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Tuesday, February 06, 2001

<  Session 774 (Private/Phone)  >

ďGenuine HelpfulnessĒ

ďThe Communication in the Emotion of FrustrationĒ

Participants: Mary (Michael), Kirk, and Laura.

Elias arrives at 1:41 PM. (Arrival time is 17 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good afternoon!

KIRK: Good afternoon.

ELIAS: (Chuckles) And how goes your adventure?

KIRK: (Both Kirk and Laura laugh) Very well! First of all, thank you for our last session together. It was extremely helpful.

ELIAS: You are very welcome, my friend.

KIRK: This time Iím going to ask a bunch of questions for either half or most ... depending on how it goes with the session. I want to start with the issue that we discussed at the end of our last session, which is that I am inadvertently doing the opposite of what I want to do in terms of supporting Laura, and perhaps other people as well. I wonder if you could go over that again and elaborate on it?

ELIAS: Very well. Let me express to you that in actuality this type of movement is quite common within this physical focus.

In this, what holds significance is your definitions of your actions and your movements and your directions. For in recognizing how you define certain actions, you may also allow yourself to become more familiar with the actual mechanism of perception and what motivates your perception, which, as I have stated previously, is the instrument that actually creates your reality.

But if you are not paying attention to yourself and your own expressions, and what is creating those expressions and how you are translating messages within yourself and creating the perception that you are creating, you merely continue to function in automatic responses, and those automatic responses are not necessarily creating the expression of your want and that creates confusion, and many times it creates frustration within you.

In this, you hold certain definitions concerning the action of being supportive, the emotion of compassion, the expression of love and affection; and in relation to other individuals, at times you create a perception that you need be helpful to other individuals.

Now; this association of helpfulness, in the manner in which YOU define helpfulness within your perceptions, generally speaking, within this physical dimension, is in actuality not genuinely helpful, for the motivation for helpfulness is the identification within yourself as an individual in recognition that another individual is creating choices and movement within their reality that you disagree with or that you would not choose. Therefore, there is an automatic association that YOU may be helpful, for YOU know a better method (chuckling). For...

LAURA: Iím nodding my head so hard that itís going to fall off!

ELIAS: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! For you all know the better method within yourselves, for the better method is your OWN method. And if it is what you may term to be a workable method within you, then in terms of absolutes, it must be the better method for another individual. These are the underlying expressions and associations that are created as you move into an expression of helpfulness in alignment with your current definition of helpfulness (chuckling).

Now; this is not to say that you may not in actuality create an action of helpfulness in relation to another individual, but that expression of helpfulness shall be defined much differently than how you associate the term of helpfulness presently.

In actuality, the accomplishment of helpfulness may be synonymous with supportiveness, and supportiveness is the expression of acceptance, the recognition that you may not create any aspect of another individualís reality; that in accepting yourself and holding your attention upon self and becoming familiar with your own motivations, you also shall create an acceptance of other individuals, recognizing that they hold the freedom to be creating whatever they choose to be creating, regardless of your judgment in relation to their choices.

Each time you move in the direction of expressing outwardly your association of helpfulness within the definition of that movement presently, what you are in actuality expressing Ė and the other individual recognizes it, make no mistake concerning this Ė is that they are not creating their reality efficiently enough in your estimation, and that YOU may be creating their reality for them better. And what you express in that is a judgment and a discounting of the other individual, and the other individual holds an awareness of that and responds.

You not only discount the other individualís ability to be creating their reality efficiently and beneficially and fulfilling their value fulfillment, but you also discount yourself in these types of expressions. For as you place judgment in the direction of another individual, you are creating a judgment upon self also; and in that action, you also move yourself into the box of absolutes, and you close out all the windows to be providing yourself with avenues to exit the box, and you hold yourself in this confinement of absolutes Ė and I express to you, there are no absolutes.

In this, there are many actions that are occurring each time you engage the action of interaction with another individual.

I have expressed many times, this physical dimension that you occupy is one of the most complex and intricate dimensions within the realm of all physical dimensions, which provides you with a tremendous playing field for exploration but it also offers you fertile ground for complication within your reality, and in this you mirror much of consciousness in your physical expressions and in your physical creations. You create a wondrous design of individual physical manifestations, that which you view to be your individual selves, and these individual selves contain tremendous diversity and tremendous power. You manipulate energy magnificently in how you allow yourselves to creatively express an intricate reality in physical terms, but you also confuse yourselves many times in that exploration of manipulating energy in a physical manner. You also have created a wondrous expression of singularity and separation, that your attention may be directed in what may be termed as a precise streamlined manner without distraction, which has allowed you a tremendous purity of experience.

