Friday, March 19, 1999
“Kids, Adults, and Conflict”
Participants: Mary (Michael), Carter (Cynthia), and Sarah (Lydia).
Elias arrives at 11:03 AM. (Arrival time is 15 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good morning!
CARTER: Good morning to you, Elias!
ELIAS: We meet again!
CARTER: Could you repeat that please? Oh, we meet again!
Elias, my daughter Sarah is on the phone, and my question is, my daughter Sarah, who is 10-years-old, is creating an interesting drama with her school teachers. Sarah is an honor roll student, so it appears academically she is content. Sarah’s interaction with some of her teachers appears to be strained. She feels that the teachers are, in her words, “out to get her.” She appears unhappy with self.
On the other hand, the teachers feel that Sarah, although a good student, exhibits at times a behavior of inflexibility to outright defiance if Sarah does not agree with them. There have been several emotional outbursts by Sarah at school. She no longer wishes to attend her current school, feeling that everyone dislikes her.
We’d appreciate any observations on your part that would assist us in expanding our awareness with this situation. And then Sarah asked me to ask you a question, which is, “How do I relieve emotional stress?”
ELIAS: Very well. We shall begin with this present situation, in addressing to that. Let me express to you that within this present now, there is a conflict which is occurring with this small one and with these other individuals which are viewed as authority figures.
Now; in this, what is being created is an expression of knowing of self in certain aspects with this small one, and a lack of acceptance of this expression by those that you would term to be authorities or the identification of teachers, and also those that you identify as administrative figures.
In this, what is occurring is becoming quite common with many small ones presently, for they hold an inner awareness of self and are allowing themselves to be expressive of self and allowing themselves to be trusting in self also, but this is not fitting into your officially accepted reality within your society.
Let me also express that presently, as I have stated previously, your society moves in a direction of less and less acceptance of the expressions of individuals, increasing their identifications within your science of psychology and narrowing the acceptable enactment of behaviors and expressions. In this, it is becoming less and less acceptable for individual expression within children – and has even extended to your creatures – in the manner that any deviation from what is viewed to be the acceptable norm is labeled and hence addressed to in the manner of modifying certain behaviors that are viewed to be unacceptable.
Now; let me also express that this is an action of an expression – within this shift in consciousness – of fear. Many individuals are experiencing fearfulness in viewing many changes within your reality, and therefore, they are responding and reacting in their expressions that behaviors are unacceptable.
This creates a conflict with many small ones, for these children have manifest within this time framework holding a knowing already of this shift and allowing themselves to be more freely expressive in the acceptance of themselves and within their trust of self, but this does not fit within your officially accepted society and its reality. This is the reason that there is conflict occurring. This also is demonstrated by what YOU view within behavior – that the child complies academically and excels in this area, but once expressing of herself in interaction, this is not acceptable.
I express to you that many, many small ones within this present time framework are experiencing much opposition and difficulty in their interaction with adults, for you are continuing to be holding to your belief systems that you are more informed as adults and more aware as adults than these children. Therefore, in your discounting of these children, you are also non-accepting of their expressions and their behavior. This is creating a situation of great frustration within these small ones.
In this, I express to you that my suggestion in this situation is not to be necessarily entirely within compliance of the expression of those authority figures, for in this, another action shall be created in repressing or squelching the natural expression of the small one, and in this, it is creating a blocking of impulses and impressions and natural flow of expression and energy, and this shall be creating of geysers.
I am encouraging of these small ones, these children, within this time framework presently, knowing the difficulties that they are experiencing in their interaction with individuals holding greater age, and the discounting and invalidation that they are receiving from these individuals.
As I have expressed, this is becoming quite common within this present now, and has been building for what you may term to be years to this point. As you are not allowing yourself to be lending energy to the perpetuation of these belief systems held en masse by these individuals that you view to be authorities, you shall also be lending energy to the movement of knowing within this shift, which shall be creating of a new acceptance with regard to these children. Are you understanding thus far?
