In a manner of speaking, it can be likened to an intense moment of accomplishment. Once the accomplishment is expressed and the individual is satisfied with the accomplishment, their attention moves in another direction, to a new endeavor or another endeavor or another challenge to assimilate and to understand, or perhaps they merely move into an expression once again of interacting with self and expressing the small increments of passion. This is also a very natural flow of energy with soft individuals.

I am understanding how that can at times be confusing to other individuals, for in your terms, the soft individual appears to be hot and cold, so to speak. In one moment, they may be expressing tremendous passion in relation to one subject, and within a relatively short time framework, they may be almost uninterested in that same subject. It is not actually that they are uninterested but that they have already assimilated, and therefore, it is unnecessary to engage the subject anymore. Are you understanding?

JULIE: Yes, I do. (Elias laughs) Thank you! This is thrilling. I’m really excited to receive all of this information.

ELIAS: (Laughs) You are quite passionate beings, are you not?

JULIE: We are. (Both laugh) Thank you so much, Elias.

ELIAS: You are very welcome, my friend. I express to you and to all of your little group great encouragement, and I express appreciation of you all in engaging this conversation concerning different aspects of your orientation. I may express to you that I have incorporated a fun interaction also. Ha ha ha!

JULIE: Oh, I’m so glad! It’s been very fun. Thank you, Elias.

ELIAS: To you and all of your soft individuals, great affection and dear friendship. I shall anticipate our next interaction.

JULIE: Me too!

ELIAS: To you all, au revoir.

JULIE: Au revoir.

Elias departs after 1 hour, 5 minutes.


(1) The Soft Group is a member only, soft only email chat group on the Internet at As stated on the home page, “This list is for the exploration and sharing of our knowledge about the Soft natural flow as described by Elias. The purpose is to gain more objective understanding of our natural expression.” You may contact the list owner at for more information.

Digests: find out more about soft orientation.

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