Now; the complication, so to speak, or the challenge to all of this wondrous creation that you have exacted to this point throughout your history and throughout your individual focuses is that now you have chosen to be engaging a shift in consciousness, and in this millennium you have chosen to be inserting that shift in consciousness into your objective reality. And this creates a tremendous challenge, for now the direction of accomplishing that insertion of this shift in consciousness Ė which you all participate within Ė is that you also are redefining all of your reality.

The manner in which you begin to redefine your reality is to redefine your terms and your associations with your terminology, and as you allow yourself to be redefining your terminology, what occurs is an actual widening, opening, of your objective awareness, and as your objective awareness widens and is allowed a recognition of a more expansive understanding and viewing of self and consciousness, you actually alter your physical reality.

KIRK: Can I hold there for just a second?

ELIAS: You may.

KIRK: Elias, Laura is saying something that is really distracting me from hearing you. Hold on just a minute. Laura?


KIRK: Whatever youíre doing is just not working for me at all. Could you stop, or hang up the phone and do what you need to do and then come back on?

LAURA: Okay.

KIRK: Thanks. Go ahead, Elias; sorry.

ELIAS: Very well.

Now; in paying attention to this discussion, you may be noticing that the information is moving in a circle, for we begin with you inquiring as to what you are creating in relation to your want in the expression of supportiveness to your partner, and we move into a discussion of the mechanism of perception and into the recognition of the movement of this shift in consciousness, and this moves circularly and returns to the individual Ė to you Ė and redefining terms, and in redefining terms, redefining your reality and creating a fuller expression of your reality; and it begins and returns to you. This is the center.

I may express to you that you may offer to yourself: You are the center. You are the center of the universe, so to speak. All of it is created by you. It is all an expression of your perception.

Therefore in interaction with another individual, in actuality you are not directly interacting with the other individual. You are interacting with your creation of the other individual, which is a projection of you. It is a projection of your perception which creates an actual physical, biological, in matter, what you term to be living, breathing individual. And this individual is created through your energy and your perception, and figuratively speaking stands beside the actual individual which is the expression of another essence.

In this, as you express to another individual that you wish to be helpful, and you offer suggestions to the individual in which you view SHALL be helpful, and you create a want or an expectation that the other individual shall incorporate what you have expressed and therefore shall be creating their reality more efficiently, what you have engaged is expressing that to yourself.

Therefore, as you turn your attention back to yourself, you may engage that same expression to yourself and inquire to yourself, what are you expressing within yourself that creates this motivation that you view it necessary to express outwardly what you are expressing?

In a simple example, let me express to you, hypothetically, you may view your partner and you may in one moment express to her, ďI hold a concern in relation to your physical health,Ē for these are terms that you may in actuality incorporate. And your expression may be that you wish for your partner to be incorporating more rest. This is a simple expression offered by you to what you perceive to be your partner.

Now; in this simple example, what are you expressing? (Pause)

KIRK: My idea of what she needs.

ELIAS: You are expressing MANY communications in this one simple example. You are expressing a judgment upon the actions of another individual. You are expressing a communication to yourself as to YOUR associations. If you are expressing an association with need, you are in actuality expressing that to yourself, not to the other individual. You are also creating an action of holding your attention outside of you.

You are expressing a judgment upon yourself in the expression that YOU are not offering yourself adequate restfulness, that YOU are pushing your energy and your dislike of that action. You are also not paying attention to your own communications that you are offering to yourself. And should the other individual respond in any manner but compliance and agreement, you create many other associations. In effect, in your physical terms, you ďsnowballĒ yourself in one very simple expression which you identify and define as compassion and supportiveness and helpfulness.

How may you be supportive or compassionate or expressing a genuine offering of love to another individual if you are not incorporating acceptance? They are not in harmony with each other.

KIRK: Are you suggesting at this point that suggestions to another person simply arenít in keeping with acceptance of them, that itís more a matter of just listening and supporting what they want to do at any one moment?

ELIAS: I am not expressing this in absolute, for I hold the understanding of the movement of your interactions with each other within physical focus, and within your physical expressions you project communications to each other continuously, you project energy to each other continuously, and you request information and expressions from each other. Therefore, to blanketly express to you to NEVER be responding to another individual would be a reinforcement of absolutes and would be incorrect.

KIRK: Right.

ELIAS: But, I may express to you that before you are responding to another individual, it may behoove you to examine you and examine your motivation in your direction, and to allow yourself to be aware in each moment of what YOU are creating, what associations YOU are expressing within yourself, and what beliefs are influencing of your movement and therefore influencing your perception.