Vic’s note: Here, Elias starts talking directly to Sarah.
ELIAS: As to the situation of emotional expression: in this, I hold an awareness of the confusion and the difficulty in addressing to this situation and the frustration that is felt in this area. I express to you that your most efficient manner of addressing to this frustration is to be allowing self, within the moment of frustration and emotional affectingness, to be remembering the knowing within.
What I am expressing is, as you are experiencing frustration and emotional upset, stop momentarily, and think within yourself what you know. You know that you are acceptable. You know that your expression is not wrong. You know that you are worthy and that you are merely expressing yourself.
You also know that another individual – be they of your same age category or be they an adult of many more years than yourself – they are expressing themselves in their behavior within their own lack of understanding and their own frustrations and their own fear. This is not your responsibility. It is also not an action that you may fix. You may merely attend to yourself. Therefore, allow yourself in the moment to be remembering who you are and what you are, and that you are not wrong in your expression, in your emotions, in your feelings.
In that, as you are accepting of yourself and knowing that the expression created by the other individual is merely an expression of their own fear and their own lack of understanding and frustration, you need not allow this to be penetrating and affecting of you.
Let me also express to you that when you are reacting, what you are creating is the acceptance of another individual’s behavior and ideas or expressions. When you are reacting in emotional upset to the expression of another individual, you are agreeing with their expression.
Example: An authority may approach you and may express to you, “Your emotional outburst, your behavior, is unacceptable, and I am angry with you, for this behavior is not acceptable!”
Now; if you are responding within yourself in the direction of an emotional response, being affected emotionally within upset to this expression, what you are creating is your own expression of accepting, agreeing [with], and believing the expression of the other individual. At any moment that any individual expresses to you that your behavior is unacceptable, they are not accepting you. And in this, if you are responding within emotional upset, you are agreeing with their expression and you are expressing to yourself, “You are correct. I am unacceptable. My behavior is unacceptable. My expression is unacceptable.” And in this expression, what you are expressing to yourself is, “I am wrong. I am bad.”
I am expressing to you, you are not wrong and you are not bad. You are merely expressing yourself in the manner that you are expressing yourself, and it is not right or wrong. It merely is.
Now; this is not to say that it is entirely efficient within certain situations, for as I have stated, if you are creating of your own emotional upset and expressing yourself within reaction to another individual, you are expressing your agreement that you are not acceptable. Therefore, if you are looking to self and stopping within the moment, recognizing that you are reacting to another individual and remembering within yourself that you are not wrong and that you are not bad and that this other individual is merely expressing from their own fear and frustration, this shall allow you a new choice in allowing you the opportunity to NOT respond, for it is unnecessary.
Another individual’s expression does not diminish you and does not devalue you. It may only devalue you if you are in agreement with their statement or their expression. But if you are not within agreement ... if another individual is expressing to you that your behavior or your expression is unacceptable and you are not within agreement, and you are knowing that you are not right or wrong, you are merely expressing yourself and not blocking your own impulses, then you may allow yourself to not react to this other individual’s behavior. For in actuality, what they are expressing is their own duplicity, and their statement is incorrect. You ARE acceptable, and your expression is your expression, regardless of what it is. Are you understanding?
ELIAS: Therefore, express to me: If another individual, regardless of who this individual is – it may be an authority of your father, of your teacher, of your administrators, regardless of who this authority is – if that individual approaches you and is expressing to you that you are bad and that your expression or your behavior is unacceptable, how shall you approach that situation?
SARAH: I will not react emotionally?
ELIAS: You may be experiencing emotion. Let me express to you, do not attempt to be squelching or pushing down your own emotion, for this is a natural expression that you hold. You may be feeling your emotion. But how shall you express to the other individual within your interaction, within your words?
SARAH: I will tell them what I did and what I did not do ... I think that’s right. I will react emotionally, but I will react emotionally in private?
ELIAS: Let me offer you a little clarity, for I am aware that you have been taught certain expressions, and you are struggling with how to be expressing yourself efficiently and also not to be creating conflict.
