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Tuesday, June 13, 2000

<  Session 638 (Private)  >

“Conflict in Relationships”

“Paying Attention to YOU”

Vic’s note: This is the first in a series of ten sessions that were held in London, England. For the record, I have added five hours to the times indicated on the video tapes of these particular sessions.

Participants: Mary (Michael) and a new participant, Lucy (Shel-lu).

Elias arrives at 5:11 PM. (Arrival time is 29 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good afternoon! (Smiling)

LUCY: Good afternoon, Elias. Welcome to England!

ELIAS: Welcome to you also! (Chuckling)

LUCY: Do you know me?

ELIAS: Yes, in a manner of speaking. I am aware of your essence, and aware of the aspect of that essence, which is what you identify yourself to be.

LUCY: Can you tell me my essence name? (Pause)

ELIAS: Essence name, Shel-lu; S-H-E-L-hyphen-L-U. (shel-loo)

LUCY: Shel-lu. And can you tell me my daughter’s essence name, my daughter Hannah? (Pause)

ELIAS: Essence name, Marjot; M-A-R-J-O-T. (mar-zho’)

LUCY: Marjot. And do you know what family I’m from?

ELIAS: Essence family, Tumold; alignment in this focus, Milumet.

LUCY: Can you spell those for me, the first and the second? Tumo?

ELIAS: You may be accessing this information from Michael, and he shall also provide you with the description of these essence families and their qualities.

LUCY: So, it’s Tumo?

ELIAS: Tumold.

LUCY: Tumold. Tumold, and alignment to ...?

ELIAS: Milumet.

LUCY: Milumet. I know you don’t like crystal ball questions....

ELIAS: Ha ha ha ha! Ah, so we shall play this day!

LUCY: We’ll play! Well, my emotions are in turmoil, and I feel I have to ask. I’ve been in a relationship that has caused me a lot of turmoil with somebody called Joe, and I just wondered if we’d had focuses together or what was the reason for this relationship, because I have very strong feelings for him which I didn’t feel were reciprocated. (Pause, and Elias smiles)

ELIAS: I shall express to you, this is not a crystal ball question.

LUCY: Oh, thank you. (Elias chuckles)

ELIAS: As to your inquiry – do you share other focuses with this individual – yes. As to your inquiry in referring to the influence of those focuses that you share together upon this particular focus that you participate in presently, there is an allowance in this focus of energy which is being expressed in other focuses which is partially – partially – affecting within this focus.

Now; understand, the energy which is projected by other focuses in relation to the interactions that are occurring in other focuses are not dictating your interactions in this focus. Therefore, you may be interactive with another individual – hypothetically – in another focus, and you may be creating tremendous expression of conflict in that focus, and you may also be interacting in THIS focus with that individual and NOT be experiencing any conflict in relationship with them, for you draw to yourself energy from other focuses, and some energies you reconfigure. Some energies you allow to be expressed in very similar manners as they are being expressed in other focuses.

Now; in the instances that you allow energy to be expressed in your focus that is quite similar to the energy which is being expressed in another focus, you do this quite purposefully and beneficially to yourself in this focus. What I am expressing is, is that you create that type of an energy exchange with another focus purposefully, that shall benefit you in this focus.

Now; I am expressing the terminology of “benefit you.” This is not to say that you may be experiencing comfort. You may be benefiting, and you may be experiencing conflict or discomfort.

LUCY: But it’s supposed to be.

ELIAS: (Smiling) It is not “supposed to be.” It is chosen.

LUCY: By me?


Now; as to your interactions in other focuses with this individual, you have created several types of interactions and relationships in other focuses with this individual. You create some types of relationships in which you do not incorporate much conflict, and you express friendships and intimacy.

LUCY: In other focuses.


LUCY: So, that means I’m always going to have conflict with him in this focus.



ELIAS: This is what I am expressing to you – not to be looking to other focuses to offer you an entire explanation as to what you are creating now. You may be looking to other focuses to be offering yourself some information as they influence your relationship now, but they are not dictating your behavior now. You now are creating your choices, and this individual is creating their choices.

LUCY: Have we had many focuses together?

ELIAS: You engage several.