Let me express to you my friend, your perception is an extremely powerful instrument, and in this, it listens to all that is being communicated within you. It needs not incorporate outside information to be creating a reality. It pays attention to all of the communications that you create within you. It incorporates your physical body consciousness and its expressions. It incorporates your thoughts, your beliefs, your impressions, your communications that are expressed through all of your inner and outer senses in your physical expression, and it listens to your emotional communication; and in all of these communications and beliefs and associations of experiences, it creates a reality that reflects the combination, so to speak, of all of these aspects of you.

And this is what holds significance, for in allowing yourself to intentionally create an objective reality that you wish to create, the key is to allow yourself to pay attention to you, for the acceptance of other individuals is an automatic by-product of your acceptance to you. The supportiveness, the love, the affection, the compassion, all of the expressions that you wish to be offering to another individual shall automatically be expressed as a natural by-product as you offer them to yourself.

KIRK: Hmm; yes. My perception is that Iím doing much more of that than I used to.

ELIAS: And so you are, or you would not be engaging these conversations with myself (laughs).

KIRK: (Laughing) Right. And as you were speaking about that, I could make some distinctions where I thought that I was doing more of that with Laura, and other times when I was doing less.

ELIAS: In this, my friend, do not turn judgment to yourself, but rather allow yourself to view that these recognitions offer you a tremendous opportunity for movement and to be creating more choices and to be expressing in genuineness your want more fully.

KIRK: And in that regard, would it be fair to say that itís important for me, in relationship to Laura, to be focusing more and more on creating my business and whatever recreational activities I want, and all of those other things that go along with loving myself, and having a more joyful life?

ELIAS: Yes. For what are you creating presently? You are creating your identification of concern, and what is the expression of concern in the present definition but worry?

KIRK: Right, and fear behind that.

ELIAS: Correct, and discounting of your ability to fix, and reinforcing your association that some aspect of your reality in relation to your partner is broken and therefore needs be fixed, rather than the recognition that your partner is creating her reality quite in relation to her own value fulfillment.

KIRK: Right.

ELIAS: And this is not wrong; it is not bad. It is an exploration, and in this exploration, she shall create her own expression of value fulfillment. And in this, has she not expressed to you and within energy already her own wondrous discovery of herself and her abilities? How shall this be wrong?

KIRK: No, sheís terrific at that. She does it more than most, almost anyone I know.

ELIAS: And you provide yourself with interaction of this individual to offer yourself a reflection, to communicate to you through her reflection what YOU want within your focus.

I shall be acknowledging to you that you have been quite efficient in what you have drawn to yourself in this presentment of reflection (Elias and Kirk both chuckle).

KIRK: Yes. Well, all of your suggestions in relation to Laura bring me to ... because I keep thinking, as Iím sure youíre aware, of my ex-wife and my younger daughter and the relationships I have with them and the same kind of questions of support and non-support, and what is a parental role there, in terms of my younger daughter, of course. Iím going to over-generalize here, but would you give me the advice that itís time to just allow them to do whatever they want without my being upset about it or concerned about it, like let go of my anxieties about my daughter?

ELIAS: I shall extend to you what you are not offering to yourself, and perhaps in my offering to you, you shall allow yourself to offer the same to you, for this is what holds significance.

I shall offer to you an expression of permission to be not creating this anxiety and struggle within yourself. You are not responsible for other individualís realities. You are merely responsible for your reality.

In this, I shall also express to you, there are many, many associations and aspects of beliefs in relation to the role of a parent, and these are quite reinforced in mass belief systems within your society. But I may express to you in genuineness, as you choose to be in agreement to be facilitating the action of the physical entrance of a new manifestation in physical terms, which you identify as a child, this is the extent of your responsibility, in genuineness: merely to be facilitating that action of opening a window that a new manifestation may enter through. You hold no responsibility to that individual.

For although you hold very strong beliefs which express to you opposition to what I am expressing to you now, the new individual Ė in like manner to yourself as you entered this physical dimension Ė creates their reality from the onset, from the very first moment of emergence, and in this, they are directing of their focus in every moment subsequent to that first moment.

In this, I hold an awareness of the individual that you view as your daughter, and this individual creates her reality quite efficiently, and is quite directed, and holds an adequate understanding of her reality and how she directs it.

KIRK: Yes, she does! (Laughs)

ELIAS: I may also express to you, my friend, these small ones that have chosen to be manifesting in this time framework in this particular movement of this shift in consciousness hold a much clearer awareness within their young ages than you have at similar ages (chuckles). In some situations, in your physical terms, within your physical vernacular, YOU are the individuals that may be catching up to them (laughing), for they are not incorporating the strength of beliefs that you have incorporated, for they hold an awareness of this movement of this shift in consciousness, and have chosen to be moving with it from the onset of their manifestation.