Now; your expression to me is that you shall be acknowledging another individual, expressing to them the outward situation – what you have done or what you have not done – and that you shall be experiencing your emotion privately. No; for this is merely another type of expression in which you shall push away your own emotional expression, and this is merely another expression to yourself that your emotional qualities are not acceptable or that they are bad, and therefore they must be hidden.
I am not expressing this to you, for there is no element of you that is bad and there is no expression within you that is wrong or bad or unacceptable.
Therefore, let me present to you the same scenario: The authority or the adult individual approaches you and expresses that your behavior is unacceptable and is bad. You may express to them that you are experiencing emotion in response to their expression and that you are not agreeing with their expression, and in this, you may choose not to participate.
You may be expressive of your emotion, but remembering that there is no blame. Do you understand? (No pause)
Therefore, in this, as another individual expresses these types of statements to you, your response shall not be to express to them, “No, you are wrong! No, you are creating of this situation! You are not kind to me!” These are blameful statements, and these are expressions of judgment. I am aware that the expression that you are receiving is an expression of judgment, but you within yourself may realize that these individuals are responding within their own belief systems, and this is not an accurate assessment of you. It is not meaning that you in actuality are bad or wrong or unacceptable.
Therefore, you may express to the individual that you ARE acceptable [and] that you are also experiencing emotional response within that moment, and acknowledge to yourself and to this individual that you are experiencing emotional upset. And you may also express that you are not in agreement with that individual, and then you may not participate with the individual in their expression, not offering the responsiveness that they seek.
Be remembering this: that individuals shall not continue in their own expression in interaction with you if they are not receiving their payoff. If you are not offering them what they expect and the payoff that they are seeking, they shall discontinue.
Think to yourself: if another small one of your same age approaches you, and you attempt to be creating a conflict with that small one and they are not participating, shall you continue? No, for they shall not participate. If you are playing a game with another child with a ball, if they are not participating and if they are not playing, shall you continue to play with them?
ELIAS: No, for you are not receiving your payoff. In this, in very like manner, look to these individuals that are adults and are classified as authorities ... for they are not authorities to you! They are no different from yourself. They merely hold a difference in age, but they do not necessarily hold a difference in awareness.
In this, if you are not participating with them in their game of expressing their discontent with you, they shall not continue, for if you are not playing the game with them, they are not receiving their payoff and they shall discontinue. Do you understand?
ELIAS: Is this helpful to you?
ELIAS: Experiment with this, and in your experimentation, you may continue to be reinforcing yourself and reminding yourself that you are not bad and you are not wrong. You are merely expressing yourself and this is acceptable, and remind yourself to not be playing the belief game with these other individuals.
I shall be inquiring of you again. We shall speak again, and we shall discuss this situation once again after you have practiced in this expression, and we shall examine how efficient it may become. Is this agreeable to you?
ELIAS: Very well.
CARTER: We appreciate this, Elias.
ELIAS: I express to YOU that your most efficient direction presently is to be supportive of this small one, and encouraging in the area of acceptance of herself as worthy and not bad, for this is easily transmitted in communication with individuals within your physical focus presently. Therefore, be mindful of your expression, that you are not reinforcing the energy of duplicity and [not] reinforcing the creation of this belief system being held stronger than it already is within this small one.
This is the agreement that you have created within your physical focus as assuming the role as the parent, to be helpful; not to be assuming personal responsibility for your children, so to speak, and not to be attempting to be creating their reality for them – for they are quite efficient at creating their reality themselves – but to be helpful to them in supportiveness and in lending energy in not reinforcing those belief systems which have already been established. (18-second pause)
CARTER: Well, thank you, Elias. We appreciate it.
ELIAS: You are quite welcome. I shall express to you this day much affection, and I shall be anticipating our next meeting. And to you, my little one, I express great lovingness and much encouragement, and I shall be interactive with you futurely. To you both this day, I bid you a very fond and affectionate au revoir.
Elias departs at 11:46 AM.
© 1999 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.