LUCY: How many is several? (Pause)

ELIAS: Eight.

LUCY: Eight!

ELIAS: Now; you also engage one focus in which you exhibit a type of intimate relationship with this individual, in a manner of speaking, but you also engage many differences in that focus, which also incorporates many interactions of conflict.

What you are offering yourself in this focus, in drawing upon the energy of other focuses in relation to this individual, IS beneficial, for it is providing you objectively with an opportunity. The opportunity that you provide yourself with in this situation is to view objectively what YOU want, what YOU desire, and the direction that YOU choose.

Therefore, you are providing yourself with the opportunity to be turning your attention to self, and not holding your attention so focused upon outside of yourself and what other individuals are creating.

You also allow yourself in this experience, in that action of turning your attention to self, the opportunity to begin to familiarize yourself with you, and allow yourself to recognize your behavior and your automatic responses many times in how you turn your attention to the choices and the behaviors of other individuals – this individual in particular – and in that action, you alter your choices. This creates an underlying conflict within you. The conflict arises, so to speak, objectively, as you stifle certain expressions or movements within yourself or you alter your choices to be fitting to the other individual’s choices or behaviors, and also that you discount yourself in questioning your movement, your choices, and even your abilities, as your attention holds with the other individual.

Now; this creates a movement of your energy within you. You also are very accustomed to this type of movement within yourself, and in being accustomed to that type of movement of energy within yourself, you are quite efficient at manipulating your own energy to be accommodating, to be discounting of yourself, and you are so very efficient at this that many times you objectively are not even recognizing that you are creating that type of action, for your attention is held upon the other individual, so you are not paying attention to what you are creating within your energy.

Now; this is significant, for in not paying attention to what you are creating within your energy, you create a type of turmoil inwardly, and the energy churns inwardly, and this energy continues to churn to the point that you allow it to be expressed objectively, and in those moments, you have already created enough motion of your own energy that your expression turns objectively from being recognized as discounting of yourself into an identification of defense of self.

Now; the opportunity is presented in you allowing yourself to become familiar with you, your energy and your desires, and the recognition that no other individual may dictate your behavior. No other individual may dictate your choices. This is the expression of discounting of yourself and your abilities.

You hold the ability to be creating your own choices. You are already creating all of your own choices, but your objective awareness many times identifies a perception that other individuals are dictating your choices for you, and therefore you hold no choice in certain situations, or that you may not be trusting of your abilities to be efficiently creating your choices, and therefore limitations are created in your movement.

Now; as to your interaction in this relationship, in the direction of the crystal ball, there are different avenues that you may choose. I may express to you that you may continue in interaction and you may be creating intimacy with this individual, and I may express to you, in the vein, so to speak, of the crystal ball, if you are choosing to be continuing in the manner that you are continuing presently, most probably you shall continue creating conflict and you shall create a frustration within yourself to a tremendous degree.

LUCY: So, it’s not a good alliance then.

ELIAS: I am not expressing that.

LUCY: Yes, you are!

ELIAS: I am not! (Lucy laughs) I am expressing that if you continue in the manner that you are creating presently....

LUCY: So, I need to look at the relationship from a different point of view?

ELIAS: If you choose to be continuing in this particular relationship – which is your choice – if you wish not to incorporate conflict, yes, it would be advisable to be altering your perception.

But let us also look to your desire and your wants, and what you may be inquiring of yourself in genuineness, not merely in the expression of emotion, but in genuineness – do you WANT to be continuing, or do you not? What is YOURdesire?

LUCY: Not to ... well, I actually ended the relationship yesterday.

ELIAS: And why shall you question this?

LUCY: Because I’m not sure if I made the right decision.

ELIAS: (Chuckling) And this is the expression of....

LUCY: There’s a very strong bond there with him and I. I knew I’d been with him before – a very strong bond. I just wondered if he’d be around with me in this focus, till the end of this focus.

ELIAS: This is your choice.

LUCY: So, I do have a choice then?


LUCY: He’ll be there, if I want him.

ELIAS: And this is dependent upon....

LUCY: Him.

ELIAS: No. This is dependent upon YOU, and your actions and your choices.