I may express to you my friend, you incorporate much more conflict in relation to this small one than she incorporates in relation to herself (laughing), and you may be incorporating a more fulfilling relationship with this individual objectively in allowing yourself to be paying attention to you and not holding your attention upon her.

KIRK: Hmm. (Pause) Thank you.

ELIAS: You are very welcome.

KIRK: Iím sure Iíll have more questions. Weíve got about ten more minutes before we have to stop. Iím going to let Laura take over from here.

LAURA: I just wanted to thank you, Elias, again. Iíve had a concern about my relationship with Kirk from the beginning that I have not been able to articulate without judging him. And what Iím grateful for is that you gave such a rich explanation of the movement, as you call it, of what is really going on when there is a rigidity and when there is a sense of reality that will not allow for another sense of reality to be present. Iím just grateful because I just didnít have the words, or I didnít have the orientation or the patience.

Because I do feel that itís a process that I went through. Iím fifteen years younger than Kirk, and when you described that process of his daughter coming in without all the conflict, without all the belief systems that he had or even that I have, you know, being fifteen years younger ... I feel that I came in at a time when the basic idea of selflessness was being redefined. I grew up in a Christian faith, and Kirk grew up in a Christian faith and went to divinity school. Itís always been a subtle understanding of mine that I havenít been able to express, that because I came in later I was able to shift my idea of what it meant to help others, to an understanding that when I was in my own power and acting authentically from my own self, I was helping a lot more people than when I was without my power and focusing on others.

ELIAS: You are quite correct.

LAURA: And again, I have not ... I have been saying that to him, but I have felt that he doesnít understand it. I am grateful that you went back and explained the process that I canít hold in my mind anymore, but that I know I went through at a younger age and with more facilities, because it was current and because other people were going through it, too.

ELIAS: I am understanding. And this is not an expression of judgment or comparison that I express to either of you, for you are in this now allowing yourselves an awareness and an understanding of what you are creating and your own associations, and in similar expression between you both. As you express frustration in relation to each other, that the other individual is not receiving what you are expressing, this is your clue Ė this is your key to turn your attention back to self.


ELIAS: For in that emotion of frustration, you are offering yourself a communication. I shall express quite strongly once again, emotions are never a reaction. They are a communication. They are offered to you from your subjective awareness to your objective awareness. The feeling is the signal to gain your attention, and in that emotion is a communication, and the communication is about you, not concerning the other individual.

LAURA: Well, my next question has to do with that, because I have been in a dilemma about that. On one hand, at one point Kirk and I were involved in a conflict to the extent that I was thinking of leaving because of that frustration. I understand that it means that I should be focusing back on myself, but the only answers I kept coming up with to myself was that I didnít like the energy, I didnít like the dynamic, and I wanted to leave.

And yet I didnít leave. Thereís so many other things about the relationship that are so good and nurturing and validating, but yet it just seems like ... and part of it, I think, is getting back to doing the things that I need to do for my own spiritual growth and development maybe, that Iíve been afraid to do. And thatís the track that Iím on right now, is to really key into the things that give me energy and to focus on that.

ELIAS: Correct. In this, let me express to you, many, many individuals create very similar automatic responses. You express an emotion of frustration within yourself, and your attention is focused upon the expressions or behaviors or movements of another individual; and in actuality, the frustration is expressing a communication to you that you have already denied your own choices.

Your attention is outside of yourself. Your attention is expressing to you that as the other individual creates whatever they are creating, you cannot create what you want. And this, I may express to you quite sincerely, is a harsh and almost devastating communication that you offer to yourself, for there is no greater denial that may be expressed than the denial of your own freedom, the denial of your own choice, the denial of your own self. This is the greatest expression of torment and trauma that may be expressed within your manifestation, and you all hold an immediate recognition of your own denials of self Ė your own denial of choice within yourselves Ė and you immediately communicate that to yourself through your emotions.

And in this, allow yourself to be recognizing the tremendous opportunity that you are both offering to yourselves and in relation to each other, that you may be listening to these communications and that you may be offering yourselves new freedoms and not an expression of denying yourselves, and how this shall enhance and create greater fullness in your relationship with each other.

(Softly) How wondrous an expression you are offering to yourselves now.

LAURA: (Softly) Wow.

KIRK: Thank you. And with that, our time has come to an end for today.

ELIAS: Very well. I continue to offer my energy to you both; I continue to encourage you both. Accept from me a genuine expression of affection. Incorporate that within yourselves each, and allow yourselves a recognition that you hold the ability to be expressing this in like manner to yourselves and to each other.

KIRK: Thank you.

ELIAS: In great lovingness to you each, au revoir.

KIRK: Au revoir.

Elias departs at 2:38 PM.

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