LUCY: So, you saw that he wants to be around me then. (Pause)

ELIAS: You have, in this focus, created what you in physical terms express to be a mutual strength in your expression of energy of relationship to each other.

Now; in that expression, each of you engages an emotional expression towards the other individual. Both of you create this action. Both of you also create an expression of many expectations in relation to the other individual. Now; one of the expectations that both of you share is that the other individual shall change their behavior.

LUCY: Hmm, conflict.

ELIAS: Now; what I am expressing to you, in turning your attention to self, is much more easily expressed in words than in action.

For in the expectation that the other individual shall change their behavior, even in turning your attention to self, there are aspects of that belief that continue and remain, for as you begin to turn your attention to self and you view that the other individual is not reciprocating that action, you create another expectation.

LUCY: Which is?

ELIAS: That you shall continue to turn your attention to self as you view that the other individual shall participate also.

In this, you continue a very similar expression to what you are creating now – “I shall create this action if you create this action also” – which is the expression of basing your behavior upon another individual’s choices, allowing another individual to dictate to you.

LUCY: So, I made the right choice then.

ELIAS: Now; in this, be aware objectively of self and of your direction, for this creation of this relationship shows itself in other relationships. This same exhibition of expectations present themselves in other relationships.

LUCY: So, I’ll have to do some work on myself. Is that what you’re saying? On an inner level?

ELIAS: In turning your attention to YOU, and allowing yourself to examine you and familiarize yourself with you – with your wants, with your desires, with the directions that YOU choose. Allow yourself to be noticing those time frameworks in which you automatically respond in allowing other individuals to dictate to you.

LUCY: I’m going to turn the tape over.

ELIAS: Very well. (Pause)

LUCY: How many lifetimes have I had?

ELIAS: In this physical dimension, you incorporate total numbering, 712.

LUCY: (Laughing) I haven’t learned very much then, have I? (Elias chuckles) Wow, that’s a lot. (Pause)

Another thing I wanted to talk about was my brother, who’s also a Joe. He’s got cancer – he’s had cancer four times – and I just wondered why he’s creating this, and will he survive? (Pause)

ELIAS: I may offer to you the response to the why.

I may also express to you, relatively speaking – shall he continue within physical focus? – this is his choice. Relatively speaking, yes, but this is quite relative. As to the time framework, or what you term to be the length of the time framework that he shall continue within this physical focus, this is his choice.

As to the inquiry of why he is creating this choice – for this is a choice also, to be creating of this expression of dis-ease – this individual inwardly creates a struggle, a struggle to be engaging a choice concerning their interaction in this physical dimension; in simplicity, whether to be continuing or whether not to be continuing.

This struggle has been ongoing with this individual for much more of a time framework than the actual incorporation of any manifestations of dis-ease. There has been a vacillation occurring within this individual for an extended time framework.

There are expressions of energy and beliefs that are influencing of this individual in the choice to be continuing in this physical focus. There are influences of other individuals that project an alignment with those belief systems, that he be continuing within this focus. But there is also an aspect of this individual that desires to not be continuing. Therefore, there is an ongoing creation of affectingnesses that move the appearance of this individual in the direction of disengaging.

This is not to say that he has chosen yet to be disengaging physical focus, but there is a vacillation. Therefore, there is a re-creation over and over of affectingnesses within his focus that lean in that direction.

LUCY: How can I have more peace in my life and less anxiety, Elias?

ELIAS: (Chuckling) And this directly relates to our previous conversation!

LUCY: Do more work on the inside.

ELIAS: Be paying attention to YOU.

Allow yourself to practice. Practice noticing what you want, but not in the narrowness of familiar terms. It is quite easy within your physical focus to turn your attention and express to yourself, “I am quite knowing of what I want – I want health, I want happiness, I want riches, I want comfort.” But....

LUCY: Peace would be nice. Peace would be good.

ELIAS: And peace is not the expression of these identifications, although it may facilitate all of those expressions.

Now; as you allow yourself to be turning your attention to self and not holding your attention outside of yourself in relation to other individuals ... OR circumstances, for discomfort and the lack of peace is not created merely in relation to other individuals, but also in the circumstances that you create, which may not engage any other individuals but yourself.

And as you begin to turn your attention to self and not distract yourself as often and as intensely with all that occurs outside of self, and you begin to allow yourself to become familiar with YOU – your expressions, your behaviors, your intuition, your voice – your inner voice AND your outer voice – you also shall allow yourself to be noticing those expressions that interrupt your peace and your joyfulness.

You do not notice what you are creating that interrupts your peace and your joyfulness, for you are not paying attention to you. You are paying attention to all that is occurring outside of you. Individuals experience a lack of peace and of joyfulness in what they create, not in what is created around them.

LUCY: So, it’s all my fault.


LUCY: (Laughing) I’m doing it to myself!

ELIAS: And this shall be another discounting of yourself!

LUCY: Can you see my lives? Can you see my turmoil, my anxiety? What do you see while you sit there?

ELIAS: I view your energy. I view the expression of your essence that manifests in this particular focus, and the expression of energy that you project. I view you more inclusively than you view you! (Grinning)

LUCY: (Laughing) Well, thank you! (Elias chuckles)

Can we talk about my daughter? She’s the only star in my sky.

ELIAS: Ah! Once again! I shall offer to you, prior to our engagement of discussion of your daughter, an exercise that you may offer to yourself in practicing in the time span of one week.

LUCY: Alright.

ELIAS: I shall challenge you, that you identify and notice each time you are discounting of yourself in thought, in verbal communication, or in emotion. This shall occupy much of your time framework!

LUCY: (Laughing) Yes, I’ll say it will!

ELIAS: (Laughing) Note this to yourself each time.

LUCY: Will you lend me some energy for the week?

ELIAS: I most certainly shall!

LUCY: (Laughing, and Elias chuckles) How many lifetimes has my daughter had? (Pause)

ELIAS: Total numbering of focuses in this dimension, 46.

LUCY: Oh, is that all? That surprises me. I thought she was a real oldie. That really does surprise me! What family is she from?

ELIAS: Essence family, Sumari; alignment in this focus, Ilda.

LUCY: Ilda. So, she’s not from the same family as me.

ELIAS: It matters not.

LUCY: It matters not. Yeah, it doesn’t matter at all, really.

People are always saying that I’m very good with people. I know I’m not very good with myself, but I seem to be able to reassure and comfort other people. I give good advice, believe it or not, and I would like to expand on that. I would like to help people. Can you see a direction for me to go in? Can you advise me on that?

ELIAS: And this also shall be in relation to our discussion this evening, in as you allow yourself to be familiarizing yourself with your energy more fully, and your expressions and your voices, so to speak, you shall also allow yourself the recognition of other individuals’ energy more clearly.

You already allow yourself an ease, in part, in interacting with other individuals’ energy expressions, and you allow yourself to be engaging some expressions in relation to your empathic sense with other individuals, but you may also be expressing this ability much more fully as you familiarize yourself with your energy and your automatic responses.

This is a key, for as you become more familiar with yourself and you familiarize yourself with your expression of automatic responses in relation to your own beliefs, you shall also allow yourself the recognition, in interaction with other individuals, [of] what is a projection of your energy and the influence of your beliefs, and what is a genuine expression of mergence with another individual and an allowance of the expression of the other individual. This shall offer you more clarity in your interactions with other individuals, and you may allow yourself much more freedom in your interactions, which may be quite helpful to yourself and to other individuals.

LUCY: One last crystal ball question. Do you think, in this focus, there is a probability that I would have another child? (Pause)

ELIAS: Within this focus, in the context of probabilities, yes, but this is not an absolute! (Lucy laughs) But there is the potential to be creating of that type of probability.

LUCY: Alright. How can I avoid trauma in my life?

ELIAS: By seeking your peace.

LUCY: By seeking my peace. Well, I think you’ve answered all my questions. (Elias chuckles, and a pause) Yes, I think you have. It’s almost time to wind down now. Is there anything you’d like to offer me?

ELIAS: Shall you engage our exercise in this one week?

LUCY: Yes, definitely.

ELIAS: This is purposeful. I instruct you in this manner, that you may be actualizing what we are speaking of now, in familiarizing yourself with you and familiarizing yourself with your energy and your automatic responses.

Now; in this exercise, I shall also express to you, do not be discounting yourself for discounting yourself! (Lucy cracks up and Elias chuckles) For you may easily move in that expression also! (Laughing)

Merely allow yourself to be recognizing and noticing – noting the time frameworks, noting the automaticness of this type of expression that you create, but not chastising yourself as you create it; merely recognizing that you are creating that expression once again.

LUCY: But I need to turn it around.

ELIAS: Not within this moment. This is the action of what we may be expressing as “skipping shells.” Presently, it is enough that you merely allow yourself the noticing and the recognition. As you notice and as you recognize, you shall begin to be altering that expression naturally.

Therefore, do not add to the exercise in an expression of attempting to be altering your expression. This is not the point. The point is not to be creating a judgment upon what you are creating, for what you are already expressing is not bad. It is merely creating obstacles that you desire to be eliminating or removing.

Therefore, the point is not to be creating more judgments than you are already creating, and if you are turning your attention to the expression of attempting to be altering each time you are discounting of yourself, you are merely creating the same expression, for you are judging what you are expressing.

LUCY: So, it’s just awareness.

ELIAS: Yes. Allow yourself to be noticing and recognizing. As you become aware, you shall allow yourself effortlessly to be moving your energy and not continuing to be expressing these discountings of self as often. You shall allow yourself a natural movement without effort, without concentration, and also without judgment of yourself. You shall merely move.

It requires no concentration. It requires no exhibition of effort. It requires you MORE effort to concentrate and express to yourself, “I shall not be discounting of myself,” than to merely not discount yourself! (Chuckling) And you shall merely not discount yourself as often, once you begin recognizing how often you ARE creating....

LUCY: Is it a habit then? Why do I do it?

ELIAS: It’s an automatic action. It is familiar.

Within this physical dimension, you all have created a tremendous expression in the belief system of duplicity – the right, the wrong, the good, the bad, the better, the worse. These expressions couple themselves with every movement, every choice, every action that you engage within your focus. It is an extremely strong and powerful belief system. It also is extremely easy to continue to reinforce it, for the good, the better, the positive are all judgments also, not merely the worse or the wrong or the bad.

Therefore, it is not better to be not discounting of yourself! It merely allows you more choices when you are not discounting of yourself, for it allows you to recognize more of you and your abilities. If you are expressing that you do not hold the ability to be accomplishing any particular action, you shall not even attempt. Therefore, you close all of the choices that are available to you, whereas if you are not discounting your abilities, you open to all of your choices.

In this, I am not expressing to you that either is better or worse. I am responding to you in your desire, and your desire – especially within this time framework, which you are manifest in relation to the action of this shift in consciousness which is occurring now – your desire is to be eliminating these obstacles or these limitations. Your desire is to be widening your awareness objectively and allowing yourself more freedom.

You are not moving within this physical dimension in relation to the design which has been created physically of your reality as it has been expressed previously throughout your history.

You are creating a new shift in consciousness which alters your reality, therefore altering your physical reality also – opening to your expressions of freedom, opening to your choices, and turning your attention to self, allowing yourself to direct you, not being dictated to by other elements of your reality.

LUCY: I must be master of my own ship.

ELIAS: Quite, and you are, and you shall be!

LUCY: I look forward to that.

ELIAS: (Chuckling) And I am encouraging you in this action!

LUCY: Thank you.

ELIAS: And I shall offer to you an expression of energy to be helpful and to be encouraging in your movement.

LUCY: Thank you so much.

ELIAS: You are quite welcome.

LUCY: I wish I could do something for you.

ELIAS: In a manner of speaking, you already are, (Lucy laughs) for YOU are, and in your mere being, you engage an exchange. Therefore, you ARE offering. (Chuckling)

LUCY: Our time is up.

ELIAS: Very well. I express great affection to you.

LUCY: Thank you.

ELIAS: And I anticipate a continuing of interaction. I shall be expressing myself in energy to you, and you may be watching for my energy.

LUCY: Oh, I will, I will. Thank you very much.

ELIAS: To you this day, au revoir.

LUCY: Au revoir.

Elias departs at 6:12 PM.

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